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My writer site
http://www.cforgrave.com/ 
 
pg. 0
 
MarketBOB'sMovieReview
ImmortalsMovie Review
© 2011 by Sportscar Projects Ltd.
 
My writer site
http://www.cforgrave.com/ 
 
pg. 1
 
 
Immortals
 November 11, 2011
This is a
“
hammer to the balls
”
movie for Guys.No, seriously, there is nothing quite like a 3Dsurround sound
“
hammer to the balls
”
cinematicexperience, truly immortalizing the
“
King
’
sSpeech
”
about traitors and cowards in thisweek
’
s Greek tragedy,
Immortals 
.
One Word Movie Review: Ballsy
 Immortals
opens with a quote fromSocrates and then moves to guyschewing on an iron bar while chainedtogether in a cage under the watchfulgaze of four giant statues, likesomething out of a
 Hellraiser
sequel.Entombed alive inside a mountain, welearn these are the immortal Titanswho were locked up by the victorious(and immortal) gods. However, like every other Greek myth, men like to play god and vice-versa. So we haveZeus as an old man teaching his bastard son Theseus tofight and King Hyperion as a man determined to destroythe gods by releasing the Titans. Confused so far?Don
’
t worry, because this is not a movie where youneed to pay any attention to the story.In fact, this movie consists of three parts:
 
My writer site
http://www.cforgrave.com/ 
 
pg. 2
 
1.
 
The confusing backstory of gods, Titans, Theseusand his mom,2.
 
The crunch of the giant hammer to the traitor
’
stesticles and3.
 
The final battle between gods, Titans, Theseusand King Hyperion.The pacing is slow, then picks up with theexaggerated emasculation scene and then slowsdown again at the end. In terms of Greek epics,another audience member joked he would put
“
 Immortals
right up there with
 Xanadu
” 
 
in thepantheon of Greek mythical movie classics. Anothercomment heard during the credits conceded that hehad seen
“
much worse movies that that!
”
 Okay, so you can
’
t take this movie seriously. This ismy point. It is silly and slow, punctuated withextreme violence and gore and set in a fantasy worldof spectacular moonlit vistas (not just one but five,to my count). The acting is sweaty and energetic,with dialogue either softly spoken to denote wisdomor grunted for real anger. Other than introducingHenry Cavill (the new
Superman
) to a wideraudience, there is little in the cast of note except forclose-ups of the gorgeous Frieda Pinto as the OraclePhaedra and the muffled mutterings of MickeyRourke behind his mask as King Hyperion.The final battle pits Hyperion
’
s Cretan hoard againstthe Hellenic Fortress Wall. Frankly, it pales incomparison to the epic battle for Helms Deep from
of 00

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