Four steps out of bullying.

A simple help guide

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This guide has been created to help adults assist young people in bullying situations. Its mainaim is to help teachers, parents, uncles, elder brothers or sisters deliver clearly what is reallyhappening to the victim, other than the obvious. Please remember when using this guide, thatalthough the adult may be aware of these points the teenager most likely is not. We havecompiled this information in four steps that will help the adult assist the teenager shift his view.Quite often the person who is being bullied is left in the dark, for rarely is there a concisedescription of what is happening and the steps can be taken to get out of the situation. We knowthere are many angles to approach bullying and each case requires special attention anddiscernment in order to understand what is really happening. At times when a crisis affects ourlife we are so lost in it, we forget that if we are capable of getting into a situation, there is also away out.

In my particular case of bullying when I was 13, I had no idea what was happening in the least. The longest description I received from adults was “We know its unfair, but these things do happen” or “ that's life, get on with it

”, remembers Craig Stuart Garner. In otherwords, we have no choice other than find a solution for ourselves . “

Personally I believe that if I had been blessed with some kind of description that would of enabled me to come up with not only a faster solution but a much better way of dealing with my teenage relationships. This is no different from the adult who visits his doctor with some kind of pain, not only in search of a way of removing it but also in search of the cause. Just knowing the probable cause helps us all deal with our particular situation”

Our view and focus of bullying

Many other systems focus entirely on the bully being the problem and with the removal of thebully, the problem completely dissolves. This of course is a a very logical deduction, but we havefound that this leaves a lot uncovered ground with regards to the victim. Even when the bullydisappears out of the victim’s life, in many cases the bullying continues inside the mind of thevictim. It is precisely for this reason that we have created these four steps, which enables one tobe an empowered young adult, instead of being, a bundle of nerves, always on the defense andreacting to almost every situation as some kind of an attack.We hope you find these points useful and that you are able to find an effective mannerin passing this information on, and at the same time attain a higher level of communication andharmony with the person who is suffering bullying.

Basic map of a bully’s method

As a general rule, the bully chooses someone he can easily defeat and selects his victims inaccordance to what he considers to be a specific weakness, be it physical, emotional or /mental(the later includes racial and cultural causes). But in other cases a weakness is not even required,for the aggressor will hypnotize his victim into believing what he wants them to see and believe.With this choice at hand, he will

project forcefully

the idea that he is a powerful aggressor andthe victim is a helpless and weak creature with no resources to counter attack . Many victimsunconsciously accept this mental projection from the aggressor and without their consciousconsent form partof a vicious mind game. From here and on, victims are easily manipulated andfall into a powerless pre-assigned role dictated by the bully. After this first victory, the bully onlyrequires a minimum effort to keep his victim entranced. Along with the help of some of hisallies he leads his victim into a paralyzing trap, much like the way a spider traps a fly wrappinghim up tighter with each thread.One aspect that is very clear in all cases is that the bully is looking to create a victim nomatter what his methodology or own particular reasons might be. We suggest that independentlyof this guide, the person that is helping the victim make their own particular assessment. Eachcase has its own peculiarities, and being sure of the details is essential for a happy ending.

The four steps

The way you see any given situation and the way you perceive and define yourself within thatsituation, determines the outcome of it for you. The basic truth of this is very simple but often isfully overlooked, and that's exactly what the bully is trying to achieve through his victims. Hisaim is to superimpose his view on to you, so that you take it in, you believe it, you embody it andat a later stage you become it. Realizing this game plan, we can now work on creating the foursteps that will shift our perception of the situation, of ourselves and of our existing resources toovercome it.

The first step: The victimIdentification

A true victim is someone who suffers to the extreme a situation of bullying, and as a resultperceives it as a catastrophic and life threatening event. Having believed and thus fallencompletely into the bully’s trap he/she has now become a confirmed and

self-identified

victim.The bully has now become his/her own personal jailer in what seems to be a very realimprisoned state. A state made up of fear, isolation, hopelessness and despair, with no innerresources to free oneself from the situation. The victim is trapped in a deep well, with no sign of light or hope of escape possible. Sustaining this view as a victim only leads to an ever increasingparalysis and a sensation that there will never be any help available.