Ninjalistics
Official Vow of Vengeance
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
For the manager or employee driven to extreme reprisal, this colorful (well, mostly red) notification sends a strong and heartfelt message.
Deep Trigger Specification
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
After you've subjected an unwitting employee to subconscious “Manchurian Candidate” conditioning, new labor laws require you to inform the hapless victim of the visual cue, or “trigger,” that activates his or her implanted post-hypnotic response.
Victory Over Clients
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
This festive award's text reads, "In recognition of your triumph over annoying, irrational, and sometimes clinically insane clients. Truly, your corporate ninjutsu is superior."
Ninja Hygiene Poster
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
Ninjas think a lot about bloodborne diseases. This colorful (well, mostly red) legal-size mini-poster offers helpful advice about rubber-glove assassinations, latex vs. sharkskin, and the importance of washing electronic devices in warm water. Remember GNAT: Good Ninja Always Tidy!
Employee of the Month
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
The worker who overcomes all obstacles to achieve a goal -- even counting teammates as obstacles -- deserves this public acknowledgment that teammates have noticed and recognized this behavior, and are planning an appropriate reward.
Protection from Ninjas votive candle label
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
A reassuring secular prayer for protection from ninja assassins. Print out this .PDF, cut out the front and back labels, and fasten them to a devotional candle. When you are apprehensive of ninja assault, follow the directions on the back label. No doubt all will soon be well
Employee Evaluation
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
By rating workers each quarter on the six factors of the ACCUSE system (Action-orientation, Communication, Company loyalty, Usefulness, Steadfastness, Expertise), Ninjalistics supervisors offload their duties to underlings while keeping their own jobs safe. Now you too can replicate their delicat...
Corporate Ninja Infiltration Guide
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
Keep this mini-poster close at hand as you steal silently through the supply corridors, air ducts, sewers, and other permeable passages of your next target's stronghold.
Ninja Manhattan
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
This colorful "Ninjagraphic" mini-poster, the Corporate Ninja's Guide to Manhattan, features a satellite map of central New York city with icons and callouts identifying locations helpful to the spy, assassin, saboteur, or seductor/ress sprinkling poison on the Big Apple. Find more free Ninjagrap...
Attack Victim Feedback Survey
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing
During or after an attack upon your person, property, and/or general well-being, Ninjalistics operatives may present this form to you for assessment of the attack's overall quality. Please help us improve by completing this form, won't you? We find most victims to be eager in offering feedback bo...
Junior Apprentice Associate Ninja certificate
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
Award this colorful (well, mostly red) certificate to your interns and new hires -- the ones you trust to use deadly force but not necessarily to fill out their weekly hours. The certificate lists the newbie's qualifications: "Lurking, spying; covert photocopying; stealth coffeemaking; blind obed...
Nomad X
scribbled: heh, stealth coffeemaking. LMAO
Manager Fu mini-poster
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing
Managers beset by stressful reports may gain strength by silently mouthing the prayer on this mini-poster while facing in the direction of senior executive offices: "Incoming force of whining grievances (O Schedule!) and shrill back-bit complaint (O Team!) / I shunt with mantis grace and footwork...
Ninja Cubicle mini-poster
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing
This colorful mini-poster warns, "Caution! You are entering my Ninja Cubicle!" and highlights the many deathtraps contained in your computer, monitor, phone, and other seemingly harmless doodads. Help keep your co-workers alive a little longer!
Corporate ninja casual dress code -- Dress to Kill
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
This color flyer, suitable for posting wherever Ninjalistics ninjas like to chill out, hang loose, or otherwise grow debauched, is a follow-up to our earlier "Corporate ninja businesswear dress code." Collect them both!
Corporate ninja businesswear dress code -- Dress to Kill
from Ninjalistics in Creative Writing, Humor
Post this flyer in your breakroom and have Human Resources regularly inspect every frontline operative for compliance. (It helps to equip HR inspectors with good defenses beforehand.) Stay tuned for a companion casual wear code!
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Ninjalistics's Documents
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6,424 Reads |
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645 Reads |
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Assassin Employment Application 994 Reads |
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268 Reads |
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861 Reads |
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264 Reads |
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Ninjalistics Overdue Payment Notice 933 Reads |
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Ninjalistics Official Reprimand 380 Reads |
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Notification of Impending Accident 329 Reads |
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Day of the Ninja participation certificate 704 Reads |
