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SARAH VENICE BAILEY
Pansies and Rosemary
 
For thoughts and remembrance
[April 24, 2009]
This story is actually a compilation of different events in my life molded into one. The names have beenchanged for privacy, and no one was harmed in the writing of this paper, except maybe my pride.
 
Pansies and Rosemary
For thoughts and remembranceFlash!—I awoke with a cold sweat creeping down myface, my heart was racing. I sat upwith such force my head became dizzy. Where was I? I could not remember. A sickening feelingdropped to my stomach, while another lodged in my throat. I forced myself to focus my eyes,and things slowly started to materialize in the darkness. I was in a room. “Oh, yes, that’s right,” Isighed, “my room.” A relaxing feeling came over me and I slowly laid back down. Although mybreathing was not yet normal, I felt a comfort. I felt a comfort in that I knew who I was, where Iwas, and yes, I even knew what day it was, or about what day it was. I wasn’t sure how long Ihad been sleeping. It might seem strange that this would give me such a comfort, but things werenot always this way.Have you ever had a nightmare? A fear that just won’t go away? Have you ever had toface it? Imagine never existing. Imagine waking up and everything you have done, everyoneyou have known, every feeling that you have felt, did not mean anything, did not have any sortof connection. Although this may be unfathomable, or unrealistic, for one girl, her nightmare wasall too real.“Ugh!” I groaned as my alarm went off. “It’s too early to start the day” I reached overand hit the snooze button. This was not an unusual occurrence, I hit snooze five or six timesevery morning; however, this morning I did not fall back asleep. My mind was still processingthe events of the previous evening, my perfect Valentine’s.I thought back to the E-mail telling me Andrew had something to tell me, and that I wasnot to let the night end without him telling me, “no matter what.” Of course I guessed what itwas about. I could read him like an open book, but me, being the hopeless romantic that I am,would wait to find out.Itall started on February 21
st
of the previous year when I was first introduced to AndrewB. Hanson. It was one of those instant friendships, the ones that must have been preordained. Hebecame my dance partner, best friend, and prince charming. We were like two peas in a pod, theclassic, peanut butter and jelly.My mind turned back and I tried to dreamed the night over.It was a perfect night. Ice skating in the open rink while it lightly snowed, followed by dinnerand then dancing at the Valentine’s Dance. My night raced forward, and I rememberedthe partthat made my heart, both then and now, beat faster. I focused in on the details.Hepromenaded me through the dance hall to Anastasia’s
Once Upon a December 
waltz.“Sarah,he said in a nervous whisper. “Yes” Ihadreplied questionably, althoughI had a guessto what was coming. I remembered wondering if I was correct in my assumptions, a millionother things had come into my mind, and then he had finally continued “I—Ihave been meaning,for quite sometime to tell you something” I had no doubt,I knew what he was going to say, myheart was racing, it felt as ifit would burst at any moment.
 
I let myself slip back into that night, reliving, completely, every moment.When I realized we were not moving anymore and I met his eyes, he pulled me in a littlecloser bending slightly so that we were almost the same level. It seemed like an eternity beforehe finally spoke “Sarah, I love you, I have always loved you, and I’m sorry I didn’t see itbefore.” WAHOOOOOO! My heart wasscreaming at the top of its lungs, I flung forward into ahug before I knew what I was doing; almost in tears of joy I whispered into his ear “Andrew, Ilove you too.”The song ended, the dance was over, and there we stood embracing each other.This was the first time anyone had really shown affection to me. I was not ugly, but I wasnot pretty. I was just Sarah, “the girlfriend’s friend,” or the “best friend’s little sister.” But lastnight was different; it was my perfect romance novel beginning, that ended all too soon.“We’ve got another severe snow warning in the afternoon, so please be advised and becareful. You might want to take a few extra minutes getting to and from work today.” I heardthe news reporter say, and decided that I couldn’t putoff getting up any longer.With twitterpation still lingering, the morning consisted of the normal: no hot water,spider in the shower, and the freezing, white fluffy scene outside our kitchen window. Laurel,my older sister, was drinking some hot cocoa and watching the weather report for the day.“Looks like it’s going to be another really bad week.” she stated.“This is ridiculous! It’s February! Shouldn’t it start warming up here soon orsomething?” I looked at my three jackets and boots wishing for the summer and shorts.“It snowed another three inches last night, and they say it’s going to snow at least anotherfoot by noon” she added,“Thanks for adding to my joy, but not all of us are snow bunnies” I remarkedsarcastically, “Let’s go.”Walking to our cousin’s house two streets directly behind us was not an unusual journeyas we carpooled to school every day. “Oh, you guys, I would have come and picked you up on aday like this!” my cousin Brittany exclaimed as we came through the back door withred nosesand frozen ears. Every day, the same thing happened, it snowed, we walked, and she said thesame thing, I was starting to wonder if she really would. Just as always, and ever so predictable,3, 2, 1, oh yes, right on cue,“Brad get out of the bathroom! Mom!”“Brad, Amber, am I going to have to put your nose in the corner! Now, grow up, knock itoff, and hurry up!”If I could look to nothing else for a pattern in my life, this was my daily dose of reoccurrence, and I could count it down, to a second, everyday.A look of apology crossed from Brittany to Laurel, and we hurried out the door—wewere already going to be late for our first class. After a tedious fight with the heater in my classrooms, long lectures, and a notebook full of doodles, I walked into the lunch room.“Hey Sarah! Hey! Hey! You’ve got to come help us, the Varsities are demolishing usoutside!” Mauricio yelled across the lunch room as he sprinted up to me.“No thanks”
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