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How Many Babies are Too Many?
bySusan Newman, Ph.D.
Meet the Duggars: 18 Children and Counting
The Duggars, an Arkansas family, had their 18
th
child on December 18, 2008.After Michelle Duggar gave birth to Jordyn-Grace, their eighth daughter joining their ten sons, papa Jim Bob Duggar, said, “"We both would love tohave more." Is this wise?In the current economy? How do the children feelabout adding to the family at what can only be called an alarming rate?Many women adore being pregnant, thrive on it, and have what is generallyconsidered a large family by today’s standards—four to six children. InMichelle Duggar’s case, one would think that so many pregnancies have toeventually turn into a health hazard, in the least, a high risk.I looked into the Duggar’s lifestyle, their living arrangements, and wonderwhy 18 offspring. The Duggars report being self-sufficient, have a lovelyhome, and are not on any public assistance... they say. I would guess thatincome from their Learning Channel TV show and commercial productdonations allow them financial freedom right now. BUT, no mother—or father—can reasonably be expected to care for 18 children herself in the ways thatmost of us believe is desirable, positive parenting.Years ago I asked elementary school children ranging in age from 5 to 12 tofinish this sentence: “My mother is special because…” Here, a smattering of responses:…she gives me lots of hugs and kisses…she helps me when I’m stuck on something…she washes my clothes…she reads me a bedtime story…she plays games with me…she helps me with my homework
 
…she makes my problems her problems…she’s like a backdrop with padded velvet to comfort me…she lets me get in her bed every night…she knows what I’m thinking…she cheers me up when I am sad…she does everything with meIt is these one-on-one actions and feelings, cultivated over years of closeinteraction, that bond parent and child and create enduring closeness.Realistically, the burden of caring for and “parenting” the younger Duggarchildren falls to the the older ones—to help with homework, to bathe, todress, to feed, to kiss and hug.When researching my book,
Parenting an Only Child:The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only 
, several participants who came from largefamilies told me quite adamantly that they had or planned to have one child,two at the most, solely because of the care they were required to give theiryounger brothers and/or sisters. Will the older Duggar children feel the sameway?One has to question if these older children are being exploited? For theirweekly television show cameras follow the Duggar clan, even going to themother’s prenatal visits. Who is nurturing and loving the children? Is thereenough time in a day, a week, a year, for a parent to pay attention to theneeds of 18 children? Maybe I’m wrong. In 2004, Michelle Duggar won the “Young Mother of the Year” award in Arkansas, presented byAmericanMothers Incorporated. At the time, she had 14 children.Some in the Duggar brood, or perhaps many of them, must feel neglected orat best, overlooked. The lack of intimate parental attention on a regular basisis more important than the issues raised by those who watch the Duggarshow or negatively comment on what has been called the cult aspect of theirbreeding or their disregard for environmental issues.What we see on theDuggar websiteorThe Learning Channel TV showis happiness and seeming contentment: two adults and 18 children “work” onthe screen; it’s highly probable the show has an excellent editor. At this pointin time, with all the media attention and perks the family receives, it feelslike an industry, a celebrity promotion, rather than a close knit family nomatter what the producer and editor choose to show us or Michelle and JimBob write in their book or discuss in their seminars.
Tune in
five or ten years going forward when the 18 (who knows, by thenthe number could be higher) children unite at a family reunion. How manychildren are the Duggar offspring going to have? How much resentment willthey feel in the future for the lack of individual parental attention and loss of childhood now being spent cooking, washing, and caring for their youngersiblings? Joshua, the oldest Duggar child married recently. It will be
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HOLLYSGREG

this woman must have had a very unhappy childhood.Poor child

reply04 / 09 / 2009
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