Far, far away in a distant land lived a king, who was known as Phanna of
Klinderland. His stature was immense, he truly was a bear of a man, more like a Kodiak
then a Grizzly. In his kingdom lived a humble serf, named Serf Cosmo. Now Serf Cosmo
was the biggest, boldest, nicest man around and his momma; who died from being too
nice.

Also in the kingdom of Klinderland lived a not so bright knight named, Sir Dave
the Dumb, and that didn't mean he couldn't talk. Sir Dave was so dumb that he spent all
day trying to beat a statue at chess and he finally gave up when the statue wouldn't take
his turn. His arch foe, or nemesis, was Dark Lord Chuckie the Lonely Cow. Dark Lord
Chuckie could not tolerate the sound of any music, especially that produced by bagpipes,
as it made his ears bleed like a fountain.

In the Cathedral there was a nun named Aliia, who also worked as a blacksmith on the side, and a tired old monk named Linus. He was always complaining that his bed was too hard and as a result he had a sore back.

In the palace kitchen worked, a sight so frightening a mother would have trouble
loving him, James the Pimple Freak. He was the head chef, or really the only chef if the
truth be known.

\u201cToday I have to see the King,\u201d said Cosmo, \u201cfor rumour
has it there is a fearsome dragon to be slain and
I think he wants me to slay it. Like that's ever going to

happen!\u201d
\u201cHello King,\u201d called out Cosmo
\u201cHello,\u201d the king replied in a dreadful voice
\u201cWhat can I do for you on a day as fine as this?\u201d asked Cosmo.
\u201cI don't know how to say this but I want you to slay Corno

\u201cThat shouldn't be a problem and I'll send for my best
knight, or on second thoughts, maybe Sir Dave the Dumb
isn't the smartest choice,\u201d pondered the King. \u201cThen
there's only one man for the job, have you heard of the
Mad Monk?\u201d inquired the King.

was hunched over holding his back.
\u201cHello!\u201d shouted Cosmo.
\u201cIs there any need to shout, you'll wake the dead. Just

Linus.
\u201cThe King said you could train me,\u201d pleaded Cosmo.
\u201cWhat the King said I could drain who?\u201d asked Linus.
\u201cNot drain but train and not who but me,\u201d responded Cosmo
\u201cWell where's your weapon?\u201d requested Linus
\u201cYou mean like a sword or an axe ?\u201d questioned Cosmo
\u201cWell that would come in handy,\u201d sneered Linus

\u201cWere you planning on knocking the dragon out with a
log or something like that. You better go and see
Aliia and have her knock you up a sword or axe.
Come back when you're fully prepared to train,\u201d
scolded Linus.

Cosmo left Aliia with a donation of twenty pounds of gold, to which she almost
fell off her stool and burnt herself in the furnace. He headed back to Linus but by the time
he arrived it was growing dark so Linus told him to come back in the morning, at five
o'clock sharp. He also told him to get plenty of shut eye because he had a busy day
ahead, that's if Linus's back holds out.

The next morning Cosmo turned up right on time and they trained all day long.
By the end of the day Linus looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and Cosmo could
barely lift up a toothpick, let alone his axe. Linus sent Cosmo off to Cook James the
Pimple Freak to get a good feed of grub into him.

When Cosmo got to the kitchen he couldn't help himself but ask Cook James
what was on the end of his nose. Cook James just broke down in a blubbering mess trying
to hide his embarrassment. He served Cosmo up a huge bowl of his infamous stew, with
extra thick white sauce. Cosmo picked at it first until James reassured him it was safe to
eat. By the time Cosmo had finished he looked more like a hippo than a finely tuned
fighting machine.

The next morning Linus decided to step up the training and he had a horse
saddled up ready for Cosmo. Linus knew it was going to be long day when Cosmo slid
right off the saddle and almost knocked himself out. Next step was to get Cosmo suited up
into armour and let the jousting begin. On the first ride past Cosmo feel off his horse
before he got to his target. After many more equally unsuccessful attempts Linus threw his
hands up in the air in frustration.

\u201cFinally it's about time, I thought the dragon was going
to die of old age before you were going to be ready,\u201d
gasped the King.

So Sir Cosmo set off on his quest to slay the dragon. All of a sudden from
behind a huge rock appeared Dark Lord Chuckie the Lonely Cow. Now Dark Lord Chuckie
was once the most fearsome giant you could ever have the displeasure of meeting but
unfortunately he crossed paths with a peddler who sold him an elixir that he said would
make him even stronger. Chuckie believed the peddler but instead of taking just a sip he
drank the whole bottle and was instantly turned into a Jersey cow. Cosmo almost fell of his
horse in fits of laughter and cried out, \u201cyou're so ugly,\u201d when he saw his Dave's once
fearsome nemesis. All Dark Lord Chuckie could do was run away mooing in a mournful
way as he went, for his heart was broken.