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Views expressed in Content do not neCessarily releCt the Views o the publisher or the printed blog inC.wc      t p b,     c c-      v c. a    t p b  k  k , c  v  v  c   . w  c  k  c  v .

--The Printed Blog Tea

TUESDAY

JANUARY 27, 2009

ChiCago edition Vol 1 no 1printed with expliCit permission rom eaCh Content proVider

TAGLINE WOULD ACTUALLY BE NICE HERE

f r e e

“Welcome home, honey.”

b

Neal Boulton

| 1/5/09 |

Bastard Lietinyurl.co/ctglb

You’ve been married less than a year. When you get home, she’s not bounding over to kissyou, she’s bound up in the kitchen waiting or a romp. Now what? Q:This is my second marriage; my rst ended because my wie thought I was too sexuallyadventurous. Now I’ve been married less than a year and I am wondering i my new wie is armore adventurous than I am—she will oten wait or me to nd her bound and gagged in vari-ous rooms o the house with a note beside her that reads, “Fuck me bound like this.” How can Ind my “inner torturer” and do something like that to a woman? A:Not only is there a etish in all o us, be it mild or mad, but they come in all colors andfavors—bondage and domination being one o them. First, beore you run to the next marriage,learn more. Read anything rom Alyson Tyler—I recommend her Best Bondage Erotica series orher book Love at First Sting: Sexy Tales o Erotic Restraint (both by Cleis Press) in which whatappears to be the art orm o this etish is beautiully and tasteully described in a way that willinorm and most likly arouse you. Second, nothing is more arousing than exploring a new in-timate lie together, so learn rom her beore you role play or her next bound up moment. Findout what turns her on and be sure to be honest about what you like and need as well. Then,enjoy. Key Tip:Some etishes are not or everyone. But the stigma o others can turn you o beore you explore their potential or exciting you. Communicate, be sae, and have un and noone will get hurt (at least not too badly).

Laurel Dailey

tinyurl.co/c7powk

s  dc

PHOTOS

s     ;    . s    ck .fck.c//     @.c

ADvERTISINGLIfESTYLEPOLITICS

hoping for obama’s failure

b

Kos

| 1/20/09 |

Daily Kostinyurl.co/b8cnbn

Cruising around wingnut hangouts, it appears the new talking point is that liberals set outto destroy Bush rom Day One because we didn’t see him as legitimate, so it’s time or payback.Or something. Here’s Rush, or example:I disagree ervently with the people on our side o the aisle who have caved and who say,“Well, I hope he succeeds. We’ve got to give him a chance.” Why? They didn’t give Bush achance in 2000. Beore he was inaugurated the search-and-destroy mission had begun.Yeah, we can play “who started this rst” by pointing to the VRWC’s eort to destroy BillClinton rom the very start o his presidency. But whatever. It’s true that we didn’t see Bush aslegitimate. When you steal an election, people tend to get angry.Yet that angry let was all but ignored, with the media going to great lengths to hide theanti-Bush inauguration protests rom the viewing public. The press was happy to ête Bushrom the very beginning, through 9/11, and all through the 2004 election cycle. Mission ac-complished! Yet in the end, a bunch o pissed o activist liberals didn’t derail Bush. He derailedhimsel.So now a bunch o pissed o conservatives want to deliver payback. They’re angry! Yeah,whatever. There’s a dierence between entering oce ater stealing an election, and enteringoce ater a massive landslide victory (ask Reagan). Their anger is the anger o the ringe, o the20+ percent that still approves o George Bush. No one cares about them anymore.Bottom line -- Obama will either succeed or ail based on his own actions, not based onwhether angry conservatives like him rom Day One.

Luca Andreescu

tinyurl.co/arb53w

| ec n

Whitney faile

tinyurl.co/aj58Luca Andreescu

tinyurl.co/arb53w

ec n

PHOTOS

DON’T mAKE fRIENDS AT WORK.

b

Brad Boose

| 2/28/07 |

Brad’s Bitstinyurl.co/b7yqc

The other day I was talking to my ather and he asked i I had been making any riends atwork. I told him most o the people I worked with were a lot older than me, and although theywere nice, I didn’t really hang out with them that much. What I didn’t tell him was that I goout o my way not to make riends at work.Once you start riendships in the workplace, it makes it more dicult to slack o or anumber o reasons.Guilt. It’s a lot easier to hang out in the bathroom and sur the internet when you don’t re-1.ally know much about your manager. Once you know him as a person, you can start to eelbad that you’re not ollowing through on your work and misleading him on your produc-tivity.The more people who stop by your desk, the worse o you are. Once people start to hang2.out, they ask you what you’ve been working on or, even worse, ask you to help them withsome problems they have been having. You could argue that when riends stop by, theydistract you rom working which is a good thing, but that’s not entirely true. What theydistract you rom is slacking.Once you become riends at work, people start to expect you to hang out outside o work.3.Nobody ever asks me to hang out ater hours, and that’s the way I like it. When 5 o’ clockrolls around (okay, more like 4 o’ clock) I want out o the oce to enjoy my personal lieand hang out with my real riends.Money. Friends rom work want to go out to lunch with them (which I never want to do).4.They want to go out or happy hours or Blue Jackets hockey games. You have to buy themgits when they get married or have children. You need to take them out or their birth-days, when they break up with their signicant others, or are just having a bad day. I wouldrather save up the money and invest it so that one day I won’t have to work anymore.No matter how hard you try to avoid it, the majority o times what do you end up talking5.to riends at work about? WORK! All I want to do is get away rom work, not spend my reetime rehashing it.I’m not against having decent relationships at work, I just try to keep conversations to aminimum and avoid asking any personal questions. It allows me to hang out in my cave or asalong as I can.

THE PRINTED BLOG

HUmOR

french ToasT is for lovers

b

Brooke van Poppelen

| 5/7/08 |

New York is Retardedtinyurl.co/bn9ng6

I don’t do brunch.For years now, brunch has been a source o aggravation or me. Whether I was attempting togo out or it with my then husband or worse yet actually serving the meal to a bunch o dumbclucks; I detest brunch.I remember working in Chicago’s Lincoln Square at Caé Selmarie; a renowned brunchdestination and provider o ulcerative colitis or Ms. Van Poppelen and her last nerve.We would set up or an hour beore opening and sure enough at about twenty minutes to 9am,pedestrians would start lining up outside the locked doors like it was a Zeppelin concert. Theyimpatiently rustled their newspapers and stared us down with empty eyes and hollow souls thatthey were going to try and ll up with banana walnut pancakes. There would be an incrediblyintense moment, much like a glaucoma test, where things were eerily quiet in the cae. Thewait sta, bus boys and cooks would all exchange a knowing glance, hail Mary a ew times, andwatch as the host would walk toward the door to unlock it or the amassed crowd.Pop! Like a pressurized vacuum seal, the entire aura o the morning was fipped on its ear,trampled by hollandaise hungry mammals pushing and shoving their way into the cae to get acoveted seat in the tiny room. People wouldn’t even be sitting down and the barking o requestsrom customers would begin; competitively determined to get their order in beore the personnext to them could.The brunch patrons scoured the menu like heat seeking missiles aimed at the savoryood selection du jour. Angst thickened i someone in a party was lax about choosing and theaggressive leader o the aair would shit uncomortably in their chair and oer up suggestions.“I’ve had the huevos rancheros here beore--they’re amazing. The ricotta strawberry wafes areto die or. Why don’t you choose? Huh? How about we make a choice here, Bonnie--pick upyour game, or god’s sake. This isn’t lunch, this isn’t breakast, this is BRUNCH you twat, andwe’re getting behind!!!”I’ve never understood the need or 14 beverages to properly enjoy a meal, but apparentlythat is another aspect to brunch that people love and it makes me bristle. “Yes--- I am going toneed a mimosa, a bellini, a bloody mary extra spicy with pickles, large orange juice, a deca skimlatte, lots o water no ice but I will take extra lemon, a quart o maple syrup with a straw, somecrude oil in a pan, the blood o a virgin served in a goblet, and that ought to do it!”People act like brunch is a relaxing and un way to spend a morning. I think these lunaticsalso enjoy Disney World, Times Square, and the dentist or their leisure.I used to wake up on Sunday mornings during married lie. A little voice in my head wouldsay, “Brunch? Is this gonna happen again?” You see, when you get married, an idiotic switchgoes o in your head that thinks going to brunch or housewarming parties and the like are go-ing to somehow be bearable now that you have someone to suer through it with you. Wrong.Each Sunday would start out with high hopes or hubby and I. He hoped we would do activitiestogether and I hoped he would leave me alone and let me sleep. Ater receiving the usual with-ering speech about him working a 9-5 job and wanting to embrace his precious days o I wouldreluctantly drag my body out o bed, throw on an ensemble and the pointless sojourn wouldbegin. We would ritualistically drive up and down the same stupid strip o our neighborhoodthat we drove down the week beore and the week beore that.“The Daily?” “Nah.” Bad Dog?” “Gross.” “Milk and Honey?” “Too ar.” “Deleece?” “Expen-sive”. “Well what do you want?” “I’m not hungry.” “Well why the hell did you come out orbrunch?!?!” “You made me.” “I didn’t make you do anything!”Usually within 5 minutes I would get dropped o on the side o the road somewhere ashubby squealed away to go nd an eggy meal and angrily eat it by himsel while I walked homealone.Ahhh brunch.Now that I have been divorced or about 2 years and dropped the waitressing gig, you’dthink awul brunch incidents would diminish. Not really.I now reside in New York where brunch is even more o an atrocity. Brooklyn is rie withuber trendy caes all roughly the size o a crawl space, vacuous bohemian parents with strollersthe size o arming equipment rolling over you like a monster truck, and pancakes starting at$15 with no upgrades.All o my adult, coupled riends think I want to come join them or this slice o hell.They’re chirpy, energetic and excited about lie because they’ve chosen to have a normal oneand you know what goes great with healthy relationships?!? Crepes!I usually get the call around 10am on a Sunday. Said couple has been up or 3 hours al-ready, ran a 10K, did some spackling, and are showered and ready or brunch at Dizzy’s! I on theother hand just got home rom Saturday night about 4 hours ago and am ull o Jamaican bee patties and whiskey. My body aches as though I worked out but it’s just my liver and pancreasexacting their revenge.Said couple wants to know, would I like to join them or brunch? Well, i brunch consistso aspirin and more sleep, then yes!! Count me in!Oh wait, brunch is going to be a loud, crowded event that is going to magniy all o my poorlie choices as I surround mysel with passive aggressive people who have money in their bankaccount and love in their hearts? Pass.Now don’t get me wrong, I like breakast. In act I LOVE breakast. There is nothing betterin the world than a wild night o drinking that leads you to Chicago’s Diner Grill on Irving. Youpull up a seat at the counter and the owner/short order cook makes you some corned bee hash,French ries and an egg sandwich or $6 while you sip some black coee and snap out o yourstupor. No rills, no special menu---it’s been printed on the wall or the past 20 years--- no mar-zipan stued anything in sight. Try to order a drink with champagne or pomegranate in it andsomeone will break your nose. You crank the juke box ull o Willie Nelson tunes and drunk-enly dance with your pals not worried about losing your seat. There’s usually at least one personin there missing a limb and not a baby in sight because it’s 4am----the way a dining experienceshould be.Now that my riends, is worth being awake or.

COmICS

a    cc . t   c     ’v   ,       c@.c.

Jenn Beese

/ sc nk

Jenn works in Blog Relations or The Printed Blog. She is rom the north side o Chicagoand is currently attending the University o Illinois, majoring in Movement Sciences. Jenn has been involved with social media rom its start. She has two blogs: check themout atwww.reeandfawed.comandwww.mustlovegeek.com.

HUmAN INTERESTSTAff AT THE PRINTED BLOG

t  ,   c  tpb . s      cc.

PLANNING A CAREER AT GOOGLE

b

Jenn Beese

| 4/8/08 |

Let’s Bottle Up The Craytinyurl.co/bot4ta

Fortune listed Google at #1 on its 100 Best Companies to Work For list. My boss wantedsome inormation o o their careers page so I stepped up. I took one or the team! But notbeore quenching my own thirst or knowledge. First I stumbled upon the Top 10 Reasons toWork at Google. “Silly Google, ” I thought. “You don’t need to persuade ME to work or YOU.”As I browsed the site, which I’ve never done beore, I learned that Google oers scholarshipsand internships. How exciting! I checked to see i I met any o the requirements or either. SadlyI do not. This got me thinking though….even though I want to work or Google, I have no ideawhat I’d actually do there. So I came up with a list!I could roam rom person to person and tell them what a good job they’re doing. “Great1.memo, Ben!” “Loving the hair Sara!” “Hey John! Great Post-It tower!” I might even patthem on the back. Everyone can use some positive reinorcement, even Googlelites. That’swhat I’d call my colleagues.When I’m done commending everyone or a job well done, I could oer to organize their2.oce. I like to organize and snoop through things. I’d be killing two birds with one stoneand they’d reap all the benets.Ater that I could come up with some art or the website to celebrate obscure holidays such3.as PBJ day. Personally I’d love seeing two peanuts as Os when I opened up Google.I could test out ball pits in case they were considering purchasing one. This includes, but is4.not limited to, trampolines, moon bounces, velcro walls, giant slides and bungee jumping.There is a doctor on site at one o their locations. I could come up with crazy diseases and5.make sure this doctor is top notch. I am not opposed to purposely exposing mysel to adangerous virus. No sub-par doc or Google! I’m willing to get poked and prodded or someG-love.I could say “google” in all sorts o unny voices and accents over a loud speaker. You know,6.just in case someone orgets where they are. And who knows, “google” may lull someemployees into a calm, meditative state in which they create something truly magnicent.They’ll thank me.I could be a pillow tester or employees who sleep in their oces. I’d appreciate someone7.checking my pillow nightly to make sure it was up to my fuy standards.I could also roam the building telling jokes. People need to laugh. Happy employees tend8.to be more ecient and productive. They’re also less likely to write “I hate my job/boss/your ace” on a Post-It and put them on microwaves, mirrors or windows. I’d clean up thesticky residue i they did.See, there are many opportunities or me at Google that don’t require some ancy col-lege degree or ridiculously mad computer/sales/marketing/engineering skills. I’m a Jenn o AllTrades! How many companies boast one o those? None! So Google, i you were to ask me i Iwanted to come on board and monitor the security o your elevators, I’d reply with an enthusi-astic “super uck yeah!!!”

Erik J. Gustason

tinyurl.co/c2epk

PHOTOSCOmICS

Rick Ellis

tinyurl.co/adkn

Views expressed in Content do not neCessarily releCt the Views o the publisher or the printed blog inC.

ENTERTAINmENT

matty franklin

tinyurl.co/bku59d

PHOTOSPLAYLIST

ec      v  ,  . w k  k    c   t p b. ej cv  c. s v     c@.c.

EvENTS

w’     ?   ,         c.

PROfILE

 c   ck  q   . t      .s           @.c.

THE INSTRUmENTALITY Of PHILLIP mORRIS

Phillip morris.

a        “c” ,      .a v k     c’. a      k,  2004   c,     c  c,   2005     c     q v c c Cc. t   p cv    ij’  c  Cc c azc (c c) r.t   p’ q vc, c c,  jc ,c ,  c c  - c  k c. r   2006,    ( -c “i”)   v    jc . i c  - cc  “dv s”,          “w  dc”,    c  c cc&  c c  “t n b C”. t c     cv  ,  c p    cc v c  v , v,  c v.a  ,   c   t mc oc. h  c    tmo,    c l Z v h r. a k   , p c  k c       , k c   c  k    jc cc . b v  -  kc k v (  ) c c   cccc.

PUGSLEE ATOmz KEEPS IT REAL

b

| 1/19/09 |

createa.ttinyurl.co/dncqo

The downside to the explosion o Chicago’s hip-hop, DJ and nightlie culture has seenover the past couple years is that people now associate new Chicago music with a specic nichegenre. While I like The Cool Kids as much as the next lady grindin’ it in the club, I eel likethere is a lot o great music that doesn’t t this mold which is getting pushed aside in the searchor the next banger-ready, remixable hook.Pugslee Atomz passed along a new track o his upcoming album, Rootop, that I thinkexemplies this Chicago trend. I love the sampled intro and the minimal production. Wait andSee has that great simple retro eel oten only ound in indie hip-hop. This track reminds me o combing through CDs back at the college radio station and basement shows lled with back-packers.Maybe Pugslee Atomz will never roll up to the club decked out resh to death on a mopedto spit a ew rhymes over a DJ’s beat to a crowd o lycra-clad college girls sipping Sparks. Butthat’s why I like him.

p : K s |.c/8

Whitney faile

/ p  mc e

Whitney is originally rom Texas and is currently a Photojournalism major at ColumbiaCollege in Chicago. Whitney lives or photography, music and pop culture. She loves totake photos while exploring Chicago and is always seeking out new music to listen to andlove.

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“B Eil”

- howl

.c/c834

Howl is the our-man side project o Brady Miller (the uber-talented guitarist or Mon-ey Mark o the Beastie Boys). While you can’t peg Howl to any one genre, their musicis closest to psychedelic synthpop and sounds a lot like the psychedelic electronicathat MGMT experimented with on their 2005 debut album Climbing to New Lows.

C :

Ethan Austin

|.c/vz

“Reaching O The Sky,”

Financial Release

- la c

.c/72v8

I like LA France because he really tries hard to rap. He has a pretty cool fow. And hereally tries to put some depth in his lyrics. I denitely think you should consider him.

C :

marcus ‘Cap’ Willias

|.c/3q

“Duck Punk”

- t t s

.c/4v

The Toy Soldiers is a band based in Seattle, WA and is greatly infuenced by Dat Punkand The Postal Service. Dipping heavily into an electronic back beat created by JesseSkorupa, accompanied by vocalist Ryan Barber’s lyrics and Kevin Fairbairn on the gui-tar, the band puts orward a unique sound, o which Duck Punk is a shining example.

C :

Colin fitGerald

|.c/c84

“I’ Good Now,”

All the Gold in the Sunset

- b sc

.c/33

Bob is one o the greatest talents o our generation. Prolic. Poetic. Phonoan-tastic. Folk, pop, ska, blues, rap - you name it, this cat has kicked it out. Chicago isone o his avorite destinations...catch him at the Double Door, Metro, Martyrs, orSchuba’s.

C :

Terry valentine mertens

|.c/2c7

“Don’t Cry,”

The Process of Addiction Has its Cost

- p m

.c/c

With the 2009 release o his new album “The Process o Addiction Has its Costs,”Phillip carries on his tradition o pushing not only hip-hop, but music in general, toits urthest limits both lyrically and conceptually. He heavily ocuses on social injus-tices, motives behind perpetuating military conficts, and the government’s involve-ment in drug tracking. His target audience includes nerds, thugs, revolutionaries,even 45+ Caucasian women.

C :

Whitney faile

|.c/czq

“Both Beore I’ Gone”

- g   C

.c/2

Girl in a Coma hail rom San Antonio, Texas; land o puy tacos, Lone Star beer, andthe place where Ozzy pissed on the Alamo. Nina Diaz, who was 12 when the bandormed, is oten reerred to as the emale version o Morrissey and has been com-pared to artists as diverse as Bjork and Patsy Cline. Along with Jenn Alva on bass andPhanie D. on drums, this band has been likened to The Smiths, The Pixies, and theYeah Yeah Yeahs.

C :

Whitney faile

|.c/czq

“Beer and Pie,”

- h r

.c/v95z

Despite her riendly and upbeat personality, Hope Roth writes songs that are both de-liciously melancholy and deeply personal. The central theme tends to be that o lone-liness and heartbreak, with words and melodies that are all at once unny and playulyet dark and complex. More oten than not, she is chortling in the ace o despair.

C :

Hope Roth

|.c/v95z

“Neighborhood #3 (Power Out),”

Funeral

- ac 

.c/6

Joyously extraordinary - dark lyrics and merry cacophony. The jagged guitars andswirling, jamming violins are simultaneously dizzying and intoxicating.

C :

Daid Pepin

|.c/64

.c/c

Founded 2009

DROPKICK mURPHYS Congress Theater

2/28/2009 @ 6:30

Who isn’t excited about being thrust back totheir punk rock days by the, one and only,Dropkick Murphys?

Passion Pit, Paper Route, Cale Parks

1/27/2009 @ 9:00

I can imagine a mix o O Montreal, ColdPlay and Casiotone...and think you’d like it,you’ll love Paper Route.

fridays at mickey’s