• Embed Doc
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • CommentGo Back
 
DID YOU SAY CHICKS
Edited By Esther Friesner
Contents
Introduction,
Esther Friesner 
No Pain, No Gain,
Elizabeth Moon
Slue-Foot Sue and the Witch in the Woods,
Laura Frankos
A Young Swordswoman'sGarden Primer
Sarah Zettel
 The Old Fire,
 Jody Lynn Nye
Like No Business I Know,
Mark Bourne
A Bone to Pick, Marina Frants & Keith R.A. DeCandidoThe Attack of theAvenging Virgins,
Elizabeth Ann Scarborough
Oh, Sweet Goodnight!!
Christina Briley & Walter Vance Awsten
A Bitch in Time,
Doranna Durgin
Don't You Want to BeBeautiful?
Laura Anne Gilman
A Night with the Girls,
Barbara Hambly 
A Quiet Knight's Reading,
Steven Piziks
Armor Propre,
 Jan Stirling & S.M. Stirling
A BigHand for the Little Lady
, Esther M. Friesner 
Blade Runner,
K.D. Wentworth
Keeping UpAppearances,
Lawrence Watt-Evans
La Difference,
Harry Turtledove
 Tales from theSiushpile,
Margaret Ball
Epilogue: Yes, We Did Say Chicks!
 Adam-Troy Castro
Aboutthe AuthorsGIRRRL FIGHT!Milhauser reopened the paperback and resumed reading aloud. Wewere well into the first dumb fight scene, where Gort skewers a couple of cityguards through the heart, when a glimmering of an idea came to me."Mr. Milhauser,that's not such a great technique. You know, the heart is an awfully small target.Also you've got to get through the rib cage. Me, I prefer to take them in theabdomen. It's a nice big soft target. Or if your employer wants them brought backalive, go after the legs and try to cripple them."That point was engraved on mymemory; I'd once had a very embarrassing discussion with Duke Zolkir after a call. Trans-Forwarded from the P.T.A. had distracted me in the middle of a swordfight sothat I forgot to keep any of the thieves I was after alive long enough to standtrial.Milhauser gave me a cold, reptilian glance. "Gort," he said, "is the world'sgreatest swordsman. For him to pierce an opponent through the heart is child'splay.""Oh, yeah? You just don't know how hard it is. I bet you've never tried.""I'vedone my research!" he snapped."And I've lived mine. Also, it's not that easy topierce chain mail.""Lady, will you stop interrupting'? I've studied the matter in greatdetail, and…""Let's have a demonstration, then." I stood up, wriggling slightly so asto get maximum jingle from my chain-mail corselet and divided skirt. "I'm willing tolet you try and skewer me. Or are you scared to fight a girrrl?" I added with ateasing pout and another strategic wriggle.—from "Tales from the Slushpile" by Margaret Ball ALSO IN THIS SERIES Chicks inChainmail,edited by Esther Friesner Did You Say Chicks?!,edited by EstherFriesner Chicks 'n Chained Males,edited by Esther Friesner The Chick is in theMail,edited by Esther Friesner Mathemagics by Margaret BallAlso by Esther FriesnerWishing SeasonDid You Say Chicks?! This is a work of fiction. All the characters and eventsportrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidentsis purely coincidental. Copyright © 1998 by Esther Friesner and Martin HarryGreenburg. All material is original to this book and is copyright © 1998 by theauthors individually. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or
 
portions thereof in any form. A Baen Books OriginalBaen Publishing EnterprisesP.O.Box 1403Riverdale, NY 10471www.baen.com ISBN: 0-671-87867-0 Cover art by LarryElmore First printing, February 1998Second printing, August 2001 Distributed bySimon & Schuster1230 Avenue of the AmericasNew York, NY 10020 Production byWindhaven Press, Auburn, NHPrinted in the United States of America
Dedication
Of course by rights this work must be dedicated to:Melanie Marttilawithout whose efforts the book you now hold in your hands would be called TheSequel Formerly Known As Prince or some such. However, it has come to thishumble editor, as it must to all humble editors (the three of us get together fordrinks sometimes down at Binky's Oyster Bar) that there is room in a really spiffyDedication for more than one round of thanks and acknowledgment. Therefore, inthis late hour of soft purple twilight and not enough gin, I would like to append thefollowing tribute to a woman who is perhaps this work's chief Muse and guidinglight, whether she likes it or not. Also, Binky promised the Humble Editors' Club around of free drinks if this Dedication caused the lady in question to send him anautographed photo. Ahem:Hail to thee, O Lucy Lawless,Xena actress great and flawless!Beacon by whom weall steerIn this book. Wish you were here.Thou who art a constant charmer,Thouwho wearest way cool armor,Thou who provest, day by day,Women have a lot tosayWhether sword or child in hand,Spread our message through the land!Say toevery mother's son:"We are strong, but we're still fun."Do not fear us, do not hateus,"Never, never underrate us."We are Women, aye, you betcha."Want to rile us?We won't letcha."Whether what we choose to don"From Frederick's comes orPentagon,What we wear don't signify"Diddlysquat, for by and by"You will learn (asmost men do)"We're your equals. Whoop-de-doo."So once more, thee do wehail,Lucy Lawless, and the GrailOf full-fledged equalityWhich we hope we'll live tosee. Thou who art, in syndication,Hope of all the female nation,Thou whom sponsorscourt and coddle,Thou, our daughters' chief role model,Thou who play'st no girliegamesBut kickest butt and takest names,Please accept this book, with thanksFromthy sisters in the ranks. "Bad doggerel. No biscuit!" —Dr. Samuel Johnson (attrib.)=========================================================
Did You Say "Chicks"?!
Introduction
Back for more, eh?I'm assuming you're a repeat offender, havingalready purchased and read numerous copies of Chicks in Chainmail. (Well, they domake excellent gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, and most major holidays.) You'recertainly not a repeat offendee. Despite fears and collywobbles to the contrary,Chicks in Chainmail did not generate a firestorm of feminist outrage, therebyproving the point I made in my previous introduction: We can take a joke.Well,duh.What Chicks in Chainmail did generate was a landslide of questions. These fellinto two simple, easy-to-digest categories, the first being:"How come you didn't
 
have more stories by men?"Well, duh redux, babycakes. Ye Olde Editor solicitedstories from the gents, but a whole lot of the gents demurred, citing fear of beingchopped up into little bitty sticky bits by the ladies. (See above: Firestorm of Feminist Outrage! Film at eleven!)The second line of inquiry was of the sort thatdoes an editorial body's heart a power of good, namely:"So? Where's the sequel?When's it coming out? Real soon now? Can't you make it sooner? Would now be toosoon? Pleeease?" This question was inevitably followed by a slew of suggestions forthe sequel's title, one or two of which zeroed in on the word "broadsword." (You'llhave to excuse me from making the obvious rejoinder, but I've taken a mighty andsacred oath not the use the phrase Well, duh again in this introduction.)Now I'm sure you'll all recall the tasteful disclaimer concerning the title of Chicks inChainmail. It was, after all, printed right on the back cover of said book. It wasfurthermore backed up by my own ready admission that the title was mine-all-mine,please direct any enusing feminist outrage to my doorstep. If anyone asked, I wouldadmit with all alacrity that the title in question was strictly Mea Culpa City.No onedid ask. Fancy that. We did get a number of compliments on the title, though, andwhole lot of giggling. But I digress.As the public clamor for a sequel mounted, thegood folk at Baen (Purveyors of Really Cool Books to the Gentry) had a neat idea: AName That Sequel contest! And so, via the Internet, on the Baen Web page, allinterested competitors could submit their ideas for what to name Chicks 2, the prizebeing a generous selection of Baen books. My sources inform me that Baen hadbeen running monthly contests for a while, but when this one hit, they gotthousands of entries. Jim Baen himself came up with the idea for the contest, and judged same. (No, he did not do it because he was afraid of what I'd come up withfor a Chicks 2 title if left to my own devices.)I have here in my hand certaindocuments which reveal that the winning entry, as posted by Melanie Marttila of ourgood neighbor to the north (Canada, okay? Do I have to do everything for you?),reads in part as follows: Comments: Ok. I'm willing to bet that Babes withBroadswords has come up about a thousand times already. I want to be a littleoriginal so here are my best three:Hot Leather HauberksPMS in Plate-MailDid YouSay CHICKS? Thus a star was born. Our thanks to Ms. Marttila and to all who enteredthe contest.We think that Did You Say "Chicks"?! does its sister-volume proud. You'llrecognize some of our authors from Chicks in Chainmail, back with new tales of Women Who Slay Too Much (And the Men Who Prudently Get Out of the Way), butyou'll also encounter plenty of stories from some new contributors. We hope you'llenjoy them all.The woman warrior in fantasy fiction is no longer merely astereotyped barbarian tough who just happens to wear a skirt instead of a loincloth.Has humor humanized a formerly two-dimensional character? I like to think so. There are still all sorts of battles for us to fight, and many different kinds of armorfor us to wear.And we're still strong enough to keep on laughing.No Pain, No GainElizabeth Moon Meryl the shepherdess woke from nightmares inwhich she waded through glue on grotesquely swollen legs. She opened her eyes tothe smoky rafters of her mother's little hut, and stretched luxuriously. Bad dreamsmake good days, Gran always said. Flinging back the covers, she rolled out of bedand burst into screams. There they were, attached to her own wiry body—the plumpsoft legs of her dream, and when she took a step, it felt as if she were wadingthrough glue. She didn't stop screaming until her mother slapped her smartly acrossthe mouth. Gran said it was the Evil Eye, and probably the fault of Jamis thecowherd's second wife, no better than she should be, jealous because her girl had a
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...