I've spent the past week reading The Alphabet Challenge by Olga Gardner Galvin and found it completely brilliant. From the publisher's website: Set several decades in the future, the nearly unrecognizable Manhattan is made kinder and gentler by PeopleCare, an umbrella organization of myriad victims’ rights groups whose members work their fingers to the bone to make caring, compassion, and lowest-common-denominator equality a federal law, now that they have already fought for and won their campaigns for federal prohibition on smoking and obesity, among other unhealthy things. Enter entrepreneur Howell Langston Toland, who has learned absolutely nothing in the seven years he’d spent in jail for failure to recycle empty bottles. To cash in on the prevailing zeitgeist, he creates a new category of victimization, which encompasses the broadest audience yet. Threatened by the brazen invasion of its turf and the sudden popularity of the new cause, PeopleCare mounts a counterattack against the upstart. Toland, meanwhile, succumbs to the more natural for him entrepreneurial mode of thinking, urging his annoying followers to become self-reliant so that he may cut them loose. Vicious politics ensue . . . One word: hysterical. Totally and completely hysterical. And I mean that in both the “haha, can’t stop laughing” and the “unmanageable fear” sort of way that my Merriam Webster describes. In this future, people care. They care so much that you can’t do anything for yourself anymore, and why should you? You don’t know how to take care of yourself, but that’s OK, because that’s what PeopleCare is for. They’re there to make all your decisions and totally control every aspect of your life. Think people who eat meat are insane? There’s a group for that (People for Complete Coexistence with Animals). Think you should be allowed to steal, beat, and rape? There’s a group for you (People with Different Moral and Ethical Values). Think recycling should be a choice? Sorry, that’ll get you five years in lock up. Think you should be allowed to park where you want, eat red meat, or educate your own children? Sorry, but no, you can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to everyone else. It hurts them and the way they want to live. You’ll have to give up all of your wants and needs and personal rights for the greater good. It’s OK though, because PeopleCare cares for people. (In that future, I totally want to be their ad writer.) Howell Langston Toland has finally had enough. Sentenced to a group home (Adjusted Environment Home) because his parents decided to home school him, and then sentenced to seven years in jail for not recycling and committing grievous bodily harm (tired of being robbed, Howell put cement on a window sill and stuck broken glass in it; poor thief cut himself trying to break in and immediately turned Howell in for his crimes), he decides that it’s time he gets his and starts the ABChallenge, a support group for those who have spent their entire lives being treated like lesser beings because their names start with a letter between N and Z. He’ll collect a small donation from everyone who has ever been treated unfairly because of where they fall in the alphabetical queue, make a fortune, and then run off to live in Australia, where it’s still legal to sunbathe, eat read meat, and have an opinion of your own. I know, it’s got to be a joke, right? Not in this future world, it isn’t. Most of America has been brainwashed into believing that it’s not their fault, no it’s the other guy’s fault and dammit, laws need to be passed against them so that you can have a fair shake. No matter that it’s asinine and stupid, it’s the way it has to be so that everything is equal. As ridiculous as this novel is (and I mean that in a good way!), it’s frightening when you think about how things are changing here, now, ever so slightly starting to resemble things in The Alphabet Challenge. True, we can still make most of our own choices, but look at what’s going on in the food and restaurant industries. Health care. Education. Exercise. I’m not saying that I think all of the changes are for the bad, but I do think it’s a slippery slope we’re on and satire or not, this book has a point. The day I wake up in America and find out chocolate has been outlawed, or God forbid, salt, I am totally moving to Europe, where they’ll still be allowing such hedonistic, evil, unfair things. Read The Alphabet Challenge. Then join me in my consumption of chocolate and salt. At the same time. (They're totally delicious together.)

Exec TV was a thought-provoking book on how our society is currently being spoon-fed crap in the name of entertainment, and then asking for more. (Don't get me wrong; I liked the book.) Dov Montana, a "perpetually out-of-work documentary filmmaker" has the brilliant idea one day while chain smoking: Putting the camera in a death-row inmate's cell and filming his execution. He's sure that is's *exactly* what the public is looking for. And you know what? He was right. After pitching the idea to Lerz Feingold, the stuttering TV producer, and getting the approval of the inmate's lawyer, Conrad Rangefork Thistle III, he takes Serena, Feingold's former secretary--and a blond sex-pot--on the road with him to Miami, where Randal Snell, the Killer Castrator, is currently incarcerated. Gathering up a crew (a gay wardrobe artist, an out-of-work Australian actor, and Serena herself (she'd always wanted to be an actress)), Montana begins filming *his* version of Snell's crime. It's nothing like the actual crimes, but that's OK, because Montana knows that people don't want the facts; they want the blood, the gore, and the entertainment. It's a great book, highlighting a couple of important points. The first would be how, as a society, we're all so desensitized to violence. More blood, gore, and violence is being shown all the time to us in films and movies in an attempt to get a reaction from the viewers. The second point that Brensilver raises is how the news has gone from a source of information to a source of entertainment. It's truly sad when people can speak knowledgeably about an actor's dating life, but can't tell you what's going on elsewhere in the world.

I know it's early, but I think that "Monkey See" by Walt Maguire is going to be the book of the summer for me. It's got everything I, or any other reader, could want. Genetic experiments on primates who will one day rise up and crush humanity; heart-tugging moments of baby monkey cuteness; a twisty plot that goes from story A to story B to story 8 without stopping; and, my personal favorite part, a do-it-yourself guide to making your own monster. (At home: just add water! And dangerous chemicals! Totally safe for all ages!) "When Ed the Talking Monkey moves out of his cage at the lab and finds an apartment convenient to public transportation, he has to face not only the stares of confused humans but the snobbishness of the more advanced experiments that follow him into the new social scene. In the space of a few days, he must decide if his best interests lie with the humans, or with a group of the enhanced apes who think the humans are hogging all the best parking spaces at the malls. Meanwhile, he falls in love with a new young monkey at the lab, both of them unaware that one of the researchers has brought her in for an enhancement that is far beyond what any of them can imagine . . . or want." There are three separate, yet not-separate, plots running throughout this novel. The first plot has to do with Ed the Talking Monkey and how he deals with his new life after being genetically enhanced by Dr. Cogitomni--who was actually researching a cure for asthma. Ed the Talking Monkey is stuck trying to decided where, in this new world, he actually belongs. Is it with the humans--who don't understand or really like Ed--or the other enhanced primates--who alternately try to befriend and look look down on Ed for his "friendship" with humans? While trying to decide, Ed the Talking Monkey befriends Gigi, Dr. Cogitomni's newest "guest" at the lab. The two hit it off, once Gigi has undergone enough genetic manipulation to actually speak, that is. Alas, their love is destined to die because Gigi is not only Dr. Cogitomni's newest experiment, but she's also his secret weapon in his evil plan to rule the world. (What, you didn't see that coming? Sorry.) Spliced throughout the whole, twisted story of Ed the Talking Monkey's journey and Gigi's metamorphosis, is an intricate, step-by-step guide to 1) creating your own monster (so you too can rule the world), but 2) a detailed plan on what to do afterward, including great lines (for the other scientists, your monster, and the cops--should you fail), and a handy key to coming up with a suitable name for your monster. Oh, and there's a whole other plot about the upcoming monkey uprising. You know, the other the other primates are planning because they hate the humans and want to crush us and enslave us, and that one maybe wants to eat us. Ed the Talking Monkey may or may not be joining them. You know, keeping his options open incase things with Gigi don't work out. (You should maybe worry about that.) Like I said: hysterical. It's a very tightly written novel, taking all sorts of jabs at political and social issues, while never letting the laughs stop. I highly recommend it and I urge you to read it. Now. Before the monkeys get you. PS: Let me know if you too catch the Cylon reference.

Author Scott Stein has crafted a very real and relatable world in his novel about a man who just wants to be left alone to live his life the way he wants. I wasn't quite sure if I was going to like this novel, but once I got into the story, the plot grabbed me and didn't let go. Martin, for all of his mean ways, is so relatable to anyone who lives in this day and age. Desiring to be left alone to enjoy his frogs and processed meats, all of that changes the day Alice Pitney knocks on Martin's front door. It seems several new laws have been passed while Martin has been shunning all human contact, allowing the state to decide what's 'best' for everyone. In Martin's case, Alice decides that what's best for him is no more processed meats, no more television, or clocks, or even the right to decide when the lights should be turned off. Martin isn't taking this lightly though, and he's absolutely determined not to cave into Alice's demands. His creative ways of getting out of group-bonding events and other acts of sabotage left me laughing, but what really made me smile was what happened after Martin struck out on his own. His acts of revenge, and the final few paragraphs of the novel, had me smiling the whole time I was reading. I won't spoil the ending for you, but I will say that I should have seen it coming. (And it's hysterical!) It's not all light-hearted reading though; there are a lot of serious issues inside this novel, several of which I've discussed previously with both "$everance" and "Junk." Zagorski and Martin both plan out acts of sabotage against the people in charge, although Zagorski is only fighting for his severance check; Martin is fighting for the right to wear a bathrobe if he wants to. And just like in "Junk," there's a whole war on food going on, although this time it's not so much a general banning of things, but more of a centralized discrimination against the people that the state has decided can't make their own choices anymore. It's scary when you think that one day, someone in 'power' could decide that you no longer have the right to make your own choices anymore, that you aren't capable of deciding what foods to eat. "Junk" takes it farther, but still for Martin it's a fairly traumatic turning point. If you're in the mood for a funny, sarcastic, well-plotted book with a side of social issues, I highly recommend "Mean Martin Manning."

I loved the premise of this novel--I have a thing for post-apocalyptic stories--and loved that the novel wasn't just from Mozart's point-of-view, but from all of the main characters, including One's. Truthfully, I found One's point-of-view to be the most interesting. It reminded me very much of the robots in I, Robot who take over to "protect" humanity from itself; One was very much like that, controlling what and who came into Ipolis, stopping information from being sent out (information that would have harmed Mozart), and trying to stop the war between the North (the haves) and the South (the have-nots). The other characters had compelling stories and I loved how many of their stories were wrapped around Mozart's. We have Bella, the psychopathic artist, born after the Shudder who grew up with her survivalist father. She's beautiful, twisted, insane, and completely devoted to her art. There's Les, the boring Canadian diplomat with an obsession for Helen Printo, a self-serving investigative reporter who will stop at nothing to get a story. She's "friendly" with Alex Burton, a cruel, former black-ops solider who is desperate to get the funds together for an upcoming trip into outer space. He's got plans to sell Mozart to the highest bidder. Oh, and we can't forget Katerina, the beautiful Czech woman Mozart has found himself in love with. Did I mention she's a lesbian? Or that she's half in love with Helen Printo, and half in lust with Bella? And it wasn't just the characters and their stories that I found so compelling, but the ideas that this novel incorporated into the story. Like how do you define your worth in a society where money doesn't exist? Or what is art, how is it defined, and how far should someone be allowed to go to produce? And what about the idea of the truth at all costs? I don't really think we want a transparent society, no matter how much we want the truth. I haven't even touched on the idea of immortality (through living forever and through works of art) or artificial intelligence. Honestly, the idea of AIs scares me. I don't want one thing, one intelligent computer running my life, not ever. The Amadeus Net was a very thought-provoking novel and I'm looking forward to my rereading of it this summer. There was so much to take in, I'm sure I missed something. And I still haven't made up my mind about the ending; it's kind of left up in the air. Or is it?

It was a fun, but slow read; beyond the main storyline, there were footnotes about the legal profession, the history of various cultures, details about the vegan lifestyle, and a few jokes thrown in for good measure. Cindy's point of view is rather the one that I think I would have had in her situation; a bit of a cynic mixed with a compassionate animal lover and a caffeine addict. She's annoyed by the people she works for and then, when she finds out that they aren't simply crazy and they have a point, she looks for the quickest way she can get out of the mess she's been drug into. I will be honest; the clinical breakdown of what milk was and the vivid description of a cow being slaughtered were not something that I really wanted to read. But I countered that with the numerous characters (the paranoid farmer, the vulgar-speaking debutant, the psychic dolphin, etc.) and the interesting twists in the plot (Tom Logan is a hoot), and I have to say that I liked it. The ending didn't go quite as I expected it would, in fact it was nothing like I expected it to be, but it was a nice way to end the story. The main characters are living their diary-free lives (I wonder if Cindy's cat still gets cream, or if Cindy will try converting him to a dairy-free lifestyle too?) and are more or less happy. I think. Mostly happy.

Junk is set in a future U.S. where the WAR ON DRUGS has turned into the WAR ON JUNK. In an effort to combat obesity, the U.S. government has outlawed all forms of junk food. Bakeries are closed, eating red meat gets you thrown in jail, and a kid will kill himself rather than be found with a Twinkie wrapper in his pocket. Gangs no longer sell drugs, instead pushing any and all forms of snacks, sugar, and salt on a huge black market. Europe is in on the banning too, although Amsterdam has a thriving tourist industry, since that country isn't banning anything. It was a very interesting story, made more so by the fact that Largen included "mockuments" on the WAR ON JUNK in his story, taken from newspapers, court documents, and apparently, letters from prison; all chosen from actual drug-war documents. The interesting thing about this book is that I can already see signs of something like this happening here in the U.S. Snack and drink machines are removed from schools and hospitals over health concerns, smoking indoors has been outlawed, chains are now required to post nutritional information on the menu board, and shows like "The Biggest Loser" are huge. Note, I'm not saying that removing overly-sugary drinks from schools is a bad idea, or that I like smokers, but I am pointing out that rights and privileges are being removed and not everyone seems to care. I mean, who doesn't want the right to own salt?

Absolutely hysterical. Seriously, I was reading it on the subway and I kept laughing out loud. The people around me no doubt thought I was insane. The author, Richard Kaempfer, really nailed the whole black humor he was going for in his novel, about a radio air jockey who just wants to be fired already, but of course the office manager won't fire him because then the company would have to pay him eighteen months' pay as severance. Zagorski, the disk jockey, actually goes so far as to send the most ridiculous e-mail ever to everyone in the company, including the CEO, thinking that of course the guy will fire him for all of these stupid suggestions...but instead the CEO thinks Zagorski is brilliant; the CEO implements one of the off-the-cuff idea and it makes the company millions! Instead of getting fired, Zagorski ends up getting promoted and eventually realizes that nothing he does is going to get him fired...unless he comes up with something that loses the company money. And that's when the fun really starts. It's totally poking fun at Wall Street, the five media companies that run the media, and politics, while also pointing out that (hello!) there are only five companies (men) who control almost everything we read, watch, and listen too and maybe someone should pay attention to that? I honestly think that this book is going to be given out as a gift this year; I can't think of anyone who wouldn't get a kick out of reading it.