Waiting ± EPOV for Eclipse

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Edward's Eclipse

Ultimatum ± EPOV

She isn't ready for this, she doesn't understand what she's giving up. And I'm running out of time.

Like most evenings lately, I was pacing around the house, thinking about everything I didn'twant to think about while I waited for my Charlie approved visiting hours to start. Aggravated, Itried to focus on Bella and what she would be doing right now, in hopes that it wouldmomentarily ease my anxiety. I pictured her cooking for Charlie, discussing their day, takingcare of her homework, worrying about Jacob...Great. I manage one moment of reprieve from fearing for her mortality and where do mythoughts go? Werewolves. My mind was once again entirely incapable of just letting it go. Theyweren't even on speaking terms, he'd made no attempt to contact or see her. Why couldn't we all just forget about the dog and get back the the way things were?It had actually amazed me how, at least for the most part, in the weeks since Italy, our lives

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returned to normal. Well, normal for us. Aside from Bella's preoccupation with wanting to makesure Jacob was okay, she seemed more or less the same as before I'd left. Before I'd made theworst mistake of my very long life.If I was being honest with myself, I still hadn't fully accepted Bella's forgiveness, though shegave it willingly and completely. I knew she downplayed how much I'd hurt her when I left,assuring me on an almost daily basis that it didn't matter because we were together now. Shetrusted me ± with her heart, with her very life ± yet, I couldn't make myself believe her in thisone thing.Perhaps it was because I was endlessly reminded of how terrible it had really been for her. WhileBella's ever silent mind was able to shield me from the reality of what I did, I was constantlyassaulted from all other sides. The week I'd returned to school, every one of Bella's friend'sthoughts were acidic, and very directly pointed at me. There were varying degrees of hatred,depending on the person's relationship to Bella, but one thing was constant among each of them.I had caused Bella more pain than any human being should have to suffer.And in truth, they didn't know the half of it. While the entire population of Forks seemed to havewitnessed her breakdown, only myself and my family knew what she had gone through to rescueme. I thought I knew what fear was, but nothing could have prepared me for the sight of myBella, fragile and breakable, standing before the most powerful and deadly of all vampires. I hadnever known true terror, until I listened to the minds of the Volturi contemplate ways to destroythe person I loved more than anything else in this world.The night Bella and I had returned from Italy was both the best and worst of my existence. I wasgrateful beyond anything I'd ever felt that the stars had finally aligned for us, and we had beenmiraculously released from the Volturi's hold and allowed to return home. Of course, the onlyreason Bella's overly extensive vampire knowledge had been forgiven was Alice's assurance thatBella would soon be one of us. And Bella's enthusiasm and determination for this outcome was precisely the thing that now had me pacing around the living room.³You need to stop trying to make her decisions for her.´

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Carlisle's voice brought me abruptly from my thoughts. I looked up at him skeptically and shook my head. I really wasn't up for another argument.Carlisle had been more than a little persistent since Bella's little voting escapade the night we'dreturned. It was hard to shake the feeling of betrayal as every member of my family, with theexception of Rosalie, had sat around a table and agreed with Bella's decision to end her humanlife. And you know things are bad when the only one

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against you is Rose.³If the time comes and Bella still wants me to change her, you know I'm going to keep myword,´ he said solemnly.³I know,´ I said through gritted teeth.³I don't want this to be a point of animosity between us, Edward.´³How can it not be? You know I don't agree with her choice, and yet you'll still go through withit.´³Yes, I will. Because it's

her

choice.´ He sighed, then added much more softly, ³Though youknow that isn't my only reason.´My eyes shut tight as I tried desperately to block out the path his thoughts had taken him on. Iknew what he meant, why did he have to paint the pictures so clearly for me?Carlisle had realized long ago, long before Italy, that I would not live with Bella. The night of the vote, after Bella had gone home, he'd tried to appease my anger at him by explaining thatwhile he loved Bella and truly desired for her to be part of our family, the main reason he'dagreed to change her was because of me.He told me that the agony he'd felt waiting to find out whether or not I'd been destroyed by theVolturi was something he wasn't willing to go through again. Whether consciously or not, anytime Bella's mortality was brought up, his mind shuffled through all the ways her life could end,and he knew if something were to happen, I would finish what I had foolishly started once before. Only this time, Bella wouldn't be there to save me.³I have to go,´ I said abruptly, eager to have Bella at my side again. She always had a way of pushing my fears aside, and focusing on the present ± on us.³Are you coming back tonight?´ he asked.Every night, after Charlie kicked me out, I had a brief amount of time on my hands before joining Bella again by way of her window. Some nights I came home, others I simply waitedoutside for her. On occasion, I went to her room while she finished the rest of her evening tasks.I couldn't help it. Sometimes, I just needed to see the grin on her face when she found mestretched out on her bed, waiting for her.³I'm not sure. Depends on how much help she needs with the college applications.´ And by help,I meant stubborn refusal that ended in me filling out most of them for her.³Don't put too much pressure on her,´ Carlisle urged. ³If you relax and let her start to enjoy theidea of going to college, she might decide she wants to try it for awhile.´I smiled, glad that at the very least, he wasn't

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as anxious as Bella was for her transformation. He also knew that at this point, I wasn't really holding out hope of changing her mind. All I could really hope for was more time.When I arrived at Bella's house, I stopped at the door to listen. I probably should have felt guiltyfor all the times I'd spent listening to her and Charlie's evening talks, but it was still so hard for

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me not being able to hear her mind, I found myself taking every opportunity to learn her better.Tonight, they were talking about college. Charlie was proud and excited that she'd received her first acceptance, but less than thrilled by how far away it was. Although I'd never given anyindication that I was planning to leave the state for college, a part of him assumed the two of uswere planning to run away together, and he was blaming me for her eagerness to leave Forks behind. If only I could tell him that in this instance, I was entirely on his side. I wanted Bella tostay close to Charlie. It was the tie I knew she was having the hardest time thinking about breaking, and I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit I was planning on using that to buy myself more time.³I was just...wondering what...Edward's plans are for next year?´ Charlie asked nervously. Bellastuttered and I recognized my cue.I knocked with a small smirk on my face, already anticipating her relieved expression as I heardher call, ³Coming!´³Go away,´ Charlie muttered and I stifled a laugh.Bella opened the door and smiled her most radiant smile at me. If my heart was still beating, itwould have been pounding as I watched her eyes travel across my face and eventually lock gazeswith mine. I heard her breath start and stop, and I quirked an eyebrow at the strange expressionthat had momentarily taken hold of her. Whatever it was, it passed as quickly as it had come, andshe laced her soft, delicate fingers with mine, making me feel like I was coming home.³Hey,´ she said softly, smiling at me lazily.I lifted our hands up, twined together, with the intention of kissing her hand, but was supremelyaware of Charlie's glare in my general direction. Instead, I let my hand graze against her cheek,relishing in the warmth her skin always provided me.³How was your afternoon?´ I asked.³Slow.´³For me, as well.´ Every moment I spent apart from her felt like it dragged on forever.Unable to resist bringing her closer, I lifted our hands up to my nose, lightly brushing against her skin as her glorious scent filled my every sense. I closed my eyes and drank in her perfection. Icould feel her pulse through her wrist, and as I let out a slow sigh, her heart started poundingfaster. The rush of adrenaline that coursed through her veins made her smell so much more potent, but my control didn't waver for one second.I don't think she truly understood how different everything was now. I knew she could tell I wasmore relaxed being closer to her ± we'd certainly spent enough nights curled up together to provethat. But I doubted she comprehended the magnitude of what thinking I'd lost her had done tome. Everything inside me ached, felt real, physical pain, at the thought of anything ever hurtingher again. Especially me. While I knew I still needed to be careful around her, the urge to protecther was more instinctual now than even my most basic need. Her blood would always sing tome, but I knew that the magnificent sound of her beating heart would always keep me fromanswering the call.Charlie's frenzied and disapproving thoughts interrupted my moment of reverie, and I opened myeyes just in time to see him glowering at me.³Good evening, Charlie,´ I said politely, determined not to let my manners slip, even in the faceof near hatred.

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Upload Date:	04/07/2010
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