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    Fathering in the UK: Stories and Ideas from Britain
    Fathering in the UK: Stories and Ideas from Britain
    Fathering in the UK: Stories and Ideas from Britain
    Ebook170 pages2 hours

    Fathering in the UK: Stories and Ideas from Britain

    By Bruce Robinson

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    About this ebook

    Good fathering is a powerful force in the lives of children, a force that can markedly reduce their risks of crime, substance abuse, depression and bad attitudes to school and at the same time increasing their chances of having fulfilled lives. But even when dads know this, they usually just don’t know what to do.
    This book, from best-selling parenting author Dr Bruce Robinson, is ‘treasure chest’ of tips from prominent people, written to help dads who want to do a better job of fathering. It works because most dads just don’t know what to do.
    It includes stories and tips from TV personality Sir Michael Parkinson, author Bill Bryson, mountaineer Sir Chris Bonnington, England Test Cricket Captain David Gower, Senior Politicians Theresa May, Baroness Virginia Bottomley and Sir Peter Bottomley, British Airways CEO Sir Rodney Eddington and others.
    All profits from the sale of this ebook go to the work of The Fathering Project, a university-based not-for-profit organisation which aims to give every child a strong and appropriate father figure.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateJun 17, 2013
    ISBN9780987308306
    Fathering in the UK: Stories and Ideas from Britain
    Author

    Bruce Robinson

    Bruce Robinson is the director and screenwriter of Withnail and I, How to Get Ahead in Advertising, Jennifer 8 and The Rum Diary. He has also written the screenplays for The Killing Fields, Shadow Makers (released in the US as Fat Man and Little Boy), Return to Paradise and In Dreams. He is the author of The Peculiar Memories of Thomas Penman and Paranoia in the Launderette, and of two books for children, The Obvious Elephant and Harold and the Duck, both illustrated by Sophie Windham.

    Read more from Bruce Robinson

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      Book preview

      Fathering in the UK - Bruce Robinson

      FatheringUK

      Stories and Ideas

      from Britain

      Dr Bruce Robinson

      Fathering in the UK - Stories and Ideas from Britain

      This edition first published in 2013 by MACSIS Publishing, Perth, 6008, Australia

      ABN 71 264 006 446

      www.macsis.com.au

      Copyright © 2013 Bruce Robinson

      The author asserts his moral rights in this work throughout the world without waiver. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic or mechanical, through reprography, digital transmission, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.

      Cover photographs and design by Scott Robinson

      Edited by Hannah Raffel

      Author website: www.brucerobinson.com.au

      Quotations: The author wishes to acknowledge those interviewed for their kind contribution of quotations.

      Photo credits: Photographs from the public domain and personal photographs provided by the interviewees are acknowledged.

      This book is dedicated to those men who have left promising and secure careers to take on the task of helping men be better fathers. There are hundreds who have done that, such as James Dobson, Bob Hamrin, Warwick Marsh, Richard Fletcher, Nicky Lee and Rob Parsons, to name just a few.

      Table of Contents

      Acknowledgements

      Preface

      Section 1 Politics

      Theresa May – British Member of Parliament and Home Secretary

      Sir Peter Bottomley – British Member of Parliament

      Baroness Virginia Bottomley – British Cabinet Member

      Section 2 Media and the Arts

      Sir Michael Parkinson – Multi award-winning British talk show host and author

      Ed Bicknell – Manager, Dire Straits

      Bill Bryson – Award winning author

      Section 3 Sports

      Sir Chris Bonnington – British Mountaineer and author

      David Gower – England Test Cricket Captain

      Rodney Marsh – Test cricketer and Director of the English national cricket academy

      Section 4 Corporate and Professional

      Sir Rodney Eddington – Chief Executive, British Airways

      Dr Ben Timmis – Head of Radiology, Whittington Hospital, London

      Peter Mumford – Leadership and Organisation Development Consultant, London

      Keith Whale – Pharmaceutical and Business Development Manager

      Prof Robert Lechler – Executive Director King’s Health Partners & Vice-Principal (Health) King’s College London

      Alison Pocock – Magistrate, Milton Keynes

      Section 5 Community and Parenting

      Rev Nicky Lee – Co-author of worldwide Marriage Course plus Parenting Courses

      Sila Lee – Co-author of worldwide Marriage Course plus Parenting Courses

      Adrienne Burgess – Author and Head of Research, The Fatherhood Institute, UK

      Ray Orr – Baptist pastor and tugboat captain

      Jack O’Sullivan – Associate Editor of The Independent and co-founder Fathers Direct

      Charles Pocock – Spitfire Pilot, World War II, Missionary

      Sarah Mumford – Social Worker, London

      Michael Brown – Policeman and schoolteacher

      John Wilcox – Former prisoner, Counsellor for Prison Fellowship

      David Race – Counsellor, former convict & soldier

      Anonymous

      Acknowledgements

      I am extremely grateful to the interviewees for making the time to talk with me, often more than once, for being honest with me and for taking the time to check the text and provide me with photos.

      Preface

      There is convincing statistical evidence that fathers and father figures are critical for optimal development of children. Strong and appropriate father input increases the chances of positive outcomes (e.g. confidence and sense of self worth) and reduces the risk of negative outcomes (e.g. drug addiction and crime)., something I learnt in writing my three previous books for fathers (‘Fathering from the Fast Lane’, ‘The Blue Book of Tips for Fathers and Father Figures’ and ‘Daughters and their Dads’).

      The use of personal interview quotes from prominent individuals

      Because my own experience on the subject of fathering is limited to just one father and three children, and because the published literature on the subject describes problems but not solutions, I turned to interviews for new ideas. The more people I interviewed the more I realised that personal quotes and stories provide different and more helpful information than currently published research studies.

      I have interviewed over 400 individuals, lasting 60,000 minutes and producing about one million quotable words, representing over 17,000 years of fathering experience. Although there are as many ‘ordinary people’ in the interview list as there are high profile interviewees, I have chosen (in this book) to record the information obtained from prominent individuals. Although their comments don’t carry more weight than those from less prominent individuals, they are helpful to convey they message because:

      they are usually very busy, so their ideas have widespread value in a busy life

      they often receive negative press, particularly politicians, and readers are interested in the personal aspects of their lives

      they are often in the public eye to some extent or another and their stories are intrinsically interesting

      these individuals have not discussed much of this material elsewhere and their collective insights won’t be found anywhere else.

      Their comments are presented not as a scientific study, but as a rich mine of ideas and strategies.

      Importantly, they have allowed me to put their name to these quotes. Where quotes are not obtained during my interview with the subject, the source of that quote is clearly referenced. Where material is quoted from recorded interviews I have taken the liberty of removing the fillers such as ‘you know’, ‘sort of’, ‘eh’, ‘mmmm’ and have joined half sentences and deleted repetitions. I have done this without altering the message.

      The feedback I have received from many people is that these interviews convey helpful messages. So many different types of fathers, with both good and poor relationships, have been willing to share their ideas and encourage many others.

      Why the words of prominent individuals are powerful

      The main advantages of using these quotes and stories to convey messages about dads:

      the tips have been ‘road-tested’, i.e. they have worked or failed, not just been imagined

      rather than describing problems they focus on solutions and provide realistic strategies, tips and ideas,

      they are personal stories rather than theoretical

      they are authentic, first hand stories, not second hand

      they represent people in normal family life, not just from counselling sessions

      they are from varied individuals

      they provide a range of ideas – you can’t think of everything yourself

      they encourage dads to break stereotypes e.g. tough sportsmen who hug their children

      they have the benefit of hindsight – how things worked out in the long term

      they thus encourage others that things can work out despite awful circumstances

      they are all interesting people and fun to read

      In this book I have focused on Britain on the assumption that the stories will be of interest to Brits. I have written two other books documenting individuals from North America and Australia. These are listed at the back of this book. Not all those interviewed are actually British but I have selected those whose work is in Britain and whom I interviewed there.

      Some of the interviewees would be considered household names, e.g. TV Talk Show host Sir Michael Parkinson, Test Cricket captain David Gower, Parliamentary Cabinet Ministers Baroness Virginia Bottomley and Hon Theresa May and famous mountaineer Sir Chris Bonnington. Others are prominent in their own fields or prominent for other reasons e.g. crime.

      I have omitted the use of the word ‘former’ because it is unnecessarily repetitive and adds little to the text – e.g. it is generally obvious when someone is no longer playing Test Cricket.

      Assumptions

      In writing this book I am assuming that the reader is interested in understanding how fathers and father figures can do the best job they can for their children, and that they are open to new ideas

      Possible ways to read this book

      It would be difficult to read the material in this book in one continuous sitting. Perhaps you might consider reading a section then thinking and talking about how it might apply to your family.

      The ideas presented are not instructional. It may be helpful to see these ideas as a ‘supermarket’ rather than a ‘schoolbook’. That means the readers can pick those ideas that suit them and leave the rest. Also, it means that at a later time they might choose some other ideas from the book to try. Others will ‘pick different ideas off the shelf’ based on personality and circumstances.

      Section 1

      Politics

      Theresa May, British Member of Parliament and Home Secretary

      Sir Peter Bottomley, British Member of Parliament

      Baroness Virginia Bottomley, British Cabinet Member

      Theresa May

      British Member of Parliament and Home Secretary

      Born in Sussex , educated at Oxford University.

      British Member of Parliament for Maidenhead.

      Home Secretary.

      Minister for Women and Equality.

      Chairman, Conservative Party.

      Appointed to the Privy Council in 2003.

      Author’s highlights

      How you can becoming interested in social issues ‘at the family meal table’.

      How to encourage women to be successful.

      Why fathering won’t improve by legislation.

      Becoming interested in social issues ‘at the family meal table’

      My father was a clergyman, and his professional involvement in social issues and current affairs meant that I was always encouraged to be interested in them as well. Current affairs were always discussed at meal times when I was a child. My parents never gave me the impression that they were not interested in my opinions. They took everything I had to say seriously, even when they disagreed. As a result, conversations at our meal table about current affairs and beliefs flowed naturally.

      I was an only child so I often found myself in an adult world and hence I took an adult view of many of life’s issues from a young age.

      My parents encouraged me to be myself, to stand up for my principles and to believe in myself so the way I function now is probably attributable to both of them.

      How to encourage women to be successful

      My father and I enjoyed intellectual bantering together. I would argue a lot with my father about things like cricket – for example ‘why Geoff Boycott was a better player than John Edrich’. Dad has a great sense of humour and was a great teaser, in a nice way

      My father and I enjoyed intellectual bantering together. And I would argue a lot with my father about things like cricket – for example ‘why Geoff Boycott was a better player than John Edrich’.

      The encouragement I received from my parents has definitely helped me be successful. The combination of being

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