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    Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis
    Ebook92 pages1 hour

    Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis

    By Christine Cole Catley and Simon Nicholson

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    Straight laced and straight faced

    A good Kiwi bloke plays things down and does not stand on ceremony. The rugby player who scores a try is no longer expected to look as if he is bravely accepting a death sentence but, other than in sport, emotion is not something to be shown in public, and not much in private either. A blokess is allowed more latitude. She is even expected by men to carry on a bit.”

     

    Optimists one and all

    Whether or not there is a need to worry about something, the obliging Kiwis tell one another that it will be good as gold,” right as rain,” and no prob” (short for problem), usually qualified by one of those great reassurers in any situation, She'll be right,” or Piece of cake.”

     

    Good citizenship

    To Kiwis, politeness is synonymous with warmth and generosity of spirit. Thus North Islanders, when complimented by visitors on their scenery, will ask anxiously, "But have you seen the South Island yet?" They do not want to be seen as hogging the best bits for themselves.

     

    Even handed

    Kiwis love receiving praise about their country. However, since self-deprecation is wired deeply into the national psyche, praise is looked upon suspiciously. Kiwis fear they are being buttered up, or somebody is having them on. Both praise and criticism are reported by the media, and are hotly debated.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOval Books
    Release dateJun 1, 2008
    ISBN9781908120663
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis

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      Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis - Christine Cole Catley

      times.

      Nationalism & Identity

      Forewarned

      God’s own country – ‘Godzone’ – is how Kiwis see New Zealand. They live in a land of unsurpassed natural beauty, friendly welcomes, fair play for one and all, and happily ever afters.

      A quick chat with a passing Kiwi on any New Zealand street can very quickly turn into an invitation to dinner or a weekend stay in the spare room.

      Give Kiwis half a chance and they will go out of their way to prove it to you. Indeed, visitors to New Zealand (or as Kiwis pronounce it, ‘New Zild’) can expect to be constantly set upon by the insatiably hospitable locals. A quick chat with a passing Kiwi on any New Zealand street can very quickly turn into an invitation to dinner, a weekend stay in the spare room or an extended guided tour of the local sights. Kiwis are fiercely proud of their country and love nothing better than to show it off.

      So heaven help the visitors who criticise Godzone, especially if they come from the original European seedbeds – England, Scotland, Wales, or Ireland – and therefore should know better. Only the Australian visitor is given leeway to criticise. Kiwi-bashing, for some reason that escapes the Kiwis, is a favourite Aussie pastime. In fact, you’re about as likely to come across an Aussie who’ll admit to having good feelings for the Kiwis as of finding a decent Australian beer.

      Self-deprecation is wired deeply into the national psyche, so praise is always looked upon with suspicion.

      Kiwis love receiving praise about their country. However, self-deprecation is wired deeply into the national psyche, so praise is always looked upon with suspicion. Kiwis constantly fear that they are being buttered up, or somebody is having them on. In keeping with this schizophrenic aspect of the national character, both praise and criticism are reported by the media, and are hotly debated. When English critic and columnist Bernard Levin devoted two columns in The Times to the incomparable beauties of New Zealand, this could not go unchallenged. During prime-time news on New Zealand’s most popular television channel a reporter telephoned Levin and quoted to him his own words: The loveliest country in the world? Levin: Yes, yes. But do you really mean it? Levin: Of course. Yes, but really …?

      Travellers must therefore tread a delicate course, at first ladling out praise about New Zealand to allow the beaming local to demur, but then being willing to smile indulgently as he or she swiftly counters with a list of the country’s faults. New Zealand may be Godzone, but no self-respecting Kiwi would wish to get too carried away in talking it up.

      How they would like to be seen

      The Kiwis know they take rather more interest in other countries than those in other countries take in them. This grieves them a little though they say politely that it’s a natural consequence of being few in number, and living at the bottom of the map.

      In fact, Kiwis enjoy nothing more than a chance to educate those who live under a cloud of ignorance concerning their country. A common preoccupation of Kiwis abroad is watching out for their nation’s name in their host country’s newspapers. Any mention is pounced on, even if, as is most likely, it concerns a natural disaster or is confined to the sports pages.

      A common preoccupation of Kiwis abroad is watching out for their nation’s name in their host country’s newspapers.

      Still, Kiwis are quick to remind others about their country’s successes. Conversations with them are often studded with references to the deeds of their famous fellows. Outside the world of sport, there are four nationals few would question as being well-known abroad: mountaineer Edmund Hillary, writer Katherine Mansfield, nuclear scientist Ernest Rutherford, and opera singer Kiri Te Kanawa.

      This is thought to be an absurdly short list in view of New Zealand’s overall contribution to the world. So expect other candidates of praiseworthy deeds to be casually dropped into conversations, such as Godfrey Bowen, once the world’s fastest sheep shearer; William Atack, the first man to use a whistle to stop a sports fixture, and Ernest Godward, inventor of the spiral hairpin. For just about any category of event or exploit, Kiwis will be able to come up with the name of a countryman or woman who deserves mention.

      Kiwis want everyone to know that New Zild is not just a source of naturally springy wool.

      Kiwis would like to be seen as people of consequence living in a country with much to offer the rest of the world. They want everyone to know that New Zild is not just a source of naturally springy wool (used, by the way, to make championship tennis balls and award-winning fashion by designers like Karen Walker, who’s a Kiwi, in case you didn’t know). As a first step they wish the rest of the world would learn just where they are on the globe, and colour it clean green.

      They would prefer to believe that the world’s ignorance of many matters concerning New Zealand is merely due to the fact that other countries have not achieved their degree of cultivation. It’s a belief often reinforced by visitors who touch down at Auckland airport thinking that the next leg of their tour will be a bus ride to Sydney.

      How others see them

      ‘Friendly’ is the adjective which crops up most in surveys about how others see the Kiwis. Except in the surveys taken by the Aussies, that is. The Aussies see the Kiwis as a bit stodgy and generally behind the times. Kiwis understand that these jibes are simply a product of envy, or sunstroke.

      "Ironically for a people who take their widely-used moniker from a timid, flightless bird, Kiwis are

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