Coaching Life-Changing Small Group Leaders: A Practical Guide for Those Who Lead and Shepherd Small Group Leaders

Part One: A Vision for Coaching

What is coaching? Why is it so essential to have people in the church who are willing to guide and encourage leaders? What does it look like when someone takes on this role and invests in the life of a leader?

In order to become and build effective coaches in the church, first we need to embrace a vision for the practice of coaching. It is often a misunderstood role, mistaken by some to mean boss or fault-finder. But that’s not coaching, at least not when the spiritual growth of leaders and church members is at stake. It is different from mere oversight or supervision. Coaching is personal, developmental, and supportive. Coaches bring out the best in leaders. So let’s take a few moments to get a clearer picture of what is means to coach leaders in the church.

The Call to Coaching

An Unlikely Coach

John Donahue, Bill’s dad, was in his forties when he became the head swimming coach of George Washington High School in Philadelphia. For fifteen years, the teams he coached remained undefeated in league competition. Think about that for a moment — fifteen undefeated seasons in a row. Obviously he had everything needed to establish such a winning tradition: years of swimming experience on a nationally ranked college team, the fastest swimmers in the league, and the greatest training facilities in the city of Philadelphia. With all of that, one would expect him to win. Except he didn’t have all of these advantages — actually, he had none of them.

John was an unlikely swimming coach, and Washington High was an unlikely place for a swimming dynasty to take root. The team practiced only three days a week at a rented facility, because that was all the school budget allowed.The swim team also had the same challenge every scholastic sports program faced — constant turnover. A successful tradition was hard to establish as experienced swimmers graduated and were replaced by a cohort of skinny, wide-eyed freshmen who thought the backstroke was a massage technique and the butterfly a transformed caterpillar.

New challengers also threatened the tradition of winning. The teams Washington defeated one year often hired new coaches the next, who were eager to make their mark. These former college swimmers came to coaching armed with the latest training techniques and filled with the energy Donahue had twenty years earlier. The competition had studied his poolside techniques and practice regimen for one purpose only — to be the first team to defeat Washington High School in a dual meet. But for fifteen years, no one ever did.

Standing 6' 2" and weighing 265 pounds, Donahue was hardly the prototype for a championship swimming coach. He was a heavyweight wrestler in college, and prior to that, he was in the US Navy, where he re-fitted airplane engines on the USS Hornet. Throughout his entire life, he never swam competitively. What generated this success in swimming and in other sports he coached? I believe there were several likely factors — factors that apply to sports, business, ministry, or any endeavor that requires the development and support of people.

Consistency: I believe that consistent coaching ensured the same discipline, values, winning attitude, and solid work ethic throughout those fifteen years. Donahue developed a rapport with swimmers and an enduring reputation of almost legendary stature. Students called him John the DukeDonahue, after screen actor John the Duke Wayne. New swimmers on the team gazed at him with awe and respect (as one might do to Penn State football icon Joe Paterno, or former Indiana basketball legend Bobby Knight).

Love: Though he could be hard on swimmers in practice, demanding their best and pushing them to their limits, Donahue also had a tender side. The team knew from the stories that circulated around school that he would do anything for swimmers or their families in times of need.

There were the cold, rainy winter nights that the Duke took stranded swimmers home from practice. Or the times when a few dollars for lunch money helped a struggling student make it through the week. He balanced a tough, courageous personality with a tender, loving heart. I think that is why his swimmers were willing to work so hard for him. He loved them, and they knew it.

Courage: Years before working at Washington, Donahue coached at a troubled inner-city school in Philadelphia. A large, brawny student — known fondly as the Caveman — jumped the Duke one day in the lunchroom, knocking him to the ground. Unfortunately, this colossal tyrant had no idea that the guy he just attacked had recently completed four years in the navy during World War II, followed by three years of wrestling in the heavyweight class at Temple University. In a few moments, the Caveman was tied up in knots, a pain-filled pile of twisted limbs in the arms of the Duke.

Students would later speak of the incident with awe. When word of the event traveled to Donahue’s new school, students asked, So whatever happened to the Caveman? The Duke calmly replied, I put him back in his cave. Though he kidded about the incident, it took courage to walk into that school each day. Crime ridden and drug infested, it was truly a dangerous place, even for big guys like John Donahue.

Coaching was in John’s blood; he was made for it. Though he appeared an unlikely swim coach at times, in reality he was exactly what a coach should be — consistent and disciplined, a lover of those he coached, and courageous enough to do what was right and stay the course in the face of overwhelming odds or intense opposition. Today, at over eighty years of age, he is living in a retirement community made up mostly of people who are over sixty years old, and he is still coaching people. (He taught a woman to swim for the first time in her life — in just three lessons!) He would never say that he was qualified to be a championship coach — just that he was called. And he took that calling and learned all he could to be the best coach in the city.

What will you do with the calling God has placed on you?

The Underwhelmed Need Not Apply

God doesn’t usually call people to easy jobs. Try finding someone who ever felt competent for the service God demanded of him or her. Moses trembled, Mary was troubled, and Paul was terrified! Callings rattle cages and rock boats. Callings shatter illusions of complacency, comfort, and ease. They sometimes startle and confuse; they provoke and prod. God often calls the overwhelmed, the reluctant, and the mystified. You’ve got to be kidding, God. You must have me confused with someone bigger, better, smarter, faster, and more spiritual!

The reluctance is understandable. Responding to God’s call is often costly —emotionally, financially, or even physically. With only a voice from above to guide him, Abram was asked to leave his homeland and his relatives (Gen.12:1 – 5). Paul found himself beaten and exposed, attacked and misunderstood when he followed God’s call (2 Cor. 11:16 – 33). Priscilla and Aquila became itinerant church planters, leaving a steady tent-making business behind to join Paul in his missionary work (Acts 18:2, 18 – 19).

Few of us are asked to make such sacrifices. Our commitment to serve Christ as a coach might require saying no to things we desire to do — playing sports, joining clubs, or relaxing in our favorite chair with a cup of coffee. It may mean organizing a workweek in such a way to free up some time for serving a few small group leaders. The effort to do so is noble, as we come alongside and empower the volunteer shepherds in the body, the small group leaders in our churches.

Ken was a strong, capable small group leader in our church at Willow Creek.He was committed to the men he led and sought to model a vibrant Chris tian life. When the subject of leadership came up in a conversation, Ken jumped in and shared his desire to see more leaders emerge at Willow. The Holy Spirit was working in Ken, giving him a heart for other leaders. One day we asked him to consider coaching some leaders.

Wow. You’re kidding, right? Did you guys run out of names on your list?

No, Ken. Seriously, we see something in you. You have a heart for leaders and a desire to see people grow in Christ. What do you think about mentoring a couple of inexperienced group leaders, helping them work through the challenges they are facing?

Ken’s response was classic. Here’s what I think. Part of me is excited about this new role and responsibility, but the other part is screaming, ‘Get out of here now while there’s still time!’

After a few laughs, we challenged Ken to pray, to seek the counsel of others, and to evaluate how he would make this ministry a priority in his schedule. A week later we met again.

I have to give up the park district basketball league to do this, he said. But I think that God is in this and I want to move ahead.

Wasn’t that your way of exercising and blowing off a little steam each day?

Yes, but as you know, I also have a running partner and can get my exercise with him in the mornings. If I stop playing in the basketball league, that’ll open up two nights a week for more time with family, friends, and connecting with small group leaders. And I’ll still be able to develop relationships with lost people at work and in the neighborhood. I really want to do this.

Ken did not have to move around the world and sell his possessions, but he had to make some initial sacrifices and reorder his schedule around a call that God was placing on his life. Ken understood that you can’t always just add a new calling to your daily routine. Okay, let me see . . . there’s the yard to clean up, then a meeting at school, drive Tim to baseball practice, and oh . . . what was it? . . . I’m forgetting something . . . oh yeah, now I remember . . . God left a message and I was supposed to call him back as soon as possible.

Not a chance.

If the coaching role is new to you, and developing leaders places you a bit outside your comfort zone, welcome to the fellowship of the reluctant. Some great names top the list, like Abraham, Moses, Esther, and Paul, who never felt up to the task.

Join the club; none of us is adequate. If you really want to be unnerved, look at the following Bible passages. Each one describes how the apostle Paul often felt unqualified for the task at hand. Each also gives us confidence as we relate our situation to his.

1 Corinthians 9:16: Here, Paul is compelled to fulfill his teaching ministry, saying, Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! A sense of urgency drives him. His task is important to the grander vision of the kingdom of God. So is ours.

2 Corinthians 3:4 – 6: His competency comes from Christ as he serves in the power of the Spirit. So does ours. We are servants (ministers) of the new covenant, and Christ has made us adequate for the ministry at hand.

2 Corinthians 4:7 – 12: Though a weak vessel (a fragile, cracked jar of clay), Paul witnesses the life of Christ shining through him so that others can see the power of God. This will be your experience as well.

2 Corinthians 12:7 – 10: Paul is not disabled by his weaknesses but rather draws strength from Christ in the midst of them. So will you, and you will discover God’s grace is sufficient for you.

Few have known the joy and struggle of ministry in a difficult world more than Paul. These passages remind us that it was Christ working in him. We take con-fidence, therefore, that Christ will work in us as well.

The Need for Coaching

It takes a coach — a shepherd-leader — to build into the lives of small group leaders. The power of the Holy Spirit is released when someone speaks life and hope and truth into the heart of another person. This is especially true for leaders who carry the burden and weight of ministry. They need words of life. Reflecting on the church leader’s need for personal, soul-level support and authentic relationships, Larry Crabb writes in Soul Talk, Visionaries call us to religious action. Entrepreneurs figure out how to get the action going.Marketing geniuses brand the action till everybody’s talking about it. Gifted performers speak or sing us into action. Again, all good things with an important place — but not first place. More important is that each leader be known by someone, not by a crowd or a committee, but by a person, a close friend, an intimate companion. And not merely held accountable, but genuinely known in an intimate, vulnerable, painfully real, long-term relationship (p. 53).

Not every coaching relationship will be as deep as Larry longs for and describes. But his point is well taken. Leaders need a person — in our setting, a shepherd-coach — to speak into their lives, to know them, love them, and support them. When this happens, the Holy Spirit seems to stir and awaken the leader. A leader feels cared for and understood, motivated to speak truth and life into those in his or her group. Suddenly, ordinary people have become extraordinary instruments in the hands of God.

The Bible is full