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    Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus
    Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus
    Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus
    Ebook133 pages2 hours

    Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus

    By Susan Lowe

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    About this ebook

    On 8.6.12 this ebook hit #1 in Amazon's Caribbean UK & Germany stores!
    Hilarious and thoughtful tales of bus rides in corporate Kingston and rural Jamaica with a glossary of Jamaican words and phrases. Short and easy reading. Of interest to people seeking a humourous read, budget travellers, fans of Jamaica, people interested in foreign cultures and intercultural exchange, students of linguistics.
    Fantastic reviews for paperback editions:
    “A riot...I nearly split my sides laughing...!”
    —Don Lowe, (late of) Citrad Ltd.
    “Times past are often times present and this small book may still be used to guide the truly adventurous soul who wants to risk life and limb travelling on Jamaica’s MAXI minibus “transpotes”
    —Ronnie DQ, Retired U.H. of the West Indies ‘Knife Man’
    “For anybody who has ever travelled on a bus, this book is a must!”
    —Mike Campbell, Island Car Rentals
    “...vivid and colourful...humorous, surprising, sometimes sad but always intriguing. Makes me look forward to your next book”
    —Angela van der Waals, Royal Netherlands Embassy
    “An uproarious look at growing up on Jamaican public transport”
    —Robert Cleaves, Vermont winter regular to Jamaica
    Academia! Included in the Jamaican authors series of MoBay Community College & the doctoral thesis references of Dr. S. Tame Durrleman, Maitre-asst., U. of Geneva
    Read at 'Calabash' international and 'Independent Voices' literary festivals. In print since 1999.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSusan Lowe
    Release dateApr 15, 2012
    ISBN9781476120768
    Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus
    Author

    Susan Lowe

    Integrative General Practitioner, Transformational Coach & Counsellor. Danced 34 years including semi-professional work. You can also find me at http://pinterest.com/onlinejam Publisher of: YU GET JOOK! Diaries of a Jamaican Medic. THE BROWN PHOENIX: An Erotic Dialogue from The Indies SHUB DOWN & SMALL-UP YUSELF! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus Printed books also available at Novelty Trading Co., Jamaica novtraco@cwjamaica.com Printer's Seconds: http://www.onlinecounsellingjamaica.com/jamaica-50-reduced-book-offer/

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      Book preview

      Shub Down & Small-up Yuself! Diaries of Jamaica by Bus - Susan Lowe

      "A riot…I nearly split my sides laughing…!"

      —Don Lowe, (late of) Citrad Ltd.

      "Times past are often times present and this small book may still be used to guide the truly adventurous soul who wants to risk life and limb travelling on Jamaica’s MAXI minibus "transpotes"

      —Ronnie DQ, Retired U.H. of the West Indies ‘Knife Man’

      "For anybody who has ever travelled on a bus, this book is a must!"

      —Mike Campbell, Island Car Rentals

      "…vivid and colourful…humorous, surprising, sometimes sad but always intriguing. Makes me look forward to your next book"

      —Angela van der Waals, Royal Netherlands Embassy

      "An uproarious look at growing up on Jamaican public transport"

      —Robert Cleaves, Vermont winter regular to Jamaica

      Academia! Included in the Jamaican authors series of MoBay Community College & the doctoral thesis references of Dr. S. Tame Durrleman, Maitre-asst., U. of Geneva

      Other Books by Susan:

      The Brown Phoenix

      An Erotic Dialogue from the Indies

      Coming Soon

      Yu Get Jook!

      Diaries of a Jamaican Intern

      SHUB DOWN

      & SMALL-UP YUSELF!

      Diaries of Jamaica by Bus

      Written & Illustrated by Susan Lowe

      Original Cover Art by Peter Lowe

      (Note delicately Gilberted watermark circa 1988)

      Polar Bear Press

      Jamaica W.I.

      Shubdown and Small-up Yuself

      Diaries of Jamaica by Bus

      by Susan Lowe

      Published by Polar Bear Press, PO Box 140, Kgn. 8, Jamaica W.I.

      Website: OnlineCounsellingJamaica

      FacePage: Online Counselling Jamaica

      Twitter: OnlineCounselJamaica@OnlineJam

      Copyright © 2012 Polar Bear Press & Susan Lowe

      Smashwords Edition

      1st paperback edition 1999

      Copyright ©1999 Polar Bear Press & Susan Lowe

      2nd printing, 2000

      3rd printing, 2010

      Text & Illustrations by Susan Lowe

      Original Cover Art

      Copyright © 1999 Peter Lowe

      Cover Design & Layout

      by Susan Lowe, Paul D’Aguilar & Ricky Neath

      Digital Edition by GoPublished

      www.gopublished.com

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      (You can skip this page, but there are quite a few people to thank)

      Dad for making us take the bus

      Mum for typing the first draft

      Grandpa who thought we shouldn’t take the bus

      Aunt Sheila the catalyst

      Polar Bear Press for making this possible

      Charmaine for friendship & typesetting that went way beyond that job

      1 did my best to edit this book, so don’t blame any of the following kind people who shared time and suggestions – my mother, Mrs. Hearne, Prof. Morris, Mr. Rhone, Mrs. Mills, Ronnie, Mike, Angela and Terry

      Peter for art editing

      Brian Rosen for emergency aid

      Burger for a willing spirit...

      (Late) Uncle Don for thinking even the first draft was a riot.

      CONTENTS

      FOREWORD

      EN ROUTE

      Route 67

      More Variety – Spice of Jamaican Life

      Back to The Middle Passage

      ‘It Isn’t Easy Being Green’*

      Going Up...

      & Coming Down...

      On A Moully Afternoon...

      & On A Brilliant Afternoon

      THE PASSENGERS

      Maiden Voyage of The Middle Class

      It Takes All Kinds...

      Family Life Education

      Further Notes on Behaviour & Broughtupsy

      SYSTEMS ANALYSIS

      Collecting Passengers – or Not...

      Their Fares...

      …& Their Baggage.

      Communication…in The Nation

      Road Code

      When It Bruk Down...

      Terminal Anarchy

      APPENDICES

      GLOSSARY

      *Copyright – The Children’s Television Workshop

      FOREWORD

      How did we get like this? Just as we’re going back to a centralised public transport system precisely because all hell broke loose in Jamaican public transport – wouldn’t you like to know? What happened after government couldn’t manage to run centralised public transport any more? What proof have we that it can be done now? Read and judge for yourselves.

      Here are the first volcanic years of privatised, corporate area, bus transport – the 1970s. During these years the bus system followed the infinite and natural business of the true universal pattern – entropy – order proceeding to chaos. (If you don’t sweep cobwebs from your house every week isn’t it natural that you’ll be overwhelmed by cobweb an forty-leg?). Since the universal order is really entropic – with, here and there, the odd enthalpic hiccup of chaos to order – then Jamaica is a very natural place. We’re mostly mayhem, and no one, least of all us, should be surprised at us.

      After all, as I was profoundly reminded by a penetrating dread who mines rain-wash sand and lives in a gully beside one of my past homes; in this country we Keep that natural regard….

      ...The passengers change in an omnibus as often in the course of one journey as the figures in a kaleidoscope, and, though not so glittering, are far more amusing. We believe there is no instance of a man’s having gone to sleep in one of these vehicles... Again: children, though occasionally, are not often to be found in an omnibus; and even if they are, if the vehicle be full as is generally the case, somebody sits on them, and we are unconscious of their presence. Yes, after mature reflection and considerable experience, we are decidedly of the opinion, that of all known vehicles, from the glass-coach in which we are taken to be christened, to that sombre caravan in which we must one day make our last earthly journey, there is nothing like an omnibus.

      "Sketches by Boz", Dickens

      EN ROUTE

      1

      Route 67

      All the regulars, passengers and crew, really got to know each other on Route 67. It was actually a route for helpers and school children. Wolmers, Campion, Providence, Sts. Peter and Paul, Liguanea and St. Margaret’s Preps all had featured roles. Everyone knew where everyone else’s home was.

      As well as the star characters, the group included some of the most thoughtful and polite people you could possibly meet. If it was raining, regular passengers were often picked up between stops and old people were waited on and helped to board and get off the buses. One crew was exceptional in its care. Well behaved students and polite grownups who were usually on time at their morning stops earned a special wait of up to five minutes so that they wouldn’t miss their bus. If a little brother or sister didn’t show up, the conductress would ask why and, if he or she were sick, say how sorry she was. When the child got better the conductress gave him or her a big welcome smile and a friendly chat.

      Like I said, when it first opened, Route 67 was worked by and carried some real characters. We once had a conductress with some serious priorities.

      Mostly empty as usual, the bus was rushing along – around Matilda’s Corner, up Widcombe Road and then – the favourite Monterey run. All of a sudden, the conductress leapt out of her seat, as if something had bitten her, screaming, STAP DE BUS! STAP DE BUS! She clacked a coin wildly on the handlebar and everyone turned round in horror to see what disaster had struck. The woman was on her feet holding on to the vertical hand rail and dancing around like spirit tek er.

      ME SAY FE STAP DE BUS!

      Had somebody fallen out?! Been run over?! What, my God??!!

      The bus screeched to a stop outside Mr. Carlton’s house and gassed us with stinking rubber fumes. The door was bashed open and the driver jerked round in horror.

      There was a big mango tree in the front garden and a helper was standing in the front door of the house. The conductress raced to the bus door bawling out at the top of her lungs, Y’ AVE ANY MANGO FE SALE?! There was dead silence.

      HU-RASS! shouted the shocked driver and every other mouth let fly every kind of disbelief - and there’s not much that surprises Jamaicans.

      "Is mad yu mad, nuh, oman?!, inquired the driver of the conductress over his shoulder. A dead yu gwine dead we fe mango? Mchchchch!"

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