The Joy of Technology

THE JOY OF TECHNOLOGY

by Roy Gray

'+ DVD Extras'

Cover art by Ben Baldwin

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Copyright © Roy Gray 2014

E book version publisher Roy Gray

Smashwords ISBN: 9781310986529

Cover by Ben Baldwin

Copyright © Ben Baldwin 2014

The right of Roy Gray to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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The Joy of Technology

First published 2011 in print by Pendragon Chapbooks

An imprint of Pendragon Press, PO Box 12

Maesteg, South Wales, CF34 0XG

2011 Print Edition ISBN 978-1-906864-29-3 © 2011

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E Book edition

First draft v6 Roy Gray

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Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal use/enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or duplicated for other people. If you would like to share this ebook with others please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this ebook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please go to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author and publisher.

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FOREWARD

Firstly I want to ensure that readers are not misled about the nature of this story.

It was not written with any intention to offend anyone but the sexually explicit portions and language may have that effect. If you are likely to be offended by this type of material it would be wise to avoid reading any further. I am sorry if this means you feel that the currency, time and/or effort you spent obtaining and reading this publication is wasted. I would, of course, be even sorrier should any of those who do read on feel the same. Either way one consolation may be that the single story 'The Joy of Technology' that headlines what follows is reasonably short and represents a larger proportion of author's time than it does the reader's.

The 'DVD Extras' also contain scenes, scenarios and language that may be objectionable to some readers. Again, if this is likely to offend you, do not continue reading.

I also want to thank

Henning Stolte for his advice on the German translations herein and George Kenneth Berger for correcting a few errors that crept in after I lost touch with Henning.

Chris Teague of Pendragon Press for publishing the print edition of The Joy of Technology.

Ben Baldwin for his work on the cover to this Ebook.

Roy Gray, May 2014

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INTRODUCTION

Now a word about the 'DVD Extras'. There is no DVD with this but The Joy of Technology does have a long history; the first draft was written in 2001 and much 'related material' preceded it. I had no idea what this 'related material' was leading up to when I wrote it but it is here if you are interested. Several other drafts of 'Joy' followed the 2001 draft and at least one of those draft stories, and other material lurking in the background, are part of the extras.

So to some extent this is a 'clear the decks' exercise in that once this is published, and even if no one reads the extras, I can 'put the subject to bed'. The part written novel/script included here will go unfinished because I' m a slow author and the technology moves too fast for my writing to keep up.

If you want to read more about this the 'DVD extras' follow the story but I should explain that I first used the title The Joy of Technology on a never published non-fiction article. It was my hope that the fiction based on the ideas in the article would appear in a fiction magazine or anthology. (collection of short stories by several authors) For that reason it was titled with the German translation "Die Freuden der Technik". A book with that title gives potential readers the impression it's written in German; hence the change for single story editions.

All authors want to be successful but few get into the publisher 'Premier League' and those that do get taken up by a big league publisher - like J K Rowling's original publisher Bloomsbury, who we might equate with, say, Chelsea FC - are in a top team but even so may be more Yossi Benayoun (a fringe player) than Frank Lampard (once a fixture in the team) in terms of success.

Below this premier league are several decreasingly lesser leagues of publishers – the independent presses – and 'down there' at the bottom of the pyramid I languish, a fringe player, in the equivalent of the Skrill Conference; Premier Division. That means most of my work sits on the sidelines, in other words it is rejected, but The Joy of Technology represents a goal in my book and I can celebrate that success just as keenly as Frank Lampard celebrates scoring for Chelsea. So, as you start this, think of me sliding on my knees along the pitch, hands raised in triumph – I didn't win but at least I scored. Thank you Chris Teague and Pendragon Press.

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CONTENTS

FOREWARD – please read before you start

INTRODUCTION - the whys and wherefors.

THE JOY OF TECHNOLOGY – as published by Pendragon

HOW THIS WRITER THINKS

ANATOMICALLY ACCURATE

INTIMATE PHYSICS

USER FRIENDLY

DIGITAL ENCOUNTERS

TRICK AND TREAT

PEAKED TOO SOON

THE JOY OF TECHNOLOGY (the non-fiction article.)

DIE FREUDEN DER TECHNIK

SAFE SEX?

TRICKS AND TEXT

HOW SCIENCE FICTIONAL IS THE TECHNOLOGY?

COVER

REJECTIONS

TIMELINE

LIVE LINKS

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THE JOY OF TECHNOLOGY

Which translates to "Die Freuden der Technik" in German.

Roy Gray

Dennis?

His father was on the house phone. Yeah it's me Dad. You want Mum?

"No, no, you. How you doin'?

OK, I'm doin' me homework.

Not ratios again?

Dennis remembered his father's explanation of ratios, using his £4000 winning bet on the 2019 Grand National, caused problems at school. No maths tonight, science essay. Plate tectonics.

Yukk, Rather you than me.

Ohh it's OK, continents float slowly around the world and where they bang together you get mountains, where they separate you get volcanoes and where they rub past each other you get earthquakes.

Sounds like sex education?

Oh very funny, ha ha. Dennis forced his laughter. I'll write that in.

Well don't mention me, his father chuckled. I rang tonight because tickets for City's away leg with Dusseldorf in the next round are on sale soon. Yes it's still two months to your sixteenth but do you want to come?

Great, like for a birthday present?

Like yes, but you'd better talk to your Mother 'cause she 'as to say you can go, and check that your passport's OK.

Great, I'll ask now.

No wait. Tell 'er it's a late start coach trip, overnight on the Dover ferry. We arrive the afternoon before the match, 'ave a look round, eat, drink, better not mention the drink, then on to the stadium and leave straight after, to get back next day. Two nights away altogether, the 16th and 17th, half term. Can you sleep on a coach?

I can sleep anywhere and I'll take a few games. Hang on, I'll take the phone up. You can tell Mum yourself, she's upstairs somewhere.

No, best if I don't bother 'er. You tell 'er and call me back. I 'ave to order tickets by Wednesday.

Is anyone else going? Dennis knew his father would realise the question's implication.

Janet don't like football so she's not comin'. It's just a coachload of City fans. You've seen them at ground.

OK, I'll call back. See you.

* *

The phone rang, Arnold Klum am apparat.

Darren Malinsky here Herr Klum, Anton Breitner, my agent asked me to call.

Good, thanks for that Mr Malinsky. I'm the new manager of 'Die Freuden der Technik' a prap club and I am hoping you can help me improve our show.

I've never seen a prap show, though I know of them.

Everyone's heard of them but few come that's my problem Herr… sorry Mr Malinsky. I can show you all you need to know but you should see us. We demonstrate the equipment and you try our show. We want secrecy to er.. steal a march on our competition. Anton wants to avoid publicizing your involvement in our business. I quite understand, associations with our industry can curtail opportunities in, shall we say, 'more legitimate arenas'.

That's fine Herr Klum. We all have to keep the wolf from the door and if Anton is happy then I'm game. I'm in London now but I'm due in Berlin next week and can come over from there. I'll call you then. Is that OK? Before then can you tell me anything about your clientele? Maybe it will give me something to work on.

I want new customers, Dusseldorf's football team is playing in the Champion's league this season. Coachloads of fans from all over Europe come to the city. I am not getting enough of their business. The world famous Messehalle here is very busy. This year more than usual because it is an Interpack year. Interpack is a huge international business exhibition that fills every hotel for 50 kilometres. I hope to entertain groups of businessmen but they don't come to the present show, other than as individuals. Groups buy drinks, spend time, spend money. Klum's voice had strengthened as he spoke.

You have a vision Herr Klum. I'll see you soon.

* *

Are you sure you don't want any sandwiches?

Don't fuss Mum, I'll get something at the Services or on ferry. I've got the Smartspecx and my gamephone. I don't want to carry more. Dennis resented his mother's concern, I'll be fine. I'll get drinks on the coach.

Dennis Platt don't you get into any trouble, no fights or anything. Mike doesn't think at times and there's a lot of your father in you, unfortunately. Her smile took any sting from her words. Got your passport?

Yeah He pulled the booklet from pocket of his blue City home strip shirt and waved it. And Dad's got tickets. Dennis avoided discussing his father. His mother never talked about the separation.

Good, put it back now. She smiled, reached into her shirt pocket and passed him a wad of cash. Here, happy birthday. See if you can find any games, or anything else you want, if you get near some shops, or on the ferry. They'll be cheaper there.

Wow! He unfolded the wad and counted. Thanks Mum. Great. I might get 'Terminator Eight, The Next Round'.

As long as it's a proper present, something to keep. She smiled. And have a good time, I hope they win.

* *

Herr Klum?

Arnold looked up. There was tall, bronzed man with blonde hair standing at the door behind his secretary.

Mr Malinsky, welcome, come in please. Inga, zwei Kaffee bitte. Arnold stood and shook hands with his visitor as Inga left. I'm Arnold Klum and I am hoping you can help me. Please sit. Arnold pulled a chair from its position against the wall and moved it to the front of his desk. Did you have a good journey? I should check if you like coffee.

Call me Darren please, Mr Malinsky is so formal. Yes coffee is fine thanks. Darren sat down and looked around curiously. He saw photographs of naked and semi naked women on all the walls. The room was windowless, warm and close. The journey was good. The train from Berlin was on time and I walked from the station. That last section was quite an eye opener. I never realised there were so many prap clubs.

Those numbers are my problem. Prap was a very large investment, the kit was very expensive but prices keep falling and now the competition is fierce. Perhaps you can give me a competitive edge. Arnold stopped as Inga knocked and came in balancing a tray. Vielen Dank Inga, he said clearing a space on the desk and, as she left, Help yourself, there is sugar and milk if you need it. Mine is black. We can drink while I explain and then I will show you round. You can enjoy meeting some of the dancers on these photographs and those on the outside displays.

The aroma of coffee filled the office. Thanks, I'm sure I will enjoy meeting the ladies but my preferences lie elsewhere. Darren stirred milk into his coffee.

Well that's no problem I am sure. Arnold answered. We are equipped for gay men but they prefer other districts in the city and rarely use our facilities.

Fascinating. Darren answered.

There are twenty and more prap clubs in this area alone, and insufficient customers. Arnold continued. Euro interest rates are high and few are breaking even. I cannot invest to move upmarket because we are not making enough. Our show is very basic. Essentially we have an in the round auditorium and the girls do a fairly standard strip on its central stage, dance around naked while exploiting the usual range of clefts and orifices. A finale in the vagina ensures the audience is exhausted, a process that usually takes less than ten minutes. Sometimes we have one girl work on another and sometimes a girl will let a member of the audience make the final insertion but that has led to problems, I'm sure you can imagine them, so care is required. Not great art but you can see, or experience, all this for yourself in a few minutes - though you are unlikely to be exhausted.

Perhaps not but if your girls are good … Darren laughed.

Arnold laughed too, Our girls are very good, I assure you.

He continued after sipping his coffee. I decided one method of inexpensively improving our position was to er.. jazz up the show. Using a choreographer seemed the answer but I didn't want anyone local as our rivals might find out. One of my girls, Liesel was once a show dancer and mentioned that she had worked with you, when you were a dancer yourself. So I called your agent.

Ahh is Liesel one of the girls on the wall?

Yes, she is the second on the right behind you, the coloured girl. Arnold pointed to the image as Darren turned.

Darren looked at the photograph. Twenty sixteen, hmm…No I don't recognise her. She does resemble Annette Hallam, a chorus dancer from the London revival of Rocky Horror.

She calls herself Liesel Brunne now but in the past? Arnold shrugged, names meant little.

Darren finished his coffee and placed the cup on the tray. I'm sure I can 'jazz up' your show but are you sure that's what your customers want?

As I said on the phone we need new customers and I want to tap into the local business entertainment and travel industry. Dusseldorf is not a tourist destination but business visitors are very important and they are still predominantly male, as are football fans. We can cater for a few women but they are unlikely to be a big proportion of our clientele and further investment would be necessary if they were. Arnold finished his coffee and put down his cup. I'll introduce you to the girls and you can try the show, come on, he stood.

* *

The coach was half full, when it arrived at Merseyway Bus Station, their pick up point. Dennis turned away from his father's sickening luvvy duvvy goodbye to his new woman. Janet had been a passenger on the drive to the coach terminal and would now drive the car back. Other couples were in similar clinches so they weren't last aboard but their choice of seats was limited. Still it was a good, high tech coach: screens and power points in the seat backs, wireless media channels, keyboards and Wi-fi web access; all for hire. Not for him, he had his Specx.

Dennis noticed two empty seats across the aisle from an older woman and a teenage girl he recognised as regulars from their usual section of the ground. The girl was staring at her phone. She had red hair and a pale freckled face and he fancied her rotten, but had never had the chance to speak to her. This trip he would. Dennis stopped just beyond and motioned his father to the window seat so he could sit within hailing distance of the girl.

Don't you want the window seat? His father stowed his coat in the rack overhead.

I've got Specx and games, Dennis flicked up his shirt to reveal the phone on his belt, stuffed his scarf and Manager's Coat next to his father's and sat down across the coach aisle from the girl. I thought you'd like the window.

His father held his bag open to display a six pack. This should get us to the boat where we can buy cheap lager. Have some yourself but keep it quiet. He looked quizzically at the electronics in the seat back facing him. Think there's a football channel? We could get in the mood with team news and match repeats once we get goin'. Let's see what they cost.

Dennis, letting his father fiddle with the system, donned his Specx and glanced towards the redhead across the aisle. She was in the window seat, beyond the woman he presumed was her mother, so there was no chance to talk now. He racked his brains for a cool line for future use. If he was ready by the first coach stop at the motorway services that could be his chance. His Specx was set so he buckled in, pulled the displays over his eyes and sat back, drifting through a