You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Live You Deserve
By Ash Green
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About this ebook
You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Live You Deserve is the book for the person who wants to have a better life and better relationships. If you're a woman who is suffering because of low self-esteem, you just have to realize that you can do better and that you deserve better. This book can help.
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You Can Do Better - Ash Green
You
You Can Do Better
Doesn’t everyone deserve a good life? A happy life?
Doesn’t everyone deserve a life where they can feel contented knowing that they are loved and appreciated? Living the life that they deserve? Especially in terms of the people with whom they are in relationships? Especially the ones they date? Especially the ones they choose to love?
But it doesn’t always happen like this. Sometimes things can go off the rails and not work out the way they should. When this happens, a person can resign herself to being doomed in an unhappy relationship or possibly even go through her life oblivious to the misery and hopelessness she feels in her love life. The problem is that she is so close to the subject that she doesn’t even know she’s even feeling it.
Just think about it: Have you ever been going about your daily activities and had the sudden thought about your relationship, Just how did I end up here?
and Just who is this person I’m dating?
This thought occurs to many people and can sometimes lead to happy realizations. You might think that you are so lucky to have found the right one. Or that you are so happy to have someone who cares so much about you.
But for others, these realizations are not so happy. They begin to have feelings of anxiety that they had chosen wrong. They wonder if they’re living the wrong life with the wrong person. They start to worry about whether it’s going to get any better.
In short, they look at their lives and relationship and wonder just what the hell happened.
While to them how they arrived at this wrong relationship might be a mystery. However to an outside observer and to everyone else for that matter, the path is quite obvious and it is usually paved by their low self-esteem and bad decisions.
Yes, it’s true. Many people are in bad relationships because they think that they can’t do better or they chose badly because they simply don’t know any other way. They think that this is the relationship they deserve or at least is the only one available to them. And while it does happen to men, this is especially true with women. From childhood, whether in school or on the playground or in their family situations, they are always told they aren’t good enough, that they aren’t smart enough or strong enough so they don’t think they are good enough. Or maybe they are never actually told anything to build up their self-esteem so they go through life not realizing just how great they really are.
As a result, when they reach adulthood, they wonder why their dating lives are such a mess yet they don’t think that what’s going on with them is anything other than normal. They think that this is just the way it is. This is their kind of life because it’s simply the best they can do. They look at their husband or boyfriend and see that he does not measure up and think that he’s probably the best they could get. Sure, he might be a drunk or abusive, but he’s not that bad all the time. Sometimes, he’s actually okay. Maybe.
The problem is that, most of the time, this kind of thinking is simply the result of low self-esteem. It’s the result of people making do with substandard lives because they don’t think they deserve or can do any better.
But maybe they don’t think there is a better life. Maybe they think that this is all there is because they’ve never been exposed to anything any different. But is this an example of low self-esteem too?
Maybe. Maybe not. Some people just don’t know any better. Some people have never been exposed to a successful life or a happy relationship. This is why they go through life repeating the mistakes of their parents and all the other people in their lives. So, this could be because of low self-esteem or they could just be modeling the behavior of these negative influences. Regardless, there is a way to tell if low self-esteem is at the root of the problem. If a person watches TV or looks around at people they know and see that these people are living the good life and then look at themselves and think that the reason they’re not is because they’re just not the kind of person who has a good life, then low self-esteem is definitely at play.
And that’s what this book is about. Improving your self-esteem. It’s to help you overcome this rut that you’re in and start living the life you ought to have. It’s to help you start dating the kind of people that are up to your standards and subsequently start living the life you deserve.
However, regardless of why people may have low self-esteem, there’s no reason to continue on with it. If you’re in a bad or unhappy relationship, you can do better.
Self-Esteem
Before we go any further, we need to establish just what we mean by the term self-esteem. I mean, everybody goes on about it and how some people have it or don’t have it, but what does it really mean? And why is it such a crucial element in how we live our lives?
It’s pretty obvious that self-esteem means the way in which we value ourselves and the confidence we have in our self-worth, but it also goes beyond that. It deals with our self-respect. It is a window into our standards. It shows just what we think we deserve out of life. This is why it is so important. It is almost a self-determining factor in how we conduct our lives. If we think we are less than, then our lives might just turn out to be less-than. This includes the jobs we take and the relationships we have. It includes everything. However, the opposite is also true. If we think we are worth it and have good self-esteem, then a good life is more than likely to follow.
While it would seem that we would be like our fellow members of the animal kingdom and that self-preservation would be the overriding factor in most of our interactions, when it comes to dating and relationships, it’s not. This is largely because of self-esteem issues. In the animal kingdom, most animals are trying to get the best mate they can. They want the strongest and the best. But with humans, it’s different. We get what we think we’re worth and many of us just repeat the same patterns over and over again because we just don’t think that we deserve better. Or that we can’t do better. Or that it’s just beyond us to do better. Many women find themselves in relationships that they would never have chosen for anyone else simply because they know no other way. And the primary reason for these poor decisions is low self-esteem.
Look at it this way: Have you ever watched a movie and felt that a person is miscast? You see someone playing the part of the hero—or of the villain—and you just don’t believe it. You say to yourself, this guy just isn’t right for this part. I’m just not buying this guy as a hero. He needs to be the best friend or maybe he shouldn’t even be in the movie in the first place. Well, your self-esteem is the same way. In the movie of your life, you feel like you’re wrong for the part of the person with the nice boyfriend. You feel like you’re the wrong for the part of the girl with the happy home life or the good husband. Maybe this is because you were reckless in your youth and partied and spent too much time with the wrong crowd. Maybe now you think that this is your tribe so why bother trying to get anybody better than the bad boy or the sensitive, yet abusive-when-drunk husband. Maybe this is just what you grew up with. Maybe it’s the only kind of guy you know so he’s