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    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016
    Ebook182 pages2 hours

    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016

    By DefCon One Publishing

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    About this ebook

    Mutant cephalopods, inter-species disease transmission, squabbling scientists. These are but some of the strange tales to be found in this book. Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016 collects twelve tales from the fictional worlds of mad science. For the discerning mad scientist reader, there are also pieces of fiction from Freya Ashman, Maureen Bowden, and Samantha Cross. Readers will also find other resources for the budding mad scientist, including an advice column, horoscopes, and other brief messages from mad scientists.

    Authors featured in this volume also include Jacqueline Bridges, Amandeep Jutla, Tamoha Sengupta, Joshua Steely, Zach Bartlett, Alanna McFall, James Stephen, Simon Kewin, Luke McKinney, Franko Stephens, Braddock Gaskill, Judith Field, David Wing, Loria Chaddon, Rick Tobin, Shane Landry, Kate Elizabeth, and Sean Frost. Art by Matt Youngmark, Scarlett O'Hairdye, Amanda Jones, Shannon Legler, Luke Spooner, and Errow Collins.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDefCon One Publishing
    Release dateJun 30, 2016
    ISBN9781311128300
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016

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      Book preview

      Mad Scientist Journal - DefCon One Publishing

      Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2016

      Edited by Dawn Vogel and Jeremy Zimmerman

      Cover Art and Layout by Matt Youngmark

      Copyright 2016 Jeremy Zimmerman, except where noted

      Smashwords Edition

      Stop Paying for Artificial Zzzzzzs, Dum-Dums is Copyright 2016 Jacqueline Bridges

      Shark Does It Again! is Copyright 2016 Amandeep Jutla

      Observations on the Emotions of Science is Copyright 2016 Tamoha Sengupta

      Proposals for Addressing the Mutant Cephalopod Cataclysm is Copyright 2016 Joshua Steely

      Steam & Hot Air is Copyright 2016 Zach Bartlett

      To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Volcano is Copyright 2016 Alanna McFall

      Love Bites is Copyright 2016 James A. Conan

      Anax Britannica is Copyright 2016 Simon Kewin

      Observations of Life Contraction is Copyright 2016 Luke McKinney

      The Werner and Chalsky Event is Copyright 2016 Franko Stephens

      Reflections on a Void is Copyright 2016 Braddock Gaskill

      The Giftie is Copyright 2016 Judith Field

      The Filly and the Mare is Copyright 2016 Maureen Bowden

      Her Majesty's Untapped Fury is Copyright 2016 Samantha Cross

      Seeding is Copyright 2016 Freya Marske

      Horrorscopes is Copyright 2016 Kate Elizabeth

      You 'Oort' to Know is Copyright 2016 Sean Frost

      New/Used/Spare, Testers required, Executive Controller Position Available, Man for Hire, and Cleaning & Disposal Services are Copyright 2016 David J. Wing

      Amazing laboratory garage sale, How to Make $1200 a Week Working From Home Part Time!, Daring drone pilots with engineering degrees wanted, Learn a new language in 1 week with no training, Authentic Perpetual Motion Machine Massage FREE for All First Time Customers!, Tighten Your Buns and Look Great for Summer, and Forgetting everything? are Copyright 2016 Rick Tobin

      Weapons Grade Puppies for Sale and Second Hand Destruction are Copyright 2016 Shane Landry

      Healthy genetic donors sought, Surrogate Mothers Needed, Clinic (EuGenX), and Do you want to give your child an advantage in today's world? are Copyright 2016 Loria Chaddon

      Art accompanying Stop Paying for Artificial Zzzzzzs, Dum-Dums and Love Bites are Copyright 2016 Scarlett O'Hairdye

      Art accompanying Shark Does it Again! and Observations of Life Contraction are Copyright 2016 Amanda Jones

      Art accompanying Observations on the Emotions of Science, To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Volcano, and Anax Britannica are Copyright 2016 Shannon Legler

      Art accompanying Proposals for Addressing the Mutant Cephalopod Cataclysm, Backlash of the Rapunzel Incident, and The Werner and Chalsky Event are Copyright 2016 Luke Spooner

      Charts accompanying Proposals for Addressing the Mutant Cephalopod Cataclysm and art accompanying Reflections on a Void are Copyright 2016 Dawn Vogel

      Art accompanying Steam & Hot Air and The Giftie are Copyright 2016 Errow Collins

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Many thanks to Patreon backers Simone Cooper, Wendy Wade, John Nienart, Army Vang, Andrew Cherry, Michele Ray, and Torrey Podmajersky!

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Letter from the Guest Editor

      ESSAYS

      "Stop Paying for Artificial Zzzzzzs, Dum-Dums" provided by Jacqueline Bridges

      "Shark Does It Again!" provided by Amandeep Jutla

      "Observations on the Emotions of Science" as provided by Tamoha Sengupta

      "Proposals for Addressing the Mutant Cephalopod Cataclysm" provided by Joshua Steely

      "Steam & Hot Air" provided by Zach Bartlett

      "To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Volcano" provided by Alanna McFall

      "Love Bites" provided by James A. Conan

      "Anax Britannica" provided by Simon Kewin

      "Observations of Life Contraction" provided by Luke McKinney

      "The Werner and Chalsky Event" provided by Franko Stephens

      "Reflections on a Void" provided by Braddock Gaskill

      "The Giftie" provided by Judith Field

      FICTION

      "The Filly and the Mare" by Maureen Bowden

      "Her Majesty's Untapped Fury" by Samantha Cross

      "Seeding" by Freya Marske

      RESOURCES

      Horrorscopes provided by Kate Elizabeth

      "You 'Oort' to Know" provided by Sean Frost

      Classifieds

      ABOUT

      Bios for Classifieds Authors

      About the Editors

      About the Artists

      LETTER FROM THE GUEST EDITOR

      by Dr. Lycia Shade, PhD, MD

      Dear Readers,

      Summer is upon us, and with it, my personal drive to stay indoors is flourishing. If you're the indoor sort as well, may I offer you some suggestions on projects to undertake while avoiding the sun?

      Parasols are lovely, but have you ever considered a Repulsor Parasol? Don't just keep the sun off of your delicate skin, keep your enemies from even laying a finger on you as well! There are several techniques I can think of off the top of my head that would work in something of this scale, so I'm sure that you'll all have plenty of similar ideas.

      I've also heard of a small group of enterprising alternative scientists working on their own personal rainclouds, to follow them wherever they go. A bit too damp for my liking, but it does seem an effective way to maintain shade. And if you're in a drought-stricken area, there might even be a market for such things. To think, alternative sciences making their money the old-fashioned way! (No, the other old-fashioned way--earning it.)

      Finally, if you, like me, would like to see summer eradicated once and for all, then perhaps you'd like to simply blot out the sun. It can be done, Dear Readers. Oh yes, it can be done. And soon, you will see just how!

      Speaking of which, I have a shipment to sign for. Nothing terribly exciting, I assure you. Just 600 gallons of nuclear waste.

      Ciao,

      Dr. Lycia Shade

      Dr. Lycia Shade, PhD, MD, reminds readers that damage caused by the sun is permanent and unpleasant. So are some experiments. The difference is that you have chosen one. The other has been forced upon you by virtue of living on this planet. You decide which is which.

      ESSAYS

      STOP PAYING FOR ARTIFICIAL ZZZZZZS, DUM-DUMS

      An essay by Macy Jones, as provided by Jacqueline Bridges

      Art by Scarlett O'Hairdye

      No one dies in their sleep anymore. It seems we gave it up, along with pesticides and artificial sugars. Sleep is now a four-letter-word, even though it's five. Do you ever ask yourself, how'd we get here? Not when did sleep become something we could trade or store up, but when did we start paying for it? If I had to guess, I'd say it was around the time we started paying for water.

      Now we trade currency for sleep, and sleep is getting expensive, really expensive. Government employees know that best. For years, they've received a cost of sleep raise as part of their benefits package, banking one hour for every year of service; however, with rising health care costs, that only equates to 20 minutes. Hardly a raise at all. The sleep market is spiraling out of control, and someone's making a killing. Literally. Gone are the days of wasting away in an old folks' home. We've relegated our final years to sleep pods, and it bothers no one, except for my grandpa. People like him, forever old, achy, and still kicking, refuse to pay for something they can get for free. For everyone else, we induce comas as they pass from one world to the next.

      My grandpa is always going on about how the world has changed, how he doesn't recognize it. He's not dying, but he's not the epitome of health, so I don't argue much. Besides, he knows what I do for a living.

      I'm a sleep dealer. And I have a secret.

      You don't need us! There, I said it. I'm not trying to get fired or talk myself out of a job, but someone has to blow the whistle on the sleep industry. Earlier today, I left my grandpa's house, him curled up in the quilt my grandma made for him years ago, me trying to convince him of the benefits of artificial sleep, anything to erase the dark bags under his eyes.

      Of course he wouldn't take any of my magic, as he calls it. We're past the point of me explaining the science behind my occupation. Instead, I join his little game, telling him I wouldn't give him an hour of sleep, even if he asked for it. Of course it's a lie, but I say something about how he couldn't afford it (for good measure). That much is true, my grandfather can't afford it, not unless he's willing to sell his ten squares and sleep away the remainder of his years in a three by ten pod.

      My grandfather is a good sport, so he just laughs at me, teasing me about my line of work. Who sleeps for a living? he asks.

      I do.

      Because people like you will pay for it. Sure, you could just as easily give up two hours of godforsaken reality television and go to bed at a decent hour, but you just have to know what the captain is wearing when he charges into restricted Hannerbit airspace this week. And next week, when he charges into Hannerbit airspace again. Honestly, you don't. You could just sleep. You could save your twenty creds and grab a pillow. Your own dreams will have just as much authenticity as the captain's, maybe more.

      I realize some of you only pay for sleep when it counts, like when you're about to fall asleep at your work station. I get that. Believe me, I know how it feels to be sleepy at work. They make it so easy for you to make a sleep withdrawal these days, syncing the corporation's sleep station with your own device. All you have to do is make a payment and the sleep frequency is available for download. Press and play, and in one minute, you've acquired an hour of sleep via a speedy REM sequence. The corporation takes half the cut. What'd they do for ten creds? Nothing.

      Sure, they regulate our sleep bank, making sure we keep the allotted twenty on deposit, but other than that, they do nothing. You can see why sleep is gaining ground on the black market, getting double the Zzzzz's for the same creds. Like I told you, healthcare costs are rising.

      I think my grandpa's got it right, twisting and turning, finding sleep on his rickety old bed whenever he can. He pays nothing for it. Zero. Nada. In fact, he could probably start selling it, if he could sleep a solid hour. Either way, I bet he'll meet his maker the old fashioned way, in his sleep. Can the same be said for you?

      Or are you one of those dum-dums who pay for water? I know I am.

      Macy works as a sleep dealer for an undisclosed sleep bank. She sleeps sixteen hours a day. When she's not working (i.e., sleeping), you can usually find her running. Next month, Macy will compete in her sixteenth marathon.

      Jacqueline Bridges works as a guidance counselor to junior high students, where she puts her Masters degree to work, and then some. She is new to flash fiction and reads it daily (even in the counseling office). Her students join her weekly for a writing club, where they impress her with stories about fairies, dragons, and golden retrievers. Recent publications include Daily Science Fiction, The Writing Disorder, Story Shack Magazine, and Short Fiction Break. She’s currently working on a young adult science-fiction novel, mostly void of fairies, dragons, and golden retrievers.

      SHARK DOES IT AGAIN!

      An essay by Lex Nearhood, as provided by Amandeep Jutla

      Art by Amanda Jones

      SharkLightning's surprise announcement was a classic Shark move: bold and puzzling in equal measure. The news caught a lot of journalists (including your humble correspondent) off-guard: SharkLightning would be the first mediator from a company that had heretofore never so much as

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