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    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017
    Ebook170 pages2 hours

    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017

    By DefCon One Publishing

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    About this ebook

    Phantom limb surgery, dimensional windows, and sentient androids. These are but some of the strange tales to be found in this book.

    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017 collects thirteen tales from the fictional worlds of mad science. For the discerning mad scientist reader, there are also pieces of fiction from Rhonda Eikamp, Darrell Z. Grizzle, and Joachim Heijndermans. Readers will also find other resources for the budding mad scientist, including an advice column, gossip column, and other brief messages from mad scientists.

    Authors featured in this volume also include Isaac Teile, H. E. Bergeron, S. Qiouyu Lu, Candida Spillard, Steve Toase, E. R. Zhang, Kaitlin Moore, Maureen Bowden, Wesley O. Cohen, Megan Dorei, Allison Spector, Sam Jowett, Domenic diCiacca, Melanie Atherton Allen, Andy Brown, Darci Vogel, Dawn Vogel, Dylan Vogel, Lucinda Gunnin, and Sean Frost. Art by Amanda Jones, Shannon Legler, Luke Spooner, Ariel Alian Wilson, Errow Collins, Scarlett O'Hairdye, and Justine McGreevy.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDefCon One Publishing
    Release dateJun 29, 2017
    ISBN9781370846160
    Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017

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      Book preview

      Mad Scientist Journal - DefCon One Publishing

      Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2017

      Edited by Dawn Vogel and Jeremy Zimmerman

      Cover Art and Layout by Amanda Jones

      Copyright 2017 Jeremy Zimmerman, except where noted

      Smashwords Edition

      www.madscientistjournal.org

      www.patreon.com/madscientistjournal

      Letter from the Guest Editor is Copyright 2017 Galadriel Sterling

      From Matchsticks to Flamethrowers: On the Evolution of Dragons is Copyright 2017 Isaac Teile

      A Brief History of the Human Colonization of Mars is Copyright 2017 H. E. Bergeron

      Introduction to the Journal of Interplanetary Lycan Studies, Volume 1, Issue 1 is Copyright 2017 S. Qiouyi Lu

      "The Curious Fate of the Merchantman Lady Margaret" is Copyright 2017 Candida Spillard

      Der Heilige Antonius von Padua Klinik von Geisterbefestigung is Copyright 2017 Steve Toase

      5 Ways to Prevent Dimensional Pests is Copyright 2017 E. R. Zhang

      The Window Cleaner is Copyright 2017 Kaitlin Moore

      Snap and Crackle is Copyright 2017 Maureen Bowden

      I, Angelica is Copyright 2017 Wesley O. Cohen

      My Fragile Butterfly is Copyright 2017 Megan Dorei

      The Unfortunate Incident that Took Place During Our Annual Take Your Offspring to Work Day is Copyright 2017 Allison Spector

      "The Origins of Chem-Art: A Look into the Manifestation of Final Blush of the Republic" is Copyright 2017 Sam Jowett

      Horace McClarm's Invention is Copyright 2017 Domenic diCiacca

      Strange Attractor is Copyright 2017 Rhonda Eikamp

      The Lazaretto Ghost is Copyright 2017 Darrell Z. Grizzle

      The End of All of Time, Reality, the Infinite and the Unimagined is Copyright 2017 Joachim Heijndermans

      Scenes Around the Lab is Copyright 2017 Lucinda Gunnin

      You 'Oort' to Know is Copyright 2017 Sean Frost

      A Special Message from our Brave and Much-Put-Upon Post Office (BAMPUPO), Mr. Giles Gilded, Doohickeys, Thingummies, and I-Don't-Know-Whats, Blueprints, For Immediate Sale, Found (evidence), Lost (Columbine), Lost (lab assistant), and Madame Crepusky are Copyright 2017 Melanie Atherton Allen

      Plot and Sips and House for Sale are Copyright 2017 Dawn Vogel

      Wilbur's Wonderful Weather Machines, Gervaise's Ghost Wranglers, and Simon's Surplus Sapiens are Copyright 2017 Andy Brown

      For Sale, Help Wanted, and Services Offered are Copyright 2017 Darci Vogel

      Kittens Looking for a Good Home is Copyright 2017 Dawn & Dylan Vogel

      Art accompanying From Matchsticks to Flamethrowers: On the Evolution of Dragons, Der Heilige Antonius von Padua Klinik von Geisterbefestigung, and My Fragile Butterfly are Copyright 2017 Shannon Legler

      Art accompanying A Brief History of the Human Colonization of Mars, The Curious Fate of the Merchantman Lady Margaret, I, Angelica, and The Origins of Chem-Art: A Look into the Manifestation of Final Blush of the Republic are Copyright 2017 Luke Spooner

      Art accompanying Introduction to the Journal of Interplanetary Lycan Studies, Volume 1, Issue 1 and Horace McClarm's Invention are Copyright 2017 Amanda Jones

      Art accompanying 5 Ways to Prevent Dimensional Pests is Copyright 2017 Ariel Alian Wilson

      Art accompanying The Window Cleaner is Copyright 2017 Errow Collins

      Art accompanying Snap and Crackle is Copyright 2017 Scarlett O'Hairdye

      Art accompanying The Unfortunate Incident that Took Place During Our Annual Take Your Offspring to Work Day is Copyright 2017 Justine McGreevy

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Many thanks to Patreon backers Simone Cooper, Andrew Cherry, John Nienart, Torrey Podmajersky, Darrell Grizzle, and Michele Ray!

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Letter from the Guest Editor

      ESSAYS

      "From Matchsticks to Flamethrowers: On the Evolution of Dragons" provided by Isaac Teile

      "A Brief History of the Human Colonization of Mars" provided by H. E. Bergeron

      "Introduction to the Journal of Interplanetary Lycan Studies, Volume 1, Issue 1" provided by S. Qiouyi Lu

      "The Curious Fate of the Merchantman Lady Margaret" provided by Candida Spillard

      "Der Heilige Antonius von Padua Klinik von Geisterbefestigung" provided by Steve Toase

      "5 Ways to Prevent Dimensional Pests" provided by E. R. Zhang

      "The Window Cleaner" provided by Kaitlin Moore

      "Snap and Crackle" provided by Maureen Bowden

      "I, Angelica" provided by Wesley O. Cohen

      "My Fragile Butterfly" provided by Megan Dorei

      "The Unfortunate Incident that Took Place During Our Annual Take Your Offspring to Work Day" provided by Allison Spector

      "The Origins of Chem-Art: A Look into the Manifestation of Final Blush of the Republic" provided by Sam Jowett

      "Horace McClarm's Invention" provided by Domenic diCiacca

      FICTION

      "Strange Attractor" provided by Rhonda Eikamp

      "The Lazaretto Ghost" provided by Darrell Z. Grizzle

      "The End of All of Time, Reality, the Infinite and the Unimagined" by Joachim Heijndermans

      RESOURCES

      "Scenes Around the Lab" provided by Lucinda Gunnin

      "You 'Oort' to Know" provided by Sean Frost

      Classifieds

      ABOUT

      Bios for Classifieds Authors

      About the Editors

      About the Artists

      LETTER FROM THE GUEST EDITOR

      by Dr. Elica Nocte, PhD, MD,

      as provided by Galadriel Sterling

      Greetings Dear Readers,

      I believe you’ve been as productive as possible while I was away. As I was journeying back home after an absolutely productive vacation, I was reminded of the human inefficiency to work after nightfall. People who had previously been active and working suddenly became exhausted, and drooped in their seats as the airplane cruised along in the atmosphere.

      Ah, Dear Readers, what a painful sight. The need for sleep overpowering productivity. However, what if humans were able to combat the need for sleep? If the human race had the ability to work day and night without need for rest, then productivity would increase dramatically and our race would evolve faster.

      If, Dear Readers, we lived in the twentieth or nineteenth centuries, it would be logical to demonstrate some worry about whether or not lights and electricity would be powerful enough to work for such a long period of time. However, I am positive that today’s technology is definitely able to withstand such long hours, so scientists don’t have to waste their time wondering how to have human eyes evolve into the like of an owl’s eyes.

      According to my research, dolphins are capable of keeping half of their brain awake while the other half rests, which allows the animal to stay at least partially awake. I believe that the best course of action to achieve this skill would be to splice dolphin genes with human genes. This would allow a human being to stay partly awake for an entire day. However Dear Readers, I am still attempting to discover which genes would need to be spliced and how this would have to be done. I encourage all of you to aid me in my research as well and send your findings to me. For the time being, short, five minute naps throughout the day seem like the best way for the human race to increase its productivity.

      Dr. Elica Nocte is a scientist renowned for her experiments concerning human and animal efficiency and productivity and has won several awards for her research. She was born on October 12th, 1987, in Bern, Switzerland, and currently resides in Geneva, Switzerland; however, she prefers to spend her time in rural New Zealand where she can perform her experiments without human intervention. Dr. Elica Nocte spends her time conducting research on nocturnal animals, especially on the barn owl, and developing more efficient ways to create and use nuclear energy.

      Galadriel Sterling is an eighth grader from the western Chicago suburbs. She specializes in writing short stories and plays, and her hobbies include reading, writing (as you would expect) short stories, and swimming. This is her first time getting published.

      ESSAYS

      FROM MATCHSTICKS TO FLAMETHROWERS: ON THE EVOLUTION OF DRAGONS

      An essay by Edmund Teile, as prepared by his great-grandson, Isaac Teile

      Art by Shannon Legler

      Abstract: This paper asserts that pinwyrm lizards are closely related to western red and northeastern black dragons despite their contemporary classification as monitors. First, I provide an analysis of comparative behavioral habits between venomous pinwyrms and black dragons (which leads me to discuss how I lost my arm). Second, I provide an analysis of existing literature (which leads me to discuss how I lost my eye). Together, the evidence suggests pinwyrms should be reclassified; in fact, traits of pinwyrms and dragons are similar enough to study the evolution of one through the evolution of the other.

      Argument: The venomous pinwyrm of northern Y'reth-al-Nir, Pinwyrmes niri, is the northernmost lizard yet discovered (Memnar the Terrible, 491). Four interns and I received a grant from the High Academy of Wizardry and Liberal Arts to spend six months with northern pinwyrms and six months with a northeastern black dragon colony at the ruins of the Vale. Unfortunately, the interns are dead now, but their research lives on.

      Most niri are no more than ten inches long with pale skin that helps them to disappear among the snow drifts. Despite the name, the venomous pinwyrm is actually the least poisonous pinwyrm. It has a genetic abnormality that provides thick skin to protect it from the cold (and its own mucus). However, this skin cannot produce the psychedelic venomous coating of its southern cousins. Rather, the name refers to the hot, acidic mucus that it spits to denature its meals. Memnar the Terrible hypothesized the mucus was acetic acid and quite flammable (491). Field tests confirmed this. The exact quote I recorded was, It burns worse than I've ever been burned.

      Perhaps most interesting is that some niri in northernmost Y'reth-al-Nir, beyond the City of the Fallen Spires, beyond the Titan's statue, beyond even the Great Howling Chasm, actually spit on each other to stay warm. Here, it is to the pinwyrm's advantage to produce the warmest saliva it can. Some are radically successful; the only animals past the Great Howling Chasm are pinwyrms. Even we could not fend off the frostbite with traditional spells, and I lost two fingers on my left hand. No matter; the whole arm was devoured by a dragon.

      The flash point of acetic acid is no more than the heat of the hottest days in the Nkarai Desert (Iranoth the Younger, 45). If natural selection encourages the animals to produce hotter and hotter saliva, it is possible they would reach a point where the saliva combusts. This may even explain how dragons evolved a digestive system that cannot process raw meat (Gornius Argle, 211). As Gornius Argle notes, the dragon digestive system is an evolutionary chicken-or-the-egg. However, in six months of field work, we did not observe a pinwyrm eat any raw meat; they always denatured it with their saliva. Perhaps the digestive system came first.

      The dragons were

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