First part of the 2009 Bonnaroo saga... I swear the second part actually takes place at Bonnaroo.

I didn't delete your rebuttal, I deleted the link. If you want to post a reply in a comment, post it in the comment.

Just so you know, point #2 disproves the existence of god. And #3 shows where you're missing the point of what I'm saying. I'm not trying to call different religions out as flawed, I'm trying to show that religion in itself is flawed. It's our own flawed creation. I know religion doesn't kill people. You're right, it's the people who are using it. But religion is just something we made up, and it's the idea religion inspires in people -- this cloak of infallibility they can throw over anything they want to do (like a crusade) -- that is truly dangerous and truly detrimental to the progress of humanity as a species. You see, there is no god, and the more we fight over made-up stories, the sooner we'll die because of them. With #4, again, you're missing the point: there is no god, so this isn't a matter of respect. We made the whole thing up, starting a long time ago, and we're still making more **** up today. Have you seen the "Converstaions With God" book series? It's a bestseller! I'm not showing this imaginary omnipotent character any more disrespect than the next guy who puts words in his mouth. And before you go saying that those books are a bastardization of religion, keep in mind that religion is nothing more than thoughts, like any other make-believe story, and the only place those thoughts truly live is in the minds of people. It doesn't matter what form of Christianity is considered by theological scholars (and again: waste of time, why not study archaeology instead?) to be "pure" or "true," because all that matters is how many people believe it. The more people who believe that those "Conversations" books speak the word of god, the more it becomes part of the religion, because that's all religion really is: belief. #5? Thanks. I know I'm clever. #6 was meant to be a send-off joke; my little tip of the hat to one of my boyhood heroes. I'm sure it's flawed in many ways, but the truth is I really don't care. It was hilarious when I first read it, and it's still hilarious today. The idea of god promptly vanishing "in a puff of logic" gets me every time. Not everything has to be so serious and accurate. Seriously, find a sense of humour somewhere. Anywhere. And I believe tables exist because they actually do. Look, I'm not trying to refute anything. I'm not trying to argue the merits of Christianity or display my knowledge of religion's history. I'm past all that. You should be too. Everyone should be. We outgrew our religion pants long ago when we figured out other, more accurate methods of discovery than simply telling stories of things we think we saw and things we know we didn't. Now the idea of religion is holding us back more than anything, and we'd go a lot further if we let go of our superstitions and moved on with our life. Think about it. You might not see what I'm saying, you might never get there, but I do hope you try. Good luck.

You're still a douche. And please don't spam.

Hi Adamryan. Nice to meet you. Thank you for your interest in my work. I recommend you read through it again, this time being careful to note that a) it's satire, which requires something called a sense of humour to understand, and b) you're a douche. You might notice the use of "lol" and "u" when god speaks. This is what is called a joke, which the dictionary defines as "something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement." I never attempt to make any claim of theological legitimacy, I simply wanted to create an amusing dialogue in which I point out a few of the absurdities I see in organized religion. If you still feel the same way after reading it again, please feel free to keep it to yourself, since the criticism you appear to provide is anything but constructive. I'm the first to admit I do not have any formal training in theology, for the same reason I have no formal training in juggling knives: I don't like to waste my time learning the nuances of useless, impractical BS. You don't need a theology degree to see the ridiculousness of claims that natural disasters are the work of a pissed-off omnipotent father figure. Perhaps if you had been more specific, or specific at all, about what made you say what you said, I would have actually taken it with more than a grain of salt. I was interested in what you meant by "philosophical stupidity," but since you gave no context, I'll go ahead and assume it was self-referential, since only a complete dunce would make such a vague and pointless statement after reading a satirical (that's sa-teer-ik-al, just in case you have trouble reading the big words) piece of fiction. In short: learn to laugh and not be such a douche, then we'll talk.

If you people can't read, why are you visiting a document-sharing website? As I said below, don't ask me how to join the U.S. Army. What part of this piece of satire makes you think I'm the person to ask about joining the Army? Here's an idea: why don't you ask THE ARMY how you can join the Army? Go here: http://www.army.mil/recruiting/ Any more comments asking how to join the Army will be deleted.

Yet again: read the tags. Please oh please read the tags! "Humor" "Satire" "Fake News"... Did you really believe there's an organization called the National Society of Families for Drug Awareness and Education and Families? This article is actually pro-weed, as it pokes fun at the fear-mongering and outrageous claims made by the anti-drug lobby. But legalizeweed420, you're not doing much to help our cause if you can't figure out that this whole thing was a joke...

To anyone looking for advice on how to join the US Army: you've come to the wrong place. As the description and tags clearly state, this is a satirical piece written for a contest on demockeracy.com. It is not real news, and I am not affiliated with the US Army in any way. Still want my advice on how to join the Army? Here it is: don't.