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Freddy The Time Traveler  
(c)2008 by Clete Goffard 
Episode 2
"The Mad Vegetarian"  
I.The Time Travel Argonauts and Saturday Evening Cribbage Club was enjoying a post lecture repast of rum cake and coffee in the drawing room of Professor Thistlepath's spacious Victorian mansion whenthe front door blew open and the Professor's daughter, Hyacinth Marie, burst laughingly into the room,towing a young man behind her."Oh, Daddy," she excitedly exclaimed, "Freddy and I have spent the most wonderful afternoon at theChautauqua! We saw a magic lantern show of pyramids and camels and dead people wrapped up in bedsheets, and then an amazing performance by the, ah...". She paused and looked at Freddy who replied,"The Steinglass Family Yodelers and their dog, Bruno"."Yes!" she cried in delight, "The Yodelers! It was a performance one cannot easily forget.""I would expect not," replied the Professor, drily."And the little white dog, Bruno! He wore a tiny Alpine hat with a feather in the brim, and an embroidedSwiss vest, and yodeled a mountain tune while the family hummed in accompaniment. Did you knowthat Bruno is the world's only yodeling dog?""One would be enough,dear," replied the Professor. "And what was your opinion of this exceptionalcanine, Freddy?""I must confess,sir," said Freddy, "That my ear is deficient in musical training. It cannot distinguish between a yodeling dog, and a howling dog."At that moment Mr. Weeble ambled up and exclaimed, "Ah, the nattily dressed Frederick! You haveagain missed a notable lecture, my dear fellow. To wit: imagine yourself and your temporal machinecrashing into a primeval swamp with dinosaurs stomping about and all sort of noxious creatures lurkingnearby. How might you tell
when
you were? Could you determine, from what is now known, if the datewere sixty-five million years ago, or sixty-six? You might err on the date by a hundred thousand yearsand miss our piddling civilization entirely on your return. You would find yourself in a pretty pickle, a pretty pickle indeed, were you not armed with a sextant and charts showing the position of the celestialluminaries many millions of years in the past. Else, how would you know how far to come back? Youcannot ask a dinosaur for the date and hour! Ha, ha.""But you would carry a clock with you," said Freddy furrowing his brow.."A fine lot of help that would be," snorted Mr. Weeble, " the clock would measure the time it took tomake the trip, not the date at which it arrived. There are no dates sixty five million years long gone. Andwhat is more, should you be too awestruck at at the appearance of a bellowing reptile to note the exacttime of arrival..." Weeble was suddenly hit by an insight, abruptly stopped, peered over his glasses atFreddy, and enquired gravely, "It is because of the disasterous experiment that you have come, isn't it ?"
 
Freddy looked at the Professor in alarm. "A disasterous experiment? Was someone killed?""No," said the Professor slowly, "Not killed, but we thought at first that the poor wretch might be better off dead. Come with me and I shall show you all."Weeble called after them, laughing at his own joke, " No! You cannot ask a dinosaur for the time.Ha,ha."They made their way downstairs to the basement room used as a laboratory and the Professor took akey from his pocket and unlocked a sturdy door bearing a large sign that proclaimed "WARNING.DANGEROUS ELECTRICAL APPARATUS IN USE WITHIN." Thistlepatch gestured to the signwith his thumb and quietly said, "The story of our downfall."The door was pulled open and both men gazed silently at the scene of utter destruction within the room.It seemed to Freddy that miles of tinfoil and waxed paper were looped and scattered about the room sothat there was barely a clear space on the floor on which to stand. Extensive charring and a dank smellgave evidence of a fire, as well. In the middle of the room, suspended from a chain, were twisted and blackened remains of a small enclosure made of copper mesh in which one could make out a chair-likeseat. Other apparatus lay broken and strewn about. After a few minutes of silent observation,Thistlepatch closed and locked the door again, as neither had the least desire to venture into suchwreckage.The Professor led Freddy back upstairs to his reading room and poured each of them a stiff drink of scotch whiskey."The story began several months ago," the older man began, "with the arrival in our fair city of oneLemuel Swift Finche, heir to the Swift Finche Patented Buggy Whip fortune. Finche's flamboyantmanner, his ready wit, and his free spending ways -- he insisted on buying new rattan furniture for theclub room--led us to thoughtlessly let down our guard. He was not after money, so what other motivecould he have for deceiving us? Finche,
en passant 
, departed suddenly after the accident and has notreturned. His entire scheme, it appears to us now, was to recruit dupes to test out his wildly pseudoscientific theories, especially his so-called "Law of Power.""The reason any plan, enterprise, or experiement fails, according to Finche, is entirely because of a lack of 
 power.
With enough power one might accomplish anything. He was fond of saying that with enough power one could travel to the moon! If at first you don't succeed, to paraphrase the old adage, try usingmore power. The answer is always
more power.
With enough power, something has got to happen."The Professor paused for a moment and said, " I expect that you get the thrust of the man's thinking,Freddy.""Oh yes, indeed," replied Freddy, "Why, power and money is what everyone seems to be after. Time ismoney, money is power, and so, time must be power.""You have described his attitude perfectly," said the Professor, "and in a flash. Would that we had beenso perspicacious. If he could control time, Finch possibly imagined, he would control the power thatcontrolled all other powers. That he and his scheme were insane, absolves him somewhat. But I cannotabsolve the lacunae in my own judgement.""I have a small confession to make, dear boy. As an entomologist whose specialty is the study of the
 
forelegs of beetles, I have often shamelessly indulged in the phantasy of being in the time when the firstinsects appeared on our fair planet. Imagine, if you will, the thrill of seeing the fiirst dung beetle, or even, the first mosquito!""Then you must not include me on your expeditions, Professor," said Freddy, "For I would be inclinedto smash the latter pest so there would be no
 second 
mosquito."Our time traveler of the present instant," said the older man, " is a derelict that Finche discovered in thestreets and alleyways of some unknown metropolis. A homeless drunk, named Stiles Huddlestump, whocould be induced to take on any risk for the promise of hard spirits.""What you saw a few moments ago, was the remains of Finch's apparatus. The paper and foil are theremains of five giant electrical condensers which were connected to the wire cage containing the timetraveler, Huddlestump. When fully changed, Finche intended to throw a switch which he hoped would produce such a powerful disturbance to the natural order that nature would regain its balance bythrowing Huddlestump into the future.""Alas, the result was not that which was anticipated. Before the switch could be thrown, a horrendousdischarge of lightning bolts occured as several of the condensers exploded. Fortunately for us, we weresafe behind a protective wall, but Huddlestump was exposed to it all. We found him lying unconscious,and were fearful that he would never regain his consciousness.""After some days in convalescence, he did so, much to our relief. But we could not understand his wildrantings. I am afraid we had sent his mind into the future, but not his body. But we were again gratifiedwhen he slowly regained his awareness of the present. He has brought back astonishing informationabout the future, but a portion of his mind is somehow trapped there. ""One of things that might be of interest to you, Freddy, as you are interested in the future, is hisinsistance upon having seen aeroplanes, made of metal, that were dropping huge bombs on cities below.""With all due respect, Professor," said Freddy, "This Huddlestump must be crackers. Metal aeroplanes!Why, the most advanced aeroplane can barely rise into the air when made of the lightest of materials. Itlacks the power to carry heavy loads.""Yes," said Thistlepatch musing on this, "it lacks power. Perhaps Finche was right all along." After amoment of thought the distinguished entomologist said abruptly, " In a few weeks, if Huddlestump'shealth improves to the point that he can endure a public interview, we shall schedule a meeting of theClub to examine his claims of future calamity. I shall send word to you when this will occur. It is pointless to look in on him now as he is generally asleep at this time of day.""If I am not being to forward, Professor, you might send word through Hyacinth Marie--a messenger Ishall be only too glad to receive." said Freddy, " I do wonder why she said nothing at all earlier this dayabout your scientific misadventure.""Hyacinth Marie, and her dear departed mother," said Thistlepatch," learned long ago to think of theClub members as boring old fuddy-duddys, and so she gives no attention whatever to our pursuits. Her fancies at the moment seem to be parties, balls, and other exciting amusements." Half to himself, hesaid, " And I do believe that her hair is growing progressively shorter with each cutting."II.
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