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Freddy, the Time Traveler (3) 
copyright 2009 by Clete Goffard
 
" The Bloody Towel."  
 I.
 
Professor Amos Thistlepatch was scrutinizing the foreleg of a green dung beetle in the library of hisgracious Victorian home when a banging on his front door disturbed his attention. He heard his daughter answer the door and reluctantly put his work aside.He was working on a paper to be entitled, "Variations in the Articulation of the Right Foreleg of theGreen Dung Beetle (
Scarabaeoidea
)," which was destined to be a classic, as Thistlepatch wasconsidered by many to be among the world's authorities on beetle forelegs, and his name was frequentlyheard whenever the conversation drifted around to dung beetles. His present monograph was a carefulanalysis of how the green dung beetle, or scarab, could form cattle droppings into little balls without putting its' foot in it, so to speak.As he made his way down the staircase he could see that the source of the commotion was noneother than Mr. Arrex, the local pharmacy proprietor, responsible for the calamity at the last meeting of The Time Travel Argonauts and Saturday Evening Cribbage Club, when his single minded determinationto exit had caused Miss Mulligan, the amply endowed librarian, to trip over her chair and crash to thefloor with a loud noise.Hyacinth Marie, the Professor's daughter, was in the hallway, attempting to calm down Arrex whowas quite agitated."Fit to be tied," was the odd thought that passed through Thistlepatch's mind ."Professor!" said Arrex, spotting him, "I have great problems. I..." and here he swallowed with agimace, " I am a murderer!""What's this?" asked Thistlepatch slightly alarmed, "A murderer, did you say? And who was it thatwas murdered?""Wayne Schnitzel, the butcher. My mother's lover!""Stop, for a moment," said the older man holding up his hand, "Schnitzel the butcher... I recall itnow. Why, that happened forty years ago.It was a gruesome crime--Schnitzel was discovered lying atophis butchering block with a cleaver in his chest, and a pork chop in his hand.""Yes!" cried Arrex, "It was I who put the cleaver in his chest!"Mr. Arrex," replied Thistlepatch, gently, "How old were you when Schnitzel died?""Nine years old.""Do you really suppose that a nine year old boy could overpower a large burly man used to roughwork?" asked the Professor."I killed him last night!" shouted Arrex, "I traveled back in time to put the cleaver in his chest.""A disturbing dream, and no more," said Thistlepatch, "Put your mind at ease.""Then how do you explain this!" replied Arrex, who pulled a bloody towel from his coat and held itup for display. "I awoke from a what you call a dream to find a bloody rag in my hand? I am convincedI murdered the brute, but I cling to the remote hope that I am mistaken. Professor, for the sake of mysanity you must use your expert knowledge of time travel to convince me that what seems true isimpossible!""Well, now," said the Professor, " that may be a large undertaking. I suggest we retire to my study toget to the bottom of this dilemma. Hyacinth,dear, we would be obliged for a large pot of tea," adding,
 sotto voce,
behind his hand,"Be certain there is a substantial amount of brandy in it." Thistlepatch had ahealthy regard for the therapeutic effect of alcohol on the nervous system.So Thistlepatch and Arrex went upstairs to turn over stones long overgrown with moss. Little by
 
little, the whole sordid tale came out. It was not a tale of Oedipus, unknowingly returning to kill hisfather, but the agony of a delicate nine-year-old whose bedroom shared a wall with his mother's room.Every weekend night, young Arrex would lie on his little cot and be assaulted by the noisesemanating from the adjoining room.For hours at a time there was the thumpa, thumpa, thumpa of hismother's huge old oaken bed as she and Schnitzel, her fat German boyfriend, rode it over the floor withgrunting, moans, and screams of "Oooooh!" and "Mein Gott!"He forced his fingers into his ears to keep out the din, but that didn't work. His eyes red with tears,young Arrex pleaded over and over, "Please God--please make the noise stop! I want to take my nap!"But God didn't make the noise stop. Perhaps He didn't hear, or perhaps Schnitzel was praying louder.But just when Arrex was about to give up on the Divinity, the noises did stop. Schnitzel no longer appeared. His mother seemed pale and withdrawn. Strange, important looking, people came into thehouse to ask questions. His mother took him aside, a little later, and explained that "Uncle Wayne"would not be coming by again--UncleWayne was in Heaven. It was thus that Arrex learned what adouble-edged sword praying is, for he realized
then
, that he was not going to get the chemistry set thatUncle Wayne had promised him for Christmas.Upon digesting this, and more, Thistlepatch, sat back and mused. "Apparently, the bloody towel liesat the crux of the matter. Can you tell me anything more about this?""No," replied Arrex sadly, "It was merely a towel of many I keep about the house.""And you did not take the towel to bed with you?""Professor!" cried out Arrex, "What do you take me for?""My apologies, Mr. Arrex," said the professor (not quite certain why he was apologizing), "I wasmerely entertaining a random thought concerning nosebleed."Then, taking a long draught of brandied tea, he continued, "This is a fascinating case, and I must giveit some thought and consult with others.""Professor," said Arrex with some degree of alarm, "This matter must be kept confidential at allcosts.""Rest assured,Mr. Arrex," said Thistlepatch, "It will be pursued with the utmost delicacy, and your identity will not be revealed. Henceforth I shall refer to it simply as the "bloody towel time traveler case."II.The Professor's promise of confidentially to Arrex did not extend as far as having young FreddyFredericks, time travel aficianado and friend of Hyacinth make some discrete investigations into the lifeof one Mr. Arvin Arrex."The man has the reputation of being a mine field," reported back Freddy, "As is commonly known.Mrs. Flattus, who seems to be an expert on anyone you can name, told me that a young woman fromout of town, not knowing of Arrex's disposition, entered the apothecary and enquired about acommercial product for the treatment of hemorrhoids."Is this for you?" Arrex asked, in his sharp way."No," said the embarassed young lady," it is for a friend of mine."This simple statement caused Arrex to blurt out loudly, "NO IT IS NOT! YOU'RE LYING! IT'SFOR YOU!" According to witnesses the young woman burst into tears and fled, and Arrex stood in acorner and trembled violently and banged his head against the wall until his distress subsided."I would say the man is crackers," concluded Freddy, "and I intend to obtain my prescriptionselsewhere.""Perhaps if the townsfolk could afford one of your machines, Freddy, they would travel out of town,as well, " referring to Freddy's recent rise to being the county's only Pegasus Electric Automobilefactory representative."The reports of the man's ill humor has given rise to an idea," said Freddy, "You do not suppose thatArrex have killed someone else believing it to be Schnitzel? He may be a complete lunatic for all weknow."
 
"If you will follow me, My dear Mr. Fredericks," said the professor, "I shall set you to an essentialtask which I do not presently have time for, as I am finishing a monograph on the manipulative skills of 
Scarabaeoida
."Freddy followed the professor to his well-appointed library wherre the elder man motioned him to acomfortable window chair, and after some rummaging about returned with a weighty stack of volumeswhich he set on a chairside reading table. "If you feel you are up to the task, Freddy, " said Thistlepatch,"I am asking you to undertake a research into the behaviour of time travelers with special emphasis onthe problem afflicting Mr. Arrex." The professor left, but returned a few minutes later with a decanter and glass. "I shall leave the brandy decanter with you, as well," said Thistlepatch, "so that you may calmyour nerves while pursuing the ephemerae of temporal dislocation.""Time Travelers seem to be a bloody lot," Freddy reported back several days later, "Why, I believe Ihave read three theories by persons who proposed to travel back in time to kill their parents. I shouldthink that if one traveled backward in time, one would be wiser to give them a bag of money to makeone's own life better. I can however, discern no reason for wanting to kill one's grandparents.""I'm sure the consideration is merely theoretical," answered Thistlepatch, "the point being that if onetraveled backward in time too kill one's parents that one would therefore not be born, so there would beno one to travel backward in time to kill the parents. But if you were born, it means you would or couldnot have traveled back in time and killed them. So time travel is in the first case impossible, or in thesecond case, the time traveler possibly loses the nerve to actually kill his parents,or he kills them after heis born, which makes the whole trip pointless, it would seem, unless our ideas of time are incorrect.. Of course, this overlooks the motivation of one's siblings, if any, who might destroy one's time machine if they discovered one's programme, for it would be their parents as well, who were killed, which theymight not care for. I suspect the use of grandparents is to spare the time traveler the trauma of killing hisdear Mater and Pater.""Nontheless," continued Freddy, I cannot find an account or proposal for traveling back in time to doin one's mother's gentleman friend.""Be that as it may," said Thistlepatch, "I believe the answer to Arrex's problem does not involvetraveling in time, but a deep seated agony of the psyche. The man has the reputation of extreme reactionto seemingly harmless events. I, too, have been informed by townsfolk that the man has a mercurialtemperament. My own daughter is apprehensive about going into his shop because of the strange way hestares at her over the top of his glasses.""If the brute terrifies Hyacinth," said Freddy sternly, "then I shall be obliged to call him out.""Calm yourself, my dear young man," said the professor, "Hyacinth will have no purpose in visitinghis shop now that her stalwart defender can whisk her to the next metropolis in an electric machine.""I have already expressed the opinion that the man is crackers," replied Freddy, "and I see no reasonto modify that statement."III.Freddy wasted little time in taking up the Professor's suggestion. He made a date with Hyacinth for aday's shopping in the nearby Metroville to supply their apothecary needs as well as to obtain what other goods might be desired.It was an auspicious morning, and the Professor and Hyacinth, who was of course his only child,were lingering over breakfast when there was the novel "AA-OO-GA" sound of an automobile hornfrom out front.They stepped out the front door to be greeted by the sight of Freddy, in linen duster, traveling cap,and googles seated a handsome black and maroon Pegasus Electric Automobile.Freddy removed a package from the passenger seat and presented it to Hyacinth. Shortly thereafter,Hyacinth in a ladies' duster, goggles, and cap took a seat beside Freddy, and the two sped off toMetroville with parting waves to the Professor and several AA-OO-GA's from the horn.A few miles from their starting point, the car started down an incline into a small valley a hundred
of 00

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