Between the alcohol and close proximity,
barhoppers often makethe folks pouring the
drinks the object of their desire. (It doesn’thurt if the bartender’s a real cutie, either.) Charlottesville native JonBray, who tends at Ten, explains it’s just part of his job.
C-VILLE: Do people ever hit on you when you’re working?Bray
: Oh yeah! Absolutely.
Who hits on you?
I probably get hit on more by guys than girls. I don’t know why.
How do you know when someone wants you?
It’s usually pretty obvious. You know, it’s more like a vibe or the way they look at you. Sometimes I’ll set a drink down and get a littlebrush of the hand or something like that. Of course there is theclassic leaving their number on the check.
How does it make you feel when someone is flirting with you?
It’s definitely very flattering. It’s a confidence booster when some-body likes you—especially if they’re good looking.
Do you ever flirt back?
Oh yes. It kind of comes with the territory. You’re trying to sell morealcohol, so you get a little flirty, particularly with older ladies
thatare out with the girls having fun. I’ve never hooked up with a
com-plete stranger who came into the bar, though. If you want storieslike that, you have to talk to bartenders who work at the Corner.
What is your best bar flirting story?
Once a guy and a girl came into the bar and paid their checks sepa-rately. When I looked at their credit card receipts, they had both lefttheir phone numbers. That was pretty funny.
21
F e b r u ar y7 –1 3 ,2 0 1 2
c- vi l l e. c om
1 0 0 % R e c y cl e d P a p er
LOVE ME, ’TENDER
SEX ISSUE
Desire: A roadmap for women
“This was one of the problems with nothaving a road map,” said Clayton. The FDA“wanted certain outcomes that maybe werenot great outcome measures.” For men, a“successful sexual event” means an erec-tion that is hard enough to penetrate. Butthat idea doesn’t translate from men towomen, and other outcomes—say, “satis-faction”—were difficult to quantify, andindirectly related to desire.
“If you think about your sexual desire, you
can have desire without ever participatingin sex,” said Clayton. “And you can partici-pate in sex without ever having desire.” Butthere are routes to desire, as particular as
your partner. And Clayton’s work could make
it easier to find a more direct path.
Art exhibitionism
When it comes to first dates, visitingan art opening is usually a pretty safebet. A gallery walk is a hassle-free,unintimidating activity that gives youplenty to talk about. This month’sopening at Firefish Gallery should bequite the conversation starter, but youmight want to save it for a partneryou’re already—how shall we say—well acquainted with.Through February, “Sin: A GroupCollective of Erotic Art” is showing ina private room on the second floor of the gallery space, and features eroticart by 10 local artists, including nudestudies, erotic photography, and sculp-
tural interpretations of erogenous zones.
According to a press release, theexhibit “aims to push boundaries withworks ranging from graphic to subtle,”and “beg the viewer to question notonly their comfort level but also toquestion the definition of ‘erotic.’”That might be a tall order if the exhibitwere just pictures of the disrobed, but“Sin” also includes work by a jewelerand a fashion designer. Stop on by,and Firefish might just inspire you andyour companion to get a little—howshall we say—creative on your own.
12 to 18
That’s how old 69 percent of youwere when you lost your V-card.
By her credentials, Anita Clayton is a UVA
Medical School grad and seasoned psychia-trist.
But, more plainly, she’s a cartographer
of sexuality, a doctor devoted to helping men
and women map their desires and drives.While working as a Navy psychiatrist, dur-ing the advent of Prozac, she worked with
men who found their drives diminished. (Infact, Clayton’s 2001 study of antidepressants
and desire is featured on a Trivial Pursuitcard.)However, as Clayton wrote in her 2007
book,
Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the
Quest for Intimacy
—and as she said in
her
LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH
62 percent of you said you’re in a monogamousrelationship, while 11 percent of you said you’re in a relationship, but that it isn’t monogamous.
office during a recent interview—there is
nosurefire way for addressing desire disordersin women. “The problem with looking
atsex disorders in women is, we don’t have aroad map for how sex should work,” she said.
Clayton is involved in the developmentof treatments for hyposexual desire disor-der and female sexual arousal disorder.LibiGel, a testosterone gel that is applied tothe arm, is three years into a five-year safe-ty study, part of its FDA approval process.She also studied Flibanserin, which wentbefore the FDA in 2010 but was ultimately not approved.
Anita Clayton Jon Bray
J O H N R O B I N S O N J O H N R O B I N S O N
C O U R T E S Y G A L L E R Y
Leave a Comment