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MARTIAL PASSION AND A PICKLE JAR 
A married couple I know opened a P.J.’s coffee shop. It was a chain, New Orleans style,kind of like a Starbucks during Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, it’ll only be a matter of time beforethe couple files for divorce. There was passion in their marriage before the coffee shop; a mutualheat that kept their marriage alive and vigorous, but access to an unlimited, free supply of caffeine has taken their passion and heat in an ugly direction.The problem began with the coffee itself. The husband was a little old fashioned when itcame to his joe, and the variety on the menu alone caused him some discomfort.“Why does everything have to be so black and white with you?” the wife kept saying.“People want diversity in their coffee selections.”“Well, what the hell is a granita?”“So it has milk in it. Try one. Live a little.”“I’ve already had plenty of those. They’re called milkshakes.”
 
Over the next few weeks, the caffeine began calling to them. They were well on their wayto being addicts now, comfortable ensconced in a nice steamy cup of denial more than ten or twelve times a day, as the two of them began to stretch the boundaries of their imaginations, their digestive systems, and their own menu.“I want to triple expresso with a moo-moo twist,” said the husband, still staying coffeehardcore even with his crazy requests.“Well, I’ll take a mocha cappuccino latte with soy.”“Jesus, woman, is there even room for the coffee in there?” The husband turned to hisemployees. “Screw the moo-moo twist. Give me a quadruple expresso. Just line them up in thoselittle shot glasses right here.”“All right, forget the cappuccino latte. I’ll take a chai velvet ice topped with cinnamon.”The husband turned to look at her. “That’s cold.”“I know,” she said with a self satisfied smile.They began to fight about everything. Where there had been love, passion, care, now onlyhad room for jangled nerves and coffee breath. They even fought about the kind of people whocame in to the coffee shop. The wife favored the groups of mothers. The husband was more intothe students. Neither of them cared much for the skateboard slackers and their little laptops.Mainly, I think it was all of them that caused the wife and husband trouble. The whole relaxing,lounging crowd. How could all those people drink all this caffeine and then do nothing?
 
Bethany and I don’t do that juiced up, highly caffeinated couple fighting. I wish I couldsay this because we view this as something that would be beneath us and low class. Not so. Wehave to fight in a more lateral manner. Our confrontations cannot be direct because when I yell ather I always make her cry. She also knows that she scares me a little bit when she is really madand that I’m afraid she might come after me with a knife.It got worse after we started having kids. Like maybe my wife harbors just a touch of hatefor each diaper she’s changed. Or a touch of madness for each time her body expanded tooutrageous proportions while the children grew inside her. There was always a little heat withher. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s the jealous type, but I think both of us are a tad possessive. Frankly, I know that I am because there’s not anyone else I’d rather spend time with,and when I have to share her, or spend time with others, occasionally I resent it.Well, I think she is the same way, only now that hormones and little children have beenthrown into the equation, it can get a little dangerous.She thinks Lorena Bobbitt had a good idea. She told me that one night. We’re sittingthere, watching TV, and out of nowhere she said, “If you ever cheat on me you’re going to wakeup one day with your penis sitting on your bedside table in a pickle jar. I swear I’ll cut that thingoff.”Had this statement come from a relatively sane person then it might stand up to somerational analysis, but this was from a sleep deprived mother of four little kids. She was getting
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deleted_fbuser_1328609785

I'll have a phobia of Kosher Dill pickles for the rest of my life. THANKS A LOT C.W. lol

reply04 / 29 / 2011
Phantomimic

LOL! Aye brother, having been threatened with the pickle jar a few times myself, I fully understand what you write about here. Thanks for sharing and congrats on the featured. Hey didn't John Bobbit go on to make commercials for shin-zu cutlery?

reply02 / 21 / 2010
Crow34

Very nice you have been featured again congrats.

reply02 / 18 / 2010
saurabh126

well it's amazing --------------- saurabh http://www.financehelpdirect.com

02 / 18 / 2010
Suzanne

Featured..Yay. This is such a funny piece. Nice job.

reply02 / 18 / 2010
Linglang

lol ,made me laugh ,although the coffee thing has so much mileage in it ,I like coffee but honestly maybe its an american thing (like english tea)when did a coffee get so damn complicated ! :)

reply02 / 17 / 2010
Linglang

you should expand on that ,with your style of writing ,honestly if you could hear my moaning about it , there is no such thing as normal anymore ...and don't get me started on the various sizes ...small is the size of an elephant ...funny thou :)

02 / 17 / 2010
cwdowdy

I can't keep up with the coffee thing either all I know about it is what I hear other people order. Crazy. You wonder how there is room for the coffee with all the stuff they put in it. Thanks the read and feedback. CD

02 / 17 / 2010
Linglang

well done on the feature ,happened after I read it !.....i must be magic :)

02 / 17 / 2010
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