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THE FRIENDSHIP RULE©Dennis LegerI hope young people don
’
t
think this is the way it’s supposed to be
!Those of us who have been around for nearly a lifetime are likely to agree that our country is morepolarized, politically and spiritually, than ever before. I don
’
t think historians would argue the pointunless they were citing the Civil War.
It must be time to impose “The Friendship Rule.”
We need the rule now to preserve our democracy, our sanity and civility. The Friendship Rule simplyasks, in social situations, that we avoid issues that are polarizing and divisive. Its purpose is
not
topromote friendship, but to prevent conflict and hurt feelings. The rule is simple: offer your opinion onlywhen asked.
It’s not that
we
don’t have
opinions. They are part of our personalities. Although we are free to expressour views, we are also free to keep them to ourselves. Our manners are part of our personalities too.We would all be in a better place, less divided, if at times we chose to restrain our opinions in favor of courtesy.Why should we? Why should we hold back? After all, there is nothing wrong with a civil discussionamong friends. But some people are obsessed with their political views or their faith. Do we have toshare, exactly, their views? Believe as they do? Without comment? Certainly not!But since it is unlikely you will agree 100%, across the board, with
anyone
,
doesn’t it make sense to
keepcontroversy out of relationships? Why not base them on some of the thousands of common intereststhat bring people together? How about friendship based on character? Or based on personality? On ashared history or sense of humor? If w
e don’t need to agree to get a
long with each other, to be friends,what is the point of starting an argument?In the workplace, businesses restrict the discussions of religion or politics to prevent arguments thatwould reduce productivity. The rule is easy to understand, even for first degree zealots. If it is goodpersonnel policy in the workplace, it may be good personal policy in social situations. It teaches ussomething about human relations. Again: that w
e don’t need to agree to get along.
Facebook users tend to write freely. After all,
it’s just
Facebook! It is no surprise that everyone has anopinion, but a little surprising that they would post it without regard to the views or feelings of theirF
acebook “friends
,
”
who usually remain tolerant and tactful if they disagree. It would be better foreveryone if those views were shared by email or private message, and only with those who are unlikelyto be offended.
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