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ARNIE GETS A SECOND CHANCE©Dennis Leger
“So these are the pearly gates!”
 
“You made it this far,” an elderly bureaucrat shuffled through a stack of manila folders, “Whatwas the name again?”
 
“Arnie, er, Arnold Penn.”
 
“All right. Here it is. Let’s take a look.”
He opened a thick file.
“I hope everything is in order.”
 
“Oh, don’t worry. If you made it this far, you should be all right.” The old man adjusted the
narrow spectacles on his shiny nose.Arnie looked around to see the long line behind him. He was almost glad that he had comeearly.
“Looks like you’re up for recycling.”
 
“Huh?”
 
“Yup, new program. We’re running low on souls, so we are recycling.”
 
“God! I mean Gosh, can’t He just make more?”
 
“Are you kidding? Don’t you think six billion is enough?”
 
“I never thought about it before.” He was not comfortable arguing. Besides the old man said heshould be all right. “What do I need to do?”
 
“You know that beer commercial?”
 
“Yeah, which one?”
 
“You only go around once in life, so get all the gusto and so on and so on.”
 
“I know the one.”
 
“It’s wrong! You get to go around one more time.”
 
“You mean I have to go back?”
 
“Yep, you catch on quick. You are being recycled.”
 
 
“Don’t I get a choice?”
 
“Sure, seventy or eighty more years d
own there or eternity stoking the furnace, If you know
what I mean.”
 
“Jesus! I mean Gosh!”
 
“Watch it, sonny!”
 
“I’m sorry. Really. Sorry. Anyway, I get to go back knowing everything I already learned?”
 
“Well, it doesn’t work quite like that. You see, you get to be born with a new
body, as a baby. In
fact, we can get you there in time for the conception if that sort of thing interests you.”
 
“So I have to start over from the beginning?”
 
“That’s it. But bec
ause you are one of the first in line today,
I can give you a choice of….let’ssee….
continent
, race….let’s see here, even….gender. What were you before?”
 
“Isn’t that in the file?”
 
“Give me a break. I’m
trying to give
you a choice here.”
 
“Sorry. If I have to go back I guess I would like to be a white American boy baby.”
 
“You and everyone else! I couldn’t promise that to the Pope.”
 
“What else have you got?”
 
“Asia.
Lots
of opportunities in Asia. And Africa. Just about anything you want in Africa.”
 
“How about Europe?”
 
“I got a lot of openings in
Kosovo. Most people would rather go to hell. You would be doing mea big favor if you took Kosovo
.”
 
“Sorry, I guess I’m thinking about Asia.”
 
“Good choice! Matter of fact, if you want to make two quick turn
-aro
unds I’ve got ‘baby girl’ inChina. They send them back almost as quick as they get them.”
 
“Jes…. Oops! Gosh, I don’t know what to pick.”
 
“Well, make up your mind. I don’t have all day.”
 
“Do you have anything in America? Black, poor,
hispanic, ghetto? How about migrant worker?
Anything! I didn’t know how good I had it in Mississippi. I would give anything to start over in America.How about Iowa? You must have something in Iowa!”
 
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