• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • 2
    CommentGo Back
Download
 
 “Divorcing With Compassion,Understanding and Dignity” 
From http://www.magicrelationship.com
 Divorce is an incredibly painful and trying time for everybody in a family
.
Being able to c
 ommunicate your feelings and needs in an effective manner
is one wayto help keep your own sanity and to check in with your partner and children.Of course you’d always want to check in with your children – but your partner? Whynot?
 Just because you’re divorcing doesn’t mean you can’t be respectful of their feelingsand needs as well
.
or
Okay, if I haven’t lost you on that last comment (I know a lot of people really don’t wantto connect with their soon-to-be-ex), read on!
The Magic Relationship Method,
which is based on theNonviolent Communicationmethoddeveloped by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg (www.cnvc.org), can be very helpful incommunicating your way through the divorce. In fact, there are many mediators whoprimarily use Nonviolent Communication as a mediation technique.One of the basic premises of this communication method is that emotions are the naturaloutcome of either getting your needs met or not.
Think about it – if your need for foodis being met, you’ll probably be happ
y.
 If not, you’ll be cranky
. If your need forbeauty and harmony is being met by the furnishings of your living room, you’ll behappy. If not, you’ll be kind of disappointed when you look around the room.If your needs are being met by the proceedings of the divorce, I don’t know that you’ll be“happy”, but at least you might be content. If not, you’ll be unhappy for sure. Divorcesare just not fun, anyway.
 
The Magic Relationship Method communication method 
is a simple four steps. Click on the following link to read an article on the 4 Step Formula. That’s a good place tostart for being able to communicate with your ex, the attorneys, and your children, if youhave any.Another thing to do is look at these links for Rosenberg’s list of basic human needs andtry to decide which of those needs you would like to have met in the divorce. That way,when you communicate with your ex, you can be very clear about them.http://www.harmonicinteractions.com/goodfeelingsrosenberg.htm http://www.harmonicinteractions.com/feelingsbadrosenberg.htm http://www.harmonicinteractions.com/needs.htm Children are often confused and frightened during divorce proceedings.It would be helpful for them if 
 you could clearly express your feelings and needs around the divorce to them
. Even if they are young, they will be able to connect to yourneed for love, understanding and affection. They will understand
 your need for safety for yourself and your loved ones.
They may not have as deep an understanding as anadult, but as human beings they know these needs well.If your children are teenagers,
they may not agree with your strategies for gettingyour needs met.
 But maybe you all can understand each other in terms of your needs at any rate. It wouldbe very important to make sure you understand your children’s feelings and needs at thistime, too.
 And again, you may not agree with the strategies your teenagers are using toexpress themselves, but you may be able to connect on the level of their needs.
Have your children look at the list of human needs on the website and decide which of their needs are the most important to be met right now, then decide on some strategies formeeting those needs that are acceptable to both you and the children.
It’s imperativethat the children feel like their needs matter during this difficult time.
 And remember, above all, being kind to yourself during this stressful time will go mileswith all of your relationships.Give yourself the training and tools to make this transition with
 compassion,understanding and dignity
…get our relationship communication ebook today… 
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
Frans J.L. Zegers

There is communication and communication. Without communication there is no relation. It's like two vessels of water. If they do not have an open pipe to flow together, there is no connection, and no use to communicate. They remain the same. If there is a pipe, but one has closed off the free flow of communication/ free flow of water, the communication is hindered and the two will never be one!

reply03 / 25 / 2008
onlinedesign

Very excellent advice...and so true! COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS THE KEY. I don't know why your links are not working. Thank you for including the full URL's. Perhaps re-upload the document and see if that works? The links should be working with the new Scribd system. Write to Admin if they don't. (I, for one, want to be the one who decides if I want to "click" over or not and see the online material.) This material might help someone going through a very difficult time. I am so glad you shared it with us. Also, for those of you who don't know...the links DO work and take you to the source information IF you download the material. Thanks again.

reply02 / 27 / 2008
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...