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Staff of Open Magazine

Editor-in-Chief: Rachel Solnick


Design Editor: Jenny Narrod
Photography Editor: Taylor Johnson
 
Perspectives Editors:
Becky Leven, Margaret McKeehan
Short Story Editors:
Katherin Sudol, Anastasia Harris
Articles Editor:
Amanda Hu
Editorial Editors:
Mimi Arnold, Katherin Sudol
Poetry Editor:
Liz Mallet
Health and Body Editors:
Sergio Jaramillo, Rachel Heirman
Publicity:
Meilani Santillan, Kate Hildebrandt
Editorial Assistance:
Andy Dimond, Lauren Fitte, Matilda Young
Web Editor:
Becky Leven
Cover art by Taylor Johnson

Open Magazine is a literary sex magazine produced by


undergraduates at Rice University.
Copyright © 2008 by Open Magazine
No portion of Open Magazine  may be reproduced without
permission. All rights reserved.

SUBMISSIONS
Please submit articles, short stories, poems and works of lit-
erature or art to Open Magazine at RiceOpen.submissions@
gmail.com or mail to :
Open Magazine
6340 Main Street
Houston, TX 77005
Submissions disclaimer:  A submission becomes the non-exclusive property
of Open Magazine and may be used as marketing to further promote the
magazine.

GET INVOLVED
Open  is looking for volunteer writers, web designers, busi-
Photo Credit: Edward Merritt

ness and editors for next year’s staff! Email RiceOpen@


gmail.com.

To advertise, please contact Riceopen.advertise@gmail.com

http://www.rice.edu/openmagazine


Letter from the Editor
When I first told people that I was starting a literary sex maga- report released this year. Caught in the crossroads of conflicting
zine, they were surprised. A literary what magazine? Why make messages, we face a moral tug-of-war. Sex is a multifaceted
an entire publication about sex? Why take something so private, issue, and its complexity needs to be brought to our attention.
so personal, out of the bedroom and into the public domain? The Open is about realizing that sex can be both profound and
short answer is simple: the interaction between sex and culture fun! By featuring a more literary side to experiences with sex
brings about issues that need to be confronted. through short stories and poems, we aim to use words and art
The longer answer is not so simple- while it may be more as an artistic medium to convey emotions. The magazine is
comfortable to make generalizations about culture from the meant to be educational as well; we present features such as
vantage point of the observer, any real understanding needs news briefs, articles and a health and body section. Instructional
to come from within. Maybe it is because of the small student details on sex are left out- we believe such information is readily
population, the intense workload or the self-professed nerdiness available online or in other magazines; instead we present the
of Rice students, but in the opinion of many students with whom voice of your peers.
I have spoken, the culture of Rice is not as welcoming to sex as Open is founded on the belief that sexual expression is a
it could be. I strongly believe in the maturity of college students natural and essential part of human development, a viewpoint
to intelligently tackle socially, and sometimes morally ambigu- supported by the majority of today’s psychologists. The maga-
ous issues and I think it is about time we used the caliber of zine does not have a specific agenda regarding issues such as
analysis we reserve for academics and turned it inward to Open the morality of sex, or when sex should or should not happen,
the doors of the unspoken, the implied, the taken for granted, to but rather presents the imperative to examine your own views
see the truth that lies behind what we know and think about sex. on what role sex plays in your life. With changing contraceptive
What Open Magazine is advocating is not necessarily more sex, options, gender roles and societal norms regarding virginity, the
but rather a respect for sex and its impact on culture and our landscape of sexual morality seems in constant flux. By itself,
individual lives. Open cannot define a path for you, but it can be a companion
According to a study by the American College Health As- on your journey. And in the end, Open magazine is not as much
sociation, about 70 percent of girls who have not had sex prior about sex as it is about people and a respect for humanity in
to entering college lose their virginity by senior year. Compared dealing with something that has the capacity to be anything from
to the relatively sheltered homes many freshmen come from, confusing and risky to pleasurable and playful. Let Open be your
college represents a freewheeling environment of tantalizing intimate conversation with a confidante, a disclosure that reso-
excess, a plunge into the cold water of unfamiliarity in which nates a familiar note and leaves you with a broader worldview.
some students indulge sexually. But the expectation of college
as a time for experimentation, self discovery and making bad Rachel Solnick
decisions provides only a temporary safety net. Open seeks to
present the reader with a level-headed compilation of writings
that taken together, vouch for sustainable moderation.
We are living in an age of paradox. An age where Fox televi-
sion network can reject a Trojan condom advertisement be-
cause it promotes the use of condoms for pregnancy prevention
instead of disease prevention, but then turn around and feature
the glamorously sexual dramas of The O.C. An age where the
biological desire for sex is compounded by the desire to comply Photo Credits: Creative Commons Attribution
with societal expectations, which are often prescribed by sexual-
ly saturated media. An age where we reach puberty earlier, but
economic independence and full-time employment later. An age
where legislation governing a women’s control over her body is
getting less restrictive- just last year, after years of debate, the
FDA approved emergency contraception for over-the-counter
sales – but many classrooms around the country still teach
abstinence-only sex education. An age when discussing sex on
a personal level is still taboo, but one in four American teenage
girls has an STD, according to a Centers for Disease Control


Table of Contents
2 Letter from the Editor 47 Gardasil and What it Means to Men
3 Table of Contents Guyton Durnin
4 Survey 48 Evolution of the Orgasm
5 News Brief Sergio Jaramillo
Anastasia Harris & Rachel Solnick
50 Editorials/Opinion
6 Perspectives 51 Abstinence-Only Sex Education Is
7 Being Bisexual Anything But
Chelsea Smith Dane Powell
8 The Absence of Sex in Being Black 53 Sex Education in Tennessee
Anastasia Harris Margaret McKeehan
9 My Relationship with Sex: 55 On Women and Assertiveness in Dating
An Indian’s Perspective Misha Teplitskiy

12
Raj Bandyopadhyay
Interview with a Buddhist Monk
56 Poems
JianYing FaShi 57 Beach at Evening
57 Captivity
14 Short Stories Courtney Ng
15 Puzzle Pieces 58 Ice
16 Sexy Little Thing Anastasia Harris
Ann Wang 59 Union
17 Petite Mort Haley Richardson
Liz Mallett 59 Mil y un maneras de olvidarte
19 On the Sexuality of Cocktails Luis Zuleta
Haley Richardson 60 Hope for the Hollow Woman
22 Closed Haley Richardson
Julia Bursten 61 Exceptions and Mapmaking
23 The Love Handbook Ann Wang

25 Grand Theft Panties 62 Rope


Kristina Courtney Ng

26 She’s Crafty 63 Dancing Zoetrope


Rachel Solnick
27 One Hit Away
Darren Arquero
Open Magazine would like to thank the Dr. Bill Wilson
29 Articles Student Initiative Grant for its generous support of this
30 When the Teacher is Gone magazine.
Katherin Sudol
32 Ground Zero
Derek Workman
34 Women of the Magdalene Program
Claire Berry
37 The Kama Sutra and the Ananga-Ranga
Dr. Anne Hardgrove
39 Geishas and the Floating World
Celestine Shih

41 Health and Body


42 Getting Tested
44 Exploring Health Benefits of Sex
Victoria Trinh
46 Plan B -FAQ
Katherin Sudol Explicit Image - Watch out!


Survey
Conducted by Meilani Santillan and Kate Hildebrandt

This winter, 793 Rice undergraduates completed Open Magazine’s online sex survey, answering over 30 questions that investigated
their sexual behavior and opinions. Compared to the national average of percent of students who have had sex, Rice had almost
twice as many students respond that they had not had intercourse. A 2006 study in the Journal of American College Health reported
23.5 percent of respondents were virgins. For Rice, this number was 39.2 percent. While participants took the survey on their own
accord, extensive advertising was conducted to elicit a large response to help offset the self-selection method. Participants were
distributed fairly evenly among residential college, year and sex. For the complete survey results, find the link at http://www.rice.
edu/openmagazine. The following statics highlight some of the findings:

60.5% of women and 61.2% of male students have had sex


4.3% homosexual and 5.6% bisexual
46.8% assign significant importance to the quality of sex in a
relationship
80.4% of students masturbate
18.4% have had sexual experience with a member of the same
sex
65.8% of women have used a sex toy and 72.3% of those who
haven’t would be willing to try
~35% discuss sex with their partners on a regular basis
59.7% of sexually active students have had unprotected sex
10.0% have been sexual abused while intoxicated

49.2% of students who have had sex


would not change anything about
their first time and 25.3% would
have changed who it was with
28% of women and 24% of men have had
more than 10 hook-ups
23.6% do not think it is necessary to be
dating before having sex
53.6% of women and 33.8% of men
have never had an orgasm
~60% believe that if a person they were
interested in dating initiated intimacy
sooner than expected, it would
not be a factor in the development
of the relationship


News Briefs
Compiled by Anastasia Harris and Rachel Solnick

In a ruling that was announced on Valentine’s Day this year, members in the senate are supporting the move toward manda-
a federal appeals court struck down a Texas law that made it a tory HPV vaccines in middle school girls to combat the rising
crime to sell or promote sex toys as reported by statesman.com. numbers of cervical cancer. Almost half of Maryland’s senate
The law dates back to the 1970’s and though rarely enforced, in backs the legislation that would require all girls in middle school
2003 a woman in Fort Worth was arrested for selling sex toys at to take the preventative measure. Other states thinking of follow-
a Tupperware style sex toy party. Stating that the law violates ing suit? New Jersey, California, Georgia, Texas and Kentucky.
the right to privacy protected by the Fourteenth Amendment,
Texas courts followed in the footsteps of Louisiana, Kansas and Male birth control pills? It could be coming soon. In a recent
Colorado courts that recently struck down similar laws. Not study by researchers at the University of Sydney, Australia, a
wanting to extend such pleasures to the people, Alabama, Mis- combination of testosterone and progestin was found to sup-
sissippi and Virginia still have laws banning the sale of pleasure press sperm production to an level as low as that of a male who
shafts. has had a vasectomy. Though more investigation on types of
hormones is still needed, scientists
A cure for AIDS? Gambian are optimistic that hormonal con-
President Yahya Jammeh traception in males may become
claims to have created an an effective and reversible form
herbal concoction that cures of birth control. For more, see
the symptoms of AIDS afflict- the study in the Journal of Clinical
ing his West African nation. Endocrinology and Metabolism.
The world court hasn’t taken
too kindly to such claims “This ain’t no etch-a-sketch…”
however, calling Jammeh’s but it’s not a pregnancy test either.
statements “irresponsible” It’s a do-it-yourself paternity test
and “dangerous” as reported called Identigene. Developed by
by CNN. Sorenson genomics, this at-home
DNA test was released in March
No more advertising your this year and is sold for $29.99 at
“services” on craigslist my Rite Aid pharmacies. Sales were
lovely streetwalkers. The NY- so strong in the first week of its
Times.com reports that eight release that Rite Aid decided to sell
women visiting Long Island the product in over 4,000 stores in
last summer were arrested on 30 states according to msnbc.com.
charges of prostitution as a result of advertising in craigslist’s While the Food and Drug Administration’s review is not required,
erotic services category. And no, 100 “kisses” for 30 minutes results are puportedly reported with 98 to 99 percent accuracy.
isn’t going to fool the fuzz anymore.
Based on new statistical information, the abortion rate in
“Heeeeeeeere piggy piggy piggy!” Trojan’s recent “Evolve” America is dropping. In a study conducted by the Guttmacher
ad featuring male pigs attempting to hit on a woman at a bar Institution between 2000 and 2005, yearly abortion numbers
apparently did not sit well with the two heavy-hitter corporations tumbled from 1.3 million to 1.2 million. The amount of abortions
Fox and CBS who rejected the ad because it lacked overt health performed has not been this low since 1974 as reported by the
messages according to NYtimes.com. But have no fear, the New York Times. It has also been noted by the Times that this
commercial has been showcased elsewhere on ABC, NBC and decline is due to prevention and sex-education programs within
nine cable networks, which include MTV, Comedy Central and schools and not to Bush’s abstinence only program.
Adult Swim.

The Washington Post reported in 2007 that a large number of



Perspectives

Perspectives
Photo Credits: Simon Bucknell
Being Bisexual
Chelsea Smith

“Being bisexual means I am attracted to souls, I have always found it strange when people talk about their
to people, to individuals. It means that eroti- “type” because I have never really had one. Even ignoring
cism is not limited to one set of genitalia, but gender, the different kinds of people I find myself attracted to
found in minds, hands, eyes, hips, mouths of all are all strikingly unique from one another. For me, it is more of
genders.” the spark, the connection I have with someone. Many people,
- Rebecca Walker straight and gay alike, have difficulty understanding this.
I sat down to write this article with a Straight people can comprehend that gays are attracted to the
topic in my mind and the charger in my laptop. same sex just as they are attracted to the opposite sex, and vice
Strangely enough, though, I couldn’t think of versa, but adding another gender can be confusing for people
anything to say. I was shocked that something that are monosexual. I believe that sexuality is fluid and people
I have evolved into the past three years of my lie at various points on a spectrum of sexual preference, ranging
life, something that I believe defines such a from completely heterosexual to completely homosexual. For a
significant part of my identity could leave me so while I tried to explain my bisexuality to my monosexual friends
speechless. Yet, there it was on my computer as the proportion of how much I was attracted to men versus
screen: “Bisexuality is...” and 1,500 missing women – 50/50, 40/60 and so on – but this was just another way
words that I had imagined my fingers would that I was giving into the constructions about sexual attraction
be too slow to get out of my head. I tried to and gender roles. I don’t go into relationships with the mindset
start by recalling a story about an old man’s of meeting a gender quota based upon how
reaction to my ex-girlfriend and me kissing in a I view my sexuality so why should I explain it
grocery store parking lot. I tried to explain what that way.
coming out was like and my experience at Rice. One thing is clear: when I fell in love with
However, when I looked over the choppy and a girl, despite having loved my ex-boyfriend, I
disjointed ideas I knew that they didn’t convey couldn’t deny the spark; I just had to redefine
what I really wanted to say. In my attempt to myself to fit with what I felt. Somehow, I didn’t
explain my sexuality, I was reinforcing the very definitions about struggle with my identity in the face of this new
it that I hate. attraction. It just fit, like something natural;
When trying to describe to people what bisexuality means, it and maybe that’s the best way to explain my
is easy to fall into the trap of defining the genders. Simplifying bisexuality. Despite the cheesiness of this
the explanation of bisexuality into, “I like women for this reason horrendous phrase, I go with the flow. I am
and men for that reason” differentiates the genders, something attracted to whomever I am attracted to and I
that bisexuality claims not to acknowledge. I would be lying if don’t deny myself based upon what some peo-
I said that women and men are the same and that I don’t see ple dictate as appropriate. I don’t want to let
people in terms of gender at all. I often joke with friends that anything restrain me from love, even though
relationships are lose-lose situations because girls are crazy I find it in varying aspects of people – from
and boys are stupid. Having experiences with both genders, I minds to hands to eyes to hips to mouths. I
know those stereotypes can be true, but I also know that they am not trying to speak for the bisexual com-
are true for only some people. There is a definite distinction munity, because I feel everyone’s sexuality is
between men and women, but it does not apply to everyone and unique and subjective, and who am I to define
it merely adds another layer to what I find attractive. These are someone else’s sexuality. However, I hope I
differences that I look at as one of many things that make up the have broken down at least a few of the strict
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

person I’m interested in. definitions of gender we use to define our


relationships and attractions. Or at least
I hope that the next time I tell someone
I am bisexual they won’t ask me for a
menage a trois or when I’ll be getting back on my train
headed towards gayville.

Perspectives 
The Absence of Sex in Being Black
Anastasia Harris

Debut performance at a Black Student Association event. there is nothing wrong with good values and proper behavior,
Tension and anticipation over. Relief finally setting in as I flaw- and I am by no means discrediting anyone who follows their
lessly conclude one of my erotic poems. Result? Dead silence. moral law. My issue stems from the outward projection of such
I thought perhaps it was the initial shock to my work – I had values onto other people. I feel as though the African American
experienced that before: the confused eyes, the scrunched-up nose of Rice turned itself up and snubbed me just because my
eyebrows, the mouths gaping wide open. But there was none point of view was too radical to be a part of their group. Sex
of that, just plain quiet. I even sensed an air of total disdain as wasn’t something they wanted to openly be associated with, or
I went back to my seat to enjoy the rest of the pieces. As any at least not in my poems.
performer will tell you, an audience’s feelings are almost tangible Not limited only to the African American community at Rice,
and what they’re thinking is always clear. I needed no words sex influences interactions within most peer groups, especially
to tell me that they were more than just shocked. They were in college. It comes as no surprise that when one member of a
floored. group loses their virginity, their chums are sure to closely follow,
Trying to cut my peers some slack, I presented one more depending on how close the group is. Our peers’ opinions have
time at another event to convince myself that it wasn’t them but an incredible influence on what we deem acceptable behavior.
the night or the atmosphere or maybe even the poem itself that People jump on the sex bandwagon just like they did with the
had caused their reaction. But alas, ludicrously popular middle school
no change. I couldn’t figure it out. virtual pet fad, Tamagotchi. Likewise
At my predominately Caucasian with the black community here: the
high school in the nation’s capital I majority rules. If you don’t go to
was received with open arms and church every Sunday, you’re the odd
was even marketed as headliner man out. If you recite erotic poetry,
for the shows we put on. I couldn’t people start to question you.
understand why here, at one of the Is it too close to promiscuity?
most prestigious universities in the Simply talking about sex – does it
country, my African American coun- make me a “working girl” peddling my
terparts wouldn’t try to hear what I special wares to the world? Do I give
had to say. a bad name to intellectual blacks that
I’m not trying to push sex on ev- attend school here? Are the African
eryone. I’m not even trying to push Americans here so scrutinized that
myself or my absurdly liberalist views on anyone. But something we want to be disassociated from any kind of vice whatsoever
inside me expected more from people I thought were like me. In so as to avoid any kinds of stigma? The innumerable amounts
high school I had friends of all creeds, all of whom were recep- of questions that plague me really boil down to one: can I still be
tive to me and hung out with everybody, not just people that me and truly be accepted by this group of people?
tended to favor them and their quantity of melanin. Perhaps I It strikes me as oddly ridiculous that sex tends to be a touchy
was sheltered inside a bubble where everyone embraced each topic of discussion among African Americans, seeing as how our
other despite a few differences. But what was I supposed to do? body parts can be seen flagrantly dancing all over music video
I came to college with false sense of reality - and then good networks. However, the issue at hand is not sex in the black
morning real world. community at large but rather sex as it relates to those that affect
As time went on I realized that it was less me and more what me. Due to poor reception to poetry I have stopped participating
I observed to be a serious group dynamic that had a chokehold in such events and have begun to search elsewhere for an audi-
Photo Credits: Edward Merritt

on a large majority of the non-athletic black community here at ence. This attitude towards sex here pains me to the degree that
Rice. Partying was to be done only in moderation, drinking was I feel we are missing out on something, especially something
rarely if ever on the agenda, and sex? Don’t mention it unless it that affects us all. I may never know the real reason for this lack
has something to do with AIDS (because it makes sense to talk of enthusiasm with sex as a topic of discussion in the African
about it after the problem has become too unmanageable to deal American community, but I can only hope that a change is on the
with). Okay, for the sake of everything holy I must clarify here: horizon.

 Perspectives
My Relationship with Sex: An Indian’s Perspective
Raj Bandyopadhyay

I consider myself to be the world’s least qualified person to be something that was forced by the government. It was very much
writing anything meaningful on the topic of -- deep breath -- Sex. a part of society and what a large number of people wanted and
First of all, I come from a country and cultural background where appreciated.
open discussion of this topic is unacceptable. On top of that, I However, unfortunately for me, I’ve always liked reading too
am an Engineering major, and nerd to boot. This double wham- much for my own good. My parents provided me with a bilingual
my means that my sexual knowledge probably ranks lower than and secular upbringing, and always encouraged me to read and
the stereotypical American undergraduate. So what am I doing think for myself. A turning point for me was when, for my tenth
pretending that I could say anything insightful about -- sex? birthday, I received a complete set of a 20-volume encyclopedia
I grew up in an urban middle-of-middle-class milieu in Mum- (this was before the internet and wikipedia existed). This was
bai, India in the eighties and early nineties. This was still when where I went when I first heard the word “sex” whispered among
India was a partly socialist economy with several aspects of life older students in middle school. Reading books like these told
controlled by Government. While India always had a politically me that sex and relationships were perceived very differently by
free and lively media since its independence in 1947, moral cen- cultures around the world.
sorship was a fact of life. This meant that television, newspapers However, my purpose is not to present my country as sexu-
and films were carefully bowdlerized and no public discourse of ally backward or perpetuate outdated notions. India has a social
sex and sexuality existed in the mainstream media. Even so- system that has developed organically over centuries and has
cially, sex was taboo as a discussion topic and inseparable from served its purpose historically. Once I settled in the U.S., I found
(very heterosexual) marriage. I was not aware of homosexual- that there are two distinct stereotypes about Indian sexuality.
ity until I came to the United States. This censorship was not One thinks of India as some kind of sexual paradise based

Photo Credits: Amanda Hu

Perspectives 
on the Kama Sutra or Tantric sex, and the other view, mostly being. This started me on a personal journey, leading to massive
held by people who have actually been to India or studied it changes in my attitudes towards culture, sex and relationships
superficially, sees Indians as asexual beings who somehow still on the whole.
manage to have lots of children. Conversely, growing up in India, The cultural transformation of migrants, particularly males,
the US seemed to be both a land of sexual excess and a utopia through sexual experiences is well documented in immigrant lit-
where people were far more open about their sexual needs and erature. A popular little novel among Indian graduate students is
desires, judging from its movies and television shows. “The Inscrutable Americans” by Anurag Mathur, which provides
As always, the truth is far more complex. India is a big and a hilarious, if somewhat stereotyped story of the protagonist’s
diverse country, and attitudes to sex can differ drastically among quest through American society to get laid. On another note,
different subcultures and social class. In addition, India is cur- “Seasons of migration to the north” by Tayeb Saleh, is a far
rently in the throes of a rapid transition in sexual attitudes. This more serious take on a Sudanese man’s cultural journey through
has several causes: globalization, western media, and the AIDS sexual experiences in Britain. On rare occasions, this clash of
pandemic. These days open displays of affection such as kissing sexual ideologies can have tragic consequences, as demonstrat-
are far more acceptable in movies, and a few urban societies, ed by the life of the Egyptian intellectual Sayyid Qutb. During his
and homosexuality now exists as a peripheral topic of discussion Master’s degree in the U.S. in the late forties, Qutb was unable
in media. On a recent trip to India, I needed a transcript from my to reconcile the sexual openness of American society with his
college, which is on the banks of a lake. On the way back, I saw native Egypt. He reacted viscerally to it by returning and found-
a bunch of workmen dredging the lake, piling up mountains of ing an ideology of hatred against American decadence, which
white shiny stuff on its banks. Upon closer examination, I was profoundly influenced radical Islamic groups such as Al-Qaeda
shocked to see that those were piles of – used condoms. Appar- several decades later.
ently, a favorite activity for nearby high-school kids was to rent Fortunately, my own cultural journey has been far more
little boats to take out into the lake and “do it”. Should I be re- benign. One of the first decisive moments that I remember was
lieved that at least they remembered to use condoms, or should during my third year in the US. I was driving with one of my few
I be appalled at that particular addition to my city’s major water American friends when I took a deep breath, turned around and
supply? Whichever way one looks at it, this is highly illustrative asked him, ”So, tell me more about this dating thing that you
of some major changes in Indian society. Americans do”, thus taking a figurative plunge into the topic
As I found out after I landed in the U.S. for graduate school, as if it were just another research project. I began discovering
sexuality here is far more diverse than American TV shows preconceived notions about sex and virginity that existed both
would have the world believe. While the American media is in my own mind and in society around me. Growing up in India
highly explicit and commercialized in its depiction of sex, a meant that I took virginity before marriage as a no-brainer. It
spectrum of attitudes exists in American society. Even in a small was hard to question that assumption. I remember some heated
school such as Rice, I meet both people who abstain from sex discussions I had with some of my Indian friends who argued
and those who treat it as just another fun activity. In addition, the why they wanted their wives to be virgins before marriage. The
sexual mix here includes people who are openly homosexual, arguments, which were repeated by more abstinent Christians,
bisexual, polyamorous and have other sexual preferences. mostly revolved around the assumption that losing one’s virginity
This relative openness towards sex in the U.S. was quite a was a life-altering event, and would tie you to a person for the
shock at the beginning. I was amazed to find myself in groups rest of your life. In particular, women apparently never forgot
where people actually discussed sex-related topics, especially their first-time partner, so it was necessary for me to ensure a
in mixed-gender gatherings. In contrast, I found myself having woman’s lasting loyalty by being her first. Somehow that same
to switch to a far more conservative version of myself when in logic did not hold for men, who were permitted a few indiscre-
predominantly Indian events, a cultural schizophrenia familiar to tions, though they were frowned upon. On further scrutiny, these
many immigrants. kinds of arguments did not fly. A quick survey of my more liberal
My personal sexual awakening began with an accidental friends, both male and female, showed many who had been in
relationship in my first year of graduate school. My partner, a multiple sexual relationships that were both healthy and happy
graduate student from an East Asian country, and I did not have while they lasted.
proper sex. We were both bound by cultural mental blocks that On the other hand, I ran into some equally surprising double
were too hard to surmount. However, what shocked me about standards that exist about male virginity. Obviously, most women
this interracial/intercultural relationship were the reactions of who are open to sexual relationships outside of marriage tend
people about it. I was horrified by the racist treatment meted out to be the liberal type. Contrary to all the enlightened feminist
to her by my more conservative Indian acquaintances, and I be- discourse out there, in reality, women still want their men to be
gan to question if I wanted to base my identity on unquestioned sufficiently masculine in terms of sexual experience. For most
cultural values that allowed such treatment of another human women that I met, I found that being honest about my lack of

10 Perspectives
sexual experience was a serious turn-off, and an opportunity for and broke up quite amicably. No, I did not tell her that she was
women to exercise sexual power. Apparently, since I was a guy my first sexual partner until months later. It was life-altering
and a virgin, I’d obviously be willing to do anything for the prom- because my worst fears and nightmares proved to be completely
ise of getting laid. One particularly honest partner told me that unfounded. Sex turned out to be an extremely fun activity. I did
she did not want to be my first time because she refused to be not feel like I’d lost my innocence. I did not feel like I’d done
a “crash-test dummy”. A close friend of mine, a lesbian herself, anything morally wrong or committed a sin against my culture. I
gave me a piece of sage advice, “Dude. Don’t freak out so much did not feel like I was inextricably tied to my first partner. When I
about sex. It’s not that hard. You’re good at reading, aren’t you? have sex with someone now, I don’t see my first partner’s face,
Pick up a book on anatomy with lots of pictures. Figure and I still don’t have any overarching urges to have sex with
out what it says about the sensitive body parts and a virgin. In a nutshell, I am still who I am, just another
you’ll do ok”. perpetually horny 28-year old guy who enjoys
These barriers of entry to the sexual marketplace it when he gets some, likes to see his
created several self-esteem issues for me at that partner enjoy it too, and is always
time. I started buying more into depictions of sex in looking for some more.
the media around me. For instance, I remember An Indian epic, the
reading a survey in a mainstream newspaper, Mahabharata, has a story
which stated that the average American man describing a wise prince
slept with about 8 different women before who was given a riddle
marriage. Statistics like that made me by a Sphinx-like demon.
feel horribly inadequate and ashamed The demon asked, “What
for lagging behind. I was angry at is the greatest mystery
my race, my culture and myself in the world?”. The prince
for not making me man enough. answered, “The fact that we
Real men were supposed to all have to die, but we spend
be tall, white jocks with our lives denying it”. If I had to
perfect six-packs or answer the question today, I’d
black basketball players. say, “The fact that sex is such
Even today, I find it a a fundamental part of human
bit difficult to be friends existence, yet we refuse to talk
with French or Italian about it”. As my struggle with
men or appreciate those writing this article has shown,
cultures. I feel envious that sex is a difficult topic even for
their romantic stereotype seems to somewhat liberated people
gives them a highly unfair advantage to discuss. It should not be
in the playing field. A colleague who that way. My views on sex are
was into the pick-up artist culture, tried aligned with my views on religion
to educate me out of, as he eloquently and culture in general. There’s
put it, “being a chump”. I went out with a vast buffet of dishes we can
him to bars and attempted to use some try, which may all be satisfying in
tried-and-tested techniques of getting a different combinations, and there are
woman into bed. However, I still found no fixed courses. I believe that no
myself unable to pretend to be some- matter who your partners may be and
thing I wasn’t in order to get laid, even whatever genders they identify with,
if it seemed to be all fair game out there. an act that brings satisfaction and joy
Another friend decided to take pity on me to everyone involved cannot be morally
and dragged me out to strip clubs a couple of wrong, and does not have to come with a
times, but the fakeness of it all did nothing for me. dose of guilt or shame.
In the end, when I finally did have my first proper sexual
experience at the ripe old age of 26, it was both anti-climatic and Acknowledgement: I’d like to thank my friend Rhonda Rags-
life-altering at the same time. It was anti-climatic in the way it dale, the most sexually liberated person I know, for helping me
just happened; I met a girl, we talked, one thing led to another get these words out of my system, then proof-reading and giving
and we ended up in bed. We slept together for a few months her invaluable feedback.

Perspectives 11
Interview with a Buddhist Monk
JianYing FaShi
Dharma Master of Chung Tai Zen Center of Houston

What kind of Buddhism do you practice? with compassion and wisdom. It is to find this inner stability,
In Chinese it is called Chan, more widely known as Zen in the compassion and wisdom, that inspires me to become a Buddhist
West. It emphasizes what people normally know as meditation. monk.
Yet, meditation in Chan is perhaps different than what people
usually think of; it is not only about learning techniques like how Why are monks supposed to be celibate? Do you find the
to sit, how to breathe, and how to calm oneself down. It also restrictions of this lifestyle hard to follow?
involves a different kind of view or attitude when looking at the To find inner stability, the open nature of reality and inner
world. It teaches us how to see what is going on around us and potentiality requires one to be always clear and serene. The
how to interact with it. In short, Buddhism asks us to always have main source of confusion that disturbs our clarity and serenity
a calm and clear mind, and with it, one spontaneously embraces lies in the act of understanding physical phenomena and mental
and immerses in life without confusions. ideas �������������������������������������������������������
in conceptually fixed ways. For example, one may under-
stand oneself to have certain personality and think of oneself
What made you decide to become a Buddhist Monk? only in terms of that personality without the understanding of its
After I got my PhD in Electrical Engineering from Ohio State constructed nature and the possibility of its change. This act of
University in 1996, I was seriously asking myself what I wanted reifying our thoughts brings attachment and desire; ultimately
to do with my life. I could have just gone out to find a job, made a it is to tackle this act of ���������������������������������������
mental ��������������������������������
reif����������������������������
ication���������������������
and ����������������
the�������������
associated
living, got married, had kids, and go on with a “normal” life … Not attachment and desire, that Buddhist monks and nuns practice
that there is something wrong with that, but I was not content. celibacy.
I was not so sure, I was seeking something more, I was ask- Of course, this is based on a Buddhist understanding of what
ing questions … I think it is important to ask questions instead the nature of human beings is. In the state of no confusion, we
of just following what traditional paths society and family have become awakened or a Buddha which literally means an awak-
constructed. ened one. When awakened, we interact with others with clarity
Anyway, the situation got me thinking that even though I was and serenity; we know what we are doing and perfectly under-
not unhappy and in fact I had no particular reasons to be unhap- stand why we do that. In so doing, we also find inner stability and
py, I was still not at ease. I had healthy social life; I had friends, exhibit wisdom and compassion under all situations. And, to be
we went out for concerts, movies, talks, etc. But at the end of the able to achieve this state, Buddhists employ various practices,
day, when I went home, I would find myself still searching … It and celibacy is one of such important practices, especially for
was as if I was not comfortable by myself. I would turn on the TV monastic members.
or radio even though I was not watching or listening. I think that Is it difficult to practice celibacy? Of course, it is not without
this sounds familiar in modern society, right? And some people difficulties. Yet, when one understands why one practices celi-
would say that is life. But, I was asking questions. Why? Can we bacy, it becomes apparent that the practice is not asking us to
find “real stability” in life? If there is, what is it and where can one simply suppress desire, but, it asks us to understand the nature
find it? of desire����������������������������������������������������������
. ��������������������������������������������������������
Buddhists believes that ��������������������������������
desire �������������������������
is ����������������������
conditionally arisen.
So, I went back to Taiwan, my homeland, and stayed in a Hence, w�����������������������������������������������������
hen one does not reinforce desire by reinforcing its
Buddhist monastery for a month. To make the long story short, physical conditions and reifying its mental urges, ����������������
the ������������
desire will
I found that real stability can only come from one’s own ground, have no “nutrition” to grow���������������������������
and thus naturally cease�� s�.
one’s spiritual homeland, one’s inner source. It cannot be just Let me emphasize: desire is the result of a series of thoughts
from the outside; whatever is from the outside will be taken put together and reinforced and reified by the doer. When the
away. On the other hand, it is from the inside that the outside doer cuts off its reinforcement and reification, the desire will
can be truly connected without unnecessary entanglements. naturally cease. So, with such understanding of its nature one
The key is to find the openness inside each one of us������� ; this gradually learns to transform desire. In addition, this under-
openness, I believe, comes from one������������������������������
’�����������������������������
s willingness to participate standing of non-reinforcing physical conditions and non-reifying
in situations with complete flexibility and calmness. In that way, mental urges can be applied to other things in life to make us
we�����������������������������������������������������������������
����������������������������������������������������������������
will find an inner connection with others and explore the full more creative and flexible to participate in situations as well as
potentiality to interact with seemingly hectic, confusing situations to make us more open to new possibilities. Consequently, we

12 Perspectives
expand our capacity as well as sensitivity, immersing more fully life? Do you think the two are compatible?
in life to understand that the importance of human relationships I believe that a sound spiritual life comes from inner stability.
ultimately lies in the spiritual closeness, which cannot be directly To develop stability is also to develop a close connection with
translated into physical closeness. Understanding human rela- oneself. One who has a close connection with oneself will surely
tionship in this way, Buddhist monks and nuns focus on develop- be more successful in establishing close connections with oth-
ing their spiritual connections with all people without entangling ers.
themselves with attachments. Thus, they develop deep human But, how to develop inner stability? Meditation is a very im-
connections without tangling strings, which, in my view, tremen- portant tool to do so. For me, meditation is also a contemplative
dously helps Buddhist monastic members to not only cope with attitude toward life. Meditation is not just sitting there quietly, but
but also transcend what you referred as “the restrictions of this more importantly it is bringing a clear and calm mind to all life
lifestyle.” situations. Thus, with different meditation techniques, we learn
to deepen our sensitivity and expand our capacity; we
What do Buddhist teachings say about sex for learn to catch our wandering thoughts and trans-
people practicing Buddhism (and for non- form them into mindful thoughts; we learn to dis-
Buddhist people?) cover our habitual thoughts and reinvigorate
Buddhist practice is meant to clarify them with flexibility and creativity; we learn
confusions and entanglements. It thus to know our reified or frozen thoughts
leads its practitioners to be more aware and dissolve them with patience and
of their own thoughts, words, and openness. It is only in the wake of
actions. And, it also teaches its prac- a clear and calm awareness that
titioners to understand that each desires can be soundly integrated
thought, word, or action has its into one’s spiritual life.
respective consequence which we In the process of learning medi-
cannot run away from. Depending tation, I also want to encourage
on the quality of thoughts, words, people to utilize critical thinking;
and actions associated with the ask questions and don’t simply
doing (including sex), it leads us take answers, especially conve-
to corresponding consequence. nient ones, for granted. Our mind
Put it simply, if one’s doing is can be as wide open as we want it
associated with selfishness, the to be. With an open heart, we can
effect of this selfishness will surely also discover an openness and
show up in the consequences. On creativity to foster a confidence in
the other hand, if one’s doing is as- dealing with inevitable uncertain-
sociated with love, this love will also ties in life and even develop a joyful
bring about spiritual closeness which playfulness to act according to the
in turn gives rise to true happiness, situation. One of my living philosophies
peace and harmony. is that what happens to us does not
Buddhist ethics also specifically define the quality of our life. It is how we
teaches its non-monastic practitioners to interact with the situation at hand that gives
refrain from improper sexual acts, such as us the quality, and that is completely up to us.
promiscuity and adultery. This practice of no
sexual misconduct is asking its practitioners not only When we are open, life will be spacious and full
to be mindful of one’s strong desires but also to transform of possibilities. In that way, I am sure we will not only partici-
these desires to promote healthy relationships with others. Inti- pate more fully in life, but we will also enjoy its small and even
mate actions such as sex have intimate effects that require their ordinary details, a sip of coffee in the morning, a silent walk
Photo Credits: Rachel Solnick

participants to first understand each other intimately. That is to around the campus, sleepless nights studying Heidegger, heated
say, physical closeness should be based on spiritual closeness debates over the possibility of transforming sexual desires, etc.
without which physical closeness is not only fragile but also a Yet, the key, for me, is openness which is based on a clear and
source of confusion and frustration. calm mind. In openness, we appreciate differences. With a clear
and calm mind, we embrace seeming contradictions and rejoice
What advice do you have for young people today who are over the colorful spectrum life has offered to us.
looking to reconcile sexual desires with a sound spiritual

Perspectives 13
Short Stories Artwork By: Rachel Gibbs

14 Short Stories
Puzzle Pieces

When they were hanging out, lots of times in the late after- and out of the way. She swings a leg over him, rolling him to his
noon, sometimes in the middle of the night, it usually started back as she straddles him, pulling her tank top over her head
the same. Neither voiced a desire more than “come here…” or and off to the floor, all in one fluid movement. She leans over,
“lay down with me,” or usually nothing at all, just simple body her hair falling around their faces as her pale areola move down
language. That was all it took. Maybe chit-chatting for a while, to meet the darker brown of his.
pushing playfully, a little bit more each time, finally a gaze lasting Her renewed energy warms him; she feels his readiness
just long enough for mutual confirmation. She rolled over, her through the thin fabric that separates them, but not for long. She
back to him; he followed of course, kissing her just by the ear. moves slowly but deeply, wisely for her innocent youth. They
Somewhat hard to get, perhaps more come hither, she glances roll into each other now simultaneously – on her back, her legs
back over her shoulder with a sly smile, knowing and teasing. around his naked waist urge him closer while her expression
Spooning casually, ever so slightly he slides a young arm in, maintains some pretense of virginal acceptance, a face she
practiced though not too self-assuredly, under her arm to her brings out just for these moments of blameless desire. This is his
waist, narrow but still soft. She always inhales barely audibly at signal - he knows by her movement. By this time their eyes lock
this moment – anticipation or maybe just sucking in her self- between breaths, airy and then heavy kisses fall on his throat
consciousness. Her hand on his hand on her stomach is just a and between her breasts migrating as far down below her rib
reassurance for both. cage as he can manage, still bound by her thighs holding him
Sometimes the light is off and when it close.
is, her eyes are open, concentrating on She smiles, laughs even, sometimes
each slight movement of his arm tighter inappropriately, covering her face with her
around her, his breath in her hair. Almost hands as her legs give way, loosening
immediately his other hand is under her their grip when he kisses his way down her
shirt, just grazing the skin of her back – waist, over her hip to the inner thigh and
comforting and familiar. The blood rushes back up, hovering for a moment that she
warmer through them both, circulating, pul- cannot bear to watch – toes straighten and
sating – skin on skin, just enough so that curl as his shoulders slide under her knees.
she knows she wants to feel the warmth Her breathing accelerates and she pulls
of his shirtless chest on her bare back, or him back up and into her. He monitors the
navel to navel when she finally turns into tempo but it’s really her hips that dictate the
him, inviting him closer and accepting him at once. By this time rhythm, her hands barely guiding his narrow hips. His feet lie up-
he has slowly unbuttoned the top button of her jeans and takes turned between her curling toes; legs move up and then slowly,
three full seconds pulling down the zipper, slowly, as each metal slowly extend back down to the sheets, feet tense and relax over
tooth unlocks aloud. She waits, almost ignoring the advance, and over again. Moments pass, she’s long since stopped kissing
as if it’s too subtle for her attention. His hands slip down behind him, breathing instead while he drinks in her scent and the look
her, slow warmth from his palms on the cool skin underneath her on her face, tension in her eyebrows. She gives in. He pulls her
back pockets. His bottom lip moves over her mouth. The kissing now languid shoulders to bring her neck to him, bottom lip drag-
is soft, just lips now, not at all the amateur make-out intensity ging up to the tip of her chin with her head fallen back.
her friends will envision when she summarizes this encounter He relaxes and lays his body over her, sweat mingling in the
briefly, days later. This kind of nonchalant tenderness warrants space between their chests. Lips search for hers, missing and
no elaboration for the nosiness of teenage girls – it’s the stuff hitting the corners of her mouth as she turns away, smiling she
of lazy evenings alone – moments built slowly from the talk of offers her neck instead. She exhales the smell that hangs, heat
the day and sidelong glances rather than particularly passionate and thick air and her all combined and settled over them. He
confessions. inhales deeply – she laughs and relents, kissing him, lips to lips.
She subtly rolls away, now on her back, inviting him to gradu- They whisper between quick bursts of kisses, his hands follow-
ally move his way to her. They both know that she draws him in ing the arch of her back, exactly where she wants them, this he
artfully, hands on his face and neck, ignoring his fugitive fingers knows from all the other times.
that pull her jeans by the front zipper of the crotch to her knees. She sighs and searches for the soles of his foot with her way-
She helps, finally encouraging, sliding them over her ankles with ward toes, legs entangled. Her feet cradle his arches, a perfect
her feet while he pulls her closer, slyly nudging them to the floor fit like puzzle pieces.

Short Stories 15
Sexy Little Thing
Ann Wang

John and I had an argument as we were


leaving the lingerie department. We had been
dating for six months and it was his birthday. He
kept pushing me to buy ridiculous things—things
with feathers, things with fur, things with at-
tachments, things with missing pieces, things I
couldn’t figure out how to get on or get off. He
was mostly interested in the items filed under
a gilt cardboard frame which read “Sexy Little
Things” in playful font. He went through each
item methodically, running his fingers over the
cloth to check the texture. He decided his fa-
vorite contraption was the merrywidow, a corset
with detachable garters. He held it up high for
me, each black strap hanging from an index
finger. I thought about wearing that in his apart-
ment; I would be wearing the merrywidow, and
John would be wearing his wife-beater. This lan-
guage. John wanted me to wear the thing with
leopard-print stockings and gloves, maybe even “Why not?”, he asked pulling me to him. The bag was
stilettos. He signaled the sales rep. The woman working the floor crushed between us. I was afraid of falling down the escalator. I
was very attractive; she wore a plunging, squeezing black suit had always been afraid of being sucked into escalators, between
with no undershirt. This seemed to be the uniform. A hint of lace the jagged steps. John kissed me. Our teeth clicked because my
peeked out where her suit jacket was buttoned together. I caught mouth wasn’t open. He took one step forward, pressing my back
John eyeing her breasts as he read her nametag. against the partition that separated up from down. He unbut-
John said, “Cindy, would you happen to have this merrywidow toned one of my shirt buttons and called me a dirty name. His
in 34B?” other hand was on my thigh, at the edge of my skirt. The rubber
Cindy looked at my bust. I looked away. I was embarrassed. belt on the handrail ground uncomfortably against my back as
She said she would look in the back. The sound of her heels it went up and I went down. I heard some teenagers snicker on
hitting the wooden floor made my head hurt. John put his arms the going-up escalator. Forcing my hands between our chests,
around me, from behind. He kissed my neck. I thought I saw I pushed John back to his side of the escalator. John put his
another customer, a college-aged blonde, smirking from across hands on my waist and stepped forward again, closer this time.
the room. I opened my arms to open his. His lips touched my left ear. He said, “If you don’t want to sleep
“What the hell is wrong with you?” John asked me. with me, Julia, just say it. Stop fucking around.” Then he let go
Cindy came back with my merrywidow. John was getting im- and stepped back to his side of the escalator. We both looked
patient, so he grabbed some stockings, but no gloves or shoes, down. Almost there. I stepped toward him and put my hand on
and pulled me to the register. The merrywidow was very expen- his face.
sive, but John was paying for it, even though it was his birthday. “John,” I said. “Do you have to be like this?”
At the top of the escalator John let go of my hand and put “Fuck you, Julia.” He swatted my hand away. As the last
his arm around my waist. His other hand held the bag, which steps rolled under, he stayed on his side of the escalator. When
was bright red and advertised the name of the store in big block he stepped off, he threw the bag into the trashcan and looked at
letters. Anyone could read it from far away. John asked, “Do you me. Behind me, the steps kept rolling under. I bit my lower lip.
like what I bought you? Are you excited?” “So?” he said.
His hand slid down my waist. He kissed me on the neck I reached into the trashcan and fished out the bag. Then we
again. It made me shudder. “John,” I said. “Let’s not do this in went back to his apartment.
public.”

16 Short Stories
Petite Mort
Liz Mallett

Inspired by Charles Baudelaire’s poem, Flowers of Evil be. When the shutter opened again she was gone, swallowed by
the crowd. Paul tried to take a few more stills, but the moment
He saw her only for an instant in the moment before the had somehow marred his aesthetic sense; the angles were off,
shutter snapped closed and darkness took over. Medium height; or maybe the light was fading already. Winter comes early in
a yellow dress marked with bits of darker color that might have Montreal. So he packed up his equipment, meticulously placing
been polka-dots or a flower print. Balletic artistry of the out- camera, film, stand and lenses – these with particular care – into
stretched arm, silent song of her waterfall hair and the sun’s slow his dusty travelers’ pack.
dance – Paul felt it in his heart, in fact literally brought his hand On the way back his distraction was such that he ran into a
up and clasped it to his chest where he thought his heart might girl from his apartment complex who he generally made an effort

Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

Short Stories 17
to avoid. Generically pretty and rather vapid, she had too-open were over the hill and in the city, black and maroon and crimson,
eyes that looked longingly at him out of her silly-putty face. He scented with sweat and smoke. Cars the color of red wine drove
saw in those eyes a half century of placid, dumb docility met with past in ominous silence as the stars continued their Mozart
petty spite and ennui, and shied away from this dull, monotonous dance and the old man continued to intone bits of Baudelaire.
future. She kept him long enough to write her number on his Then the sounds stopped completely, and a woman stepped
arm in blue ballpoint pen; he responded with evasive promises to the street corner from out of the sudden silence. It was her.
of hypothetical non-events. Then he was walking away, thinking Her dress was yellower than her yellow hair, and it danced with
again of the woman in the yellow dress. When he looked back, her as she swayed across the scarlet streets.
Sarah was still watching him, dumb and trusting and altogether Paul stepped forward and clasped her wrists; they were
repellent. slender reeds from which her hands blossomed delicately like
Later, back in his apartment, film developed, he spread the flowers. She smiled. He saw nothing in her eyes, and the
stills across the living room floor. The apartment as yet had no nothingness in itself was mystery and intoxication, so that he in
furniture; against the white ceiling and bare white walls the pho- turn was intoxicated anew. She smiled with lacquer-painted lips
tographs made an almost grotesquely incongruous tapestry of like gems, dimpling her rouged cheeks. The old man, silent now,
color. Paul sat on the floor in their center and combed through stepped forward, leering, and reached out to stroke the skin of
them one by one until he found the photo he was looking for. her cheek with one withered claw, resting the other on Paul’s
There she was. Though she was situated unimposingly near shoulder. “Five hundred and she’s yours.”
the left-hand bottom corner of the still, she made the framing edi- Paul hesitated for a single shattered fragment of a moment,
fices that formed the background, a few street-side cafes on the then reached into his empty pockets and pulled out air. The
one side and an old dilapidated Portuguese church on the other, man looked at him and tapped the strap around his neck. “Your
fade into relative insignificance. She was too small to see clearly, camera, then.”
for it had been intended as a panoramic, but he could almost see And then the camera had changed hands and the girl smiled
her face, could imagine the laughing note of her voice, a hint of a and beckoned. Paul followed without a word.
French accent. Her name, perhaps, was Adelaide or Leisel. All
pictures, to Paul, were in some sense beautiful, for they were the The next day Paul awoke to the usual symphony of city
closest things existing in his life to instantaneous experience free sounds. Looking around the room, he was relieved to see his
of consideration of past or future, something he found resonated camera lying safe on the floor in the corner of the room. He
with him both philosophically and intuitively. But this – this was reached out and took the photograph from beneath his pillow.
exquisite. She was exquisite. Paul pocketed the picture, signing It was smudged already with fingerprints, any aesthetic value
and dating the back, and then reluctantly settled back to the buried beneath the hollow weight of meaning. Suddenly, in one
laborious process of sorting the rest, in order of artistic merit, for uncalculated motion, he ripped it in half, opened the window,
sale to local magazines. and threw the pieces onto the breeze. He watched as they fell,
That night, before falling asleep under his single blanket tumbling haphazardly, towards the street below.
on the still-unfurnished floor, Paul stole a last glance at the Paul looked at his arm. Sara’s number was still there,
photograph. Perhaps this allowed its essence to steal into his smudged but legible. Hating himself, damning and twice-
thoughts, for it dominated his dreams with the all-encompassing damned, he reached for his cell phone.
unavoidability of the Sun’s pull on the Earth.

He was in a park, empty except for a playground and a few


trees, black-trunked with pale yellow leaves. It was night. The
stars were pulsating to the tune of a Mozart Requiem in full
chorale. Paul sat down on the swing set and began to swing
in time, up and down and up, trying to reach the source of the
music. In the midst of this, an old man stepped up, opened a
book, and proceeded, in French, to monotonically recite a poem
Artwork By: Myrth Killingsworth

in his deep, slightly cracked baritone: “Ailleurs, bien loin d’ici!


trop tard! jamais peut-être! Car j’ignore où tu fuis, tu ne sais
où je vais,..”
Paul leapt down from the swing and took the man’s hand in
his own. They walked together up and over a hill, past stores
with swinging wooden “Closed” signs and past streetlamps
surrounded by clouds of moths yellow as lily petals. Then they

18 Short Stories
On the Sexuality of Cocktails
Haley Richardson

Mahmood Ali took me out to a Mexican restaurant, a fancy girls who disobeys what Dad says and what society says and
“shrimp-wrapped-in-bacon fajitas” kind of place. I was seven- drinks at seventeen because she’s that cool. She doesn’t get it.
teen when I dated Mahmood and suffering through my junior She’s totally misread me. Doesn’t she know? “I’M A VIRGIN!”
year of high school. It’s easy to recall these facts because my I yelled this out, my cheeks so red and hot you could cook
hippocampus, that cherished part of the grey matter that stores fajitas on them. I had made the classic comedic mistake. I had
memory, uses boys’ names as its Dewey decimal system, each wanted to say “I’m underage” or “Make it virgin, please,” but no.
moment filed under a large heading: “The Anthony Years” or It came out: I’m a virgin. My cheeks only got redder and hotter.
“The Dan Months.” Each school year brought in a new boy; each Mahmood laughed his pinchable ass off. But now the waitress
school year advanced my education in serial monogamy. In my understood me, and I got the drink I wanted.
junior year, though labs on Helmholtz’s coils and lectures on the I tell this story to friends because it’s an embarrassing mo-
slaughters of the Civil War weighed me down, I found someone ment, and I laugh at it every time. I get to share laughter with
who made me lighter. It’s sometimes hard others, and everybody likes a jokester.
to remember that, with the bitter taste of More importantly I show that I can laugh
the end masking the sweets of the middle, at myself. That’s a strength. Right?
the richness of the beginning. But for But there’s more to the story. And I
today, I’ll admit it: at the time, I was happy don’t ever tell the “more.”
with Mahmood, that prince from Bangla- Before going to Abuelo’s, right after
desh. school Mahmood and I drove into the
On a Friday evening he took me out to countryside. Branching off one of those
Abuelo’s. We sat down in a psuedo-court- fabulous FM roads was a long lane
yard indoors, and the waitress came by to through a hay field with just enough space
take our drink order. for one car. I drove through it. He asked
Here I was with my devilishly gor- me to. We stopped the car by one tightly
geous boyfriend—who knew he was wound-up hay stack, so tight you wouldn’t
devilishly gorgeous, who loved The want to touch it for fear of it bursting.
Picture of Dorian Gray a little too much Ourselves rife with passion needing im-
for comfort—the boy I would never have mediate harvest, we crawled into the back
thought “snaggable” by me. Between my seat. I crossed my arms and grabbed the
button-bursting vanity and the soft lighting bottom of my shirt, trying to lift it over my
from the faux cloud-dappled sky painted head in one seamless move, as I had
overhead, I was feeling like a woman. I seen it done in all my favorite Hollywood
decided I wanted to go for a little more of movies. Of course my head got stuck
an adult feeling, something Coke didn’t in the neck hole—a mistake Catherine
quite provide. What did I want to drink? Zeta-Jones would never make, a blunder
Strawberry daiquiri, please. no one would wolf down popcorn to. I eventually broke free, em-
I had ordered one before with my parents, but never on my barrassed, the understudy who just can’t deliver the part. There
own, never with my boyfriend. The waitress left, and we settled went my bra. Mahmood undid it in a one-handed snap, a “perfect
down into pecking at our chips and salsa, chirping on in that in one take” move.
pseudo-intellectual manner high school prodigies love most. And then we didn’t know what to do with one another.
Then the waitress came back. She apologized for interrupting, He looked at me. He gave me The Look, The Look so full of
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

but she needed to see my ID. longing and desire, tenderness and aggression, all wrapped up
My ID? What for? Oh my goodness, for that strawberry in a pair of dark chocolate eyes. And I melted. I melted into his
daiquiri, did I forget to order it virgin? Idiot! Didn’t I remember kiss, syrupy-sweet, rich and warm. His hand started to wander
the right lingo my parents had taught me? Oh my goodness, she into roped off territory. “No,” I said. He gave me The Look again,
must think I want to drink alcohol. She must think I’m trying to but the Hollywood magic had gone. I was lucky. If he had coaxed
pull one over her, that I am a punk minor, that I am one of those me with kisses a little longer, our little scene could have earned

Short Stories 19
an R-rating. And I had just reached the legal age where I could internet invention. It rates how pure or impure you are—sexually.
see that type of movie on my own. At age eighteen—with guys at their sexual peak and girls at their
I stopped. I thought about my virginity, this arbitrary and ab- most curious—we all wanted to know where we stood. How did
stract concept. Okay, I remembered, it’s not completely abstract. our lives rate? It was meant as a quirky joke, a hundred ques-
Its basis is in the woman’s body, the hymen, or so my mother tions from if you have ever “held hands with a member of the
had taught me at age ten. So it’s something only a woman can preferred sex?” to “had sexual intercourse with a virgin?” From
lose. By seventeen I knew the hymen was named after the “undressed or been undressed by a member of the preferred
Greek goddess of marriage. I knew it was something that made sex?” to “committed an act of voyeurism?” But by the end of the
the village proud or ashamed, a whole ritual: the bloody spots test, this quirky joke gave you a label, a number. For each act
on the wedding sheets paraded around the community, billow- done, you subtract a point. I scored a fifty-four—likely the lowest
ing proof that the goods were good, or tears shed on unstained number you can get while still being a virgin. The juniors and
sheets, a return of the item to the father’s house, a woman bro- seniors, our surrogate parents for the first week, lined them-
ken beyond repair. I thought about how worried I was every time selves up from lowest score to highest, to illustrate how the Rice
I rode a horse after age ten because I didn’t want to disappoint University student culture offers a wide range of numbers. The
the village. scheme of “be comfortable as you are” didn’t really work on me
I thought about how men think of virginity, how it gets them so that night. Seeing that line, I still wondered what they all thought
ready, but gets the girl’s brothers, fathers, grandfathers, just as of one another, if Miss Ninety-Seven really could get along with
ready to shoot the bastard. I thought about how it’s mine, a part Mister Ten.
of my identity, an identity I didn’t want to change yet. I thought The next afternoon, the guy I had been crushing on since Day
about what my father would say if he knew, which groups at One sat next to me at lunch and admitted, not without a smile,
school would start calling me “slut”. What I might start calling a score of twenty-seven. Whoa, whoa, whoa…twenty-seven?
myself. I didn’t want to become “that girl,” the one who drinks That was half my score! And I thought: can I still crush on this
behind adult backs, who trashes the house when her parents guy, hope someday his lips brush mine, maybe even wish to
leave, who loses her virginity after school in the back seat of a more-than-lie beside him in bed, when he has a score of twenty-
car parked next to a haystack. seven?!?
I thought about next year, senior year, and how it would (and But what did that mean, really? It meant he had enjoyed his
did) bring in a new guy, and about the guys waiting to excite me sexuality a good deal before college. Did that mean I should stop
in college, and about that guy I would love more than the rest. I crushing on him? That a girl like me should not like boys like
feared opening the floodgates if I started this soon. him? Did that score degrade him as a person? No. No, it didn’t.
We settled into making out, even that most ridiculous of “teen- It was his sexuality, and who was I to judge him for his judg-
age-girls-who-like-their-virginity” solutions, dry humping. Lovely ments. And was I any better or worse a person for fifty-four? No.
phrase. It’s like “play sex”, like making a plastic hamburger in a And as I tried to swallow macaroni and cheese soup, sitting at a
Fisher Price kitchen and expecting it to satisfy your playmate’s table with new acquaintances who a week earlier were complete
appetite. They never show that in the films. But at that time I no strangers, I saw my story stretched out in a timeline, tacked up
longer wanted to be a part of a movie. So we dry humped to our on the walls: every single moment in the history of my sexuality.
bodies’ content and then talked about Kant. We got hungry. We Age seven: I was playing “sex” instead of “house,” with a
went to dinner. stuffed panther as my partner. I didn’t really understand what I
And then I yelled out, “I’M A VIRGIN.” The waitress, no ques- was doing, and I was shocked at myself when the memory of the
tion about it, had gotten my order wrong. But my words didn’t get game came rushing back to me, post-puberty. I thought: didn’t I
me wrong. My unconscious had just flexed all sixteen muscles of worry that Mom or Dad would come into the game room and see
my tongue. It was the chance to let slip what was really press- what I was playing? Wasn’t I afraid of their punishment or my
ing my mind that day, that my virginity was still very much a part mortification? I thought it weird that I hadn’t been afraid. That it
of me. I yelled it out with passionate frustration as if I were a was just another game to me, as innocent as setting up a school
witness at my own trial and now was the time to tell the jury what room and teaching the stuffed panther my favorite book.
really happened. That nothing happened. Age twelve: I attended an “Aim for Success!” assembly that
I wanted to shove back inside me the heart that had just separated the sexes, showed slides of STDs, used Velcro gloves
jumped out of my mouth and slammed itself onto the table. Did I ripping apart to represent the sound of your heart tearing (if
really have to tell everyone? not your hymen), implied that success and sex were mutually
By eighteen, my hymen and I were in college. In the middle of exclusive, pushed a card in front of me asking me to pledge
the night during my first week, a group of sixty fledgling fresh- abstinence until marriage. I signed it, without having started my
men snuck out of their new rooms and met seniors and juniors first period.
to take the Purity Test. The Purity Test must be some guy’s Age thirteen: I went to bed wearing a t-shirt I bought on my

20 Short Stories
trip to New York, the shirt from the Virgin megastore that boldly “Aim for Success!” and mortally ashamed that I had signed
proclaimed my status, the t-shirt I had planned to give away to that card. But six years later, six long years of experience later,
Him some day. I dreamt I was pregnant and all my friends aban- though I would never own up to that card, I still owned it.
doned me. I still tried to tell them: I’m a virgin! I’ve never had Late eighteen: As I sat at the lunch table, I owned fifty-four
sex! But they just turned their backs. The clouds parted, rays of in the same way I own anything else about me. It was mine to
light poured on my face, and God, in a perfect James Earl Jones tell or not to tell, to define me or not to define me. If I wanted to,
voice, said: “Haley, it’s my baby.” But even that didn’t bring my I could tear down this whole timeline thing, never post another
friends back. moment, never tell anyone. My virginity didn’t have to be a
Seventeen: I was raging that TV commercials and teen maga- pledge card or a hymen or anything I could wrap in festive paper
and hand over with a bow on top. I didn’t even
have to grant it a name. Here was
my chance to build a new identity,
and with insular hedges, scores
of books, and a society of young
twenty-somethings all searching for
themselves,

zines and
my parents
had all failed
to assure me
that embrac-
ing female
sexuality is
okay, because my
boyfriend kept touching
me and I kept liking it and
I didn’t know exactly what
a girl like me should do.
I watched “Talk Sex with
Sue” every Sunday at 10:00 college
when I could, trying to learn could be a haven from the voyeuristic village,
more but constantly hovering that Big Brother, peering, watching me in the back
over the remote’s return button, of the car, ready to pronounce a blasting judgment through the
so it would look like I was watching speakers. In college, I didn’t feel so many eyes on me. I owned
an episode of Friends if anyone my virginity again, but this time in a different sense than that day
came into the room. by the haystack. I realized it didn’t have to be a part of my iden-
Seventeen tity. I didn’t have to be Miss Virgin, Miss Fifty-four, unless,
and a half: of course, I wanted to be. Just as I realized it was my
dinner at crush’s business what his score was, so was it mine.
Abuelo’s. As I asked who was I to determine his whole charac-
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

Eighteen: ter off just another piece of him, I realized, and who
I was fighting was he to define me by my virgin or non-virgin status?
against absti- Female or not female, I could shut the door, play around
nence-only education, doing in the game room, because it was just another part of life.
class projects and newspaper reports on how Garland High The story is one for me to tell or not tell.
School’s only sanctioned sex education was administered to girls
who were already pregnant. I was revolted when I remembered

Short Stories 21
Closed
Julia Bursten

I was a sophomore, and we had never had an easy relation- times, I still don’t think of it as real.
ship. We were dating and having sex regularly, although he He finished. He slept, unaware of the sabotage, and purring
always pulled out before coming. He could never stay hard when like a kitten full of tuna. He would have been cute if I weren’t
I tried to put on a condom, he said. I believed him, and I still do. in terrified, ugly, blind shock. I laid awake, knowing I still cared
It was a stupid solution, but I loved him and wanted to please for him and wondering if I could ever put this behind us. Three
him. And I still do, in a twisted way somewhere at the back of my nights later, my body finally fought off my fear of sleep and the
psyche. nightmares began. He held me when I woke up shaking.
I was not afraid of emergency contraception—I’ve used it I told him what he had done. He said he did not remember.
twice, but never with him. It’s not so bad, really, and I never got I believed him, and I still do. He said he was sorry, and I said
the stomachaches they warn you about. I was annoyed that he I forgave him. I told myself to blame the alcohol, to blame my
had latex aversion syndrome, but we did try to work around it. I weakness, to blame Y chromosomes and the hormones they
went on the Pill and reacted violently. I hated it. I stopped. We carry. But my heart and my sex drive blamed him. And they still
returned to square one. do.
I never wanted to lose control long enough to come when We do not fall asleep next to each other any more. It took
he was in me. I was afraid it would make him come, and I didn’t a few seasons for me to realize that as long as he was there,
really have time to go to health services for free anti-baby I could not wall off the nightmares he had seeded inside me.
hormones and a healthy dose of judgment. So I told him I had There is no morning-after pill to flush away fear of the people
never come during sex, and didn’t think I ever would. I figured you love.
I was safer this way, since he was being so risky. And it wasn’t
a complete lie: I’d come during sex only once. Well, it was eight
times, during one anonymous night. One blissful condom. I never
felt selfless enough—nameless enough, safe enough, hidden
enough—to have sex like that with him.
And I didn’t like having sex with him when he drank too much,
because he started to scare me, to remind me of scary times
growing up: out of control, manic, domineering. Alcoholic. Not
safe.
He had drunk too much that night, and I was suffering from
post-midterm exhaustion. I fell asleep next to him, like we always
did. I was half-intoxicated with sheer fatigue. I did not know how
much time passed, and I still don’t.
I woke up, and he was inside me. I was annoyed at the REM
disruption, but I wasn’t consciously scared. I had already walled
off such emotions when it came to sex with him. I shoved him
away, mumbling accusations that he was drunk and should stay
on his own side of the bed, and I turned away to protect myself. I
fell back asleep.
His groans were what awoke me the second time; I’m nor-
mally a light sleeper, but I was so tired that he was able to flip
me over and enter me without my knowledge. He was throbbing,
and I could feel him starting to come. His roommate was asleep
Artwork By: Rachel Gibbs

in the next bed and never woke up.


All I did was shove a hand over his mouth, to stifle the moans
so he didn’t wake up anyone else in the dorm. So I would not
have to face the event as a reality outside the two of us and
explain how all my walls had just come. crashing. down. Some-

22 Short Stories
The Love Handbook
“And when we do fall, why do our faculties of reason--and to the simultaneous stillness and the quaking leaves, waiting,
decency and self-respect and even right and wrong--sometimes listening for an answer that has long since been hidden. I didn’t
not come along? For that matter, why would anyone reciprocate know it then, but I was in love and waiting for someone.
the love of a partner who has come so romantically unhinged?”
“Romantic infatuation is different from both raw lust and the
I remember how it started. It was night. I could hear a distant enduring commitment that keeps lovers together long after their
murmur of people laughing from a place where I was supposed besottedness has faded. We all know the symptoms: ideal-
to be. There was a familiar electronic rhythm in the air, as if from ized thoughts of the loved one; swings of mood from ecstasy to
nowhere. I felt the stars and the orange sky filter through dark despair, insomnia and anorexia; and the intense need for signs
leaves. An uplifting. Vague echoes. I was alone and walking of reciprocation.”
away. The wind blew by— exuberance! It was like a sacred
promise being made, as if I could find what I knew was missing. My heart falls. She’s the first girl I said I loved. Long,
As if my plunge into solitude would make me unique, as if God or dark bruises stand out on her neck. I don’t understand. Who
Fate or the World or this, would begin to see me. After that night, would hurt her like this? I plead with her to tell me who, and
there were many times, alone, on my roof, when I would listen why. Why? Finally, frustrated, she says they’re hickeys. Only

Photo Credits: Edward Merritt

Short Stories 23
when I begin to drive home do I begin to connect. It is late, my she played. I remember when she graced the stage, her dress
parents are asleep, and I walk into the kitchen. The silence the white and black of music sheets. I close my eyes, and let the
awakens tears, but this time there is no hope because it goes sound fill me and shake me to my spine. I just couldn’t help it.
much deeper, as if a law has been broken. The scene becomes
impossible. I pull a knife out of the cupboard and push it into my “Somewhere in this world lives the best-looking, richest,
skin. It begins to truly hurt. I try to pull it, through the skin, but smartest person who would settle for you. But this ideal match
I simply can’t. Silent crying. I force myself outside. I collapse is hard to find, and you may die single if you insist on waiting for
onto the same place on the roof that I had before; a thousand such a mate to show up. So you choose to set up house with the
unfriendly pebbles push into my back, and again I try to listen. best person you have found so far.”
Only after the hysteria subsides do I begin to understand that
pain is created for a reason. Beyond the pain there is a strange open feeling. As if I swam
under a glacier and reemerged to find a warm island. Above the
“In infatuation, even the brain chemistry is different: lust is steep walls is a clear expanse of clouds and the cleanest blue.
fueled (in both sexes) by testosterone, and companionate love I was being pulled upwards, spiraling. I try to smile, like hers,
by vasopressin and oxytocin. Romantic passion taps the same like the nights of laughter and love, of free, soft brown curls and
dopamine system that is engaged by other obsessive drives like brown eyes, the shape of her body and breasts pulling the but-
drug addiction.” tons of her shirt, of a diamond in the ruff and the grandest time.
Those are gone now. I look up again and think to myself this
I lost my virginity that summer, in Lovett. I clearly remember is college. I try to think of a time when I will look back at that.
the room. A dull, uncertain light pouring through the humid win- I look at my pile of papers and try to gather the courage to go
dow. Everything in the room is disheveled but I don’t care. Her to her door. I got to see her one last time. The last words she
stare is blank, the stale dorm light brushes her lush-wire hair and spoke to me were, “I’ll call you.”
smooth face, the darkness underneath her eyes. In this empty
space her face looks blue and tear stained, as if it is manifesting “If the emotion moving that person is not triggered by your
her soul. I look behind and see her legs spread out wide. We objective mate value, that emotion will not be alienated by some-
are kissing, floating. She grabs me, rolls on a condom, and gen- one who comes along with greater mate value than yours. And
tly pushes inside. She moans and whispers my name. It feels there should be signals that the emotion is not faked, showing
great and that is all. Each moment lives only to feed the next. that the person’s behavior is under the control of the involuntary
parts of the brain--the ones in charge of heart rate, breathing,
Vacancy. Splendor. Embarrassment. Joy. skin flushing and so on.”

Time continues, and for a moment, rhythmically locked inside I had never gone kayaking before, and I never expected to be
of her, I believe I am happy. But after the climax, there’s that so calm and excited at the same time. We slide the heavy craft
draining feeling, and time and reality begin to coexist again. I into the water, and she balances me as I settle in. It wasn’t like
laugh because it’s truly too hysterical. She is a painter, full of flying, but more of a floating, drifting, motion with a dual sided
dark thoughts and untraceable emotions, but now... now I know oar. I remember the water and the trees and the expanse above
her. Only then do I realize we are both naked. We exchange me. I hear the sound of gentle water in the nearby stream and
vows, but somewhere behind the words there is a glimmer of the wind in the pine trees as she pushes her kayak past mine.
‘no’. She mentions past loves, I try to smile and make her feel I’ve known her for ages and I feel safe. Everything is so bright,
better, but it inevitably fails. I remember the resolve written on but familiar, as if it had been waiting. We paddle to a nearby
her face, and the pinching feeling. Don’t take the exit I left for island and pick blueberries. I follow her as she pushes interest-
you. Please, please don’t remember. Don’t, don’t turn away. ing rocks and leaves into my hand. I remember her voice, her
kind face, her hair, her skirt fluttering against the wind. She
Time goes by and I am lost for years until the forgetfulness was beautiful, but we had never kissed, nor was I expecting to.
eventually returns. Perhaps that was what was so new. Or maybe it was the smile.
She was a person who stuck around.
“We may become morose, obsessive, even violent. Lovesick-
ness has been blamed on the moon, on the devil, but whatever Pinker, Steven. “Crazy Love.” Time Magazine. 17 Jan. 2008
is behind it, it doesn’t look like the behavior of a rational animal Reprinted with permission from Steven Pinker.
trying to survive and reproduce.”

She was different, so young and vibrant. It was the music

24 Short Stories
Grand Theft Panties
Kristina from the United Kingdom

Recently I realized I ter than I remembered them. I thought that quite strange.
have a problem. I keep It didn’t occur to me until later that night that it
running out of panties! could have been Danny that moved them. From
It seems like however there, it wasn’t long before I realized it was
many I buy, the draw- normally when Danny had been around a lot
er is always empty. that I had become short on panties. It’s a
As it happens, I bit of a turn on having a guy steal your
discovered one likely panties for his own pleasure. But
reason. I’d been too expensive!
running the other day I came up with quite a
and when I got back simple strategy. I left a note
in, only Danny, one in my laundry basket. It
of my housemate’s read:
friends, was in.
Danny’s quite sexy, Dear Pervert.
sort of reminds me Although I find your
of Sawyer from theft of my panties quite
Lost. arousing, this is too ex-
Anyhow, after pensive! My deal with you is
an exchange of a this. I will leave you a pair, freshly
few mutual flirts, I worn, behind the sofa in a plastic bag,
went upstairs to my every Friday and Saturday night. In return,
bedroom and got undressed. I distinctly remem- I expect 2 new pairs in my panty drawer every
bered putting my panties in the dirty clothes basket last, as I week. And none of that Primark crap, I want M&S or
remembered thinking they felt quite damp as I put them in. better. Pick out what you like and I’ll wear it for you. I’m size 8 in
I put on my dressing gown. It’s a little obscene for when case you didn’t figure it out from the labels.
guests are around to be honest; it’s rather see-through and very Love, Kristina
short. But I thought I could make it downstairs to the bathroom
without Danny seeing. No such luck. The moment I got to the For about two weeks, nothing happened. Then, sure enough,
top of the stairs to head down, Danny was at the bottom walking the plastic bags started dissappearing, and very nice sexy
up. I don’t know who was more shocked, me or him. Bizarrely, undies and even a remote control vibrator, minus the remote
although from his angle my pussy was in full view, my instinct control, have turned up. My panty drawer overfloweth. I’ve left a
was to cover my breasts as my nipples were showing through. note in my laundry basket saying I’ll be wearing the vibrator at
With embarrassment we passed half way up the stairs and I a house party we are having this weekend. Hopefully, someone
went for a shower. I turned on the shower, and waited for it to there will be sending me vibes as I wander around in my new
warm up while I brushed my teeth, the usual. I realized I didn’t lacy number. I can only imagine what will happen!
bring down my shampoo. Not taking any chances, I wrapped a
thick long towel around me and headed back up to my room.
Just as I got to the bottom of the stairs, Danny shot out of my
room looking very red, and asked me if I knew where the phone
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

was. I pointed to it and said “where it always is stupid!” He


mumbled something as he came down the stairs, grabbed the
phone, and headed off to the kitchen.
When I got back to my room, my panties, which I distinctly
remember being placed in the basket, were hanging over the
edge. I put them back in, noticing they were still warm, and wet-

Short Stories 25
She’s Crafty: The story of a girl who enjoys her body

I hadn’t had an come with him.


orgasm in months. I I realized that this might be a very long quest indeed, and I
didn’t even realize I wasn’t willing to wait around until some mystery, miracle lover
had been neglecting came in and solved my problem. So, I went on a search for the
myself to such an girl I once was in high school, before I let silly boys take my fun
extent, but now I saw away from me. I locked my bathroom door and watched myself
what the consequenc- in the mirror as I peeled my clothes off. I saw how beautiful,
es could be when a smooth, and flat my stomach was. I noticed how incredibly sexy
girl lets her body go the curve of my waist was. I stepped into the shower and kept
unsatis- the curtain pulled back
fied for so I could watch myself
so long. in the mirror while the
I had no water streamed down my
idea my breasts and legs. Letting
problem the hot water soak my
was sex. hair, I stood in awe of
I was in a myself.
nice, comfortable relationship, where we’d have sex I put the plug in the
every once in a while. Overall it was okay – rarely shower drain and let the
spectacular (though there were times) – but I thought tub fill up with steamy
it was alright. However, being in a sexual relation- water. I slid down into it
ship made me feel like I should stop masturbating. and felt around for the
Why should I do it myself when there was someone first time in far too long.
who wanted to do it for me? The problem was, he It seemed like it wouldn’t
didn’t do it for me. Sex was one thing, but having an happen at first, but I was
orgasm was a completely different subject. I never came when patient. I thought of all the things I wanted and I did everything
he made love to me. I didn’t see how I could. The sex usually felt I could to give them to myself. I was rewarded with a series of
great, but it never felt like I was going to have an orgasm. So it tremors that resonated through to my bones. In my ears I heard
happened without me even noticing: months and months went the quickened pounding
by and no eruptions! of my heart. Currents
Well, we broke up. One of the first things I wanted to do as of pleasure ran through
a newly liberated girl, was find someone who could show me my flesh and made my
how sex leads lips tremble. I had
to an orgasm. I finally found the
wanted some- place where I was
one to make the only person I
sweet, sweet needed in order to
love to me, be happy again.
not just in and I let the tub drain
out for twenty and dried off. I
times and then turned on the music
a shower. I and danced around
wanted to find my room, naked, for
someone who a few songs, letting
would relish it all rush back in.
the opportu- Having sex is undoubtedly wonderful, but a girl needs to
nity to help me remember how to unlock her own doors whenever her body
discover how to needs it.

26 Short Stories
One Hit Away
Darren Arquero

“I love you.” give him my number.


He mumbled these words to me, words I heard with such And sure enough, he called.
clarity as he clumsily stumbled out of my pick-up truck, his weed- The following night found me sitting in his brother’s Ford
blown eyes struggling to keep concentration on mine. It didn’t pick-up truck in the parking lot of our local Valero corner store;
matter that we had been dating for only five months, it didn’t but after he purchased two 16 ounce bottles of hard liquor, my
matter that he was four years older than my 18, and it didn’t outlook on a potential future with himchanged dramatically.
even matter that he fucked over one of my friends to pursue a Did he want me to “drink-up” in hopes of having an easy lay?
relationship with me – all that mattered was my happiness, which Was his reason behind getting to know me sexually motivated?
was something that I had found with him. Although uncertainties began to overcome my thoughts, they
----- were soon laid to rest when we spent nearly four hours just
I met him on the night of March 16, a night I found myself talking in his car, driving to random parks and neighborhoods in
sitting precariously on one of those black leather couches in our hometown without ever taking a sip of alcohol. There were
Houston’s premiere gay night club of South Beach. Being in the no awkward silences, no trying to come up with conversation
heart of Montrose, I always viewed its foreign atmosphere as starters – our personalities just clicked, and it seemed as though
one meant only for entertainment, not one where I could find a I had jumped-the-gun to question his intentions.
potential relationship. But there he was, amidst the loud techno “Why did you decide to buy the alcohol?” I asked.
music, quietly attached in a relationship to someone I considered “I felt I needed it to loosen up a bit since I haven’t really had
a friend. His black unbuttoned polo, checkerboard Vans and any interest in pursuing something with a guy, but I feel different
nonchalant manner ironically increased my attraction to him. And about this. It’s not necessary if I’m actually enjoying the time I’m
as he leaned over and placed his hand on my leg, I took the op- spending with you.”
portunity to initiate a conversation with him that would ultimately With that said, my first PDA experience with the same sex
lead us to becoming something more than just friends. took place. Getting out of his car, he took my hands in his and
It was strange that this person was already familiar with the kissed me. I felt ridiculous that I was lightheaded and that my
people I was with that night. As it turned out, he had graduated heart fluttered like a pubescent school girl’s – I just never thought
from my high school in 2003 and had a younger brother who was that I would be comfortable enough with my sexuality to do
in my grade. From having
the reputation of a heart-
breaker with the ladies to
being voted “Most Attrac-
tive”, it didn’t make sense
to me that I had no prior
knowledge of who he was,
a fact that he later revealed
was something that made
him even more attracted to
me. Engaging in deep con-
versation and learning that
we shared mutual friends, I
couldn’t believe I was talk-
Photo Credits: Darren Arquero

ing to somebody I viewed


as being out of my league.
His glossy blue eyes and a
smile that screamed perfec-
tion, the physical chemistry
coupled with our verbal
communication led me to

Short Stories 27
something like this so soon with someone who I barely knew, himself to weed, but it finally seemed as if he was ready to just
let alone in public. Being naive and too damn ignorant to know be himself, and I was happy that we were helping one another to
the difference between right and wrong, I gave no thought to get to that position.
the fact that he was already in a relationship, and that was We had everything planned for the summer: going to his
something that would soon come to haunt me as our relationship hometown of Ranger, Texas and spending three weeks at his
progressed. ranch house; going to weekly showings at The Showboat Drive-
----- In Theater when the city was too much for us; traveling up to
I had just come back home from Germany earlier than Dallas and riding rollercoasters and being silly together – it was
planned because of my father’s second heart attack. Second supposed to be a summer of fun before I entered my freshman
semester back home would be monotonous. With the majority of year at Rice. These plans never materialized.
my credits taken care of, the time spent in school seemed worth- Despite promising that he had lost the habit, he became its
less. Granted, I occupied myself with exchanging text messages prisoner again. It slowly crept back into his life and became his
with him. He knew how to wake me up in the morning or keep obsession. It was the one thing I knew he would be doing when
me entertained while sitting in class. I was never annoyed by his he was with his friends. It was the one thing I knew he was on
sappy messages – they made me feel wanted – and it was great when we kissed. It was the one thing I got my car searched for
to know that I finally met someone around whom I wasn’t afraid by HPD, when we talked outside of his house. It was the one
to be myself. Coming with me to meet my friends for parties and thing that I was furious about when he nearly got arrested for
dinners; driving up to Rice with me before matriculation to get possession. And it would eventually be the one thing, I decided,
fitted for my cheer uniform; coming home and having conversa- that would end our relationship. How could I ever know if the
tions with my mom about fishing for hours on end… it was the person who talked to me was the person I knew or the person
little things that made the relationship perfect, and the main who was high? How could I take his emotions seriously when he
reason why I decided to be intimate with him. I felt I had fallen could not remember how he acted the next day? I had already
further than I wanted to, but I had no intention of getting back up. tried to compromise in order to make the relationship work, but
Despite it being the first relationship where I was brutally it seemed to me that the more effort I put in, the less I got back
honest with my heart, I pushed aside the fact that he had an af- from him. I didn’t want to be that person who laid their heart on
finity for marijuana, that purple haze, AK-47, Mary Jane. I didn’t the line and got nothing in return, nor did I want to become the
want to pass judgment based on the blunt he rolled the second person who becomes so emotionally attached that it’s hard to let
day I was with him, that this was all he did, all that he was. But go. But there I was, listening to Unsaid by the Fray and crying,
knowing that his younger brother dealt, and that his family was after realizing I had taken all I could handle.
notorious for drug deals, how naive was I to think he would stop -----
his habit for me? Our relationship ended abruptly, just as quickly as it had be-
This was the topic of our conversation one night, while gan. I never realized how much I had been riding on our relation-
trespassing into private property and driving to the edge of a lake ship until it was over, realizing that because of him I had come
that engulfed my view from every direction. I never thought those out to my friends and more importantly to my family. He became
“movie moments” would happen to me, and I found it ridiculous such a significant part of my life for that short period of seven
when people talked about wanting such experiences to happen months that I hardly knew where to start when the relationship
to them. But there we found ourselves: lying in the bed of my ended. Since then, I’ve tried to cloud my mind with negative
truck, embracing one another and letting the wind do the talking thoughts of him, wanting myself to believe that I hated him much
as the moon provided the hint of light that only caught the con- more than I loved him; but I can’t get over the smallest things
tours of his face. From past conversations I knew we were both that made our relationship special, sharing our hopes for the
in similar personal situations - coming out was a process that future and the faith in our relationship. Although he is no longer
was hard for both of us to accept, resulting in feeling as if we had present in the intimate sense, it’s hard for me to move on, for he
let society down in not conforming to what was expected from became a template for all my potential partners. He exposed me
us. It was hard trying to lend him an ear when everything he said to feelings of sadness and hate that I never felt before, but the
to me was exactly what I was feeling. I was so relieved to have pleasure I experienced in just being with him cancelled them out.
him, as both of us were ready to love without pride or selfish- Despite being the cause of my mental anguish and heartache,
ness. That’s when he revealed, that his conflict with sexuality he made me aware of the hardships that come with a relation-
was the reason behind his smoking. ship. He made me disappointed in the idea of love, but ultimately
It was amazing to watch his gradual transformation as he he prepared me for future relationships.
slowly dropped the habit, saying there was no need for it now And for that, I thank him.
since his happiness had finally come. I used to have arguments
with him in the past about how much it hurt me to see him lose

28 Short Stories
Articles

29
Artwork By: Chris Beekman
When the Teacher is Gone: Sexual Assault in Poland
Katherin Sudol

High school in Poland. The third period of the day. Thirty-two of the two girls from the fifth deskwas an invitation for them to
pairs of eyes wandering, trying to find a point of focus, to kill the degrade and violate them, there was still fourteen other girls and
remaining twenty five minutes of class. A knock on the door. their feelings to be considered. I cannot speak for others, though
Hope rises as the teacher leaves the room, and so does the I clearly remember what I felt. I was disgusted, not only by what
noise level, a rather abrupt transition from a subtle buzz of teen- they’d been doing to those girls, but also disgusted with myself,
age voices to utter chaos. Among this blissful disarray a sudden, my own body. I felt dirty, violated vicariously through those girls.
rather-too-organized movement occurs in the direction of the two This nauseating aversion towards my own body was accom-
girls sitting in the fifth desk, middle row. Some voices hush down; panied by an overwhelming sense of powerlessness. I realized
eyes turn away, suddenly peculiarly interested in the dull verses then that if, by some wicked twist of faith, I became labeled as
of Pan Tadeusz, while others stare, strangely aroused; some one of those girls, there would be no escape. They had lost all
girls giggle, but glance with moral condemnation in the direction ownership of their bodies and became public property. They
of the fifth desk; the remainder of the class becomes tense, their were there to relieve any pent up sexual emotions accompany-
attention sharpened, prepared for what is to come. ing the development of a fourteen-year-old boy. They were mere
And then it happens. Six pairs of hands get hold of the two toys. No one ever asked or considered how experiencing such a
girls in the fifth desk. Six pairs of hands touch their breasts, slide simulacrum of prostitution would influence those girls later in life.
under their shirts and into their pants. Six pairs of hands violate My return to Poland this winter break resurfaced many memo-
and degrade two girls in front of twenty four other people. And ries and feelings associated with the seventh grade events. I had
what is their response? Only two or three people spring up and a chance to meet with my classmates, one of whom six years
try to pull the assailants away, but without success. Threatened ago was among the assailants. I always hoped that what he did
to be next, they withdraw and watch, powerless, hoping it will in the past was simply a transitory, albeit serious, teenage blun-
end soon. The two girls in the fifth desk fight back at first, but der caused by raging hormones and perhaps a poor judgment in
eventually give up, realizing their resistance is futile against the choosing role models. However, my opinion of my friend needed
aggressive advances of their colleagues. Eventually the boys to be reevaluated. As I brought up the issue, my friend declared
return to their desks with repulsive grins of satisfaction on their that he did not regret anything he had done and proceeded
faces, proud to have demonstrated their machismo and obtained to state that he still considered both of those girls worthless,
whatever meek sexual gratification they had wished to obtain. and deserving of exactly what they got. This time I did not feel
The incident was not an isolated one. My friends and I have ashamed. I didn’t even feel disgusted, or nauseated anymore.
watched such assaults many times throughout seventh grade. I was simply pissed off. I had moved beyond internalizing the
We tried bringing up the issue to the teachers – without success. dehumanizing chauvinism and saw the reality: six years later, he
Sex and especially sexual abuse are topics that still remain was the same person, holding the same sick, distorted views.
taboo in Poland. You don’t speak about it out loud; you simply Despite my anger, I cannot dismiss the possibility that his
pretend it doesn’t exist. I mean, those girls had to be sluts, views are the product of the culture he lives in. I am not trying to
right? They must have done something to provoke the assaults. make excuses for him, but merely suggesting that his choices
Their ostentatious make-up, tight fitting jeans, and shirts, maybe might be colored by the values present in his community. I am
slightly too low-cut for fourteen-year-olds were all obvious signs also not saying that he lives in a community of sexual assailants,
of invitation to neglect their worth as human beings. They de- but rather in one where the interaction of religious moral codes
served it. This was the mentality of the assailants, a few of whom and traditional norms regarding gender roles creates an environ-
I spoke to, in an attempt to understand. In their eyes no harm ment of disadvantage for women, while favoring and protecting
was done; in fact justice was served andboth parties enjoyed it. masculinity, sometimes in its darkest forms. The strong authority
Whether it was means of self-justification or a genuine convic- of the Roman Catholic Church dictates a life of purity and chas-
tion, those boys actually believed that their advances were tity, one in which the family and its values ought to take central
welcomed by the victims. stage. Such a view propagates stereotypical gender roles,
The assailants’ blind neglect encompassed not only the two with the man as head of the household, and the woman as the
girls but also the other students in that classroom forced to housewife, the mother, whose obligation and foremost reason
watch the assaults. Even if, through some twisted logic, those for existence is rearing another generation of bigots. There also
boys concluded that the slightly higher-than-average promiscuity still exists a subtle cult of virginity, hence a heightened sense

30 Articles
of moral duty to condemn those who do not abide to the seem- They coped well immediately after the assaults though I do not
ingly natural code of pure conduct, an unwritten agreement that know how the events influenced them in the long run. Despite
single, young women (but only women) ought not to engage or the tragedy of the events six years ago, they were certainly for-
display their delight in any kind of even mildly sexual acts or pro- tunate to have friends who were there for them, willing to listen
miscuity, unless of course they are in some form of a committed and provide necessary support. A year ago an incident similar
relationship, someone’s property. Combining this belief with the to those in my school, occurred in a middle school in Gdańsk. A
still very prevalent attitude of male superiority over women, and few boys assaulted a fourteen year old girl while the teacher was
perhaps arousal or sexual cues in the environment, we end up away. They sexually harassed her, tore her clothes off in front
with six pairs of hands getting hold of two girls in the fifth desk… of her classmates and simulated sexual acts, while recording
So how did the events six year ago affect those involved? It’s everything on a cell phone camera. The next day that girl com-

hard to tell. Some I spoke to completely erased the assaults from mitted suicide. Today, these boys merely face a 2 year sentence
Artwork By: Tamisha Anthony

their mind, having no recollection of them whatsoever. I person- in a penitentiary for juvenile delinquents. The assault was not
ally became interested in women’s issues, and today consider their first one either. But in this case, just as it was six years ago
myself a feminist. Some, like my friend, were unaffected. I am some three hundred miles south, there were enough hands to
unable to tell much about how the events of seventh grade af- ruin someone’s life, but not enough hands pulling them away.
fected the two girls who were assaulted. One of them became
pregnant in high school, and now has a daughter and husband.
The other is currently studying, trying to finish up high school.

Articles 31
Ground Zero
Derek Workman
Reporting from Gaborone, Botswana
“Just double bag it!” She says this as we trade tales from the weekend, over coffee.
The word choice here is critical. My drinking buddy, Mateo Bokamoso tells me the club was great, the dancing was fun.
says to me, “Just double bag it!” He does not choose words She tells me about the man, whom she meet, danced, and then
like “you had better,” or “It would be a VERY good idea to” or (a hooked up with. I hear a story like this from her about every other
more appropriate reaction) “Better not touch that with a ten foot week. When I ask her if she is concerned, if she ever worries
pole.” Instead, he says “just”, as if this were a detail hardly worth about catching something, she uses this word, “Condomize!”
thinking about, merely a suggestion, with a ‘dat-a-boy’ tone. “Condomizing” is a campaign catchword here at ground zero.
Mateo tells me this after the girl I have been flirting with for It seems to be having a positive affect. Condoms are used more
most of the night goes to get another drink. Mateo uses the word now than ever, up to 84% in the 15-24 year old age group. Due
“just” after he informs me with words and a casual wave of his to awareness campaigns, most people know condoms can be
hand that she has “been around the bar.” used as a way to prevent the spread of The Virus.
Normally this would be no big deal. However, from where There are other campaigns, which seem to be getting positive
we sit at our usual Thursday night bar, Kwest, it is only a short results as well. One, which uses the national soccer team as
half-mile walk to what is effectively ground zero for the HIV/AIDS spokespersons, urges people to “know your status”. There is free
epidemic: Princess Marina Hospital complex. This is not a testing in several locations here. With fast-results testing, it only
normal place. This is a place where the infection rate is always takes 15 minutes to learn whether you are healthy or infected.
teetering close to three in five. This is a place where 33% of the There is a similar program that urges couples to get tested
people ages 25-29 are infected; the percent jumps to 40% for together before they sleep together. With these programs in
people 30-35. place, more people are taking the dreaded test and knowing
This is a place where the evidence and effects of The Virus their status. Nevertheless, it is still slow going.
can be seen everywhere: in the constant presence of awareness I have another friend, (yes, her name really is) Queen, and
campaigns, the condom ads (on billboards, in bathrooms, in the when I ask her how sexually active is she is, she says proudly, “I
newspapers, on the radio). In the free condoms that are distrib- highly active! I have been with ten guys since January.” This she
uted at border posts, hospitals, the national museum, virtually says in December. Again I ask, don’t you worry about getting
everywhere. In the government-run and funded Anti-Retroviral The Virus? She says, “Yeah, I worry sometimes. But if I don’t
Therapy Program, and the unceasing number of funerals. This is have a regular boyfriend, what do you want me to do? Mastur-
not the Africa I grew up in. Things have changed
so fast over the last ten years.
I look at Mateo. He must be joking, or at the
very least more drunk than I thought he was.
“How many did you have before you came?” I
say. “Condoms are not a guarantee.” Mateo and
I both have friends, family, co-workers dying
of AIDS. Mateo, only half-joking (everything
he says is half-joking, except when he says he
wants another beer): “It’s only a three percent
chance.” Again, the word choice! “ONLY THREE
PERCENT! Eish Man!” All of this is said in a very
tongue-in-cheek way. Still, I can tell he is just
barely kidding. (Maybe, I think, all this joking and
Photo Credits: Rachel Solnick

alcoholism it is just the national coping mecha-


nism.) Only a three percent chance of certain,
possibly very horrid death… only! Botswana-style
Rolette, anyone?
Another friend, Bokamoso, throws this sound
bite at me: “Don’t worry, I always condomize!”

32 Articles
bate? Use a dildo or toys or whatever?” The tone she uses tells The reality seems to be the exact opposite. The culture of sex
me that this is not a valid option in her mind. is thriving here (as is the rest of life). In fact, I have found people
These friends of mine, they are examples, not exceptions. here to be far less inhibited than their American peers. Clubs are
They are middle class, educated. Mateo went to University in packed every weekend. There are whispers of a growing trend of
Australia. Bokamoso is in her final year at a university here. orgies at the local university. Even the sex trade is alive and well.
Queen owns a business. They are good people who hold down Sometimes when you are out, it strikes you. You are sitting
good jobs, have friends, are perfectly normal. around a table with a dozen or so friends, listening to jokes and
The things Mateo, Bokamoso, and Queen say to me echo stories, laughing. Then you think. “Good God! Three in five!” It
the sentiments of nearly all the young people I meet here. They can make you look around, count, and wonder. It makes you
are very sexual people and really, HIV/AIDS does not factor into think about the human sex drive as well. Just how powerful is the
their weekend plans. In fact, it does not factor into any plans, human sex drive? Most of us have done a thing or two we are
until they test positive. They are just like their peers everywhere not proud of because of our inherent drive. Yet, is it so power-
else: they want to go out, dance, drink, have a great time and ful that it can throw off our instinct for self-preservation? It is a
hopefully get laid. And “Do you have AIDS?” is not exactly the strange thought, but the more I look around, the more it seems
most romantic question one could ask during foreplay. And it is to be true. Even under the weight of such a huge threat, the
not just the Batswana people either. I have other friends, from people of Gabs City prefer to party, enjoy, be carefree and just
America or Europe, most of them students of some kind, who hope for the best. After all, what does the alternative look like?
come here and fall into the same behaviors. Gaborone, lovingly A piece in a recent issue of the local magazine Lapologa,
referred to as Gabs City by us locals, can be a great place to talks about some of these realities. The young, good-looking,
go out and have a good time. The clubs are open until 5 or 6am educated, up-and-coming, the ones with everything to live for,
you. You can party all night and we often do! are enjoying their weekends, but being awfully cavalier with their
You might think that of all places, at ground zero, the epi- lives in the process. The article goes through all the standard
demic would have an affect on the culture of sex. It might squash arguments. Yet, the article closes ominously with the line, “we’ve
the thought of sex out of everyone’s minds. You might imagine it heard this all before, but are we listening?”
would squash everything out of life. You might imagine everyone This begs the question: if any of us were in the same situa-
would just be sitting around waiting for a cure. tion, would we be any different? Would we be listening?

Articles 33
Women of the Magdalene Program Find Hope After Prostitution
Claire Berry
Yale University Student

If you aren’t looking for the house, you will certainly miss it. positions over time. Though the business has a small staff of
Tucked away behind an Episcopal church and surrounded by a non-residents, residents and graduates of the program are sales
thicket of trees, it is barely visible from the road. Furthermore, representatives, store managers, floor managers and shippers.
dwarfed and outshined by the other houses in Nashville’s most ---
affluent neighborhood, once spotted it doesn’t even seem worth One sweltering August afternoon I sat down with Becca
a second glance. Stevens, the Episcopal priest who founded the Magdalene Pro-
Every morning, several women gather on the front porch, gram, for a conversation over iced green tea. As we settled into
taking long drags on Kool cigarettes. More women come, walk- oversized armchairs on her screened-in back porch, she began
ing from the nearby bus stop and up the dirt path to the house. to tell me the story that has made her a local celebrity: the story
The church’s back parking lot slowly fills as more arrive, and of Magdalene.
at nine o’clock, as the hour peals from the steeple, the porch- The seeds for the Magdalene Program were planted in the
women quash their cigarettes and join the others inside, closing early 1990s. At that time, Becca Stevens was working at the
the heavy door behind them. The Women of Magdalene begin Campus for Human Development, a local ministry to benefit
another workday at Thistle Farms. the homeless. While she was there, one aspect of the Campus
The Magdalene Program is a recovery community for women program began to disturb her: the shortage of women. “Women
who have criminal histories of prostitution and drug use. At pres- were not being served at all,” she told me. “You would do dif-
ent, 21 women are enrolled in the program; they live in four area ferent programs with thirty men and one woman, and it was like,
houses where they abide by communal principles as they work where are all the women on the street?”
toward staying clean and reclaiming their bodies and lives. A Sure that they existed, Stevens set out to find and serve
place of shelter is the first gift of Magdalene; over a woman’s first these women. With help from various friends in the community,
few months in the program, she receives any dental work, medi- she started visiting women in jails and researching ways to help
cal attention, or therapy that she may need – and at no cost. them. “I had a friend that had given me an article about people
After six months at Magdalene, the program requires the women who were giving sandwiches to prostitutes in New York, and
to find a job, though they may continue to live rent-free at one of I thought that sounded fun but then also kind of depressing…
the houses for [because] they’re still not getting off
two years. the street,” she said. In 1996 Steven’s
Many of the Magdalene Program began to satisfy
women have a similar need in Nashville and did so,
felony charges, as Stevens saw it, more completely
usually for and thoroughly.
prostitution or For the next several years, Stevens
drug possession, ran Magdalene out of small office at
which can make St. Augustine’s Church at Vanderbilt
finding a job very University, where she continues to be
difficult. In the chaplain. She describes the period
face of this pre- as a volatile time of learning. In the
dicament, Thistle house where the women lived to-
Farms was gether, conflicts arose as the residents
born. Founded struggled to form a community, and
Photo Credits: Marlei Olson

in 2001, Thistle Stevens found herself a sort of impro-


Farms is a visatory referee as she set boundaries
cottage business embedded within Magdalene where women in for them. Furthermore, she faced financial challenges working
the program make all-natural bath and body products by hand. through her project’s growing pains without any staff.. “It was
Within Thistle Farms, Magdalene women have the opportunity always feast or famine,” she recalled. “[Magdalene] would have
to take job skills classes and advance to more managerial a fundraiser…and we’d make enough money. Then [I] would

34 Articles
breathe – and go back to doing church work – and then all of a ships; it is a given that each of these women has been raped
sudden Magdalene had 32 dollars left.” Stevens believes that at some point in her life. Yet another common denominator is
these ups and downs brought out one of her greatest strengths, an introduction to crack cocaine through a boyfriend or other
her eloquence as a speaker. In times of financial crisis, telling male acquaintance, often a dealer. Crack looms in each of the
the story of Magdalene in the larger community was the most women’s stories, great and indomitable, the source of chaos and
effective way she knew of despair. It represents for
to get donations and keep them the loss of posses-
the program running. With sions, homes, family, and
an ironic smile, she related most of all, control. For
how one of the first women each of them, an addiction
in the program, after to crack has led directly
hearing Stevens speak to to street life, where the
potential donors, told her violence only continues.
she was “a great hustler”. Stevens cited one
A bit aghast at first, now woman’s experience as
Stevens agrees: “I am a graphic illustration that
hustling. And I’m doing it prostitution is so much
so [the women] don’t have more than free trade of a
to.” woman’s “resources.” This
--- particular woman, before
Dealing with prostitu- coming into the program,
tion continues to be a hotly had suffered irreparable
discussed issue even within feminist communities. Magdalene damage to her brain and one of her eyes when a client plunged
presents what might be described as a radical feminist stance, a screwdriver into her head. Her special needs were part of the
operating under the belief that women cannot be bought or sold, inspiration for founding Thistle Farms, because she required
and that the very idea is the utmost degradation of humanity. a workplace where she could find care. In the woman’s state,
Radical feminists see prostitution as little more than institutional- Stevens could not bear throwing her back into the real world. In
ized rape, and as a practice that cultures ought to eradicate. her life as a prostitute, she had already endured more in that
“Pro-sex” or “pro-prostitution feminists”, on the other hand, world than anyone should.
present an alternate viewpoint. They hold that prostitution can ---
allow women self-determination and power over their lives, and Measuring the successes of any endeavor can prove try-
that “sex work” is just another industry in the national and global ing – especially when the goal is as vague and subjective as
economy. Some pro-sex feminists support the legalization of “recovery.” Magdalene graduates leave the program with a new
prostitution, arguing it is a common practice that does not seem place to live, a job with Thistle Farms or another employer, and
to be ending any time soon. They also argue that, as criminals considerable clean time, though many will wrestle with drug
within the current system, women engaged in prostitution come addiction for the rest of their lives. However, the challenges of
to fear police and thus often do not seek help when their oc- recovery extend beyond these concrete accomplishments.
cupations put them in danger; decriminalization would allow the Tracey, a petite Black woman in her late thirties, graduated
women to be safer. from the Magdalene Program this past June. At Thistle Farms
I asked the Rev. Stevens about her views on the subject; it she manufactures the company’s variety of balms – lip balms,
seemed a question she was used to fielding. “I am just of the ilk body balms, an all-in-one balm – and has trained to take on new
that we need to be a culture that doesn’t buy and sell women,” responsibilities in the shipping department and lotion manu-
she said bluntly. Stevens also pointed out that to “dignify” the facture this summer. She has dark, glittering eyes and a loud,
“abusive and horrific” world of prostitution with the term sex-work infectious laugh that echoes all the way through the house. It
is a serious misnomer. “I haven’t met a woman on the streets of is difficult to believe that when she first entered the program,
Nashville who hasn’t been raped or beaten. You hear the stories Tracey was not known to be very communicative at all.
Photo Credits: Marlei Olson

of it, and it’s not work…it’s a lifestyle, it’s a cycle – and its violent, Sitting down for a short conversation amid the bustle of the
dangerous, and drug-ridden.” shipping room, Tracey revealed the reasons for her initial si-
Stevens is well aware that while each Magdalene woman lence. “For the first three months, I did not talk…because I didn’t
has lived a different story, these stories often share devastating know nothing about recovery; this was my first time being clean,
plot points. One is childhood sexual abuse, the trauma of which my first time going through anything like this. All my life I had
Stevens herself endured. Another is abuse within adult relation- just wanted to use [drugs],” she told me. Also at that time, apart

Articles 35
from adjusting to a drug free life within the program, Tracey was successful graduate experiences these troubles a decade out of
wading through various legal issues surrounding the event that the program shows limitations in the program’s ability to solve all
led her to Magdalene: the murder of her abusive ex-boyfriend. the women’s problems, but more importantly sheds light on the
Such an offense could have resulted in a sentencing of fifteen debilitating and destructive power of prostitution and the psychol-
years or more. Instead, Tracey received eight months probation ogy of shame that underlies it.
and a chance at a different life. Some women in the program have pursued homosexual
As the months went by, Tracey began to speak her mind relationships or expressed interest in homosexuality post-re-
– and found a supportive community in Magdalene that was covery. Though she acknowledges the complex biological and
willing to listen. “A lot of people helped me,” she says. “They cultural origins of such desires, Stevens believes that these
all loved on me. They let me be who I was until I got comfort- desires are, at least in some part, another response to trauma
able enough to just open up; they didn’t pressure me.” Like centered around past sexual encounters with males. Stevens is
Tracey, many of the women attest to the self-affirming power of concerned that the discourse among the women regarding this
the community. It seems that one of the tenets of Magdalene is response is limited, casting taboo on the possibility of the lesbian
to encourage individual growth within the group setting and to relationship.
establish the value of each voice. I encountered this shy interest in homosexuality in a morn-
For women so long silenced by violence and their place in ing art class at one of the Magdalene houses. The instructor, a
society, finding a voice is a major benchmark of their recovery. volunteer, had shown the women in the class artworks from the
While Tracey stands as a more drastic example than some, PostSecret Project, a nationwide discourse in which participants
another woman attested in a group conversation, “Now I know send in anonymous postcards artistically emblazoned with their
how to talk and finish what I’m going to say; I know how to share deepest secrets. The women were to create collages in the
my opinion.” Meditation circles, which take place daily in all the spirit of the project.
houses and at Thistle Farms, serve as practice for readily shar- One of the program women, also a Thistle Farms employee,
ing one’s mind. As each woman in the circle reflects on her life was putting finishing touches on her own secret. When had
through the day’s reading, she has license to express whatever she finished, she handed it to me, with considerable giggling, for
she is feeling. In the circle, one woman tearfully expresses me to read. Dominating the page was a photograph of a model,
her fear of relapse into drug use; another expresses anger and staring straight into the camera, and next to the photograph,
frustration with her recovery; another admits that she sometimes some lettering, done in a magic-markered secret that was the
still engages in prostitution. Regardless of what she has to say, cause of all the giggling: “I want to be with a woman but I don’t
each woman finds a room full of compassionate listeners and the know why?”
knowledge that the truth she speaks is just as valid as anyone ---
else’s truth. Her power to speak is no small power. “I still feel like this sometimes,” Gwen says, handing me
On the other hand, building strong bonds, after having en- her collage. On the dark green page is a cropped picture of a
dured so many traumatic and fractured relationships, is another yellow-skinned nude, taken from an art journal. Gwen’s collage
challenge entirely. As the women of Magdalene move through bears no written confession, only a word: NONENTITY.
and out of the program, they have varying success with learning I still feel like this sometimes. Not all the time. Maybe today,
to trust again. Kristin, who has been in the program for eight but not two days ago, and perhaps tomorrow will be the best
months, expressed in an interview how much joy she can now day yet. The struggle toward self-love is not an easy journey: its
find in friends. “The best thing [about Magdalene] is probably paths can seem impassable, and its ways are not smooth. But
just a feeling a kinship with certain people…an actual, for-real the women of Magdalene are traveling onward together, empow-
sisterhood with people…[because] you don’t really build any kind ered by faith and sisterhood.
of relationships when you’re using [drugs],” she told me. “I know that I am not lost because I am teachable, loveable,
Many women find healthy sexual relationships even more and free.” Rossana, a Magdalene resident from Honduras,
difficult to make and maintain. Being repeatedly raped for years came up with this maxim during a community-wide free-write.
can make women struggle with relationships, to say the least. There are no better words to describe the way toward recovery
Some have experienced serious trauma while “on the job,” mak- for these women. Though the trauma of addiction and prostitu-
ing relationships with men are at best confusing and at worst tion is an immense obstacle, the women of Magdalene are not
impossible. During our conversation, Stevens talked about the lost because of their individual, deep desires to learn, to love and
experience of one graduate who now works for Magdalene. be loved, and to make their own choices.
“[She] will tell you – she, ten years down the road – the big-
gest …[question] is to figure out what a healthy relationship
is,” Stevens said. “She cannot spot it, she cannot choose it,
she cannot be in it; and it’s very painful for her.” That such a

36 Articles
The Kama Sutra and the Ananga-Ranga
Dr. Anne Hardgrove

Dr. Anne Hardgrove, Associate Professor of History at the Kama Sutra, literally means “a treatise on pleasure.” Far more
University of Texas at San Antonio, discusses two texts which complex than a mere listing of contortionist sexual positions, the
she argues are fundamental to the understanding of the history Kama Sutra provides a comprehensive manual of living for the
of sexuality. These texts are the Kama Sutra and the Ananga good life. Although the central character of the Kama Sutra is the
Ranga. citizenly man-about-town, the text was written to be read by and
  provide detailed advice for both men and women.
The Kama Sutra is the world’s oldest book on the pleasures  The basic tenet of the Kama Sutra is that in order for mar-
of sensual living. There is no one single author for the text. It riages to be happy, both man and woman should be well-versed
was originally compiled in the 3rd century by the Indian sage in the arts of pleasure, both carnal and cerebral. The topics
Vatsyayana, who lived in northern India. Vatsyayana claimed explored include Society and Social Concepts, On Sexual Union,
to be a celibate monk, and that his work in compiling all of the About the Acquisition of a Wife, About a Wife, About the Wives
sexual knowledge of ages past was for him a form of meditation of Other Men, About Courtesans, and On the Means of Attract-
and contemplation of the deity. Written in a rather complex form ing Others to Yourself. The book contains detailed advice on
of Sanskrit, the Kama Sutra is the only surviving textual ac- what a man must do to win over a woman, what a woman must
count of that period of ancient Indian history. In scholarly circles do to win over a man, the states of a woman’s mind, the role
it has been widely consulted by scholars trying to understand of a go-between, and the reasons why women might reject the
the society and social mores of that period. The title of the text, advances of men. In terms of choosing a mate, the Kama Sutra
Photo credit: Creative Commons Attribution

Photo Credits: Creative Commons Attribution

Articles 37
advises on whether to consider fellow students or childhood the author of the Ananga-Ranga, was a Hindu poet, who drew
friends. It provides charts that categorize male and female physi- heavily upon the Kama Sutra in preparing his text. Kalyanamally
cal types and their compatibility with their lover’s body. Varieties wrote in an accessible Sanskrit style, and its royal Muslim pa-
of embracing, kissing, scratching, biting, oral sex, and sexual tronage assured that the text enjoyed a wide circulation among
intercourse are elaborated. The text also incorporates instruction the medieval Muslim empires. Versions of the Ananga Ranga
on extramarital relationships, including with “the wives of other also appeared in Arabic, Persian, and Urdu.
men,” and devotes many pages to the methods of seduction-  Opening with a dedication to Ladakhana, the text’s patron,
and methods of extortion-practiced by the courtesan. Finally, in the book contains prescriptive advice for married couples,
case all of that knowledge should fail in winning the love that one and for their conduct both social and sexual. It begins with a
seeks, the final chapter of the Kama Sutra contains recipes for detailed description of female bodies, and includes “centers of
tonics, powders, and foods that have the power to help attract passion,” erogenous zones, classifications of body types and
others to oneself. the timeliness of their potential sexual pleasures. Classification
Some people refer to the Kama Sutra as a marriage manual, and compatibility of males and females by their genital size is
but it is a far cry from the monogamous and dutiful tomes that explored in various combinations and to their degree of passion.
westerners produced as part of the proliferation of advice manu- Many scholars speculate that Kalyanamalla lived in a more sex-
als in the Victorian era. One of the central figures of the Kama ist society than earlier writers, noting that Kalyanamalla deviates
Sutra is the courtesan, who must also master and practice a va- from other writers by neglecting to provide normative advice
riety of arts in learning how to please and coerce her man. What for producing women’s pleasure, such as the use of fingers, a
is especially unique about the Kama Sutra is that it maintains a method that other texts heartily endorse. The title of the book,
special focus on creating pleasure for the woman. A man who Ananga-Ranga, has been variously translated as “Stage of the
fails to provide and bring about those pleasures is subject to a Bodiless One,” “The Hindu Art of Love,” and “Theatre of the Love
woman’s recourse, that is, to seek pleasure elsewhere where God,” among others.
she may find it. As part of the romanticism of colonial rule, Europeans sought
As the ‘original’ study of sexuality, the Kama Sutra became out eastern texts to bring ancient wisdom to the modern world.
the fountainhead of all subsequent compilations, including the However, the Orientalist engagement in the Ananga-Ranga ironi-
15th century Ananga Ranga which is a revised version and builds cally led to the text’s decreased relevance, and the prominence
upon Vatsyayana’s basic tenets. Yet because of the complex of the earlier Kama Sutra. Burton’s experiences living in India as
and rather inaccessible style of Sanskrit in which it was written, a part of the British military and his fascination with the sexual
the Kama Sutra for many centuries fell into obscurity. Scholars of practices of Oriental societies, coupled with his desire to bring
Sanskrit and ancient India did not much consult it. It was not until this knowledge to the attention of his co-citizens of the British
the late 19th century that the Kama Sutra again began to resume metropole, led to his interests in the canon of sexual knowledge
its former prominence in the textual traditions of India. That re- preserved in Sanskrit texts. Because of the relative popularity of
surgence came about after the 1870s when Sir Richard Burton, the Ananga Ranga among the Sanskrit specialists, it was natural
the noted linguist and Arabic translator, was working with his col- that it should be the text of choice for Burton’s purposes. When
laborators, both Indian and British, on producing a translation of reviewing their translations, however, Burton made note of the
the Ananga Ranga. In pursuing the many references to Vatsyay- many references made to an earlier compilation by Vatsyayana.
ana with the text, Burton led the Pundits back to the Kama Sutra Burton believed that his earlier text, the Kama Sutra, was a far
and an English translation was produced. Burton’s persistence in more foundational work, and requested that the Pundits locate
publishing the Kama Sutra in the west, and the interest the text a copy. Because of its centuries of relative neglect, the Kama
generated in both India and abroad, has led to a proliferation of Sutra at this stage only existed in parts. The text had to be
translations and versions of the original masterpiece. re-compiled from Sanskrit manuscript library collections across
India and in the Princely States. Once the text was translated
The Ananga-Ranga into English, its popularity grew, and Indian scholars set aside
 The 15th century Ananga-Ranga is an updated version of the Ananga-Ranga with a renewed interest in its predecessor.
the Kama Sutra, written in far more accessible Sanskrit than its  
earlier predecessor. As a result, for many centuries the Ananga For more information on both of these texts, Professor
Ranga actually superceded the Kama Sutra in being the text of Hardgrove encourages interested readers to see her longer
choice to consult for knowledge about sexual pleasure. The writ- introduction to the Barnes & Noble edition of these works, pub-
ing of the Ananga-Ranga was commissioned by the nobleman lished together in 2006.
Ladakhana for one of the Lodi Dynasty’s monarch. The Lodis Sections from the introduction are reproduced here with the
were part of the powerful Delhi Sultanate who ruled northern permission of Barnes & Nobles.
India before the Mughal Dynasty took its place. Kalyanamalla,

38 Articles
Geishas and the Floating World
Celestine Shih

Karyukai, the “flower and willow world,” originated in the reign can join the order of full-fledged geisha. An older, experienced
of the Samurai as an oasis of teahouses ,theaters and gardens geisha will take the new maiko under her wing and become
for those who wanted to escape the mundane. It is the world of her onee-san (older sister) , teaching her apprentice skills that
the geisha. They are one of the most iconic images associated cannot be taught in a classroom during a period of minarai, or
with the Orient, and associated with them are elegance, beauty “learning by observation.”
and sex. Contrary to popular Western thought, however, true A geisha’s true stage lies not in the theatre, but in the party.
geisha do not offer sexual favors in exchange for payment. The She is the entertainer and the perfect hostess to a party of men.
word “geisha” literally translates to a “person of arts,” and to be Her guests come to the karyukai to leave behind life’s stress
a geisha, one must de- and strain; she strives
vote herself to the study to create a distinctive
of Japanese arts. She atmosphere where
is first and foremost an her guests may enjoy
artist and performer, themselves and glimpse
even if her reputation is ukiyo, the illusory “float-
shaded with erotic nu- ing world” of perfection.
ances. Sex is integral to The philosophy behind
the geisha’s charm, and ukiyo comes from the
she relies a good deal Edo period and believes
on her sexual appeal to that life may be pain-
maintain her career. In ful and transitory, but
that respect her profes- since we must live in it,
sion is similar to that of we may as well indulge
a prostitute’s; but unlike in what worldly plea-
a prostitute, she wields sures we have. For this
her sensuality subtly reason, a geisha aims
instead of flaunting it. to attain excellence in
Although the geisha all matters worldly and
have diminished in stylish. When she is
popularity since the working at a party, she
early nineteenth cen- projects the sense of
tury, they still exist to unattainable perfection
this day. Basic train- and shapes herself into
ing for a geisha was, the feminine ideal. A
and still is, rigorous. It maiko is given a mentor
requires the patience to so that she can learn
undergo strict training how to fulfill this ideal
and the endurance to of grace, charm, and
practice music, dance, flirtatiousness.
and singing for hours To complete the
on end. Once a woman illusion of the ideal wom-
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

has thoroughly studied an, the geisha epitomize


the arts, she ascends iki. It is an aesthetic of
to the rank of maiko, understated chic and ef-
an apprentice geisha. fortless elegance; to be
But she still has a long iki is to be bold without
way to go before she being brazen, simple

Articles 39
without being plain. The eroticism of a geisha’s dress is implied, are bathed and “Health Fitness” massages which have little to do
not pretentious. Classic images of iki centered on the geisha with either. The Japanese seem to have a freer attitude towards
at the height of their popularity: her bare white feet outlined by the selling of sex than Americans do, while formally disapproving
her black lacquered sandals as she stepped in the snow; one of sex itself.
stray hair curling down from elegantly styled hair; the glimpse It then comes as no surprise that this societal dichotomy also
of crimson at the collar of a black kimono; an unpainted neck extends to the geisha. As the ancient ways are slowly lost or
revealed as she bent over to pour tea. The eroticism is meant to forgotten, they are valued as the keepers of the nation’s cul-
be noticed by those who appreciate subtlety. tural heritage. Modern geisha dress like their predecessors did
Perhaps the only aspect of the geisha’s career that, to an centuries ago and excel in the arts highly prized by Japanese
outsider, seems to lack iki is mizuage. As Arthur Golden publi- society. They practice the same repertoire of classical dance or
cized it in his historical fiction “Memoirs of a Geisha,” it is when a traditional music that well-bred Japanese girls are expected to
maiko openly sells her virginity to the highest bidder, marking her learn; yet at the same time, no proper Japanese parents would
initiation into the ranks of full-fledged geisha. This is the closest want their daughter to become a geisha. The geisha do not earn
a geisha ever comes to prostitution. In the past, a maiko’s sexual enough money to be considered people of a desirable economic
awakening equated to her maturation as an adult. She shed the status, and because of their profession’s sexual overtones, they
girlish, brightly colored kimono of her apprenticeship and donned are viewed with a critical eye by the public. Both scorned and re-
the more subdued, elegant kimono of mature women. Not only spected, the reputation of these women lies outside the bounds
was she ready for new kimono, she was also ready for a danna of normal social classifications.
– a patron (who was not always the man who bought her virgin- However, they were not always held in ill repute. Pro-imperial-
ity). Geisha earn their livelihood as entertainers and performers ist forces plotting to overthrow the Tokugawa shogunate made
at parties, but it is not uncommon for a geisha to have a danna certain teahouses in Kyoto their headquarters, where the geisha
as well. In return for his patronage, she serves as his confidant served them tea and fed them information from spies. Some of
and companion while inspiring iki in his life. An inexperienced, the geisha were lovers of the leaders, and when the revolution
eager maiko would not attract a danna; she lacks the sophisti- ended, they became the wives of the new Meiji government’s
cated sincerity characteristic of iki. For a woman to be iki, she most powerful men. Tokyo and Kyoto’s geisha were the Meiji
needs to have experienced life, to have tasted the bitterness as equivalent of today’s celebrities; people admired them for their
well as the sweetness of love. Thus, only geisha comfortable style and fashion sense, while novelists praised their virtues of
with their sexuality could describe themselves as truely iki. The discretion and intelligence.
most celebrated geisha exuded a charisma that established But after World War II, the geisha dwindled in number and,
them as an object of fantasy, one where the perfect woman is unfortunately, respectability. Prostitutes working where Allied
knowledgeable yet innocent, sexual yet pure. forces were stationed imitated the look of the geisha to attract
Mizuage is seen as outdated by geisha nowadays and is no more business, and from this came the Western misconception
longer practiced. Most of them already feel comfortable with that a geisha equals a prostitute. The Japanese, who until now
their sexuality, thanks to the more liberal standards of today. had thought favorably of the geisha, began to see them as a relic
However, although sex is less taboo than before, Japan is oddly of a shameful, decadent past. The Allied occupation introduced
split on the subject. On the surface, its culture considers sex to new conservative ideals to Japanese society, ideals that cen-
be shameful and turns a blind eye against it. But in the under- sured sex – and by association, the geisha. They never recov-
belly of society, beneath the layers of propriety, a fascination ered from the fall, and few women now choose to enter geisha
with sex is rampant throughout Japan. Vending machines on the training. But despite their low numbers, they are still favored by
street dispense hentai magazines (sexually perverted manga); Japan’s top businessmen and politicians, the only ones who can
shops sell Hello Kitty-themed dildos; extravagantly built “love afford to hire geisha for social gatherings. The continued patron-
hotels” resemble miniature Disneylands for couples; sex clubs age of these elite clients shows that something about the geisha
run by the yakuza (Japanese mafia) cater to a wide range of keeps them coming for more: the geisha’s mystique, a subtle,
sexual fantasies; and so many women have complained of being seductive allure.
groped on Tokyo’s crowded commuter trains that gropers have
their own name, chikan, and the city has introduced “Woman’s References:
Dalby, Liza Crihfield. Geisha. Berkeley: University of California Press,1983.
Only” carriages, enforced by security guards. The Anti-Prostitu-
Dutt, Nabanita. “Geishas of Japan - A Snapshot.” Things Asian. May 2002.
tion Law of 1956 only prohibits sexual intercourse, leaving the Japan’s Children’s Rights Network.
door open for a plethora of services that dance on the edge of http://www.crnjapan.com/abuse/en/legalagesinjapan.html
sexual intercourse, often legally including oral sex: “Delivery
Health” services which regularly place not so discrete advertise-
ments in home mailboxes, “Soaplands,” a brothel where clients

40 Articles
Health and Body

41
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson
Getting Tested: An educational account of relief and responsibility

I’m sitting on an exam table, paper crinkling under my butt confidentiality, how samples are obtained, what results to expect.
every time I shift nervously. It’s office-building cold, and I shiver. Just do a Google search for “STD testing” and you’ll do fine.
I look at all the posters on the walls to distract myself, but they But what I was missing was the view from the trenches. I
only remind me of why I’m here in the first place. went in nervous. I had heard that getting a Q-tip stuck up your
After the longest seven minutes of my year, a fussy little man winky really hurts. At the time, I hadn’t bothered to do any real
in green scrubs and a lab coat bustles in. I stare at his goatee as research, mostly because I was so uncomfortable with the idea
random, politically incorrect thoughts wander through my head, that I avoided it until the day of my appointment. I didn’t even
thoughts like, “I wonder if he’s gay?” know what different kinds of tests there were.
He greets me in a high-pitched voice. He’s very professional, I’d had sex on two occasions in my life, with two different girls.
and asks me some preliminary questions about my health and Things hadn’t gone particularly well for me in either case, though
habits. Then he utters the dreaded question I’ve been anticipat- they seemed to enjoy it. Now, a couple years later, I had found
ing for the past hour: “Would you please stand up and undo your someone really special. She and I got along great. She seemed
pants?” open to sex in general, and with me in particular.
--- But I was worried, because the second girl I slept with had
So why did I expose myself to this doctor? called me about eight months after we’d had sex. She said she
I did it for a girl. had HPV. She was fairly certain she had caught it from a guy
I’m writing this article now because I would have appreciated with whom she had had sex after she and I had sex. We had
someone else’s perspective on going to get tested for STDs. used a condom, but she suggested that I should go get tested.
There are numerous resources available online about the techni- At the time, I had no idea where to go, and I was too chicken
cal side of it – what tests are available, where to go in discrete to ask on-campus health services. So, while it was likely a non-

Photo Credits: Celso Duran

42 Health and Body


issue, I did the worst possible thing: I waited. was akin to jabbing 3-4 tampons in simultaneously when you’re
I deferred it until I met my third interest. I didn’t know what noticeably dry.
HPV was, and I barely remembered the name, after two years. The rest of the exam was very anticlimactic. I remembered to
So I did some online research and opened up to a friend of mine thank the doctor as I was escorted out. I had a blood sample tak-
who used to work at the Montrose clinic (now www.legacycom- en. An STD counselor finished up, asking me some more ques-
munityhealth.org at 215 Westheimer). He said I was probably tions about sexual practices. I was reminded that any contact
fine, but I should between mucous
definitely go get membranes and
tested, just in case genital mucous
something else membranes can
came up. I didn’t transmit STDs,
want to be giving with open cuts or
a higher incidence sores dramatically
rate of cervical increasing risk
cancer to anyone, of transmission.
so I gathered my I learned that it’s
resolve, made the actually worse
appointment and to brush your
promptly blotted teeth right before
out all thought of it engaging in oral
for a week. sex, due to the
When the day microabrasions
came, I was un- caused. I was
prepared. I went handed some free
in, waited for my Durex condoms,
appointment, and and that was it.
was shown to an Two weeks
examination room. later, I went back
I had no idea what to pick up my
questions to ask, what procedures or options were available, or results – a clean bill of health. I went on to never have sex with
even how much it would cost. the girl in whom I was interested, but at least I knew I was set if it
I told the doctor about the HPV, that the timing was unlikely ever came up again.
to have affected me, but I wanted to be certain. I used a condom I’ve read that “Sex education is one part folklore, two parts
on both occasions, no anal penetration, did engage in oral sex, anecdotal, and three parts speculation.” While this quote is
was not a drug-user, did not share intravenous needles, did not apocryphal, I think in general it is pretty accurate. I can only sup-
engage in sex with multiple partners or with animals, etc. ply the second part, and hope that this mildly cautionary tale will
The more questions I answered or filled out on the patient encourage you to do your own research to remedy the other two
intake questionnaire, the better I felt. My own experiences were parts of a typical education on sexual health and practice. I also
so modest that it would take the act of a vengeful god to strike hope that you will be inspired to act more decisively if issues
me down with an STD, I was sure. ever arise. Think of questions. Know what your options are. The
Then the pants had to come down, and the Q-tip came out. biggest lesson I learned from all this is that every mature person
I hesitated before yanking down my boxers. I was mortified as you deal with only wants the best for you. My friend at the clinic,
I straightened up to … absolutely no reaction at all. The doctor my one-time partner, and all the clinical staff were nothing but
put on some gloves, calmly peered at all sides of my manhood. helpful and considerate. If you are so inclined, enjoy sex, but
Between nerves and temperature, it had just about curled up out take care of yourself and your partners. The real shame isn’t in
of sight. He had to maneuver it around a bit, and the whole time I having a condition – the shame is in passing on a condition that
was staring straight ahead, trying to ignore the manhandling. could have been prevented to a loved one.
Then he pulled out a long-stemmed Q-tip with a low-profile
head. I don’t remember now what he said then – probably a Editor’s Note: Most STD tests for men do not require a cotton
warning about how it might irritate a little. I just remember the tip swab anymore, but can be done just from urinating into a cup.
burning, itching jolt of pain as he stuck it in and swabbed twice.
For female readers, I can only speculate that the sensation

Health and Body 43


Debunking the “Ulitmate Sex Diet,” Exploring Health Benefits of Sex
Victoria Trinh

So, you’re at Kroger’s, standing at the checkout line to pur- DHEA, testosterone has been shown to reduce the risk of heart
chase the typical college fare (hopefully stuff that isn’t imme- attack and the long-term effects of heart attacks by reducing the
diately carcinogenic): Diet Coke, Gushers, and a healthy dose strain to coronary muscles when heart attack does occur (Booth,
of chocolate, primed for a hectic week of exams and whatever et al., 1999; Fogari, et al., 2002). Given that heart disease is the
else keeps you up until 3 in the morning. Glancing at the latest number one killer of women, there is the need for more rigorous
doped/trashed/knocked-up celebrity on the magazine covers, research on the relationship between sexual intercourse and
you are accosted by the obnoxious banners “Sex will bring you heart determinants for women.
great hair! A great body! Improve your complexion!” My favorite ◊ Quality over quantity - It’s true what they say- for
is “Want to become a successful part-time model and television women, quality over quantity! A study of women conducted
star and lose 23 pounds? Don’t be shy, try the ultimate sex from 1972-1975, found there is a statistically significant positive
diet!” While glossy women’s magazines will have you believe correlation between being sexual “frigid”-- sexual dissatisfaction,
that sex is the panacea of beauty enhancing techniques, in real- and a history of heart attack (Abramov, 1976).
ity the health benefits of sex have a very legitimate foundation. A ◊ Vaginal Orgasms - A study done on 1,256 Swedish
variety of scientific research has been conducted on the health women showed that having an orgasm from penile stimulation of
benefits of sex, which may be physical, emotional or psycho- the vagina (as opposed to clitoral stimulation) indicated greater
logical. Studies on sexual intercourse have shown that there satisfaction with sex, life, mental health and relationships. Vagi-
are general physical health benefits too, including better sleep, nal orgasms were also associated with more sexual desire and
youthfulness, and general fitness (Planned Parenthood). lesser masturbation frequency.
◊ Oxytocin & sleep- Orgasms cause a surge of oxytocin
Today’s discourse about sexuality is preoccupied with the and endorphins that may perform as sedatives (Odent 1999).
risks and dangers, especially with teen pregnancy and STDs. Therefore, sexual release may help people go to sleep easier.
Thankfully, there is an emerging body of research that has Ellison’s study found that 32 percent of 1,866 U.S. women who
demonstrated the physiological and psychosocial health benefits reported masturbating in the previous three months did so to
of sex. The volume of this research doesn’t compare with the help themselves fall asleep (Ellison, 2000).
amount of literature on sexual diseases and unwanted preg- ◊ “Superyoung” study- In a study conducted over 10
nancy, but research exposing health benefits provides important years among 3,500 European and American women and men,
insights, and highlights the need for more careful research in this a panel of judges viewed subjects through a one-way mirror,
evolving field. examining factors correlating with youthful appearance. Among
◊ Fountain of youth? - While sexual pleasure is NOT the the women and men who were underestimated as being “supery-
fountain of youth, studies suggest that there is a positive correla- oung” by 7- 12 years, an active sex life was one of the strongest
tion between sexual intercourse, pleasure, and longevity. In a determinants associated with youthful appearance. In addition
study that followed 252 people in North Carolina over the span of to being more comfortable and confident in their sexuality, the
25 years, the frequency of intercourse was a significant predictor “superyoung” reported sexual intercourse three times a week,
of longevity for men. While for women, frequency of intercourse in comparison to the control group’s average of twice a week
was not correlated to longevity, those that reported previous (Weeks & James, 1998).
enjoyment of intercourse had greater longevity (Palmore, 1982). ◊ Fitness & sex – It’s important to be upfront about this
It’s important to take these studies with a grain of salt, as causa- –sex in itself will NOT make you skinny! The figures provided by
tion is difficult to demonstrate with these epidemiological studies, fitness websites that claim sexual partners can burn 4 calories/
but sex definitely doesn’t hasten the aging process! per minute during sex operate under the assumption that people
◊ Heart Disease & Stroke - Sexual intercourse may not are seriously working at sex- which no one does more than a
pull you back from the brink of death, but there has been some few minutes. However, sexual activity does burn calories and
research done on the relationship between sexual intercourse, fat, and there is a positive correlation between people with active
heart disease and stroke. For men, research suggests there is sex lives and dietary habits. Ellison’s study indicates that people
a correlation between the levels of hormone dehydroepiandros- with active sex lives tend to exercise more frequently and have
tone (DHEA), released during orgasm, and a reduction in the risk better dietary habits than those who are less sexually active
of heart disease (Feldman, et al., 1998). Besides the release of (Ellison, 2000).

44 Health and Body


◊ Not only is there an association between sex, longev- ◊ Spirituality & Sex- A study conducted from 1997-1998
ity and youthful appearance, but sexual satisfaction is closely surveyed 3,810 American men and women, including hetero-
associated with overall quality of life and psychological mental sexuals, homosexuals, and bisexuals. People that associated
health! It’s crucial to recognize, of course, that sex is associated sexual experiences with spirituality were “more likely to report a
with a positive lifestyle; there has been no casual relationship better quality of life and better relationships” (Ogden, 2001).
established between sex and happiness yet. ◊ Not having sex? No worries! Sex is generally good for
◊ Quality of Life - A 2002 analysis of the sex practices of you, but sex with love is way better, and heck, love is way amaz-
adults in mid-life found that sexual activity may be an indicator of ing too! Dr. Dean Ornish’s research into intimacy has shown that
current and future quality of life. The study showed that people “anything that promotes feelings of love and intimacy is healing.”
who experienced greater sexual satisfaction tended to have a His study has shown that an intimate connection—emotional
higher quality of life. Additionally, people who had frequent and and physical—can lead to the reduction of premature death and
enjoyable sex during midlife reported more active and satisfying disease by a factor of three to five times. And the power of touch
sex lives during later maturity (Weeks, 2002). goes a long way- Dr. Crenshaw’s research shows that caress-
◊ Orgasms & Happiness- A U.S. survey of 3,500 women ing, hugging, stroking, and cuddling can change the chemical
and men indicated that personal happiness is associated with composition of your body, triggering a chain reaction sparking off
the frequency of sexual activity, especially with orgasm among pleasurable, nurturing sensations in the brain. Another alterna-
women (Laumann, et al., 1994). tive to “normal” sexual intercourse is the “erotic massage” to
◊ Masturba- achieve “extended,
tion- In our culture, multiple or “whole
masturbation is stig- body” orgasmic
matized. The Rice states” (David
Thresher police blot- Sebringsil).
ter about someone Ultimately,
masturbating in the we cannot make
Hanszen computer informed decisions if
lab shocked a lot we are not equipped
of people. While with the full spec-
public masturba- trum of information
tion may not be the on sex, including the
way to go, there heath benefits. Yet,
are positive heath America’s tradition
associations with of abstinence-only
masturbation. A education and an
1982 study of 30 existing sentiment
elderly heterosexual that premarital sex
U.S. women and is shameless means
men found that that “funding for
masturbation was research explor-
associated with a ing the potential
decreased risk of depression (Catania & White, 1982). Also, benefits of sexual expression will be scarce” (Planned Parent-
women who masturbated had a more positive body image and hood). While European countries and Australia promote safe sex
less sexual anxiety (Hurlbert & Whittaker, 1991) contributing to a and invest more money into studying the health benefits of sex,
reinforced self-esteem. Masturbation not only improves individual America is woefully behind the curve. We need dialogue about
sexual satisfaction; it may be associated with improved relation- sex somewhere between Cosmopolitan and abstinence-only
ship satisfaction as well (Coleman, 2002; Zamboni & Crawford, education. It is important to approach sex openly, to engage in
2002). A 1991 study of young married women found that those honest dialogue about sexual intercourse in order to promote a
who reported masturbating also reported greater marital satisfac- more accepting, well-informed and healthy population.
tion (Hurlbert & Whittaker, 1991).
◊ Stress- The surge of oxytocin before an orgasm has For more information about the studies cited, go to the Open
been shown to reduce stress. Orgasms relieve tension in part website at http://www.rice.edu/openmagazine
because oxytocin stimulates feelings of warmth and relaxation
(Weeks, 2002).

Health and Body 45


Plan B -FAQ
Katherin Sudol

What is Plan B? pointment. However, if you need EC during the weekend you will
Plan B, otherwise known as the “the morning after” pill, is a need to rely on a pharmacy instead, because Health Services is
type of emergency contraception (EC) designed to help you deal closed.
with the potential consequences of a night of carelessness or ◊ Pharmacy – if you are over 18, Plan B is available over
an accident due to a failure of your birth control method. As the the counter at any pharmacy. The downside of this option is
name implies though, Plan B is to be used in emergencies only the price – be ready to pay somewhere between $45-50. Also
and not as a regular birth control method. Plan B is not to be make sure to have an ID with you. If you are younger than 18,
confused with the abortion pill, also known as RU486 or by the you need a doctor’s prescription to be able to purchase Plan B.
brand name Mifeprex. Plan B is strictly used to prevent unwant- A pharmacist may decline dispensing EC due to personal moral
ed pregnancies and has no effect on ongoing pregnancies. beliefs, however in most states he or she must at least refer the
customer to another pharmacy.
How does Plan B work? ◊ Planned Parenthood – provides EC for a nominal fee
Plan B contains levonorgestrel, a hormone found in regular during the weekdays as well as the weekend. You can either call
birth control pills. This hormone acts to prevent the release of the 1-800-230-PLAN or visit their nearest location on Fannin.
egg from the ovary. If the egg has been released, it prevents fer-
tilization or attachment to the uterine wall. In the case when the Is there anything else I need to know about Plan B?
fertilized egg has already managed to attach itself to the uterus, ◊ Plan B does not protect you from sexually transmitted
Plan B will have no effect. diseases or HIV infection. It is only designed to prevent preg-
nancy when taken as directed.
How do I use Plan B? ◊ If you vomit after taking either of the two pills, contact a
Plan B works best when taken within 72 hours after unpro- health care professional in order to determine whether you need
tected sex. The Plan B packet comes with two pills. The first one to repeat the dose.
is to be taken no later than 72 hours after having unprotected ◊ You might be pregnant if your period is more than a
sex. The second one needs to follow 12 hours later. week late.

Are there any side effects to using Plan B? Where can I find more information about EC and Plan B?
Some temporary side effects of using Plan B include nausea, www.plannedparenthood.org, www.pphouston.org,
dizziness, vomiting, headaches, stomach pain and drowsiness. www.go2planb.com, www.ineedec.info
Plan B may also cause some changes in your menstrual cycle.
Although ideally you should not need to use EC, accidents do
How effective is Plan B? happen. Whether you forget to take the pill, the condom breaks
According to Duramed Pharmaceuticals Inc., the makers of while you are having sex, or you don’t use any protection – Plan
Plan B, this type of EC can reduce the chance of pregnancy by B is there for you. Access to EC is not a birthright, but a recent
nearly 90%. The sooner you take it, the more effective it will be. privilege. It was just two years ago, that the FDA approved Plan
It is most effective if taken within the first 24 hours after unpro- B for over-the-counter sales, and while it does have the potential
tected intercourse. to lessen the consequences of sex, it’s not a crutch for casual
sex, but should be used responsibly, as a last resort.
How much does Plan B cost? If you find yourself in a situation where you need to use EC,
The price ranges anywhere from $10-50 depending on loca- and think you’re alone – think again. According to the Open
tion. Magazine survey, approximately 21 percent of the female Rice
Photo Credits: Celso Duran

students have used EC in the past. Accidents happen to all of


Where do I get Plan B? us. Talk to your partner or close friends, they’ll help you out
Here are some of the options available to Rice students: – they might even accompany you to the pharmacy. The key is
◊ Rice Health Services - provides free EC in the form of to remember that if an accident does happen, and you aren’t
high dose birth control to Rice students with a same day appoint- ready to be a parent just yet, you can rely on Plan B.
ment. All you need to do is call 713-348-4966 and make an ap-

46 Health and Body


Gardasil and What it Means to Men
Guyton Durnin

Lately there has been considerable debate about whether To me the biggest problem is that there is no way to know.
Texas should require all girls to get Gardasil, the human papil- If tomorrow an old girlfriend was to call me up and say, “I had
lomavirus (HPV) vaccine. Although I consider the current debate a pap smear come back irregular,” what can I do? I can’t be
an important one for women and for preventing cervical cancer, tested. I don’t even know if the strain she has is possibly cancer-
men have been left out of the debate, even though they are just ous. Do I tell everyone that I’ve dated? HPV can lie asymptom-
as susceptible to contracting HPV as women are. Currently, the atic for years; maybe I gave the girl HPV or maybe she gave it to
vaccine cannot protect men against infection, as the FDA will not me. Do I call up everyone I dated before and since and suggest
allow men to receive it. I only know this because I tried. they get screened? Hopefully, they are already doing so, but I
What exactly is HPV? This group of viruses can infect the fear the day I get a call from someone saying, “I’ve got cervical
skin and mucous membranes. There are over 100 human papil- cancer.” I wouldn’t even know if it was my fault and right now I
lomavirus strains; they can cause anything from cold sores to can’t even protect against it. The government won’t allow me to
genital warts in men and women and can even lead to cervical do so. If I start to date someone new, do I tell them I may have
cancer. HPV is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, so HPV? In all likelihood, I’ll have received one of the strains by the
condoms, or even avoiding sexual intercourse will not always time I’m 50 or 60. Do I even worry about it? Many types of HPV
prevent an infection. High risk HPV strain infection appears to strains are essentially benign. Will people assume the words
be necessary for women to get cervical cancer. The disease kills “I’ve been sexually active” mean the same thing as “I probably
3,900 American women each year, even with widely available have HPV” and react accordingly? If I was to tell someone that I
screening. might have HPV, would she not want to date me?
Although a large percentage of the population carries some For these reasons, I think it’s important that guys be allowed
strain of HPV, having it or even having a high risk strain does not to receive the HPV vaccine. I understand that it may not work
automatically mean a woman will develop cervical cancer. The for men and there could be risks; however, I believe the risks
chances are relatively low; nevertheless, 6 million Americans are low and the benefits great. Dr. Bradley Monk, an associate
contract a strain of HPV every year and about 90% of women professor of gynecologic oncology at UC Irvine, wrote a paper in
will have HPV at some point in their lives. Researchers estimate August of 2006, which recommended that men receive the vac-
15% of women between the ages of 14-59 have one of the high cine as well. According to the National Cervical Cancer Coali-
risk strains at any given time. While most of these women will tion, male clinical trials have begun, but I haven’t heard anything
avoid cervical cancer, it still is a significant killer. In general, het- and one would think they wouldn’t take very long. Hopefully the
erosexual men are not threatened by the high risk HPV strains FDA will soon approve male use of Gardasil, so that men can
and there are currently no FDA approved screening methods to be reasonably certain they aren’t passing the major cancerous
let men know if they have the high risk HPV strains. strains of HPV on to their loved ones.
Gardasil was created by several researchers and is currently
produced by Merck. This vaccine prevents infection of several
HPV strains including two that cause 70% of the cases of cervi-
cal cancer and two that cause 90% of genital warts. There has
been a lot of talk about vaccinating the female population at a
young age to prevent cervical cancer. However, no one men-
tions allowing men to get the vaccine. I asked several doctors
about it and I got very confused looks - “Why would you want
the vaccine? It’s designed to protect women against cervical
cancer. Besides, it’s not FDA approved for men.”
Photo Credits: Celso Duran

While I wouldn’t mind being vaccinated against most genital


warts, I’m much more interested in making sure I don’t give my
partner cervical cancer. While I get tested for most STDs every
year, I can’t be tested for HPV, as there are no FDA approved
tests for men. This means that I may have it today, but there is
no way for me to find out, until it is too late.

Health and Body 47


Evolution of the Orgasm
Sergio Jaramillo

The pursuit of passion is as old as the human race itself. colorful plumage, long beaks, and other unexplained structures
Whether hedonistic or not, it is in our nature to act out of our would not be profitable if it were not for the theory of sexual
volition. We are beings that need relationships varying from selection. Energy expenditure through courtship and plumage is
amorous to purely social interactions. The pleasure that comes worth it if one seeks to achieve successful sexual reproduction
along with sex helps to guarantee the continuity of our species. and to pass one’s genes to posterity. However, the sexist regard
Many of the things we admire in nature through art, poetry and of muliebrity during Darwin’s time led many scientists to wrongly
photography come from the sexual manifestations of nature: conclude that women were too weak and unpredictable to exert
fruits, flowers, colors and aromas are only some of the sexual the necessary selection pressures. These days scientists have
features of mother nature. Shakespeare once said in his play A come around to Darwin’s reasonings, but what is still uncertain is
Winter’s Tale that “art which adds to Nature is itself Nature.” Evo- the role that the orgasm plays in the sexual selection.
lution is the driving force of the sexual beauty we see in flowers The human orgasm, characterized by arched backs and feet,
and the exotic insects and birds that spread them (coevolution). grimacing faces, marginally intentional vocalizations, jumping

Because of evolution we are able to enjoy the tastiness of sex blood pressure and thoughtlessness, has fascinated scientists
through fruits- an apple’s flesh is analogous to a fertilized ovary for many years. After characterizing the physiological aspects of
with seeds analogous to egg cells, a interesting twist on the the human orgasm, scientists have begun to study the reasons
symbology of Eden’s apple. And for mankind, the orgasm is an behind the evolution of the orgasm. There must be a functionally
Photo Credits: Brenda Rangel

evolutionary mechanism, one that makes sex so pleasurable and designed reason for such a complex psychological state. The
euphoric that for many it is a reward in its own right. evolutionary framework of the male orgasm is simple. The physi-
The theory of sexual selection was first proposed by Charles ological aspects of the male orgasm, namely the ejaculation,
Darwin; he proposed that sexual ornaments seen in many birds are accompanied by a pleasurable incentive that ensures that
and species--like showy plumage--are influenced by female the male continues to seek out sexual encounters in an effort
preference. The energy input required for the production of to regain that state of addictive euphoria. Although in modern

48 Health and Body


times ejaculation during sexual intercourse does not always tationist evolutionists like Gould, developmentally speaking,
lead to pregnancy, in the past, increased sexual encounters the clitoris can be thought of as an underdeveloped penis. It is
increased the male’s possibility of passing on his genes to future this peculiar leftover of evolutionary development which could
generations. But what about the female orgasm? A woman can explain the existence of the female orgasm as an emulation of
become pregnant without ever having experienced an orgasm the male orgasm. It would be similar to the presence of male
during intercourse. Although some scientists have found that nipples, a body part with no known evolutionary reason of their
the orgasm’s associated vaginal and intrauterine contractions own. Although critics compare the theory to Freud’s penis envy
help pull semen into the reproductive tract and make fertilization in females, there is other scientific and physiological back-
more likely, female fertility is more directly controlled by endo- ing besides the already known embryological knowledge. The
crine factors rather than by the presence of an orgasm during clitoris is known to fill up and harden with blood during sexual
intercourse. It has been suggested that there might not be an excitement – mirroring what happens to the penis and lending
evolutionary basis for the female orgasm, and if there was one, it credence to the “leftover of development” theory to explain the
would be very different then the male’s. female orgasm.
Some evolutionary biologists have suggested that the orgasm Adaptationist critics of functionalist thought like Gould and
could serve as a method for selecting a male with the appropri- others point out that the female orgasm promotes attachment
ate desired phenotypical characteristics. In other words, the between mates. Hormonal factors such as oxytocin have been
female orgasm could serve as way for the woman to select suggested to promote attachment during sexual intercourse
the male with the best physical characteristics and thus the since they are secreted by both sexes during an orgasm. Oxyto-
best genes for her child. Women enjoy sex more with a partner cin is involved in social bonding, trust and feelings of generosity,
they are attracted to; attractiveness therefore leads to a higher and could possibly play a strong role in promoting sexual attach-
chance of an orgasm. It was first shown by behavioral ecologists ment after the orgasm.
that many species, including humans, prefer mates with higher These recent discoveries in the scientific study of sex have
degrees of bilateral body symmetry. Deviation from bilateral body fueled a contentious debate between the theory of baggage
symmetry could indicate genetic defects, malnutrition, disease, (developmental leftover) versus the theory of adaptation (selec-
immunological problems and even psychological problems, tion of symmetric mates, enhancing of hormonal attachment
meaning that perception of attractiveness could be relevant for factors) to explain the female orgasm. While oxytocin has also
the selection of good genes rather than just a matter of aesthet- been proposed as an explanation for love, love is definitely not
ics. A recent study released in the Journal of Animal Behavior by involved in the frequency of orgasms since it is quite possible for
Thornhill and Gangestad concluded that those whose partners a female to experience an orgasm without being in love. In fact,
had a higher degree of bilateral symmetry enjoyed a significantly a study in Evolution and Human Behavior suggested that better
higher frequency of orgasms during sexual intercourse than did looking, highly symmetrical males tend to take substantially less
those with less symmetrical mates. If the female seeking orgasm time before they have sex with the woman they date and have a
from a symmetric mate gives her evolutionary power, studies higher rate of infidelity than less symmetrical male counterparts.
show male chimps have compensated for this. According to an The female orgasm is very complex as a psychological, evo-
article in Science, male chimps, infamous for their sexual promis- lutionary and biological phenomenon. It challenges our social as-
cuity, have developed features to subvert the female’s influence sumptions about love, our ideals and perhaps male pride; it can
on sexual selection. As female chimps sometimes mate with be a complex statement on the male attributes. But the beauty of
more then one male right after one another, male chimps have nature is in its complexity. While the evolutionary conundrum of
evolved testicles three times the size of human’s and sperm that the female orgasm might never be resolved entirely, we can be
contains semenogelin, a protein that coagulates to form a plug in certain that the female orgasm will continue to attract attention
the vagina, keeping out potential future mate’s sperm. No matter for its elusive and mysterious nature.
that the presence of a female orgasm could encourage one mate
over the other, the chimps’ quantity over quality process over- Gangestad, Steven W., and Randy Thornhill. 1997. “The
rides it. Evolutionary Psychology of Extrapair Sex: The Role of Fluctuat-
Conversely, Stephen Jay Gould, a well-known Harvard evo- ing Asymmetry.” Evolution and Human Behavior 18: 69–88
lutionary biologist, and others have argued that there is simply
no known function or reason for the emergence of the female
orgasm. In human fetal development, the sex-determining region
of the Y gene which encodes for testis determining factor leads
to the differentiation of the gonaedal cells into the testes. The
absence of the testis determining factors allows the gonads to
continue developing into the ovaries. According to anti-adap-

Health and Body 49


Editorials/Opinion
Photo Credits: Dave Rosales

50 Editorials/Opinion
Abstinence-only Sex Education is Anything But
Dane Powell

Teaching kids not to have sex means teaching them not to


have safe sex The merit of most of these points is superficial at best,
and when taken as a whole they are clearly nothing short of
If you were a parent, would you tell your children not to use propaganda on how people should be living their personal
seat belts because they are not 100% effective at saving lives? lives. I’m not going to delve into every single point- it should
Would you refuse to tell them about helmets, out of fear that it be glaringly obvious why most of them are wrong- but let’s just
might encourage them to ride a bike? Would you restrict their consider a few.
access to sunscreen, and instead tell them to never go outside? For one thing, where does this leave gay
Obviously the answer to all of these questions is a resound- students? Under these
ing “no!” Why then are we so afraid to teach our children about definitions, they are expected to
safe sex? Why is it that the government mandates the use of never engage in sexual
bicycle helmets and safety belts but spends over $300 million activity or will risk dangers
per year discouraging the use of condoms? I suspect that in that heterosexual couples
a magazine focused on de-stigmatizing sex, other people will apparently don’t have to face.
answer the “why” of this question much better than I can. What’s Are we really this naive and
of immediate concern are the profoundly negative effects this narrow-minded? The list of
stigmatization is having on our society, effects which are being high-risk sexual behaviors is a
exacerbated by the American government and its abstinence- long one, and absolutely anyone,
only sex education program. homosexual or not, can engage in
The current abstinence-only program endorsed by the them. In fact, because the above
federal government has been in place for over a decade goals discriminate on every ground
now, and ostensibly aims to teach: except specific sexual acts, they imply
some very bizarre things. For instance,
1.The health, social, and moral gains from abstinence by this reasoning a heterosexual couple
2.That abstinence outside of marriage is the expected engaging in unprotected anal sex is at
social standard a lower risk of spreading disease than a
3.That abstinence is the only way to avoid STIs and homosexual couple having only oral sex
pregnancies and using dental dams. Such a claim is
4.That mutually faithful monogamous hetero- patently ludicrous. The whole
sexual marriage is the expected social idea of there being some
standard for human sexual relation- concrete social standard
ships is equally ridiculous in
5.That any sex outside of its simplicity. As long
the confines of marriage (as as we’re defining social
defined above) is considered standards, why stop with
deviant and harmful to one’s sexual orientation? Being
self and society right-handed is clearly the
6.That bearing children societal norm, but we don’t
out of wedlock is harmful go around accusing people
to one’s self, the child, who are left-handed of being
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

and society a danger to themselves and


7.How to resist sexual society!
advances and urges One tactic that these
8.To be self-sufficient programs use to promote
before engaging in sexual abstinence-until-marriage is
activity some sort of virginity pledge or

Editorials/Opinion 51
promise. Several peer-reviewed studies have shown that teens abstinence pledge will still engage in sex before marriage, and
who take such pledges are slightly more likely to delay having will be less likely to use protection when they do so. By contrast,
intercourse, but are less likely to use protection when they do the actual-use failure rates for condoms and birth control pills
so. Additionally, they are more likely to engage in oral and anal are 14% and 5%, respectively. If proper condom and birth
sex without protection, presumably because these fall outside control use were taught in schools instead of abstinence, these
of a strict definition of sexual intercourse and are not perceived rates could potentially drop to 3% and 0.1%! Unfortunately,
as affecting virginity. Most alarmingly, teens who have taken a by imposing an abstinence-only sex education program the
pledge and subsequently engage in sexual activity are very likely government is actually bolstering the statistics against the use
to lie about having done so. This points to a major problem with of condoms by ensuring that people aren’t properly educated on
pledges- they set up an impenetrable barrier to communication how to use them.
about sexual health. No teen wants to admit to failing to live up This isn’t the only way that they are “boosting” the statistics,
to what they perceive to be society’s expectations of abstinence. however; approximately 90% of the programs approved by
As such a pledging teen will be much more likely to conceal their the government actively lie about them, making outrageous
sexual activity from their parents. If anything does go wrong, he claims that either misrepresent or flat-out falsify the data. For
or she will be afraid to ask for help. This is assuming, of course, instance, one program claims that condoms fail to prevent the
that they can recognize that something has gone wrong in the transmission of HIV 39% of the time they are used. Another one
first place, since they haven’t been taught how to responsibly claims that sexual intercourse results in pregnancy one out of
use protection, know how it can fail, or monitor the health of their seven times when condoms are used (this is actually higher than
own bodies. the success rate for couples trying to get pregnant!) Yet another
All of this leads to a bigger point- that the vast majority of presented for review to the Texas Board of Education claims
people will have multiple sex partners during their lives, and if that “a good way a teen-ager can prevent a sexually transmitted
they are not taught safer sex practices they are extremely likely disease is to get plenty of rest so he or she can have a clear
to hurt themselves or someone else. This is not to mention the head about sex and choose abstinence.” This statement doesn’t
profound psychological effects they will face from engaging in even make common sense; if anything is a cause for low sex
behavior that they have been conditioned to believe is “deviant” drive it’s fatigue and exhaustion! Forcing such ridiculous claims
or “dirty.” Such an effect is already clearly present in our society, on our children in the hopes that it will somehow turn them
which allows scenes of unimaginable brutality on network “straight and abstinent” can’t be considered anything short of
television but balks at the sight of a nipple. government propaganda.
The biggest shortfall of abstinence-only sex education is All of this is not to say that we shouldn’t be promoting
that it fails to acknowledge that as humans and as mammals, abstinence; obviously, when used correctly it is the only form
sex is in our very nature, to almost the same extent as eating of contraception with a 100% success rate, and there are all
or breathing. Sure, these things can be abused- no one denies sorts of reasons to pursue it besides simply as a means of birth
that obesity is one of the biggest issues facing our youth. But we control. However, these reasons should be presented on their
don’t just tell our children to stop eating or eat less – we tell them own merits, and not bolstered by feeble and narrow-minded
to eat responsibly! The statistics already show that by teaching attempts at misinformation and indoctrination.
children to avoid sex altogether instead of using safe practices, So how can you make a difference? The truth is that change
we are dramatically increasing the rates of teen STIs and has to start at the individual level. Bring this up with your
pregnancies! In fact, they also show that comprehensive sex friends, host a debate at your college, write about it on your
education programs are better than abstinence-only programs blog, write your legislators, school board, governor, school
at delaying sexual initiation, decreasing the number of sexual principals- do whatever it takes to simply start a dialog! Vote.
partners and increasing the use of adequate protection against Local and congressional elections may not seem as glamorous
pregnancy and STIs. or exciting as presidential ones, but they are critical to sparking
The reason for many of these shortcomings is that any school a change, since this is where the decisions on what programs to
receiving federal funding for sex education is not allowed to even offer are made. Many health centers sponsor comprehensive
mention condoms, except in terms of failure rates. In fact, the sex education at local schools – consider donating to these
program redefines the very word “contraception” as something programs or becoming a volunteer or teacher yourself. If nothing
being characterized by high failure rates. As such, abstinence else, know and use the facts about abstinence-only education
is actually forbidden from being referred to as a method of and contraceptive use, and be able to use them when confronted
“contraception,” since it is technically perfect. However, the with misinformation and fear tactics. Whatever you do, don’t
fact is that abstinence is a form of contraception just like any stoop to using these same tactics; stay rational, be informed,
other, and one with an alarmingly high failure rate at that. and be open.
Statistics show that nearly 90% of teens who take some form of

52 Editorials/Opinion
Sex Education in Tennessee
Margaret McKeehan

The first time I can recall knowing about sex was in second I had real questions to ask, but I didn’t ask any of them. The
grade. Someone whispered the word sex while I stood in line class was co-ed and traditionally composed of more goofing
to leave the classroom. We giggled. I’m not sure I knew what it off than education. It was also my first encounter with scare
meant, but I knew it was taboo. Later that year one of my friends tactics. The context of these tactics is important. I attended an
was given detention for kissing someone under the art room inner-city school where most of the students lived in the projects.
table. I didn’t understand the punishment; I didn’t understand that Pregnancy in middle school was fairly common. My high school,
kissing was bad. In fourth grade I had my first sex ed course, if although more than twice the size of my middle school, had
that is the appropriate designation. Much like the course I would fewer pregnant students.
go through during the next year, its primary focus was puberty, At both schools we had the same abstinence-only speaker,
not sex. Teachers were willing to answer questions about sex, known ironically as “the sex guy.” The class made it clear how
but most of our questions were unrelated. One girl asked what conservative his stance was. We had practice babies to take
would happen if someone gave birth while going to the bath- home for a few days that cried and needed to be fed by a key
room. Would the baby drown in the toilet? Perhaps my biggest every three hours or so. One girl had been so irritated by it that
sexual education of elementary school was on the bus in fourth she put it in toaster, or so the rumor goes. We tried on preg-
grade. One of my friends had seen a porno. He whispered, “I nancy suits and were told the costs of raising a child. We were
actually saw the guy put his thing inside her.” Wait. That is what shown uncensored footage of childbirth.
sex is? Finally informed, I would giggle even more when it was Most of our time was spent discussing STDs. Although some
mentioned- I was nine. demonstrations were reasonable, several were just scare tactics.
By the time I reached middle school hormones had hit and One of the more reasonable demonstrations began with every-

Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

Editorials/Opinion 53
one being given a cup of clear liquid. Two stu-
dents had cups with a clear dye that represented
an STD- a person could look healthy but harbor
a disease. We were then instructed to exchange
part of the contents of our cup with three other
people in the class. After we had done so they
dropped an indicator into our cups to reveal the
dye was now in many students’ cups; a large
portion of the class had an STD. In another ex-
ample we were shown a wheel, like the kind you
can win prizes off of at fairs, except we spun for
different types of STDs. The chances of escap-
ing the STDs with one spin were very slim. One
tactic I experienced was particularly disturbing
to me, an example I initially thought persuasive.
The instructor offered two chocolate bars. One
contained laxatives and the other was a regular
chocolate bar. We were offered both, but not told
which was which. When we declined, we were
told sexual partners are like chocolate bars- the
risk isn’t worth the pleasure. These implications
swer it for ourselves. And I don’t care what that room full of high
are unsettling- sexual partners are presented as untrustworthy
school boys said. If someone looks at me and sees “virgin” or
and as deceitful as a chocolate bar. In retrospect, it was an
“slut,” I could never consider them a friend, much less a romantic
incredibly unfair way of presenting sex. My middle school sex-ed
partner. For me, the most upsetting aspect of my public school
class left me with one distinct impression: sex is painful. Nothing
sex ed class was its emphasis on waiting until marriage.
depicted it positively. My hormones were raging, but the actual
The other sex ed class I took in middle school was
idea of sex was repulsive and frightening.
much more open-minded. We talked about sex outside of mar-
Now that I feared sex and anything close to it there was only
riage and we put condoms on bananas. There were no scare
one last step in this sexual education course- abstinence com-
tactics, no implications of being devalued by sex. My minister led
mitment. It was a public school, so they couldn’t justify saving
the class. It’s fair to do a double take here.
sex for marriage on religious grounds. Instead, they justified it
I grew up in the Bible belt, a place notorious for being socially
with social custom. A person is more valuable to their spouse if
conservative. A neighboring county actually tried to legislate
they wait until marriage. Virginity is a gift. Waiting is a gift. They
against homosexuals living within their jurisdiction. Certainly a
split us up by gender and asked the guys if they would want to
minister with a box of condoms standing in front of middle school
marry a virgin, and supposedly, they all said yes. This was par-
kids at a Presbyterian church is taboo. For me, nothing could
ticularly interesting because there was a sexually active couple
speak more against the Bible belt stereotype. It isn’t fair to as-
in my class. The girl was devastated. They actually told her that
sume every church is teaching the same thing, that the churches
her boyfriend probably didn’t want to marry her because he was
are the roots of this sex ed phenomenon. I would argue that the
having sex with her. But the real topper
condemnation of sex is much harder to trace. Something power-
for this class was signing a promise- a
ful worked the system to make abstinence-only education the
promise for a chicken sandwich. Oh
priority and it is incredibly self-sustaining. Making sex a taboo
yes. Sign this paper saying you’ll wait
topic keeps children from finding reliable information outside of
until marriage and you can get a free
the classroom. This early negative perception of sex is almost
sandwich from Chick-fil-A. I don’t mean
impossible to escape from.
to state the obvious, but nothing could
Photo Credits: Taylor Johnson

How is a society to overcome false information when it is the


devalue a person more than selling his/
only information that it trusts? We need to start having another
her virginity for a chicken sandwich. Still,
discussion. We need alternatively taught sexual education, even
even if this example is extreme, there
if we have to ask our ministers to do it. We need to talk about
is something genuinely insulting about
sex outside of the classroom. Most importantly, we need to treat
saving sex because of social standards.
sex fairly.
When to have sex should be a decision
we think is important enough that we an-

54 Editorials/Opinion
On Women and Assertiveness in Dating
Misha Teplitskiy

I believe there is a cultural problem. It’s a problem for But why should we admire her for doing nothing but unam-
progressive guys like me, not for everybody. But before we get biguously reciprocating an advance? After all, Shauna did not
into all that, let’s define some terms. We’ll take “progressive” enter the venue and approach the most appealing male. No, that
to mean those men and women who strive to rid their lives of was Brian’s deed. She didn’t initiate any behavior involving a
gender roles, whereas “traditional” people embrace gender roles. modicum of risk. She didn’t up the ante once the mating dance
Gender roles are the implicit roles you’ll find in books Victorya began. No, that’s Brian again. She just reciprocated an advance.
Rogers’ The Automatic 2nd Date: “You, my dear, don’t chase men The readiness with which she accepts Brian’s advances sug-
... you are compelling them to chase you ... Men want to do the gests that Shauna is single-and-looking. A progressive female
chasing, because they are natural-born hunters.” These gender may object here that perhaps Shauna was not thinking about
roles refer to the assertive man who woos the coy woman whose finding a date and therefore had no desire to initiate anything.
main task in the budding relationship is to hold out on sex as Possibly. But do single-and-looking people only remember the
long as possible. fact that they are single-and-looking when approached by an
The problem: progressive women are not proactive enough attractive mate? Or does the thought arise earlier; say when they
in dating situations and even when imagining their ideal woman, simply see an attractive person? I believe most people fall in the
they do not give her the same level of assertiveness that the as- latter category. Therefore, chances are Shauna saw Brian and
sertive male possesses, the amount required for truly egalitarian found him attractive, but, being a female, waited for him to make
dating. Disagree? Then tell me what you make of Shauna in the the move. There is little that’s admirable about Shauna in my
excerpt below. eyes.
In season four, episode eleven of Family Guy, Brian goes to With the problem established, let’s consider two consequenc-
a PTA meeting. He sees a black woman sit down in a central es. For one, having to make nearly all the moves your entire life
chair in the only unoccupied row. She keeps her eyes straight – being a male – is annoying. Secondly, and this may be less
ahead, anticipating the principal’s upcoming talk. Brian nervously obvious, consistently making first moves makes it difficult for
approaches. some men to treat women as equals. First moves, be it kissing
Brian: Wow, that’s a, that’s a lovely color. Uh, your dress! or simply starting a conversation, can be nerve-racking. Thus,
Your dress . . . the color of your dr . . . You’re very pretty. the progressive man who successfully completes a first move
Woman: I’m the 11th grade history teacher, Ms. Parks. treats it as an accomplishment and a source of pride. He knows
Brian: Oh, like Rosa Parks. Or! or someone white . . . named the personality characteristics required for the feat and admires
Parks. them in other people. This man is also struck by the fact that the
Parks: [Laughter] Nothing cuter than a nervous white dog. so called progressive recipient of his attention will verbally praise
The camera pans to Brian, gloating in the compliment and egalitarianism in dating, will go Dutch, but then like our beloved
then to Parks, who gives Brian “the eye.” Shauna, will wait for him to make nearly all the substantial
Brian: Well, uh, I’m Brian and, uh, gosh, if I’m not being too moves. At least in some cases, progressive women also desire
forward, it’s lovely to meet you Ms. Parks. dates or sex, but defer to the man to affect these goals. The man
Parks: Oh, please! Call me Shauna. naturally concludes that women’s systematic failure in taking
Auspicious music plays in the background as the camera action to achieve the common goals is due to a deficiency (e.g.
fades out. There will be a date. insufficient self-esteem) in her ability to apply assertiveness, an
Joking aside, the situation above appears improbable to both attribute which he values and prides himself upon. It is in this
the average guy and girl. The average girl knows that women do way that a failure to take charge in early dating, a fairly limited
not usually behave like this, not off the bat anyway. She might part of life, can spill over and tempt a man to decrease his over-
think, “Shauna’s so forward, even calling Brian cute to his face!” all respect for a woman.
The average guy vicariously enjoys Brian’s good fortune. His A truly assertive woman may be scary, because men are so
only experience with anything close to this, especially if he’s at unaccustomed to her. She is scary in the same way skydiving
Rice, was that inebriated party girl who yelled “You’re hot!” in his would be scary. However, both are exciting. Furthermore, doing
general direction as her friends pulled her away. This scenario things like asking for the guy’s phone number, something that
disappoints me because people view Shauna’s assertiveness as may feel to a woman like jumping out of a plane, may be re-
the ideal. Shauna needs no improvement. quired if she wants full respect from a progressive, assertive guy.

Editorials/Opinion 55
56
Poems

Poems
Photo Credits: Rachel Solnick
Beach at Evening

An escaping sky falls down on pebbles,


Underneath, my feet caught in the waves,
Pulling like moist gravity, like memories.

The sound of your voice, rising and falling,


A dull trance, pulling me in,
The hazel of your eyes, the scent of sunscreen on your
skin,
like laughter.

Curves of your skin,


Fond, mushy sand,
A soft undertow.

The dull drone of falling streams,


Salty, tears pulsing on breathing flesh Captivity
A heart beating.

I remember, the taste of salt in your mouth, Courtney Ng


A noxious contagion
The hook
That I loved so much.
was floating
on the surface of the water,
I remember,
teasing me in the sway of
Being caught in the undertow
translucent waves, all perilous
Of the riptide.
and predictable, its shadow
so vivid yet, I imagined, invisible.
The bitterness came before the sharpness
of metal bursting through my flesh.
I shuddered but you held me still
murmured words of sweet regret.
But were you truly sorry? I couldn’t feel it
in your fingertips, as you ran them
along my shiny scales and

Photo Credits: (Top)Taylor Johnson (Bottom) Simon Bucknell


let me believe that, for a moment, I could swim
apart from the school,
that freedom was dispensable
as long as you held me in
captivity. And even though I found the air
thin while within your grasp,
I did not count on being thrown
back into salty depths
so fast. I did not foresee
drowning in the desire
to be needed. I did not fathom that I
could ever miss being owned, that the ocean
could ever feel too vast
to call home.

Poems 57
Ice
Anastasia Harris

Sliding up my thigh, past my navel and circling around my breasts


Is what you have now done since I first became undressed
You slipped silently behind me and came right back around
Melting all of me slowly to the ground
You have never made love like this to me before
But this new technique I’m sure I can come to adore
You touch me, and I immediately begin to freeze
Unbeknownst to you all of the places you please
Your light presence which then loomed over my body
Is now everywhere and inhibits my body
This love is so hot and yet so cold
As our bodies into one we lavishly mold
You captivate my first moments with one quick
stare
And this chilling power you have exudes
from you everywhere
From your mind, your body, your
words, your soul
And with your frozen cubes
you can always fill my bowl
How do you have this
incredible effect on me?
Sweet, manipulative, cooling
and icy
The way you change into so many
shapes and forms
Always turning my love into liquid,
never leaving me scorned
All of me you envelop share and
entice
And yes, it’s true, you are my ice.

Photo Credits: Ted Mebane

58 Poems
Union
Haley Richardson

you call me in and


sh!—
ut the door
call me with eyes to
Come Close
lips unlocked find treasures to take!
but my jaw begins to ache.
need air
thu-heat-in-uh-beat
rises
and i strip you downuparound
shirt stuck.—there!
as you manly sweep through robes and clothes
and still fumble with my bra.
beside you in nuded vulnerable Mil y Un Maneras de Olvidarte
i am
morethanme Woman Luis Zuleta
proud and blushing
He intentado mil y un maneras de olvidarte
you fill me
Borré tus fotos de mis albums, tus canciones de mis
anxiouspassion, lushrush compactos
sh Ya tiré tus cartas y tus notas. Me deshice de todas tus
u cosas.
dd
er Saqué de vacaciones todas tus mentiras, y me reí de
in nuestras tonterías.
g Ya doné todas tus camisas.
Y entregué todas las sonrisas que te robé cuando no
yes!
estabas mirando.
in a smelly stew of pro— Reciclé nuestras miradas y puse en venta mi pecho,
finding love que fue tu almohada.
silent awkward descends Me sacudí tus besos y barrí las cenizas de lo que fue
—what to say next.— aquel fuego.
interuppted by a kiss Le cambié a mi tele la estación de tu mirada y a mi
this radio la
our quietaria frecuencia de tu voz
divinehumble Ya no sé que falta, pero sé que es poco.
Solo me quede con la sabiduría de admitir cuando me
mixture of poetry! and unpoetry.
equivoco.
union
Photo Credits: Amanda Hu

Pero por mas que intento, no me contento


Porque aunque perdí la esperanza, no perdí el recu-
erdo.
Y ni con los años aprendo...
Quitándole la pila al reloj, nunca mataras al tiempo.

Poems 59
Hope for the Hollow Woman
Haley Richardson

March into the room—yes, Take it off! Just…please. Take it off.


the dreaded dressing room With eyes sternly shut, throw the ghostly mantle in a
where goodness knows what mirage of corner—rumpled—but the ghost lingers.
Goya monsters or Munch cadavers, or Cry, maybe a little, and think of him
worse: Rubenesque women—will maybe a lot and hear the cell’s wall echo your—
Appear to you. Wait—what’s that song?
That chord so familiar, that
Swallow hard and think of him: beat so full of assertion.
it’s for him, it’s for him And now…the voice, above it all,
the blackwing weaved Panties (the ugly word!) Singing the Unwavering Self.
and the chimerical negligee, the
body terror-anxious at the thought. Think: you know
You think you
Take that prison walk. I think
Make that sudden about face and I think I know this song!
now the booming bolt locks in your chamber.
All other beings become dead to you save I do!
that one Unbeing, that Demonreflection And then that guitar strumming me,
Quivering menacingly. and that bass thumbing me,
I can’t help but dance.
Wish: that overheard song they’re playing, I’m not trying anyone or anything more on. Enough!
that manufactured squeak, My song is a perfect size.
would just go away.
In my open revelry, I catch a glimpse
Turn around. Disrobe— of that square reflecting pool with its harrowing sentinel
Quickly now! but she’s gone. Vanished.
Ok. Good. We’re almost done. In her place, I see—
Now…slip the insubstantial thing on, I can’t believe what I see!
this Fear in a handful of chiffon —I see a woman
wild and radiant, in nude triumph. Beautiful.
Steal a full, stabilizing breath and
Turn around. Look. Now I hear some faint sounds, familiar sounds,
Some shuffling, some locking, some sighing.
Behold! the phantasmagoric UnYou So there are others!
clad in an ebony clinging blob, Each shut in her own cell
frills and lace tumbling here and there. Trying to please her own him
The parts free of that cloth’s curse are With her own grotesque mantles
recklessly abandoned to exposure and these parts are Each confronting her own ghostly image.
Everywhere. See? She Each with her own glorious body
Shakes her gory flesh at you. Tucked away deep in the back of
Her own eyes.
Think: that this image will haunt you
to the End of your body’s days. I stop my dance. I stop and listen.
And I wonder…
Don’t return Her gaze.
I wonder why no one else is dancing?

60 Poems
Exceptions and Mapmaking
Ann Wang

Exceptions

You who

Forked grapes
Used the wrong spoon
Ate the garnish
Dribbled soup
Chewed while laughing
Licked your fingers
Picked your teeth with your nails
Stained your blouse

You whom I began to miss--


Satin sheet slipping off a round shoulder
A smooth sudden brightness in the soft blue light of Sunday
morning Mapmaking
Dark bruise on the nape--
At the moment of your rising Sunday morning we decided
We’d share our birthmarks and their myths.

Your mother told you the one on your wrist


meant you were destined to write

And my mother told me the one on my thigh


meant I was destined to run

But you can’t write to save your life


and I can’t run to save mine.

I suggested we move on to scars.

You told me about the time you boxed that boy

Photo Credits: (Top) Brenda Rangel (Bottom) Ryan Botts


on the playground, and won
and the time you wrecked your car
and lost a little of your invincibility

Having broken no bones


I composed heroic stories for you about
Risks taken and rewarded

But you knew I was lying and told me so.

I showed my resentment
by drawing my nails across your back
and holding you too close when we slept again.

Poems 61
Rope
Courtney Ng

Bodies aligned
Two ropes
Intertwined

Her leg searches for his


beneath a comforter,
marshmallow-thick
patterned by darkness
and dim, honeyed light
seeping in through
venetian blinds,
like sand dunes, shifting
with the passage of time:
black, yellow, black, yel--
Lowers her leg,
Hooks it around his,
Forms a helix of limbs.

He runs his fingers along the shadowed


Contours of her face:
The sharp bone of her jaw
The labyrinth of cartilage
lining the inside of her ear
tunneling inwards to the point
where all light disappears
and there are only the whispers
only the waves of sound
She can hear.

He brushes the waterfall of her softly curled hair


splayed across the pillow.
And in a strip of the sand dunes
marked by yellow light,
sees the ends
of the hairs glowing,
splitting apart,
branching into many
thin shreds from one
splintering like
Photo Credits: Brenda Rangel

the frayed ends

Of two ropes
pulled too tight.

62 Poems
Dancing Zoetrope
Rachel Solnick

Flashed faces between erected shadows, Stops time.


spinning, flung through the dance On his leash,
with the momentum of falling constellations. captured by a memory of exhaled longing.
Above, psychedelic lights
smash against the ceiling Then: lift, up, spin.
and fly across the walls Flung back to an axis of stifled desire.
echoing with a cello’s cry. A swirl of faces on the compass rose,
merge a dizzying dread of never.
I find him,
one against the movement, stationary Lurch to a stop.
The strobe catches his face, Halted by realization,
glimmers of pale midnight this compass was without a pole.
flick backward through the flip-book,
zoetrope of his decline. Orchestra exhales the end of the tanda.
And between the buzzing pairs,
WHO? dark YOU dark YES! dark PLEASE dark DON’T the last glimpse of his back
disappears.
Eyes plow through the crowd,
toward his apparition. The room slowly disbands
looses the flowing alleyways,
WHY? dark NO dark AWAY dark STOP dark STop stop? the synchronized push
and I stand there
Press his body to mine, fingers entwine, amongst the dispersing crowd.
dissolved into automatons for beats,
pulsating through chests.
Reasons and mind melt
in the seat of muscle memory.
His body speaks to me.

“What are you doing?”

Lost in his twirling poetry,


yield gracefully in a back lunge,
pivot with precision under the command
that beckons from his every tensed muscle,
each step a punctuation pulled taunt.

“ This is all I ever wanted.”

I whisper a lie into the ear,


So close that I can feel its betrayal
Breathing back from his hot skin.

A dip
he leans forward,
lets his breath caress my neck.

Poems 63
Inspired by the intimacy and power of the postcards featured in Frank Warren’s PostSe-
cret books , Open Magazine invited Rice undergraduates to fill out postcards with their
artwork, private thoughts and confessions about sex, relationships, love, or whatever they
wanted to share with the world. Submissions ranged from humorous to unsettling, foreign
to familiar, but all remind us that beneath our individual public selves, we share a common
humanity. If you would like to submit a secret for next year’s issue, please fill out a post
card and address it to:
Open Magazine
6340 Main Street
Houston, Texas 77005

Also included in this section are several quotes from the February discussion topic, “When
is it appropriate to have sex?” of the online community forum, BigTalk. Launched in 2007
by two Rice students, BigTalk features a question each month to spark more meaningful
conversations on topics such as religion, social issues, and politics. To find out more and
join the discussion, go to: http://betweenaduck.com/

64
A culture of abstinence,
the common answer,
carries risks as well,
chief among them being
the stigma against sex
education that hinders
young people’s abilities
to make an informed
decision.
--Andrea Leyton-Mange

I don’t think that


accepting the possibil-
ity of parenthood is a
necessary prerequisite
to making responsible
decisions about when
to have sex.
I personally think G*d made
-bubblexw
us kinky. I hear often about
preachers saying “God is
watching you.” Well sure, G*d
likely is. But it’s not the use
of an anal dildo or porn or
unmarried sex that incurs holy
wrath.- Ani Fox

I lost my virginity on my
18th birthday. It was a
present to myself,and I
happened to be hooking
up with a marvelously
casual, easygoing,and
experienced partner at
the time. He waited up
for me while myfriends
threw me a last-minute
birthday party, and I
spent exactly 23 minutes
of my legal-voter status
as a virgin.
-Julia Bursten

65
Given the incredibly long history of contraceptive practices and
superstitions, It seems pretty clear to me that procreation is the
antithesis of what most people desire from sexual relations.
-bubblexw

In answering the ques-


tion “When is it ap-
propriate to have sex?”
many of us would want
to say “whenever were
horny, thank you”. How-
ever doctors, parents,
sociologists, psycholo-
gists and court judges
would argue with that
answer...sexuality, like
eating requires under-
standing and balance to
be able to be enjoyed
and be healthy.
.- Nashwan Hamza

The body can never truly be separated from the soul.


-Sarah Wulf

66
If you can glorify God in song then you can glorify God
in sex.
-Jordan Myska Allen

Spiritually, sex ends innocence in the same way reading


books, stealing and beating your father at arm wrestling
end it: experience transforms the psyche and it cannot be
undone, unlearned or unremembered.
-Ani Fox

If someone succeeds in complete abstinence from any


sexual activity until marriage, they may be faced with
other problems. One of these is the risk of discovering
that they are sexually incompatible with their spouse.
-Andrea Leyton-Mange

67
68

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