Miranda, Ball PitI love Derek Haines. I love Derek Haines. Derek Haines I love. Derek I love.Love. Love. Love. Derek. Derek. Derek. Mr. and Mrs. Derek Haines. Mrs. Derek Haines.Miranda Haines. Mr. Derek and Miranda Haines. Love. In Love. Derek and Miranda inlove. Forever and ever and ever and ever, until the world ends, and the sun explodes, andthe Great Cupid in the Heavens beckons us back to the universe where all Derek does issing to me and hold me and where I can be is one and only for the whole of eternity. Oh,won’t that just be great.I love Derek Haines. I have been in love with him since the opening night of ByeBye Birdie when he was in the tenth grade, and I was just a freshman. He was Conrad,and I was one of the fans, and while everyone was singing, “We love you Conrad, oh yes,we do”. I was thinking, “I love you Derek, oh yes, I do.” It was my subtext as Mr. Tanner,our director would say. It was my only time on stage because I got my nose-pierced andMr. Tanner said I made myself uncastable. So, I was resigned to being a fan from thecrowd. You should have seen him as Tevye. I could barely stand it. He was too good. Thewhole crowd was crying when beckons the fiddler at the end. He was wonderful.I started working at the park last year because of Derek. Well, for Derek. I tried toget a job in his department: Entertainment. But I have these piercings, right, and I can’tseem to keep my hair the same color. So, they couldn’t put me in front of children, and Ican’t really dance, so I couldn’t be one of the dancing farm animals. So, I got stuck in the ball pit. You know, the ball pit. Everyday, I am knee deep in plastic balls with the toddlerswho get trapped and I have to dive in. The thing is, they don’t clean it, and you find thegrossest stuff in there, band-aids, plastic spoons. Tobias, who had to work it once, found adiaper. The only cool thing is that I taught myself to juggle and I was juggling one day,when MJ wasn’t around, and Derek walked by and said:“Cool, wish I could do that.”And I said:“Thanks.”Then, he left.I usually wouldn’t fall for some one like Derek. He is well-dressed and kind of a
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