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May your grandchildren baptize you after you’re dead.
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May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only onesurgeon in the world, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, is ableto perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn’t takeyour insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son.
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May your son the doctor introduce you to his fiancée, Bristol Palin.
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May you spend your whole life supporting and voting for and sendingmoney to Israel , and may you one day be actually forced to move there.
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May you find yourself lost and stranded in a village of PalestinianMuslims , and may you be treated only with dignity, kindness andrespect.
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May you live to a ripe old age, and may the only people who come visityou be Mormon missionaries.
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May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground, and then maythe ground be fracked.
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May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security orMedicare.
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May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup withdumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetablestew, latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli,because the government gutted the E.P.A.
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May the secretary your husband is schtupping depend on PlannedParenthood for her birth control.
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May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what youdid with his goddamn birth certificate.
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May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson’scasinos.
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May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who wereall socialist garment workers.
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May your child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand.
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May God give you a daughter-in-law who is as kind as she is beautiful, aspatient as she is rich, as wise as she is devoted, a virtuous woman inevery way. And then may a ballot initiative invalidate her marriage toyour fat lump Rebecca.
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May you have a hundred houses, and in every house a hundred rooms,and in every room twenty beds, and then may you fall behind on justone of your mortgage payments and have the bank repossesseverything.
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May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warmingmakes it uninhabitable.
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May you have a large store, and have it all dismantled by vulturecapitalists.
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May you grow so rich that your widow’s second husband is thrilled theyrepealed the estate tax.
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May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existingcondition.
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