I felt safety when your bones held me, felt the care and protection radiate like warmth

from your skin. I was drawn in to the illusion that all of you actually cared. Oh, how pitiful, how pathetic. I responded to the truth the only way I could if I wanted to keep you; I pretended it didnt matter. None of it mattered, the lust, the games, the lies. It was the only way. And yet, the thoughts of your thoughts eat at my brain in the night, nauseate me. But it was the only way. Why are these secrets secrets? Is it because you know how wrong it is? Or is it because its more exciting that way, more thrilling? I have to face you and no longer see friends, but fakes. You were playing me all along, all so you could look and talk about touching. I was a joke to you all, behind my back you spoke like I was an object, not a friend. It wasnt the only way, I just made the wrong choice to keep you here. I shouldve known.