I decided to at least enjoy my Friday, tweeting savagely. Safaricomwas mostly unmoved. Ha. Then, in the afternoon at 3, when the stuff started spreading,
somebody called George called wanting to ‘solve myproblem’. I told
him I had no problem, what I had was a cheap lighterand a video camera. George purred and rubbed my legs like a cat overthe phone, and clicked my toes and smoothed my brow, and said, tellme your pain, how can I take it away. I wanted to hang up, he purred.
Then he said, ‘please don’t burn the modem, we can talk, we can dosomething…’
. That threw me off. I had been hypnotized for a minute,and in truth was really really tired and stressed, deadline missed,money lost. I was about to capitulate, take a nap, buy a beer. But thatnew tone sounded familiar, it
was the ‘sponsorship voice’.
The r u open
for a ‘muhongo’ tone I
know so well. `What do you mean? I askedsharply. We are good people, he purred, and we are flexible. We
are….heeeem….open…… to….heeeem…. talking….
NGAI. Yaani, yaani, maybe, I imagine..they will say, we will give youtwo days in Nanyuki where you will attend the renaming of MountKenya to Mount Safcom, and you will stand with the choir and brand-build yourself as you sing Niko Na Safaricom, and then we will giveyou a per diem and 30k. Maybe they will say. In fact, we have it ongood authority that Bob Collymore himselluf will follow u on twitter andcommit to retweeting you fourteen times over twenty-five days. Theywill invite you to the Sfaricom Young leadership Initiative Challenge.They will open a platinum sms service for you, where you with receivefour free songs, and 3,000 bongapoints. I am sure he will say
something like…Just don’t speak the truth. Lets network and
brandbuild together. For Kenya. I am sure he will shed a tear as he
says this, Keeenya. But. I think to myself. But…I can’t even fuck
ingnetwork you fuckers.I hang up.I burnt my modem.