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Finding Flight Beyond Plight

Finding Flight Beyond Plight

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Ones thoughts on a series of emotions when under a deep gulf of depression and anxiety
Ones thoughts on a series of emotions when under a deep gulf of depression and anxiety

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Published by: Marcus Mathias Anderson on Sep 09, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Finding Flight beyond plight
As I look out towards the unknown horizon from my window Ishiver with the feeling of uncertainty which slowly beckonsme. Feelings of doubt and insecurity are my fellow bedfellowswhich I have come to love and cherish. Right now I feel theirsuffocating embrace as their tendrils slowly and ever sogradually reach up into the deep dark depths of my solemnsoul. I feel as if my vision is darkening over a backdrop ofgloomy days to come. Ever so slowly I close my eyes and thinkof whether there is any solace or redemption in life. Or is
this an empty shell of borrowed time I am living on…
?Times have changed. From those ever so heady days ofignorance and ignorant bliss came the time of stressfuluneasiness and feelings of being bound together by invisiblechains. Invisible yet so restricting to my poor heart- abeating heart which just wants to be set free; free ofobligations, free of heartache, free of lonesomeness, free ofuncertainty and free of helplessness.Hitherto, it is adamant for me to think about what broughtme to this state of being. It
s not easy to welcome newchallenges in life. When I had created a comfortable and happysystem to live in my little bubble- in my little world,someone comes rips everything asunder without a moment
snotice. It
s not fair- life ain
t fair. But that is life.Living even one freaking second of life is borrowed time from
god as he give’th and he take’th. That’s god…ever so
omnipotent but how can I, and not to mention all human beingsfor their sake, make the best of that borrowed time.On the contrary, challenges in retrospect are the thingsthat actually make life worth living. Taken into an acuteperspective, if everything in life is so easy and everyone Imeet is so gullible, I would rather head to small room in amotel and take a .22 calibre and shoot myself in the head- andmaybe, just maybe, leave a note. I might just indulge myselfwith a last hurrah or a last laugh since it is my last moments
in this god forbidden ‘beautiful’ world of ours. I might go
with something corny, cheesy and lame at the same time.
Something like; “goodbye cruel
world or Am I there yet?!However, I have got to admit that it is true life doesthrow curveballs- sometimes more than usual, yet it aint thatbad! Just need to go out, explore and indulge. No one has to
conform and live another’s life. It is essentially another’s
life and however hard we for that matter try our best, thatlife can never be ours.I just have to live my life and find myself in order totruly be myself. I need to find my wings so that I can soarinto the oblivion and the great unknown and escape from thechasm of darkness which wants to engulf me and my crazy heartin the bowels of its abyss. It wants to make me fall into aneverlasting despair and damnation. But I will not fall- I willnot fail. I am going to persevere.Yet even with the positive reinforcement I have so bravelyblurted out just a moment ago I still feel that right now I ambeing buried alive in a pit of my own making. I had alreadygiven up and was just lying there thinking or doing nothing,just empty as a doll while slowly imagining myself walkingthrough a stampede of people who do not care and who are sopreoccupied with their own worries that they do not give ashit. Slowly walking towards nowhere while bumping into those
empty shells of human beings…
is where I am going onautopilot. I walk towards nowhere and I reach towards nolight. Till there will be no light in the end.But I also feel that there is always this itch. Thisfeeling which I cannot fully grasp or comprehend just lodgedsomewhere deep in my soul. It is undeniably there and I havejust got to reach out and grab it from the inside. Thepossibility of that itch leading to discovering an end to allthis despair and madness and a path to inner peace andhappiness is a heartening thought. Thus I decide to start toget things rolling to find that itch.I slowly and inexorably start moving inside my pit-coffin; my bed of thorns. It is painful yet I can never soarand free myself from the chains that bind if I stay the way Iam. So I grope inside the darkness to find light. I startrunning in the opposite side of the stampede to go forwardeven though the stampede of people keeps pushing me back.Still, I will not concede. I will keep on running the otherway through the deluge. I will keep digging and gropingthrough the darkness till I see the light or die trying.But this is what I would do to save myself, to soar, toescape, to flee, to find solace and to eventually findhappiness. And to you my friend these are the words of wisdomI am going to say to you before our sweet sorrowful parting:

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