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"The Gang Goes to the Zoo"

"The Gang Goes to the Zoo"

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Published by anon_873810891
The gang sets out to prove which animal is the most badass. Dee is in desperate need of a new job or she will get kicked out of her apartment. And Frank? Well, he tags along for the ride.
The gang sets out to prove which animal is the most badass. Dee is in desperate need of a new job or she will get kicked out of her apartment. And Frank? Well, he tags along for the ride.

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Published by: anon_873810891 on Sep 11, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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09/11/2012

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"The Gang Goes to the Zoo"Written byAlexander Cohen & Christopher Cohen
 
COLD OPENTITLE: 1:31PMTITLE: ON A TUESDAYTITLE: PHILADELPHIA, PA OVER TITLES WE HEAR:MAC (V.O.)Bro, there is no way you couldoutrun a grizzly.DENNIS (V.O.)Of course I could, Mac. Bears areall bulk. They’re sluggish, stupidkillers.INT. PADDY’S PUB - DAYCharlie, Mac, and Dennis are standing at the bar, each ofthem next to a separate display board prominently featuringtheir favorite animal.DENNIS(gesturing slowly down hischest)You see, this cheetah and I possessthe lean muscle tone and elegantgrace required to make such anescape. And then later that night when he’s sleeping? We’ll be readyto pounce.CHARLIEMan, both you guys are crazy.(to Dennis)A junkyarddog would rip yourcheetah to shreds, okay? It has noknown predators.(to Mac)And Mac? Bears don’t even hunt fortheir own food. They eat giant jarsof honey and hang out with saddonkeys and tiny, little pigs allday. I mean, what is that?DENNISCharlie, I’m getting really worriedabout you, man. You seem to begetting dumber every day.(MORE)
 
Last week I had to stop you from tonguing the wall sockets!CHARLIECome on! Look, I was plugging inthe Coorssign and the socket wasall clogged up. So I had to greaseit, you know?Dennis is speechless.MACDude, the other day I saw youironing the pool table.CHARLIE(obviously)Uh, yeah, Mac. That’s how you keepthe felt nice and flat.MACYou were using a steam iron on fullblast. We had to throw out thetable!CHARLIEWell, we were gonnahave to replaceit soon anyways. It was an oldtable.DEE enters.DEEOh my god, you guys. I’ve got areal problem on my hands.MACYour babies are about to hatch andyou haven’t prepared a nest?The guys laugh.DEESeriously, I’m going to get kickedout of my apartment if I can’t comeup with 800 dollars by the end ofthe week.CHARLIEDee, we’re in the middle of some major stuff here, OK?She approaches the bar and notices the display boards.2.DENNIS (CONT'D)

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