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Hurt Feels like a Hard Cold Rock -7 Practical HintsFor Helping Kids through Difficult Times
All difficulties have one thing in common-hurt. It could be suicide,stillbirth, abuse, cancer, hurricane, fire, flood, murder, accident etc. Or it couldbe bullying, experiencing a profound disappointment or being ostracized. The oldsaying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” isnot true-words do hurt-oftentimes for much longer than it takes a physicalwound to heal. In a little book for children named The Hurt, written by TeddiDoleski, the main character, Justin becomes hurt by his friend’s words. Hisresponse and ultimate healing is a helpful lesson for everyone no matter whatform their hurt takes. I’ve used it a number of times with a single child, groupsof children and even teenagers with positive results.In the story Justin’s heart-wound feels to him like a hard cold rock. Hewithdraws from his family and friends. He continually examines his hurt until itbecomes huge and unmanageable. The hard cold rock of hurt becomes so largeJustin begins to believe it will take over his entire bedroom or even the entireworld! Finally he makes the decision to seek help by talking with his dad. As hetells his dad what happened he finds his hurt becoming smaller. Together he andhis dad come up with some ideas. As he begins to act on his ideas, he finds thehard cold rock of hurt getting smaller and more manageable. He decides to getrid of the hurt altogether by pushing the remainder of it out his bedroomwindow. The next time he feels hurt he will apply the coping skills he learned.His feelings of hurt will become more manageable. Each time he faces adifficult situation; he applies these life skills and becomes a stronger, healthierperson. Here are some added tips if you find yourself in the position to help onechild or a group of kids with some difficult news:
1-Gather the children together whether it’s your family, school classroom, play group,Boy or Girl scout troupe, church related or any other group that has been personallyeffected in some way.2-Tell the basic facts without evaluating them. Begin with words like these: There hasbeen an accident. Tell who it was, how it happened and what the outcome was.3-Next, offer to answer the children’s questions. Answer them as honestly and simply as you can. If you don’t know the answer, be sure to say, “I don’t know.” Never make thingsup. You can also ask, what do you think?”4-Tell the story of The Hurt. Give the children permission to feel all different kinds offeelings. Remind them that feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. One time achild named Billy died in an accident. One of the children told the class that he was glad
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