Dear Beej,Do you have a recommendation on sex toys, o ei-ther the male or emale variety? My cousins are rater-nal twins, and I’m looking or git ideas.Tanks, Le Cousin Dangereux.
Dear Cuz, What a thoughtul git idea. A sex toy is notonly a highly personalized object that suggests youknow your cousins well but also something thatthey will cherish or years to come. As or recommendations, I have a ew avoritesthat make great gits. Albeit, my taste in gadgetshas oten been reerred to as “kinky,” “hardcore,”and “physically taxing.” Tough most people aresexual wusses in my book, I understand that we allhave dierent thresholds, so I’ve included in thislist some edgy yet introductory pieces that will ex-cite the inexperienced and the hardened sex addictalike. I highly recommend suction toys, since mess-ing around with the vacuum cleaner can be a risky option. o tantalize both sexes, mini nipple suckers“add a surprisingly satisying nip o suction to yourtit teasing.” Another road less traveled is sensationplay. Te Foreplay Ice Glacial Stimulator, a “pushpop o chilling ecstasy,” is an addition that will par-adoxically heat things up in any bedroom. And orthe hardcore in all o us, I’d recommend the Fuck Saw. It’s a dildo attached to an engine, and I rarely leave home without it. With the Fuck Saw, it’s notsex, it’s making love.Here’s to gits that keep on giving,Beej
Dear Beej,I just met a really cute grad student in my seminar on Postcolonial Birthing Methods. He’s 29, very attrac-tive, and I just died when he made a comment last week about the concept o the vaginal space. I’m trying as hard as I can to impress him in section, but how doI get him to change his idea o me rom silly undergrad to academic maven? Any help I can get,Want to be Under Grad
Dear Under Grad, You could work this three ways. First o all—does he know you’re an undergrad? I not, hedoesn’t really need to.I he does know, exude an aura o maturity. Wearsome pumps and carry a purse. Carry around somephotos o children that may or may not be yourown. Casually work into conversation that thereare “too many undergrads” at the GCB. Lastly, andthis might be your best option, play the youth cardto your advantage—preteen mini skirts, baby talk, what have you. Play it like you’re looking or a men-tor. Every grad student loves a worshipper.Unless your class does a unit on postcolonialconception, I wouldn’t talk about class.Huzzah!Beej
a clean, well-planted place
how ’bout them squash
I asked to describe the corner o El-mwood and Broad in the Southside o Providence, I wouldn’t immediately think “armland.” Call me old ashioned, but theskeleton o a deunct warehouse, a run-down Cash or Gold shop, and a “FreePhone!” kiosk don’t scream ertile ground. Where were the eggplants I was prom-ised? Te potatoes? Hell, I would havesettled or a wimpy stalk o decaying to-matoes. Had Google Maps led me astray?Had a kindly gentleman not noticedmy abject disorientation and pointed mein the direction o City Farm (or “that lit-tle arm,” as he called it), I would still be wandering aimlessly around Providence’sSouthside.Tis little arm is but one o 35 scatteredthroughout Providence, part o the South-side Community Land rust’s (SCL)Healthy Urban Gardening initiative.Founded by a group o college students in1981, the program grew (har har) out o an eort to revitalize the then-struggling Southside community. Te project aimedto provide the neighborhood, which lackedaccess to resh produce and space in whichto grow it, with opportunities to raise theirown sustainably produced ood. In doing so, the members o SCL hoped to ostera greater sense o community amongst itsresidents. Te group has since become anorganization with some 25 sta members,partnered with the Providence mainstayslike Blue State Coee and Local 121 (justto name a ew), and provided over 8,500community members with the resourcesto maintain their own source o ood. Andor neighborhoods like the one tending toCF, in which local dining options are lim-ited to McDonald’s and Dunkin’ Donuts,and there is nary a park to be ound, that’sa pretty big deal.So how exactly does this work? In thecase o City Farm, it means taking what would otherwise be a vacant lot, destinedor seizure by either bloodthirsty weeds orland developers, and transorming it intoa working arm. Te horticultural worldinside the chain-linked ence (this is a city,ater all) was reminiscent o an idyllic 17th-century New England Homestead. Teplot is rie with tangles o bushes speckled with peppers, blossoms o red kale plants,and heads o broccoli enshrouded withintheir umbrella-esque leaves. And thoseeggplants? Dangling rom their leay stalkslike strange oblong Christmas ornaments.Tese specimens, along with a laundry list o others—ranging rom the expectedraspberries and mint leaves to the moreexotic tomatillos and gooseberries—aretended to by a team o loving neighbor-hood residents, Southside Land rustmembers, and gaggles o enthusiastic lo-cal elementary school children. Since allarm members are required to devote sev-eral days a month to the arm’s upkeep,the garden has become a mutual pointo investment amongst neighbors, and isnow becoming a orum in which commu-nity members orm bonds with each other.Such a collaborative care process is theother aim o SCL’s program: to nurturebonds among neighbors through a mutualconnection to their potatoes and squash—not to mention a shared appreciation orresh zucchini.For those already involved in the arm-to-table movement, this “hyper-local”ood sourcing is a natural next step to- wards long-term sustainability (and a break or those o us who nd Farmstead’sprices a bit out o reach). And though City Farm is rather territorial about direct in-volvement with its upkeep—non-memberparticipation is limited to harvest daysand is on a volunteer-only basis—its ten-ders are all too happy to gush about theirarm. Or, better yet, help you start yourown community arm. Te organization’sextensive Urban Agriculture ResourceCenter oers an abundance o tips or as-piring armers—rom how to pique inter-est amongst the neighbors, und start-upcosts (those plant beds don’t come cheap),and, o course, convert that weedy lot intoa home t or the nickiest o plants. Forthose seeking something more hands on,the arm sponsors weekly events, ranging rom arm tours to chicken raising work-shops (apparently Providence has a pretty happening chicken-keeping scene), all inthe hope o educating and inspiring utureurban armers. And those magnicent zucchini? Oneo the auxiliary benets o sowing such a multitude o crops is the hety nancialbenet the neighborhood reaps rom theirharvest. While City Farm is a not-or-pro-it venture, one can easily nd its productsor purchase. Te garden supplies severallocal vendors, such as downtown Provi-dence’s White Electric Coee Co., makesrequent appearances at several Providencearmers’ markets (most requently at thebiweekly market in Lippett Park), andsponsors a subscription-based monthly de-livery program, with the proceeds o salesgoing directly to und the arm’s mainte-nance. Not to mention, o course, that thearm is always open to curious passersby,meaning you can always visit those salubri-ous squash in person.
For more inormation about City Farm,or the Southside Community Land rust,check out http://www.southsideclt.org/.Illustration by Sheila Sitaram
ALICE PREMINGER contributing writerBEEJunqualified
sex toys + grad students
Dear Emily,I’m a month into a relationship witha good-looking guy who watches Down-ton Abbey with me, doesn’t overuse hair products, and lets me eat all o our sup- posedly shared desserts. I am constantly on the verge o blurting out “I love you,” but I’m not sure whether it’s too soon. Is there etiquette or this? I don’t want to reak him out! Sincerely,Hurriedly Appointing Specifc erms to Emotions
Dear HASE, Ah, young love.Emily suspects that a requentreader or two is grumbling something that sounds awully like, “I’m notsure a chilly WASP with a Hermèsbox ull o discarded wedding bandsis qualied to give romantic advice.”(Te ruit o Emily’s womb has had a ew choice remarks on this subject re-cently. o which Emily invariably re-sponds, “Darling, this is not Sabrina.One doesn’t marry the help.”) Yes, it’s true that Emily is more aptto murmur a rapturous “I love you” toher ull-length mink than to a humanbeing. Who needs the arms o a man when wrapped in the plush embraceo vintage urs? Still, there’s quite a lotabout those three words that can only be taught by experience and acrimo-nious divorces.In romance, as in lawn tennis, lovemeans nothing. Now, now, dearestHASE. Don’t get huy. Your brainis awash with perectly delightulchemicals, and it’s only natural oryou to want to give this high a name. Why not “love”?Emily’s point is this: You do your-sel a disservice when you think o love as a mystical, weighty emotionthat must be contemplated ad nau-seum. Perhaps it’s all just chemicals.Perhaps not. Regardless, it’s certainthat your experience o love is en-tirely unlike that o your best riendor even that o this well-coiedyoung man you’re seeing. Tere’s nouniversal denition or the emotion(though Emily has noticed an irritat-ing tendency to make the attempt atone in the early stages o love aairs),so how much meaning can the word“love” truly have? Stop taking it all sobloody seriously!
EMILY POST-etiquette expert
etiquette advice for the socially awkward and their victims