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The Mistakes Women Make That Cause Men to Leave Them
How many of these mistakes are you making? 
by Bob Grant, L.P.C,
"The Relationship Doctor" 
W
hat causes men to leave women?When it comes to answering this question, 2 kinds of women emerge.[Which kind are you?]
1 -
The kind of woman who
rarely considers herself as the possible cause
of her relationship problems. She generally feels she'sdoing everything right by her man -- and if there's anything wrong inthe relationship, she assumes it's the guy who has a problem.
2 -
The kind of woman who thinks that if her man loses interestin her,
it's somehow her fault.
She thinks she must've doneor said something that turned him off -- and she contemplatesendlessly (sometimes
obsessively 
) about what she did wrong.In my 16 years of relationship counseling, I've discovered that the majority of women fall intothe second category above. They tend to focus on the last week or last month of theirrelationship, often losing sleep trying to figure out exactly
what they had done wrong
thatcaused their man to break up with them.
Here's one thing that comes as a surprise to most women:
The reason a man leaves a relationship
seldom
has to do with a single thing that a woman saidor did. In fact, more often than not,
 
the reason a man leaves has very little to do with thewoman
.More than likely, the man is not necessarily responding to the woman he is leaving, but rather tohis own inner
needs
,
insecurities
,
conflicts
,
fears
and
fantasies
. However, it's also very likely thatthe woman made
mistakes
which contributed to the creation of the
environment 
that causeda man to flee.This is a very fine
distinction
that you must fully understand in order to have successful andenduring relationships with men. There are many possible mistakes women make thatcontribute to a man's decision to leave a relationship. Here are the top 3:
 
Mistake No. 1
: A common mistake that women make is that they
ignore (or don't fullyunderstand) the emotional needs of a man
. A woman often gets the notion that she isfulfilling a man's emotional needs because she mistakenly believes that a man
thinks
and
feels
the way she does. Therefore, she insists on giving a man what she thinks he needs emotionally-- and in doing so, she runs the risk of eventually driving him away.You cannot flood a man's heart with emotions to fulfill his emotional needs the way you can awoman's. Men don't flow as well in the emotional realm as women do.There's a myth propagated by untrained so-called "relationship experts" that states: "When aman fulfills a woman's need for love, she'll give him all the sex he needs -- and when a womanfulfills a man's need for sex, he'll give her all the love she needs." That's an over-simplistic anderroneous generalization.While it's true that sex is important to men, it's not what's going to keep him
devoted
to you.Don't you wish it were that simple?The fact is, I've seen more women lose their men by giving sex
too freely 
and
too soon
thanwomen losing their men by withholding sex!Going back to the emotional needs of a man, it all boils down to how they feel when they're withyou. You, as the woman,
knowingly or unknowingly
, create an environment in yourrelationship that makes a man want to stay or go.One way that women ignore the emotional needs of a man is by unknowingly behaving in a waythat threatens the man's ego, triggers a hidden insecurity or low self-esteem, makes the manthink you're controlling him, or resurrects past pain or conflict. Oftentimes, even when womenthink they're doing something good for the man -- maybe something even
noble
and
selfless
--that could be the thing that
suffocates a man emotionally
.A woman's
nurturing
and
giving
nature is usually alluring to a man. But there comes a pointwhen
giving too much
(or
doing too much
for a man) actually
backfires
. It tends to make aman feel that
you are trying to control him
, and therefore, you've
unwittingly 
created anenvironment that he doesn't want to be in -- and that's when he'll begin to pull away from you.You might protest and say, "I'm not trying to control him at all. If anything, I'm just giving himas much as I can give!" But unbeknownst to you, that excessive giving could come across in aman's
subconscious perception
as a controlling mechanism -- a way to call the shots in the
 
relationship.And there are also times when the more you give, and the more wonderful you appear to him,the more you
risk 
stirring those feelings inherent in a man that
he cannot measure up to you
.This is basic to
most 
men -- they need to know they can provide for a woman, protect her,satisfy her, make her happy, and be her
hero
-- not the other way around.Most relationships that seem to be going well often end abruptly because the woman appears"too good" in the eyes of the man. He begins to think her expectations appear too great for himto bear, and whatever he does will not satisfy her for long. The rewards of being with her beginto be outweighed by the fear that he's too inadequate to be her hero.The solution for you, the woman, is not to make yourself appear
less of who you are
just so hewon't feel you're too good for him -- but rather, to use your feminine attributes to make yourself a "safe" person in whom he can confide his
fears
and
inner pain
so that you can finally discoverthe real reason he might want to escape from your relationship.
Mistake No. 2
: Another common mistake women make is that they try to
fix
men. They focusmore on the man's
potential
rather than the reality. While there's nothing intrinsically wrongwith wanting your man to be the best he can be, men generally do not want to be treated likefixer-uppers.When you claim you love a man, but you're constantly trying to change him, it's very perplexingto a man. He may wonder if you love him at all -- or do you love the version of him that youenvision in your mind's eye? If a man tried to change you, you wouldn't appreciate it either,would you?Now, don't get me wrong. I'm fully aware that all men have areas that need improvement (justlike all women do) -- and men are not against the concept of changing themselves. You justhave to
make him think it was his idea
(because a man doesn't like to feel that the woman'sin charge). And you can do this by
identifying his own reasons
for wanting to change.Remember: If you manage to make him change in order to please you -- or "for the sake of therelationship" -- the change is not likely to last.The trick is to
be the woman that makes him want to be a better man
. That way, you
inspire
him to change for his own reasons. I've watched with fascination how womensuccessfully cause their men to change -- and have studied their techniques (which I reveal inmy books. I've seen many a man abandon his "bachelor life" for that one special woman, and
of 00

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reply12 / 10 / 2009
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