frightful chasm lies between others and me. I also haverealized that I should keep silent as much as possibleand that I should keep my thoughts to myself. If I havedecided that I should write, It is only because I shouldintroduce myself to my shadow--a shadow which rests in astooped position on the wall, and which appears to bevoraciously swallowing all that I write down. It is forhim that I want to do an experiment to see if we can knoweach other better, because since the time I severed myrelations with the others, I have wanted to know myselfbetter.Absurd thoughts! It may be so, but they torture me morethan any reality. Are not these people who resemble me,and who seemingly have the same needs, whims and desiresas I do--are they not here to deceive me? Are they notshadows brought into existence merely to mock and beguileme? Isn't that which I feel, see and measure imaginarythroughout and quite different from reality?I write only for my shadow which is cast on the wall infront of the light. I must introduce myself to it.
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In this base world, full of poverty and misery, for thefirst time I thought a ray of sunshine had shone on mylife. But alas, it was not a sunbeam, rather it was onlya transient beam, a shooting star, which appeared to mein the likeness of a woman or an angel. And in the lightof that moment, lasting only about a second, I witnessedall my life's misfortunes, and I discovered theirmagnitude and grandeur. Then this beam of lightdisappeared again into the dark abyss into which it wasdestined to disappear. No. I could not keep thistransient beam for myself.It was three months, no, it was two months and four dayssince I had lost her, but the memory of her enchantingeyes, no, the attractive malice of her eyes, remained inmy life forever. How can I forget one who is so pertinentto my life?No, I will not call her by name, because she, with thatethereal body, slim and misty, with those two large,wonder stricken, sparkling eyes behind which my life wasgradually and painfully burning and melting away, she nolonger belongs to this base, fierce world. No, I shouldnot disgrace her name with earthly things.After seeing her I withdrew from the circle of people. I