undisciplined. I hereby resolve that with God's help I will be more reasonable. To-day the day is nearly over and it isn't much, but for the rest of the day I will ob-serve silence. Not talk, but answer politely. Not seek out conversation, but workon my shawl, which must be finished at least by day after tomorrow.
August 2 1914
It is evening, I have been lost in contemplation and here is all my achievement:
The moon, my visions
The moon shines, the stars come out, a soft breeze caresses my meditation. Onthe right, one still sees the setting sun showing itself humbly behind the moon,which now rules the heavens. Finally the sun disappears altogether and then themoon, shining still more brightly, proudly ascends the throne of the sun. I greetyou, Madam, the stars seem to say.
October 16 1914
ADream by AnaisOne day at my window, where I had so often wept and where so many bittertears had fallen, I saw the one I love, the one I adore, suddenly appear. Full of love, I rushed into the arms that were stretched out toward me. Oh, what joy!Oh, happiness! I can't believe it! That day I knew the happiness of my father'skiss.
October 18 1914
How happy I am! I took Communion this morning and I have Jesus in my heart,so I feel very calm. I had lunch, prayed again, and here I am. I shall stop fornow...It is late, everything is quiet, and in this silence I come to entrust mythoughts to my faithful confidant. I have thought deeply about the happinessthat some children must feel having their father and mother near them. Thismorning at Communion I saw a father and a mother with a little girl of about six,all three taking Communion. Why can I not have my father with me as well? Whycan I not have the joy of Communion together with Papa and Maman?Alas, how long it has been makes me weep many times. Today I thought about iteven more deeply and my Communion was just for Papa. For a long time I re-peated Papa, Maman. What sweet words! But afterward the truth came to meand my heart wept, wept. No one but God knows my bitter sorrow. My dreamsare always about Papa. He comes back, I kiss him, he presses me to his heart. That moment is sweet, but afterward sadness comes again with the truth and myheart weeps and weeps again. Tonight I am sadder than ever and my sorrow isgreater still. I am too sad to continue.
November 15 1914
Each time I take Communion the thought of Papa becomes sadder and I don'tknow why. Last night I dreamed that I recieved a letter from Papa in which hesaid: I am coming. Oh, if it were true! What happiness, I would be the happiestgirl in the world. I write to Papa and always ask him to come. I keep hoping andperhaps he will come. At the moment of Communion, it seems more as though Iam kissing and hugging Papa, rather than recieving the body of Christ. That mo-ment is sweet. I am tired of saying to Papa, I send you a big hug. I would like to