03.09.12 The Guardian
Greasy. Hirsute. Pretentious.Periodically naked.
And as a result of which of those intriguingqualities is he in the news at the moment?
The naked aspect, in a roundabout way.
He’s signed up to play oppositeCharlotte Gainsbourg in Lars von Trier’s nextﬁlm Nymphomaniac.
Ooh, is she any relation to Serge?
It’s a ﬁlmabout the sexual development of a woman from birth to adulthood that it is believed will containunsimulated sex scenes, so what do you think?
I think she probably is.
You’d be correct.
And I see where the naked bit is coming in.
Notyet, you don’t. LaBeouf has hit the headlines forclaiming he got the part by sending Lars von DirtyDog sex tapes of Shia and his girlfriend.
Wow. That’s very method. I bet Brando’s guttedhe never thought of that. You know, if he wasn’tdead.
Stanislavski would indeed be proud. If,of course, it’s true.
Whaddya mean? An actor wouldn’t saysomething like that if it wasn’t true. Would he?
No. Not unless it was to court media attention orcontinue his repositioning as an edgy, indie actorafter, say, an early career as a clean-cut star insomething like Disney’s Even Stevens …
Which he …?
Or unless it was a joke during a conversationwith bawdy talkshow host Chelsea Handler thatthe media has seized upon and made factoid.
Isn’t the world COMPLICATED these days?
It is.We don’t even know if his other tales – such as theone about ﬁlming his latest movie Lawless whiledrunk as a skunk, or dropping acid on the set of a ﬁlm in which his character drops acid – are trueeither. Although it is a fact that he appeared fully,frontally nude in the latest Sigur Rós video.
At 42 and 48 seconds in.
Thanks. Hey, what does his girlfriend thinkabout him sending their sex tapes to LVT?
Rumour has it she is not impressed.
Tsk … women. They’re never prepared to sacriﬁceanything for art, are they?
Especially not if it’s been sacriﬁced without their knowledge, no.
“Shia LaBeouf – coming soon to a cinemascreen near you!”
“Shia LaBeouf – coming soon on acinema screen near you!”
The BBC Sport website hassigned up Paolo Di Canio as acolumnist. Let’s hope the self-proclaimed fascist, who hassaid that Mussolini was “deeplymisunderstood”, will restricthis comments to football.
fter losing four housesto four hurricanesMelanie Martinez wasarguably America’s unluckiestwoman. There was Betsy in 1965,Juan in 1985, George in 1998and Katrina in 2005, ferociousstorms that swept in from theGulf of Mexico and wrecked eachof Martinez’s homes. Such wasthe peril of living on a ﬂood plainin Louisiana.A few months ago theschoolbus driver’s luck changed.Hideous Houses, a reality TV showon the A&E channel, selected hernot quite hideous but admittedlyramshackle house in Braithwaite,a rural town just south of NewOrleans, for a makeover. The host,Eric Stromer (one of the sexiestpeople alive, according to Peoplemagazine), and his team spent aweek and $20,000 transformingthe Martinez home with a newkitchen, new cupboards, newappliances (including a 50insmart TV), even creating a newroom for Melanie’s passion,sewing. It aired a few weeks ago.“They did a real good job. I lovedit,” says Martinez.If you were paying attentionto the news last week you knowwhere this story is going. OnWednesday 29 August – the
The unluckiestwoman inAmerica
seventh anniversary of Katrina– a category 1 hurricane namedIsaac howled in from the Gulf and hit Mississippi and Louisi-ana. A $14.5bn federally funded bolstering of ﬂood-controlsystems around New Orleansspared the city. However,Braithwaite was sheltered only byan 8ft levee built by Louisiana’sstate government. Thus Martinez became – who could now argue? –America’s unluckiest woman.“There was a mandatory evac-uation order and we were leaving, just like our neighbours,” shesays. “We never stay for storms.I would never jeopardise my mom– she’s 74 and needs dialysis. Butmy truck broke down.” Around2am ﬂoodwaters “overtopped”the levee, sending a 12ft surgethrough Braithwaite. The familysought refuge in the attic. “Wethought we were going to die inthat house; the water was comingup so fast. My husband used ahammer to put a hole in the roof but it broke. We used our handsand feet to punch the hole.”A boat rescued them along withtheir ﬁve kittens and three dogs.Everything else was lost. “NowI’ve lost ﬁve houses to ﬁve storms.Every time a wipe-out.” Martinezseems grateful to be alive, evenperky, but knows tears will comeonce waters subside and shereturns to a sodden wreck. “Whylive in Louisiana?” She pondersthe question. “I was born here. It’shome, home, home. But we wantto move somewhere that’s hilly,you know? To a house on a hill.”
A new survey ofindependent tradersshows how thenumber of shops onthe UK’s high streetshas changed in thepast year.
Fish and chipshops
Art and craftshops
Source: Simply Business
Right wingerPet sounds
Drones+ is an iPhone app thattracks US drone strikes on targetsin Pakistan, Yemen and Somalia.It’s one way of keeping tabs onAmerica’s undeclared wars –or it would have been, if Applehadn’t rejected it.
C O V E R
T O M P I E T R A S I K F O R T H E G U A R D I A N
P H O T O G R A P H S
D E S W I L L I E , G E T T Y I M A G E S
Melanie Mar tinez , w ith her son-in-law , has lost ﬁv e houses to hur r icanes and ﬂoods