Test Prep Sanity

How to help your child excel on standardized tests without driving each other crazy

Test Prep Sanity

Test Prep Sanity: How to help your child excel on standardized tests without driving each other crazy. Elie Venezky Copyright 2012 Copyright Holder ISBN: 978-1-937445-38-6 ISBN DIGITAL: 978-1-937445-39-3 Library of Congress Control Number: 2012949643 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. The information in this book is provided for informational purposes. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential or other damages caused or allegedly caused, directly or indirectly, by the use of the information in this book. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any liability incurred from the use or application of the contents of this book. Published by Bush Street Press 237 Kearny Street, #174 San Francisco, CA 94108 www.BushStreetPress.com Cover by Zoe Lonergan Printed in the United States of America

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Test Prep Sanity

I would like to thank a number of people for helping me with this work: my mother, for her unwavering support and constructive honesty; Phil Cohen, for his additions and wisdom; Michael Yacavone, for his feedback and support; Caroline Brokaw Tucker, Micah Kelber, Amy Klein, Alex Wenger and Leslie Schnur, for their edits; and Nathan Otto, for the idea of turning my blog into a book.

This book is dedicated to the memory of my father, who knew all this stuff and more.

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Table of Contents
Foreword Anxiety My Philosophy You, the Parent 7 8 8 9

Your Child

Your Attitude 10 Why does my attitude matter? ......................................................................................10 How do I change my attitude? ......................................................................................11 How should I view the test? ...........................................................................................12 Why are test scores important? .....................................................................................13 How important are test scores? .....................................................................................13 Why should I ignore other parents? ..............................................................................13 When should I disagree with my childs guidance counselor?......................................14 Your Emotions 16 How can I avoid stress? .................................................................................................16 What can I do if Im already stressed or angry? ..........................................................16 How can I control my emotions?...................................................................................17 Your Interactions with Your Child 18 Why wont my child listen to me about the test? .........................................................18 How should I talk about the test with my child? ..........................................................18 Am I accidentally discouraging my child from studying? ............................................18 Why should I make a schedule? ....................................................................................19 How should I deal with complaining?...........................................................................19 Why must I occasionally compromise? .........................................................................20 What if my child just wont do his work? .....................................................................21 Summary 23 Framing the Test 25 General rules ..................................................................................................................25 How to frame mistakes ..................................................................................................27 How to frame poor early results ....................................................................................28 How to frame studying ..................................................................................................28 The myth of multi-tasking .............................................................................................29 A final note on framing the test ....................................................................................29 Your Childs Attitude 30 Why is attitude important? ...........................................................................................30 What should I do if my child has a poor attitude about the test? ...............................30 Why should my child ignore her friends? .....................................................................31 Why doesnt my child care about the test? ....................................................................31

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The Tests

How to Help 32 How can I help my child succeed on his test? ...............................................................32 What are some online resources? ..................................................................................33 How does food affect preparation? ................................................................................34 How does sleep affect preparation? ...............................................................................34 What can I do if my child wont study? .......................................................................35 Should I reward my child for studying? ........................................................................35 If my child is struggling, why cant I tell him hes just not a good test-taker? ..............36 Summary 37 Methodology 39 How do standardized tests differ from school exams?..................................................40 Why dont study and practice help as much as they should? .......................................46 Registration 47 The SAT 48 The ACT 51 Should My Child Take the SAT or the ACT? 53 The PSAT 54 SAT Subject Tests 55 The ISEE 56 The SSAT 58 The SHSAT 60 Summary 62

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Test Prep

An Overview 64 Whats the best way to prepare? ...................................................................................64 How should I structure tutoring? ..................................................................................64 Why are mock exams important? ................................................................................65 When should we start tutoring? ....................................................................................66 What should my child study? ........................................................................................66 How should my child study?..........................................................................................66 Dealing with Test Anxiety 69 How does test anxiety affect my child? .........................................................................69 How do I deal with test anxiety? ...................................................................................69 Thats great . . . but how do I do that? ..........................................................................70 Hypnosis?! Wont I end up clucking like a chicken? .....................................................70 Whats NLP? .................................................................................................................71 What? .............................................................................................................................72 Ive heard NLP is pseudoscience and has been disproved by therapists. .....................72 What else can help with test anxiety? ...........................................................................72

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Test Day

Hire a Tutor 74 What does a great tutor offer? .......................................................................................74 Finding the Right Tutor 75 Three costly misconceptions about tutoring .......................................................75 Five mistakes to avoid when hiring a tutor ..................................................................75 Three rip-offs to avoid ...................................................................................................76 Five questions to ask before hiring a test prep company ..............................................77 Four steps to choosing the right tutor............................................................................77 Summary 79 The Month Before 81 Two Weeks Before 81 What should my child do? .............................................................................................81 What should I do? .........................................................................................................81 Should I tell her shes going to do well? .........................................................................81 What if my child explodes or says she doesnt want to take the test? ...........................82 A Week Before 82 The Night Before 82 What do I do? ................................................................................................................82 Should my child study? ..................................................................................................82 Should she go to bed early?............................................................................................83 The Morning Of 83 What should she eat for breakfast? ...............................................................................83 What should she wear?..................................................................................................83 Why should she exercise? ..............................................................................................83 Should she bring a lucky charm?...................................................................................83 Do NOT let your child see this page. 84 Test Warm Up 85 During the Test 86 Speak up. ........................................................................................................................86 Dont talk about the test during your breaks. ...............................................................86 Dont worry if you miss a string of questions. ..............................................................86 Push through tiredness. .................................................................................................86 After the Test 87 What should we do? .....................................................................................................87 My child thinks he bombed the test. Should he cancel his score? ................................87 How do I cancel an SAT score? ....................................................................................87 Can we cancel Subject Test scores? ................................................................................88 How do I cancel an ACT score? ....................................................................................88 Summary 89

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The Results

Resources

Basic Facts 91 How long until scores come out? ...................................................................................91 Whats a good score? ......................................................................................................91 What if I think a mistake has been made in scoring? ..................................................91 How do I handle a bad score? .......................................................................................91 Do schools see all of my childs scores? .........................................................................92 If my child bombs his first attempt but does well on his second, will his bad score hurt his chances of getting into school? .......................................................93 What do you mean, look into it?...................................................................................93 If my child does worse the second time, which score will schools count?.....................93 If my child didnt do well, and hes taking the test again, what should he do? ............93 A Final Note about College 95 Summary 96 Test Registration Where to Find the Actual Tests Reading and Viewing Recommendations Exercises to Shift Your Focus Breathing Exercises 97 98 100 101 101

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About the Author

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Foreword
As parents, we all wish only the best for our children and will provide them with unconditional love. At times, unfortunately, this unconditional love puts unnecessary anxiety on them. This occurs quite often when we ourselves are in the dark about what is being asked of our children. This especially occurs when it comes to their social and academic lives. Being a parent myself, I feel this anxiety, too. Each day we send our children off to school to learn, interact and find themselves; it is during these hours of the day that they are no longer under our guidance and supervision, and we cannot protect or enlighten them. As parents we understand that this is a natural part of our children growing up, but its still difficult. Our anxiety heightens even more when it comes to our childrens academic futures. We want to give them all the best opportunities to attend the best schools/colleges and have successful and meaningful careers. We know, as we have all been through it one way or another, that standardized tests are an integral piece of their academic careers: it is how they will be evaluated for admission to schools. With that said, we unfortunately do not always understand standardized tests, especially how we can assist our children and what are the dos and donts. Often, we unknowingly get in the way of our childs progress on these exams, not because we dont care, but because we love our children and want them to succeed. Too often, we are unsure how we can best provide for our children when it comes to their schooling and specifically standardized tests. I believe this book will provide you with a clear road map on how you can best serve your children for their exams, and many of these ideas can cross over to other aspects of their lives, as well. I commend my business partner, Elie, for the many hours he has dedicated to putting together this comprehensive road map that we as parents can follow during this journey. Phil Cohen Director/Co-Owner Prestige Prep

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Anxiety
Im just so worried. All I can think about is that test and M. crashing. I mean, if he doesnt do well, wheres he going to go?! His grades are OK, but theyre not good enough. He doesnt even take this seriously. He says hell do the work, but he doesnt. He doesnt care, and its killing me! L. sat at the table, shoulders slumped. It hurt to hear, because I knew that she loved her son and only wanted the best for him. But she was driving him crazy with her constant lectures. She was driving herself crazy, as well.

My Philosophy
Most parents have a sound philosophy about their childrens learning: it should be geared toward overall improvement, it should increase self-esteem, and it should be individual in regards to a childs abilities. Then standardized tests come along and all these beliefs go out the window. It doesnt have to be this way. I believe test prep doesnt have to make everyone crazy. I believe it can improve a sense of self and a love of learning. And I believe it can impart knowledge and a set of strategies that kids will use for the rest of their lives. These beliefs dont mean there wont be hard work. All the positive intentions in the world wont save you on test day if you havent studied. But theres a way to teach students everything they need for an exam while keeping everyone sane, relaxed and happy. This philosophy is what this book is all about.

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You, the Parent

The more relaxed, consistent and positive you are, the better your child will do on his exam. Believe it or not, the more uptight, negative and inconsistent you become, the more your child will withdraw and the worse hell do.

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Your Attitude
Why does my attitude matter? You might think your child ignores you, and honestly, she might. But, I assure you, she picks up on your belief in her, and it affects her greatly. She wont admit it for a number of reasons: She doesnt realize it affects her. She realizes it affects her but doesnt want to admit it. Shes hates talking about the test and doesnt want to talk about it, especially with her parents. Again, just because your child doesnt say your attitude is affecting her doesnt mean your attitude isnt affecting her. The power of belief and expectations used to be hippie talk. But recent scientific experiments have shown the power of expectation, and its, well, powerful. One theory that particularly applies is Dr. Robert Rosenthals principle of the Pygmalion Effect. The power of expectation In 1964, students at the elementary Oak School were given an IQ test. Teachers at the school were told that the test was the Harvard Test of Inflected Acquisition, which measured whether students were going to bloom academically in the upcoming year. The teachers were then given a list of the students who scored in the top 20% of the class and who should therefore improve the most in the upcoming year. The catch was that the Harvard Test of Inflected Acquisition didnt exist. The students were just given a standard IQ test called the Test of General Ability, which makes no claims about academic potential. Also, the list of top 20% kids was chosen randomly. The kids randomly chosen as having the most potential showed much higher gains in IQ over the course of the year - even higher than students who had scored better on the initial IQ test. Similar tests have confirmed Rosenthals results. Your expectations of your childs performance matter. So set them high.

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How do I change my attitude? If you believe your child is going to do poorly, you need to change your attitude. Its not easy, but it can be done. The best steps to change your attitude about your child and the exam are: Learn about the test. Learn about college admissions. Set up a schedule for your childs studying. Hire a tutor you trust. Be honest.

Shift your focus to the positive. Practice. The first five bullet points are covered in depth later in this book. The last two points are covered below. Shift your focus to the positive. Stop focusing on what your child is doing wrong and start focusing on what hes doing right. This step may take practice, but it can greatly improve your feelings about your childs preparation. You may think the belief in the importance of positive thinking is weird and ridiculous. I understand that view. Until my thirties, I suffered from Last Honest Man Complex, where I felt everyone else on earth was full of crap. Positive people were kidding themselves and other negative people were whiners. I sought out proof to justify my worldview: people who littered, people who didnt walk fast enough, people who talked too loudly about stupid things. I was always looking for people to prove the negative, and I found a lot of them. Now, Im much more positive. I seek out proof to justify this new worldview: people who hold open doors, people who smile, people who give up their seats on the subway for pregnant women. I find a lot of these people, too. Are there still morons in the world? Of course. But I dont go out of my way looking for them. The world hasnt changed, but my experience in it is much better because Im looking for whats right instead of whats wrong. Have the same approach toward your childs study habits. Look for the positive. Theres a time for yelling and pushing (I get to when that is appropriate at the end of the chapter). Until then, be positive.

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Practice The most potent thing in life is habit. -Ovid Habit is ten times nature. -Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington I didnt lose my Last Honest Man Complex overnight. I had years of practice being sour and pessimistic. It took some time to shift my habits. But I eventually succeeded. And if I can become more positive, you definitely can do it, because I was a world-champion grouch. Practice exercises similar to, but slightly better than, the ones that helped me shift my focus are included in the Resources section at the end of this book. How should I view the test? People tend to talk about standardized tests in one of two ways: Theyre stupid and dont measure intelligence. Or Theyre super important and must be taken seriously. Both sides are right. The case for stupid These tests measure how you do on timed, multiple-choice sections of math, reading, vocabulary and grammar questions. They dont predict success in life, which, after college, is pretty much free of timed math, reading, vocabulary and grammar tests. Success in business, Ive found, has much more to do with working intelligently, being personable and marketing well, none of which are measured by any standardized test. Therefore, these tests are stupid.

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The case for important Standardized tests are very important and must be taken seriously, because they play a major role in whether your child gets accepted into high schools and colleges. Since schools find these tests important, theyre important. You may think that they shouldnt be as important as they are, and that its unfair. If today is the first time you learn that the world is unfair, congratulations! The entire educational system is unfair, so why should high school and college admissions be any different? Dont live in the world of what should be true. Live in the world of what is true. And one thing that is definitely true is that your child needs good test scores. Why are test scores important? There are too many students applying for too few open spots in most schools, and there arent enough people to read their applications. Scores help narrow down the field. These scores also let school admissions counselors compare students from schools on different levels How important are test scores? For colleges, its important that students score above a certain range. Whether you get a 2120 or a 2160 on the SAT wont make a difference, but a 2120 versus a 1900 will. In my conversations with college admissions counselors, theyve all downplayed the importance of the SAT in their selection processes. But my experience with students has shown something different. I dont think schools like to admit how big a role test scores play in admissions, but they play a very big role. High school entrance exams range from extremely important to all-powerful. For private high schools and boarding schools, other factors come into play, such as a students character, personal life, athleticism and the parents connections. That said, administrators still have too many students applying for limited spots. Test scores represent a way to pare down the field and to explain to an irate parent why his son was rejected. For test-in public high schools such as Stuyvesant and Bronx Science, your admission is solely based on your SHSAT score.

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Why should I ignore other parents? I get a lot of frantic emails and phone calls from parents about some rumor they heard from another parent. The rumors always fit the following mold: I heard that [colleges or high schools] will turn you down if you [insert some harmless act]. Another parent was telling me that [some imaginary person] did it and didnt get in anywhere! Most parents know little about standardized tests and the college application process, but that doesnt stop most parents from spreading rumors. Its understandable in some ways: Parents are stressed, and that stress makes them more likely to believe misinformation, especially when its bad. Like vampires need blood, stressed-out people need to stress their friends out as well. Dont believe me? Tell four people the following rumor: Did you hear that colleges now look at the Facebook profiles of applicants parents!?! A kid last year got turned down because of his fathers profile picture!!!!! I guarantee it will come back to you within a month, like a bird returning to its nest. Want to be miserable and on edge throughout the testing process? Believe everything other parents tell you. Want to be calm and relaxed? Ask your tutor if what you heard is true. When should I disagree with my childs guidance counselor? Im pro-guidance counselors, just like Im pro-teachers. But guidance counselors dont have time to follow each students test preparation. As a result, they often make statements about students in general, and while these statements are right for most students, they may not be right for your child. The following is an actual conversation I had with a student Id been tutoring for six months. She was a junior who had signed up to take the November SAT. On her last mock exam, she had scored almost 2300. It was October. Her: My guidance counselor told me not to take the test in November. Me: Why? Her: She said I wouldnt be ready.

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Me: Do you feel ready? Her: Yes. Me: Me, too. You scored a 2280 on your last mock exam. Her: She said that no junior whos ever taken the exam in November has ever done well. Thank you, guidance counselor, whoever you are, for putting such a negative thought into my students head right before her test. In his defense, the guidance counselor was looking out for my students best interests. But he hadnt seen the mock exams and practice sets, the improvement in focus and attitude. If your tutor says your child is ready, but her guidance counselor says shes not - especially if his reasoning is based on students in general and not your child specifically - listen to the tutor. That said, be careful of alienating your childs guidance counselor! He will write a letter of recommendation for your childs college application, so you need him in your corner. If your childs tutor and guidance counselor disagree, have the tutor provide you with a written assessment your child can share with her guidance counselor to keep everyone on the same page. For the record, my student who supposedly wasnt ready for the November SAT scored a 2340. Your SAT score ranges from 800 to 2400, and 2340 put her in the top .001% nationwide: she scored better than 99.99% of the other test takers that day.

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Your Emotions
I was a wreck. I was so nervous I couldnt even think straight. I knew I was driving my son crazy, but I didnt know what to do about it. The parent above is correct: she was driving her son crazy. Your emotions matter, and like your attitude, they can greatly affect your child and his performance. How can I avoid stress? First off, your goal shouldnt be no stress. Thats too much pressure on you. Its a stressful time; youre not wrong to feel anxious. The key is to manage your stress so it doesnt overwhelm you. The best way to manage stress is to be aware of your emotions and stress levels. Notice when youre feeling anxious, before youre so stressed you need to explode. If you feel yourself getting stressed, take care of it right away. Dont try to ignore or deny it. Deal with it by doing something you enjoy: go to the gym, talk to a friend, journal, read a book, eat a lot of dark chocolate - whatever makes you happy and calms you down, do it as soon as possible. If youre the type of person who doesnt realize youre stressed until you explode, then plan a weekly relaxation event as a preemptive strike. Its not selfish. A more relaxed parent results in a more relaxed student, which results in a higher test score. If that last result is important to you, then take care of yourself. What can I do if Im already stressed or angry? The most important step in dealing with an intense emotion is to admit it. Trying to ignore it or to pretend its not happening will only make it stronger. Strong emotions are like toddlers pulling at your sleeve. They want attention, and if you ignore them, theyre only going to pull harder. Admit how youre feeling, and youre already on the path to getting over it. Why explaining helps The next step is to explain how its affecting you physically. An example is: Im feeling angry with my kid. I feel it in my chest, and it feels kind of like a burning sensation. I can also feel it in my legs, on the outsides of my calves. There its more like energy shooting down to my feet.

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The amygdala is the part of your brain responsible for many negative and base human emotions such as fear and anger. When youre triggered, you send activity to the amygdala, which makes you angry or scared or whatever the supposedly appropriate response is. Your pre-frontal cortex is responsible for higher functions, such as the ability to describe feelings. When youre describing something, you send activity to your pre-frontal cortex. Therefore, when you start describing your negative state and how it feels, youre taking activity away from your amygdala and moving it toward your pre-frontal cortex. Removing activity from your amygdala lessens the severity of your negative state. How can I control my emotions? People think that emotions just happen to them, but youre actually creating your emotions. Dr. Wyatt Woodsmall, a leading expert on retraining thinking patterns, talks about three key methods we use to create our emotions: The images you play in your head. The words you say to yourself. The tonality of your inner voice. What Ive found with most students, and a large number of adults, is that were not very nice to ourselves. We imagine disaster scenarios constantly. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to anyone else or allow ourselves to be talked to. We berate ourselves; we call ourselves stupid; we are sarcastic and mocking of our efforts. And then we wonder why were upset. If you want to better control your emotions, pay careful attention to the three methods listed above and treat yourself as you would treat someone you love and support.

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Your Interactions with Your Child

Why wont my child listen to me about the test? I sat her down, and I showed her how to do the problem. But she wouldnt listen! Why!? I was showing her how to get this question right! Your child wont listen to you because youre her parent. Its that simple. Youre the one who tells her what to eat and to clean her room. She doesnt want more of you telling her what to do. Most likely, shes a teenager, which is not a great time for listening to begin with. Now throw in the anxiety of your expectations (which she can feel), and youre the last person she wants to talk to about her exam. Youve got more important things to teach her. Dont waste your energy and the small amount of patience she has for you on test prep. Hire a tutor and make life easier on everyone. How should I talk about the test with my child? The best way to talk about the test is honestly and rarely. As I said earlier, standardized tests are both important and stupid. Let your child know exactly that. If you admit this fact to your child, you take away one of his main complaints, which is that the test is stupid. Now if he says it, you can reply, Youre right. And dont talk about the test much. It leads to less studying, not more. In fact: Am I accidentally discouraging my child from studying? Sally is concerned that her son John isnt studying enough for his exam, so she casually mentions to him on Monday night that he might do his ISEE homework, since he has free time. When he doesnt, Sally mentions it again on Wednesday. On Thursday, she gives John another hint, and another on Friday, a little sharper this time. Finally, on Saturday, Sally sets the rules: no going out until hes done his ISEE work. In the above scenario, John has not studied one minute or done one piece of homework. However, in his mind, hes worked almost every single day. Neurological studies have shown that our brains react the same to the thought of doing an action as they do to actually performing that action. So a student who is constantly

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thinking about the exam will feel as if hes constantly working on the exam. From my experience, most kids think about their standardized tests a lot. They think about how they probably should study but dont want to. They think about how much they hate the test. They think about how unfair it is. Thats a lot of time and mental energy spent on the test. None of it is useful, but that doesnt matter to their perceptions; they still feel like theyve worked. I understand the frustration when someone we love wont do what he needs to do. But continually mentioning the test works against your goals. Why should I make a schedule? You need to ensure your child is studying, but constantly monitoring him will have a negative effect. Plus, its a pain. The solution is to make a schedule. With a schedule, you wont have to ask your child if hes studying; you can check on him at the agreed times and know. Sit down with your child at the beginning of his prep and find times for him to study. Let him have some say in the schedule. Hell be more invested in a schedule he helped create than in one given to him. And if he doesnt follow it, your repercussions will seem fairer. Schedule = less work and fewer arguments for you No schedule = uncertainty and irritation How should I deal with complaining? I dont care if a student complains about tutoring. I dont care if a student stares at me like I just stole his birthday. And I dont care if a student likes me or not. I do care if a student does his work, has confidence in his ability and aces his test. Anything else is a bonus. My goal is that they do well on their standardized tests, not that they like them. Students have a lot of homework and not much free time. Test prep means even more of the former and less of the latter. Sometimes students complain. I would. Complaining is a method teenagers use to blow off steam and exert some control of their lives. Its irritating, but there are worse crimes. The best way to deal with complaining is to validate the feelings behind the complaint. Be aware that theres a difference between validating feelings and validating the actual complaints. For instance, if your child says: I hate this test! Its so stupid! This work isnt helping at all!

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Respond by focusing on his frustration: Youre right, its stupid. Youve got a lot of work this year, so I imagine its really frustrating to have this on top of it. Thats it. You dont need to tell him how important the test is. Now is not the time for being instructive. Now is the time to show you hear his complaints and give his feelings merit. Think about the last time you were really upset. Did you want a reason why your thoughts werent 100% accurate, or did you just want to be heard? The statement, This work isnt helping at all, bears looking into. It could be that he actually believes it, in which case you should talk with his tutor and then LATER talk to him. He could just be blowing off steam, or there could be a problem with the tutor. Ask again when hes calmed down. Often, once you validate the complaints, the complaining stops. If the complaining ever becomes truly too much, or is being used as a reason to not do work, then you can address it. But do so when hes calm, not when hes enraged. A little complaining is fair trade for doing the work. Why must I occasionally compromise? I bartended at a number of different places before getting into tutoring. Some bars were highly regimented, and I had no control over what I wore or how I made drinks. Other bars were looser, and I could choose what music to play and how to dress. Guess which bars I worked harder for? When I had some control over my job, it made the parts I had no control over easier to accept. When I had no control, I looked for ways to get around doing work. Teenagers are similar. They want to control their lives. Obviously, theyre not ready to do so, but they dont know that. Give them a little control. When you set the test prep schedule with your kid, let him win some of the arguments. He will feel like the schedule was partially his idea, and that will validate it in his eyes. Look at it like a negotiation: You want both sides to walk away feeling like theyve won. So if you want your child to study twice a week for an hour and a half, start out by requesting he study three times a week for two hours. Then you can compromise and still get what you want. Also, if your kid just hates the whole process, let him get away with something (not doing

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his homework, taking a day off) once in a very long while. But when you do, make him agree that this day off is in exchange for working hard later. If he doesnt work hard later, you can bring up that he didnt honor his part of the deal: You said if I gave you a day off youd work harder! It gives you the upper hand in the argument, and it gives you an excuse not to give him another day off in the future. If you allow your kid some freedom, hell feel that test prep is a process hes a part of, instead of another obligation forced upon him. What if my child just wont do his work? Up until now, Ive put forth the idea that you should back off your kid and not nag about studying. But some kids need to be pushed and some need consequences. My business partner, Phil Cohen, whos a parent of two boys and who has been working with kids for over twenty-five years, is a master motivator of children. So I asked him what he would advise a parent to say, and this was his response: My advice to parents is to be up front with their kids. Be honest and say, If your goal is to get into a good college or be in a great music program, theres this part of life where you just have to play the game. And the game for you right now is this test. You have to do well on it. And not because its fair or its right, but because the people who decide whether you get into their schools judge you by it. Thats the game. We all play it. We all have jobs and responsibilities, and your job right now is school and studying for this test. You perform well at your job; it opens up doors for you to do what you want to do. But if you dont perform well at your job, it creates an issue for us, because I wouldnt be doing my job as a parent if I let you get away with it. Id be failing, and thats something I wont do. And you cant be feeling great about doing poorly, even if you dont care about it. So look at school and test prep as your job and take them seriously. I know you want free time to do what you want, and frankly, Id rather you get your work done so you can have it, so that come seven or eight at night, when you want to go online, or a friend calls up and wants to do something, I can say yes, and I dont have to ask if youve done your work, or worse, tell you that you cant go because your works not done. So Im not saying you have to work all the time, but work smarter. Dont spend half an hour arguing about doing work that would have taken ten min-

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Test Prep Sanity

utes to do. Youve just wasted half an hour and you still have to get work done. And this work has to get done. This is not the battle to choose to get defiant. You dont want to clean your room, fine, we can argue about that later. But accept that this test is important because it doesnt just affect you today; it affects you years down the line. Im trying to relate to your common sense, which I know you have. But if you dont relate to that, we have to get into consequences, and I have to think about what Im taking away from you instead of what Im giving you. So lets get rid of the back and forth. Put this time that we would spend arguing now into doing your work. Youll have more free time. I dont know how else to say it.

23 You, the Parent

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Test Prep Sanity

Summary

If you want your child to have a good attitude about the test, you need to lead with a good attitude of your own. You must stay positive and remain as even-keeled as possible. This doesnt mean accepting everything your child does. There is a time for consequences. However, you can set up a system that makes the need for them much less likely. Your best steps to creating a positive, study-inducing environment are: Set high expectations about your childs chance for success. Stay positive. Notice and control your stress. Take care of the emotions that will undoubtedly occur. Understand that a standardized test is not the final decision-maker of your childs future success. Ignore other parents who try to scare you. Be honest with your child about the exam. Set up a schedule so you and your child always know when its time for studying. Avoid the extremes of constant praise and constant criticism. If hes doing his work, accept a moderate amount of complaining. If hes not doing his work, set consequences and enforce them. Hire a tutor so your child gets a higher score and you and your child can maintain a better relationship.

24 You, the Parent

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