Welcome to Scribd, the world's digital library. Read, publish, and share books and documents. See more
Standard view
Full view
of .
Save to My Library
Look up keyword
Like this
0 of .
Results for:
No results containing your search query
P. 1
My Testimony

My Testimony

Ratings: (0)|Views: 52|Likes:
Published by GinaPrays

More info:

Published by: GinaPrays on Oct 27, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


Read on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.
download as RTF, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
See more
See less





My TestimonyProzac and medication had not stopped the sucidial thoughts. Thefeeling ofuselessness and darkness was overwhelming. I had no hope of everfeeling anybetter and the doctors were of no help. Pain and depression had allbut stolenmy family, and I really did not seem to care.I was enclosed in my own self-pity and had built a solid wall aroundme.....or, so I thought. Morbid thoughts of death and the release itwould giveoccupied my mind. A feeling of total hatred for others would oftenconsume meand I had no compassion for the situtations of those aroundme....they justcould not understand my own misery, why should I try to understandtheirs?
Withdrawn and angry , I spent most of my time trying to drink it all away...ortrying to find a drug that would releive the hurt and painI completely involved myself in my horses and raising them...spending manyhours in the barn, telling them how unfair this life was and setting all nightin the quietness and security of my aloneness with only the animals to complain.My security was in the knowledge that they did not care how I looked or even howI smelled as long as I fed them, and they never tried to "talk some sense" intome. I was content to remain there in the barn alone with only the horses anddogs and felt secure with them and did not want any people around me ifpossible.. This could only fulfill me for so long....people kept crashing intomy world...my daughter became pregrant and my son into drugs. My husband cameinto the barn late one night to tell me he wanted a divorce and I did not care,I expected it. Why not? We had no marriage, no relationship and who caredanyway?? I certainly didn't, and I was sure he didn't ....he only wanted thecheaper way out....the least expensive way, I thought that was all he caredabout anyway , his money...
cont. next page...
During all this time , I had a new acquiance, Kim, that was
insistant that wewere friends, I didn't feel friendly, but she never let up...she gotsaved at asmall county church in my home town....and she would not shutup about it.Shebegged me to attend with her, she would call and come by andnever would get themessage, that I just wanted to be left alone!!I had been through all that , I told her and years ago...Saved in 1964, at the age of 13...I felt as tho I had been much tosinful toever be accepted by the Lord again and the relationship , I hadknown as a childwas betrayed my me....He would never forgive me , for the thingsI haddone....any way she did not really know me at all.....I felt like thechurchwould be struck by lightning if I stepped foot inside...and I toldher so...Itold her I knew hoh the preacher would look at me and make mecry ( I hated that) and how the people would talk....I wanted no part of it...but shenever shutup...she worn me out with her insistance and finally , just to shuther up, Iagreed to go along with her one time. With many conditions, ifthe preacherpreached at me, or if I cried , or if anyone looked at me cross-eyed....I wasoutta there....and don't even look for me..she agreed and I
went....for just theone time, I reasoned. Maybe she would give it up , at last...whenshe saw thatI really did know what I was talking about, besides I knew thesepeople, she wasthe new one in town...she would finally understand what I meantand leave mealone....I thought.Struggling with the knowledge that I was the one who hadbroken the promisemade years ago to God...I was just to sinful to ever be acceptedin His house..Iknew that He did not forgive divorce and I had been divorcedtwice, I also knewHe would not forgive my years of involvement in the occult anddrugs....You see, I thought I knew it all...and she would finally understand thatsome can notbe forgiven.... Boy, was I in for a surprise. God must have heardall myexcuses, because when I got to the church with her , everyoneseemed so full oflove and actually glad to see me....the preacher had the childrenline up andmarch around the room to a cute little song....that I actuallylaughed and feltso light-hearted ,I forgot that I had figured on crying.The preacher actually taugh on the very things I believed andexplained thatGod looks upon the heart of a man and not his outward

You're Reading a Free Preview

/*********** DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! ************/ var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//-->