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Two Conservative Ladies

Two Conservative Ladies

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Published by twhaan
A script of jokes for a two-person comedy play that analyzes conservative culture in the United States of America.
A script of jokes for a two-person comedy play that analyzes conservative culture in the United States of America.

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Published by: twhaan on Oct 29, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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01/25/2013

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Introduction
This book reads like a list of jokes, but these jokes were originally three-panel comics posted onwww.wisesloth.wordpress.com.The purpose of presenting them in written form is so that theycan be used as a script for a two-person play or a taped sketch comedy show. This script iscreative common license. That means you can keep all the money you make from it, but so cananyone else. Attribution is appreciated but not necessary.The jokes contained in this script mock absurdities and hypocrisies in modern Americanconservative culture. Some conservatives would take offence to these jokes and might even labelthem as hate speech, but they would be overreacting if they did. These jokes are satire based onprecedent
, and you can find more vitriolic speech on “Fox and Friends.”
This script also includes an open letter to conservative Americans that was originally posted onThe Wise Sloth website that further elaborates the purpose of these comics. In order to be evenmore even-handed, this script also contains an open letter to liberal Americans and an additional
set of 50 jokes entitled “Two Positive Ladies” that attempts to identify c
ommon ground betweenconservatives and liberals.Some of the jokes in this script deal with older events that might not be relevant anymore, but Ifear that most of them will continue to be relevant decades from now.Below you will find links to all the original comics and essays posted on The Wise Sloth website:Two Conservative Ladies
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
An Open Letter to Conservative Americans(Originally posted on The Wise Sloth website)
I’ve written a collection of comic strips called, “Two Conservative Ladies” that sort of pokes funat conservative beliefs and behaviors. I say, “sort of” because the way I came up with all the
comics was by visiting conservative internet forums and watching Fox News. Then I justtranscribed what I saw there into comics that stripped away any pretense. If those comics come
across as funny then it’s just because the
behavior I witnessed conservatives doing is a joke in-and-of itself. Having said that, a lot
of my “Two Conservative Ladies” comics aren’t funny. One person even told me that, far from being funny, they made him feel “disgusting.” I agree, the
beliefs and behaviors those comics are transcribed from aren't funny. In a lot of ways they'redisgusting, even frightening, but the point of the comics isn't just to be shocking. The point of making the comics is to raise the issue that conservative America is in dire need of anintervention.
It’s impossible to have that intervention without making some gene
ralizations about conservative
culture, but if you’ll allow me to make a few generalizations that are true enough to be worthsaying it’ll help you understand how the rest of the world sees you, and hopefully you can use
that information to take a critical look at yourself and recognize some areas you can improve in.
For what it’s worth, I should start out by saying that I was born and raised in the Bible Belt. I
come from the deep, dirty South. I lived in a trailer. As a child I believed country folk had morehorse-sense than city slickers, and atheists were evil. I was baptized in a Southern Baptist churchwhen I was 17. I'm a veteran. I'm not saying that all conservatives fit that mold or that any of that
makes me cool. The point is I know where you’re co
ming from, because you raised me.
I’ll be fair to you, I know that your actions are motivated by good intentions, the best intentions.
You believe Jesus Christ was born of the virgin Mary, and on the third day after Jesus died herose from the dead; His blood sacrifice atoned from the sins of mankind, and whosoever believesin Him will not perish but have everlasting life. Therefore, as Paul stated in the GreatCommission
,it’s every Christian’s duty to spread the word of the Gospel to redeem as many of God’s children from the broad path of wickedness that leads to the fiery pits of eternal
Hell. Therefore, allowing homosexuality, atheism and every false religion to have an equal,
 protected (much less celebrated) place in society would make you complicit in sin. If that’s the
case, you may as well just roll out the red carpet to Hell, and that would be the greatestdisservice you could do to your fellow man.
I get that. I also get why you’re so patriotic. I proudly stood up every morning in first period at
school, put my hand over my heart and said the pledge of allegiance. My class-mates and I evensaid prayers and thanked God that we lived in the greatest country on earth. I learned in schoolthat the Founding Fathers forged the first nation in history built on the principles of truth, justice,freedom and equality. Sure, America had a few blemishes in its history (like slavery), but we putour primitive way
s behind us and evolved as a culture and a country because that’s what

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