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Nonlinear Stages of HealingHealing is not linear; the cycle is oftenrepeated.
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‘Resolution of the trauma is never final; recovery is never complete. The impact of the traumatic event continues to reverberate throughout the survivor’s lifecycle. Issues that were sufficiently resolved at onestage of recovery may be reawakened as the survivor reaches new milestones in [their] development.
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 As you move through these stages again and again, you will reach a point of integration. Your feelings and  perspectives will stabilize. You will come to terms with your abuser and other family members. While you won’t erase your history, you will make deep and lasting changes in your life. Having gained awareness, compassion, and  power through healing, you will have the opportunity to work toward a better world.
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Personalize the diagram with needs or tools to benefit your own recovery (created by Paula Brave).
S S S a a a f f f e e e t t t y y y  F F F i i i r r r s s s t t t  
 
You are the Center 
Positive Affirmations 
Confidence
Visualization Reaching Out Stress Management Understanding Health Housing Grounding Self-Care Therapy Medication 
Boundaries 
Anger Work Remembering Art Re-parenting Journaling Grief Work 
BREATH 
Movement Meditation Spirituality Prayer Confrontation Supportive Friends/Family Recreation Career Fun Support Groups Money Hotlines Food Learning Identity Feelings 
Believe! 
Positive Coping Productivity Reading Music Volunteer Work Pets 
Breaking Silence 
Self- Respect Forgiveness Life Purpose Intimacy Self-Love Acceptance 
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Do No Harm 
Beauty Balance 
 
Nonlinear Healing
 
B 
 y Paula Brave
 
~
2007 
 
Creation of the images included in this article was sparked through my own reading. I designedthe illustrations to help convey concepts that I am still coming to understand.The “Nonlinear Stages of Healing” diagram was a combination of several different resources thatI have noted in my bibliography
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. I choose a vin diagram because I liked the way the stagescontinuously overlapped. I placed a heart in the center of the diagram so I would never forgetthat I am the most important part of healing … no matter what stage/stages I happen to be in thatday. The tools are just floating freely about the stages that they might be most useful for. Of course, the tools I have listed are not the only ones available so feel free to add on or move themaround as needed.Below are some smaller illustrations on what “
 Healing is NOT”
suppose to be. They are mostlymy sense of humor and were inspired by ‘Common Misconceptions about Healing’
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.About 20 years ago, I had considered the sexual abuse healing stages as a checklist. I proceededthrough them step by step like a recipe for a cake. I thought that if I followed all the stages as acarefully designed procedure, then I would not only have a scrumptious cake but I would also be“COMPLETELY HEALED”.
 A Recipe for Healing
 (CAUTION: sarcasm in use here)
 1 cup of grief 2 cups of depression3 crisis calls½ teaspoons of counseling1 ¼ teaspoons of anger 3 cups of journaling½ teaspoon confrontation1 cup of prayer and meditation1 teaspoon of moving on Bake in denial until that period of crisis is over or you are a flakey golden brown. Apply your favorite icing and/or antidepressants.
Healing isnot alinearprocess…
 
I raced forward to the “last stage” so I could be “done” with this part of my life. I actuallythought that some how my sexual abuse history of would be erased and my family of originwould reconcile and become functional.
 
Healing is not a race to a finish line …
My memories did not go away. My family did not reconcile. My parents and brothers (theabusers) viewed reconciliation as an opportunity for me to apologize for making such a fuss andconceding that my brothers’ raping of me for several years was not such a big deal. My familyhad been dysfunctional for many years so it was not going to suddenly become functional justbecause I was in recovery.Since my goal was to reach the final stage of healing, it then became necessary for me to definewhat this last stage was. At first, I had considered disclosure/confrontation as the “last stage” of healing.My first disclosure was with one of my abusers and was to confirm if this atrocity did happen tome. Surprisingly, my oldest brother was honest with me and admitted to his part in the sexualabuse. I was really hoping that he was going to tell me that I was crazy because this type of truthwas not what I wanted to face at 14 years old.My second disclosure was accidental and came when I was 16 years old. It involved my mothercoming across my journals filled with my anguish over the incest. This accidental disclosureturned into a heart wrenching confrontation between me and my parents that lasted about 15years.The third confrontation came when I was 21 years old and was with my second oldest brother,AKA the main perpetrator of the abuse. This confrontation brought me further humiliation andshame. This brother’s memorable quote of “it’s not like I put a gun to your head” will go downin my personal history as one of the most brainless things anyone has ever said to me.Although many opportunities for disclosure/confrontation made themselves available to me, fewto none of these events brought me the comfort that I was searching for. Most of the time theresponses from others only brought me further harm.Next I considered forgiveness as the “last stage” of healing. But my idea of forgiveness was forme to apologize for upsetting the family and to pretend that I was okay. This did not work. Thepain mounted and finally exploded.
Healing is not just for times of crisis…
 
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Julie Brodie

I want to download this but it wont let me, why is that, Julie ms_julie@live.com

reply03 / 08 / 2011
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