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Learn How to Get Rid of a Negative Sense of Yourself

Learn How to Get Rid of a Negative Sense of Yourself

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The Lefkoe Sense Process
The Lefkoe Sense Process

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Published by: vasea_1 on Nov 06, 2012
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06/16/2013

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HomeAbout Morty LefkoeTable Of ContentsContactEliminate A Belief FreeGet Natural ConfidenceLefkoe InstituteSubscribeMorty Lefkoe
Learn how to get rid of a negative sense of yourself 
by Morty Lefkoe on October 30, 2012
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Larry said at the start of a Skype session with me, “You’ve helped me get rid of a bunch of self-esteembeliefs and I feel much better, but I still can’t seem to move forward on the things that are most importantin my life.”I replied, “If some things in your life are improving, then beliefs clearly are being eliminated. Now weneed to find the additional beliefs that are causing your continuing resistance.”In that session he eliminated a few more relevant beliefs, such as, what happens in my life is outside mycontrol, I’m deeply flawed, and I don’t work.At our next session Larry seemed puzzled. “Every time we eliminate beliefs I feel better, but the problemdoesn’t seem to go away. Moreover, the words of the beliefs we’ve worked on don’t seem true, butsomething about them does feel true.”
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When you’ve eliminated all the beliefs you can think of that could explain a given problem andwhen the beliefs that have been eliminated somehow still feel true, the problem is probably beingcaused by a conditioned “sense.”
A sense is not a cognitive statement like a belief; it exists as a feeling. If you try to communicate tosomeone what that sense feels like, you might use colors (like dark), physical sensations (like heavy),metaphors (like I’m being stopped by a wall), short phrases (like can’t move forward), etc. You can havea sense of many things, but the most common three senses are of yourself, of people, and of life.
Larry’s sense of self 
I decided to check Larry’s sense of self to see if that explained why his resistance to taking action was stillthere after eliminating all the beliefs we could find. When I asked him to close his eyes and get in touchwith his sense of self—and then describe it with whatever words came closest to what he was feeling—here’s what he said: “total mismatch for life; not really functional enough for life; out of control;overwhelmed; the world seems totally uncontrollable; things coming at me all around; I don’t have thecomputing power to cope with the world; and I have no capability to react adequately.”
What is a sense?
Your sense of yourself feels like who you really are; it feels like you were born this way; this feeling
is
you. A sense of people feels like who people really are; people are inherently this way; they always wereand always will be this way. And a sense of life feels like the way life really is; life is always this way, nomatter what.These three senses can be positive or negative. If they are positive, leave them alone. If they are negativeand adversely affecting your life, de-condition them with the process I provide at the end of this post. (Seealso an earlier post that discussed the Lefkoe Sense Process,http://www.mortylefkoe.com/rid-negative-senses/ )
Where do these senses come from?
Our senses are the result of conditioning specific feelings, as I’ll explain below. But where do the feelingscome from?In order for us to be able to experience a feeling, there must be an event stimulating the feeling. But that isnot sufficient. Except for stimuli that are explicit threats to our physical survival, like the experience of drowning,
stimuli themselves do not have inherent meaning for
 adults
. The
 meaning
adults give toevents is what triggers emotions. On the other hand, certain events can have
inherent
meaning for
 children
.
Because young children realize their survival depends on adults, especially their parents, being yelled at orpunished inherently means to them they are not loved, which means they might be abandoned, whichmeans they could die. Obviously similar events (such as being yelled at by a spouse, friend or boss) don’thave the same inherent meaning for adults.
If we experience similar meanings repeatedly, obviously we will have the same feelings over andover. We forget the feelings were caused by external events (interactions with our parents) andconclude: If I feel this way about myself most of the time, my feelings must be true; they must bewho I really am.
An example of this would be criticism or punishment from mom and dad that you (as a child)automatically interpret to mean: Mom and dad are unhappy with me; I’m not pleasing mom and dad; Iseem to be incapable of doing what I’m supposed to do; etc. Those meanings, in turn, might make you feelabout yourself: heavy; dark; stuck; overwhelmed; powerless; etc.
If you felt that way often enough as achild, you would get conditioned to experience yourself that way any time you looked inside for a
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sense of who you were, as I just explained.Problems are caused by beliefs AND senses
To summarize: Most behavioral and emotional problems, such as procrastination and a fear of takingaction, are caused primarily by beliefs. When the beliefs are gone, the problem usually is also. Sometimes,however, when all the relevant beliefs have been eliminated, the problem still remains. In such a situationthe source of the remaining problem likely is a conditioned sense. If that is the case, use the followingprocess to decondition the relevant sense (of self, of people, or of life).
Steps of the Lefkoe Sense Process (LSenseP)
To be used to eliminate a negative emotional “sense” of oneself. To be used ONLY after all the relevantself-esteem beliefs have been eliminated.1.
Close your eyes, look inside, and find your sense of yourself. Don’t worry about putting words onthe sense. Your experience might be in the form of pictures, images, feelings, or vague thoughts. Justtry to experience it as fully as you can right now.
[Give the client a moment to think.] …
Now that it isreal, please use a few words to describe that sense so that I can get an idea of your experience, eventhough the words are not your experience.
Client’s description of sense: ______________________.2.
What are the events when you were a young child that first caused
______________________?[Describe the sense using client’s exact words]3.
Is it real to you that your current sense of yourself was caused by these events you justmentioned?
[The answer should be, yes.] NOTE: even though usually events have no inherent meaningfor adults, they do for children who are dependent on their parents (or other adults) for their very survival.Thus behaviors, tones of voice, expressions, etc. have an inherent meaning for children.4.
Is it real to you that the only reason that
__________________________
is
[Describe the sense using client’s exact words]
your sense of yourself today is that as a child you never distinguished between you and the specificcircumstances outside of you that really caused the
_____________________?[Describe the sense using client’s exact words]
In other words, can you see that the
___________________________
was never
[Describe the sense using client’s exact words]
inherent in you—it was never who you really are?
[The answer should be, yes.]4.
To make this distinction real, if earlier in life the circumstances that originally caused the
________________________________
had been different, if 
_______________________[Describe the sense using client’s exact words] [State the opposite of what actuallyhappened]
had happened instead, would you have had the
________________________
then
?[Describe the sense using client’s exact words][The answer should be, no.]
If you didn’t have it then, would you have it now?
[The answer should be,no.]5.
Do you still experience yourself as
______________________________?[Describe the sense using client’s exact words][The answer should be, no.]Note: Sometimes the entire sense will be gone at the end of the process. If only some aspects of the sensehave been eliminated, do the process again with whatever words describing the sense still feel true to theclient and look for a different source. Sometimes this has to be done four or five times to de-condition all
Learn how to get rid of a negative sense of yourselfhttp://www.mortylefkoe.com/learn-rid-negative-sense/#print3 of 631/10/2012 19:38

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