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Former Porn Star Veronica Lain

This is the short version but it is a true story about my life up until now. I wasborn in Indiana and raised in both Indiana and Colorado. My parents got divorcedwhen I was in the 3

grade and my father was never really around my whole life.At the age of 14 I had lost my virginity to the boy next door while living in Indianawith my mom and step dad. The boy broke my heart so I ran away from homenot too long after.The state of Indiana took over pretty quickly and I was in and out of foster homesand children's homes etc. from age 14 until about 17 years old. My Mom wasalways physically and mentally ill and my step Dad was elderly and not able totake care of me. So the state became my mother and father now. I didn't reallyhave the guidance I needed my whole teen life to make it in the adult world. Ihung out with other troubled kids. Some were worse than me. I was verypromiscuous all through junior high and high school thinking that it was ok tohave sex with anyone I wanted any time I wanted. The boys loved me. The girlshated me. I wanted to feel loved, accepted, and needed attention. I learned at myyoung age that I could use my body to get things that I wanted or needed frommen. At only 15 years old, I hitch-hiked to Florida from Indiana to see a boy Iliked on my own and was raped by a truck driver old enough to be my father. Itwas a horrible situation and I thought that this was all I was good for in life. Sex.The men and boys seemed to like it and I loved the attention.At age 17, I came to live in Colorado again with my mother and stepfather. Assoon as I turned 18 I was out of there. No longer a ward of the state, I was free todo what I wanted and be an "adult" Thinking I was grown up, I went to Denver tolive on my own. I hadn't even finished high school yet. I wanted to be in radio andTV production which never happened. I stayed in a small studio apartment withmy older sister. I was introduced to parties, drugs, and worst of all, stripping. Iwatched my sister come home with her friend with a duffle bag full of one dollarbills. They wore sexy clothes and it looked like fun and easy money. I said, "Icould do that" and I started out dancing at an all nude club downtown that would

hire you if you were 18. This place was a real dive. I would then move on todoing private parties then prostitution and it all seemed the same to me.I remember one of the worst times I had sex for money, I had a customer thatwanted me to have anal sex and he forced me into it. He raped me. I went to thepolice and the hospital but they didn't help me because I was a prostitute. Iturned to drugs to help me deal with the pain.I continued making money and I was able to get my own place. I didn't even haveto go to school. I would work, make money, party and do whatever I wanted. Ithought I was having the time of my life. I forgot about school, or a regular joband my future. I never thought I would make it to the age of 30 the way I wasliving so I didn't care. I was sure I would be dead by then.Someone suggested that I get into porn movies. He said he knew a guy andcould get me started. After meeting with the man, he took pictures of me and Iwas in my first scene right away right in a hotel in Denver. My first scene I wasreally nervous and scared. I was also very naïve and I didn't know how the wholeporn thing worked. I was booked to do a scene with a woman and I had to actlike I had done that before.When the camera started rolling I was trying to cope with having my first lesbianexperience when all of the sudden, two men entered the scene who I didn't knowI would be filming with. I was so traumatized that I just blocked out everything. I just checked out and became Veronica Lain, the porn star.After the scene I really felt I had done something bad and I hated myself.The next thing I knew, I was in Las Vegas at a porn convention signingautographs and posing with fans. I wasn't even famous but yet they made mefeel like I was and it hooked me even more. I did some more movies in LasVegas and did not sleep much at all. I wasn't even old enough to gamble. Youcan make a porn movie in Vegas but you can't gamble or drink. That's justwrong.It was all so overwhelming for me so I came back to Colorado but I ended upgoing to the convention 2 more times again. I loved the attention and by then Iwas jaded and use to the whole porn world. I continued to work in Coloradodoing, movies, parties, prostitution, photos. Yes Porn Stars are also prostitutes!Anything and everything that had to with sex work I did it. I learned to depend onmen to take care of me. I wanted a father so much. I was young and loved theattention and money. Porn was not "glamorous" though. I definitely did somethings I did not want to do. I saw girls gagged and choked on the set duringfilming. I was one of those girls who was gagged and choked. I also saw emptydouches and enema boxes laying around. I also met women who couldn't workbecause of STD's. I was treated like meat and saw other women going throughthe same, or worse. I would stay up and party all night on drugs. I wasn't evenold enough to drink.

At about 20 years old, I flew out to Los Angeles and stayed for a month and ahalf in Hollywood! Wow, I was a real "porn star" now. Everything seemed prettygreat up until I started getting terrible abdomen pains so bad that I couldn't getout of bed. I was so sick that I went to a clinic and found out I had severalbacterial infections and Chlamydia all at the same time! The medicine made methrow up and I hated it. I came back home to Colorado and decided to work at atopless bar for about 2 years to get away from porn. I also started drinkingheavily. I was trying to kill the pain with alcohol and pot daily. I went back toprostitution and I turned tricks out of my apartment. I risked my life over and overand tried to quit many times. I tried to get regular jobs here and there. I wantedout so bad. But I pretty much did sex work off and on from the time I was 18 untilage 32. The money was always there and I didn't know anything else.I moved to another town and hoped to settle down and get some normalcy in mylife. I lost my job and went back to prostitution. I soon met a man who becamemy regular customer and thought if I married him I would get out of prostitution. Iwanted love and a family that I never had. I believed I would be out of thebusiness forever after this.(yeah right) I was happy for a while until I realized thatI didn't get out of the sex business, I had married it. He was a porn addict andprobably seeing hookers on the side. I became very unhappy, suicidal, gainedweight, became depressed, and had to get on anti-depressants and counseling.We divorced after about 2 years and I was on my own again but now I had achild to take care of too. I started getting into old habits and went back toprostitution. I still didn't know anything else but selling my body, soul and mind. Idesperately wanted out but didn't know how to do it.Today, I am at the end of that life. Thanks to the lord I am finding strength to finda way out of the sex industry. I feel so tired. I've been in a long time. I feel olderthan I really am. I started at 18 years old and today I am 32 going on 60.I finally have hope because recently I have found other women like me who havesuffered in the sex industry but yet have changed their lives for the better.Shelley Lubben is one of them and I recently found her myspace which reallygave me hope. Please visit hermyspaceto learn the truth about porn and gethelp. My faith in God was renewed and I am on my way to being the healthy,smart, strong, mother that I was meant to be. I would rather be homeless thansell my body ever again. I am priceless. I am a human being. Not an object puthere to be used by men. The sex industry has changed my life. Now that I lookback, I was a young innocent child that had to take care of herself any way shecould. If I could help one young girl like that with my story, I think that would bewonderful. I want to help young girls like me and keep them from going throughwhat I went through in the sex industry. The sex industry ruined my life and Iknow it will take years to heal my broken heart.

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Veronica Lain shares her story

Jenni - formerly known as the porn star Veronica Lain - shares her story of how prostitution and porn ruined her life. But God is bigger than the sex industry and He saved her ... (More)

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Upload Date:	01/24/2009
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