Whether you are truly interested in my ideas, whether you already know the secret to the Universe andwould like to gloat over where I've got it wrong or whether you are just bored and couldn't care less oneway or the other - all are welcome. 'Hang on a moment,' I here someone say, 'why do you want to tell
me
about it - for I am but a lay person with nowt but a slender grasp on geometry? Surely you would bemuch better off talking to some seasoned academic from yonder University of Oxbridgeford. For theyare wise and great.' But I say to you, no. For an academic no more has the answers to the meaning of the universe than a priest has to the meaning of life. Surely, both have strongly held beliefs about what isright and what is wrong. But trying to convince an academic of a new idea is similar in scale to trying toconvert a Catholic priest to Hinduism. 'Surely not,' I here someone remark. 'For an academic believesonly what is true.' Nay, but cannot the same be said of a Catholic Priest or a Hindu Swami?It is customary in anecdotes such as these for you to claim that you were destined to find the secret tothe Universe and point at some point in your childhood which proves this point. But this is silly. If Iwere a fireman I would probably claim it was my destiny ever since age four when I refused to play withmatches. Or if I were a deep-sea diver I could claim that this was my destiny because at age 3 I likedtaking baths! Particularly as I was under 21 when I had my main inspiration which in America is stillconsidered juvenile I will skip this part. In fact I will skip most parts about my personal life because as ahuman being, the only sense of self I have is my memories and I'm not prostetutin' them for anyone!Instead I will concentrate on the ideas - you might think of this as a case study into scientific intuition.Before you get any ideas, let me tell you that you will not learn anything remotely useful by reading this book. Knowing the secret to the universe will not get you off work in the morning, it will not make your cornflakes taste any better, it will not make you any more attractive to the opposite sex (as far as Iknow), and it will not make you rich. On the last point I should add that there is one way to makemoney out of knowing the secret to the universe and that is to write a book entitled 'How I discoveredthe Secret to the Universe' but tough luck, mate, because I've already done that! 'OK, so why should Iread your book, mister?' Could you not read it for its entertainment value, or for the satisfaction of learning something new, or, you know, just for a laugh? 'Well I suppose....'You might be thinking, quite reasonably, that I could have simply made up the secret to the Universe.But let me assure you that this is not the case. Secondly, I'm most definitely not a lunatic, although your entitled to make up your own mind on this point - after you've finished the book.This is my second attempt at writing a book about the Universe, the first which I started before I evenknew the answer (if that's not confidence for you, I don't know what is!) would not have sold well.Given that every inclusion of an equation in a book is estimated to half the sales (or so Mr StephenHawking says) then that book would have sold approximately 1 copy, if that. And that would probablyhave been bought by my mum! This time, I am dispensing with equations and simply using the power of the written word to express my discoveries. I did include one however, seeing that the Theory of Everything essentially
is
an equation it seemed appropriate to include it. (see Appendix I). It's not reallyas quotable as 'E equals M C squared.' Its rough translation might be 'A equals trace E to the B minustrace B integrated over four dimensional super-quaternion space.' You're not meant to understand whatthis means, (if you did there would be no point reading the rest of the book!) Its just something that youcould memorise and quote at dinner parties, should you be into that sort of thing.Sorry to be a spoil sport, but the number '42' has very little to do with the Theory of Everything and theUniverse in general. The closest number, which is the number of different types of particles in theuniverse is '39'. (See appendix I). If you like you could count the last 3 twice but why would you wantto do that? Are you crazy or something? Other things that have very little to do with the Theory of Everything are the Pyramids of Geezer, Little Green Aliens or Big Foot. So these things will not bementioned henceforth.One piece of information which you may like to remember when you embark on your own deepthoughts is this: 'Most things are as they appear to be.' No matter how hard you think about somethingyou will pretty much find that 'it is what it is'. No matter what some philosopher says about it. Space isthat big empty thing in the night sky, time is the thing our watches measure, life is life, death is death, I
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