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DIVORCE
 
MANUAL
 
The
 
Divorce
 
Manual
 
aims
 
to
 
offer
 
all
 
divorcing
 
parties
 
a
 
comprehensive
 
resource
 
so
 
that
 
families
 
finding
 
themselves
 
locked
 
into
 
the
 
system
 
can
 
free
 
themselves
 
and
 
move
 
on
 
with
 
their
 
lives
 
intact.
 
After
 
all,
 
it’s
 
a
 
divorce,
 
not
 
a
 
vivisection
 
(!)
 
and
 
there
 
is
 
no
 
reason
 
why
 
two
 
people
 
should
 
be
 
emotionally
 
and
 
financially
 
divided
 
to
 
the
 
point
 
where
 
the
 
parties
 
will
 
never
 
be
 
able
 
to
 
recover
 
from
 
their
 
ordeal.
 
Going
 
through
 
a
 
divorce
 
is
 
hard
 
enough
 
without
 
having
 
to
 
fend
 
off 
 
irrational
 
Court
 
Orders,
 
disorganised
 
lawyers
 
and
 
angry
 
bank
 
managers.
 
There
 
is
 
a
 
way
 
to
 
get
 
through
 
your
 
divorce,
 
the
 
way
 
you
 
want
 
to
 
(and
 
no,
 
that
 
does
 
not
 
include
 
letting
 
the
 
air
 
out
 
of 
 
your
 
partner’s
 
tyres
 
or
 
maxing
 
out
 
their
 
credit
 
cards
 
:).
 
The
 
Manual
 
will
 
provide
 
you
 
with
 
all
 
the
 
information
 
you
 
need
 
to
 
manage
 
your
 
divorce.
 
Good
 
Luck.
 
Just
 
a
 
Note:
 
This
 
manual
 
is
 
quite
 
long,
 
so
 
for
 
anyone
 
who
 
wishes
 
to
 
have
 
a
 
quick
 
peep,
 
check
 
out
 
the
 
Shield
 
Sections,
 
at
 
the
 
end
 
of 
 
every
 
chapter.
 
They
 
include
 
little
 
'bullet'
 
points
 
:),
 
designed
 
to
 
give
 
you
 
a
 
quick
 
summary
 
of 
 
each
 
chapter.
 
Enjoy.
 
(The
 
Manual
 
is
 
a
 
work
 
in
 
progress
 
and
 
does
 
not
 
provide
 
legal
 
advice
 
but
 
rather
 
offers
 
the
 
self 
 
represented
 
applicant
 
and
 
the
 
represented
 
applicant
 
who
 
wishes
 
to
 
take
 
control
 
of 
 
their
 
divorce
 
the
 
most
 
up
 
to
 
date
 
and
 
helpful
 
resources
 
available
 
at
 
any
 
given
 
time
 
in
 
order
 
that
 
he
 
or
 
she
 
may
 
explore
 
the
 
best
 
resources
 
for
 
their
 
given
 
situation.
 
Any
 
posts
 
from
 
members
 
of 
 
the
 
public
 
wishing
 
to
 
detail
 
specific
 
grievances,
 
as
 
may
 
be
 
posted
 
on
 
the
 
Wall
 
of 
 
Shame,
 
will
 
not
 
include
 
personal
 
information
 
in
 
relation
 
to
 
details
 
of 
 
 judges/lawyers
 
etc
 
that
 
may
 
contribute
 
to
 
the
 
post.
 
This
 
is
 
because
 
the
 
site
 
does
 
not
 
wish
 
to
 
promote
 
antagonistic
 
feelings
 
towards
 
the
 
Family
 
Courts;
 
the
 
site
 
is
 
foremost
 
about
 
raising
 
awareness
 
of 
 
the
 
problems
 
in
 
the
 
system
 
and
 
trying
 
to
 
address
 
those
 
problems.
 
I
 
hope
 
that
 
with
 
a
 
better
 
knowledge
 
of 
 
the
 
court
 
system,
 
divorcing
 
couples
 
can
 
make
 
the
 
difference
 
and
 
feel
 
the
 
difference
 
at
 
the
 
same
 
time.
 
Together,
 
we
 
have
 
the
 
power)
 
INDEX
 
OF
 
CHAPTERS
 
Chapter
 
1
‐
Introduction:
 
The
 
Art
 
of 
 
War
 
Chapter
 
2
‐
The
 
Process:
 
Mapping
 
out
 
the
 
Odyssey
 
Chapter
 
3
‐
Armour:
 
One
 
Size
 
Fits
 
All
 
Chapter
 
4
‐
The
 
Lost
 
World:
 
Navigating
 
Dinosaurs
 
and
 
Trap
 
Doors
 
(Tips
 
and
 
Hints)
 
Chapter
 
5
‐
Legal
 
Aid:
 
A
 
Knight
 
Short
 
of 
 
a
 
Horse
 
Chapter
 
6
‐
Mediation:
 
The
 
Torture
 
Chamber
 
Chapter
 
7
‐
Lawyers:
 
A
 
Fish
 
Best
 
Served
 
Cold
 
Chapter
 
8
‐
Children:
 
Angels
 
of 
 
Mercy
 
Chapter
 
9
‐
Fathers:
 
Held
 
to
 
Ransom
 
Chapter
 
10
‐
Mothers:
 
Mother
 
Nature
 
Will
 
Set
 
Us
 
Free
 
 
Chapter
 
11
‐
Rehabilitation:
 
It's
 
All
 
in
 
the
 
Mind
 
Chapter
 
12
‐
Ongoing
 
Negotiations:
 
Kissinger
 
v
 
Stalin
 
Chapter
 
13
‐
The
 
Ceasefire
 
Chapter
 
1
 
The
 
Art
 
of 
 
War
 
The
 
system
 
itself 
 
is
 
without
 
structure
 
which
 
 just
 
means
 
that
 
while
 
the
 
Family
 
Courts
 
in
 
Britain
 
can
 
lay
 
claim
 
to
 
having
 
one
 
of 
 
the
 
largest
 
volumes
 
of 
 
legislation
 
to
 
work
 
with,
 
most
 
of 
 
it
 
does
 
not
 
make
 
any
 
sense
 
when
 
read
 
together
 
so
 
that
 
even
 
the
 
lawyers
 
and
 
 judges
 
can’t
 
follow
 
the
 
logic
 
of 
 
the
 
laws
 
passed.
 
As
 
a
 
result,
 
the
 
very
 
people
 
we
 
look
 
to
 
to
 
advise
 
us
 
on
 
how
 
to
 
best
 
deal
 
with
 
our
 
problems,
 
are
 
in
 
actual
 
fact
 
very
 
ill
 
equipped
 
to
 
do
 
so.
 
Once
 
your
 
divorce
 
becomes
 
subject
 
to
 
these
 
laws
 
and
 
finds
 
itself 
 
in
 
the
 
hands
 
of 
 
the
 
courts,
 
it
 
becomes
 
a
 
game
 
of 
 
Russian
 
Roulette.
 
Solely
 
at
 
the
 
mercy
 
of 
 
the
 
 judge's
 
discretion,
 
two
 
parties
 
with
 
exactly
 
the
 
same
 
problems
 
can
 
come
 
to
 
court
 
and
 
find
 
that
 
the
 
solutions
 
given
 
vary
 
widely
 
and
 
are
 
more
 
often
 
than
 
not
 
completely
 
inappropriate
 
in
 
relation
 
to
 
the
 
reality
 
of 
 
the
 
situation.
 
Again,
 
the
 
court
 
is
 
unable
 
to
 
ascertain
 
with
 
any
 
clarity
 
or
 
efficiency
 
what
 
the
 
parties
 
really
 
need
 
and
 
more
 
importantly
 
whether
 
the
 
facts
 
presented
 
before
 
them
 
are
 
an
 
accurate
 
representation
 
of 
 
the
 
status
 
and
 
history
 
of 
 
the
 
parties.
 
This
 
is
 
because
 
most
 
of 
 
the
 
'evidence'
 
given
 
in
 
family
 
matters
 
is
 
based
 
solely
 
upon
 
what
 
the
 
parties
 
say
 
rather
 
than
 
what
 
can
 
be
 
proved
 
with
 
fact
 
and
 
so
 
the
 
process
 
can
 
only
 
come
 
down
 
to
 
the
 
 judge's
 
gut
 
instinct
 
about
 
the
 
parties
 
rendition
 
of 
 
events
 
and
 
which
 
party
 
seems
 
most
 
believable:
 
a
 
highly
 
dangerous
 
tactic
 
to
 
employ
 
when
 
one
 
party
 
can
 
appear
 
more
 
convincing
 
than
 
the
 
other
 
but
 
may
 
not
 
necessarily
 
be
 
telling
 
the
 
truth.
 
With
 
discretion
 
being
 
used
 
as
 
a
 
cure
‐
all
 
and
 
broad
 
brush
 
laws
 
that
 
are
 
incongruous,
 
the
 
only
 
thing
 
the
 
courts
 
can
 
guarantee
 
is
 
that
 
the
 
process
 
that
 
is
 
used
 
to
 
guide
 
you
 
through
 
your
 
divorce
 
is
 
a
 
blunt
 
instrument
 
at
 
best.
 
It
 
would
 
be
 
a
 
cop
‐
out
 
for
 
the
 
system
 
to
 
retaliate
 
by
 
saying
 
that
 
two
 
parties
 
in
 
a
 
divorce
 
are
 
never
 
happy
 
with
 
the
 
compromise
 
reached;
 
the
 
problems
 
in
 
the
 
system
 
are
 
too
 
numerous
 
and
 
seminal
 
to
 
allow
 
such
 
a
 
fob
‐
off 
 
to
 
carry
 
any
 
weight.
 
We
 
are
 
always
 
hearing
 
traumatic
 
stories
 
of 
 
divorces
 
gone
 
‘badder’
 
in
 
the
 
divorce
 
courts.
 
It
 
is
 
tempting
 
to
 
blame
 
the
 
distraught
 
and
 
often
 
angry
 
parties
 
but
 
the
 
court
 
needs
 
to
 
take
 
responsibility
 
for
 
its
 
adversarial
 
system.
 
Any
 
modern
 
day
 
system
 
being
 
used
 
to
 
deal
 
with
 
two
 
separating
 
parties
 
that
 
implicitly
 
uses
 
opponent
‐
based
 
processes
 
is
 
at
 
fault.
 
What
 
kind
 
of 
 
an
 
example
 
are
 
the
 
courts
 
setting
 
if 
 
once
 
you
 
step
 
into
 
the
 
system,
 
you
 
feel
 
like
 
you’ve
 
stepped
 
into
 
the
 
boxing
 
ring?
 
The
 
system
 
needs
 
to
 
address
 
this
 
point
 
and
 
modernise
 
its
 
philosophy.
 
Parties
 
should
 
feel
 
that
 
they
 
have
 
entered
 
a
 
safe
‐
haven
 
to
 
help
 
them
 
pick
 
up
 
the
 
pieces
 
of 
 
their
 
lives
 
and
 
put
 
them
 
back
 
together
 
again
 
via
 
a
 
sophisticated
 
and
 
intelligent
 
process,
 
so
 
that
 
couples
 
and
 
young
 
children
 
alike
 
feel
 
as
 
if 
 
they
 
have
 
placed
 
themselves
 
inside
 
the
 
headquarters
 
of 
 
the
 
United
 
Nations,
 
where
 
the
 
ethos
 
of 
 
cooperation
 
and
 
toleration
 
are
 
perpetuated.
 
When
 
a
 
marriage
 
has
 
felt
 
like
 
a
 
war
 
zone
 
with
 
its
 
own
 
zip
 
code,
 
the
 
last
 
thing
 
couples
 
need
 
to
 
feel
 
is
 
as
 
if 
 
they
 
have
 
to
 
become
 
the
 
latest
 
disciples
 
in
 
the
 
art
 
of 
 
war.
 
Yet,
 
in
 
order
 
to
 
survive
 
the
 
process
 
as
 
it
 
stands,
 
that
 
is
 
exactly
 
what
 
divorcing
 
couples
 
have
 
to
 
do.
 
 
 
Chapter
 
3
 
will
 
give
 
you
 
all
 
the
 
tools
 
you
 
need
 
to
 
fight
 
a
 
fair
 
fight
 
and
 
to
 
achieve
 
the
 
impossible
‐
a
 
genuine
 
ceasefire
 
with
 
no
 
casualties
 
or
 
prisoners
 
of 
 
war.The
 
following
 
chapter
 
sets
 
out
 
a
 
basic
 
map
 
of 
 
your
 
war
 
zone
‐
what
 
you
 
can
 
expect
 
to
 
happen
 
throughout
 
your
 
divorce
 
and
 
possible
 
issues
 
you
 
may
 
meet
 
along
 
the
 
way.
 
Shield
 
for
 
Chapter
 
One:
‐
The
 
Family
 
Courts
 
are
 
not
 
able
 
to
 
offer
 
you
 
a
 
good
 
level
 
of 
 
service
 
because
 
they
 
are
 
not
 
funded
 
very
 
well
 
and
 
because
 
the
 
laws
 
do
 
not
 
make
 
sense.
 
This
 
makes
 
it
 
very
 
difficult
 
for
 
lawyers
 
and
 
everyone
 
in
 
general
 
to
 
sort
 
out
 
divorces
 
in
 
a
 
good
 
and
 
logical
 
way
 
and
 
to
 
protect
 
people
 
who
 
are
 
being
 
badly
 
treated
 
in
 
their
 
divorces.
 ‐
Divorce
 
Manual
 
is
 
here
 
to
 
help;
 
there
 
are
 
chapters,
 
like
 
Chapter
 
3,
 
which
 
will
 
tell
 
you
 
where
 
to
 
get
 
help
 
and
 
advice,
 
especially
 
if 
 
you
 
do
 
not
 
have
 
the
 
money
 
to
 
hire
 
a
 
lawyer.
 
Chapter
 
2
‐
The
 
Process:
 
Mapping
 
out
 
the
 
Odyssey
 
So
 
here
 
we
 
are;
 
you
 
and
 
your
 
spouse
 
have
 
separated
 
and
 
at
 
least
 
one
 
of 
 
you
 
will
 
feel
 
that
 
you
 
do
 
not
 
wish
 
to
 
be
 
with
 
the
 
other
 
person
 
any
 
longer.
 
You've
 
had
 
your
 
crisis
 
talks;
 
you've
 
promised
 
not
 
to
 
put
 
laxatives
 
in
 
your
 
in
‐
laws'
 
coffee
 
when
 
they
 
come
 
round
 
for
 
tea
 
and
 
he's
 
promised
 
not
 
to
 
look
 
at
 
another
 
leggy
 
blonde
 
:)
 
But
 
somehow,
 
that's
 
not
 
enough.
 
If 
 
you
 
are
 
at
 
the
 
stage
 
where
 
you
 
feel
 
that
 
divorce
 
is
 
the
 
only
 
solution
 
for
 
you
 
then
 
this
 
chapter
 
will
 
show
 
you
 
what
 
you
 
might
 
expect
 
once
 
you
 
step
 
inside
 
the
 
process.
 
It
 
is
 
a
 
basic
 
map
 
of 
 
your
 
 journey.
 
So,
 
fasten
 
your
 
seatbelts....
 
Stage
 
One
 
Usually,
 
the
 
spouse
 
who
 
wishes
 
to
 
separate
 
starts
 
the
 
process
 
by
 
preparing
 
the
 
initial
 
documents
 
that
 
will
 
signal
 
the
 
start
 
of 
 
the
 
divorce
 
proper.
 
This
 
does
 
not
 
have
 
to
 
be
 
the
 
case,
 
but
 
is
 
the
 
most
 
common
 
way
 
to
 
start.
 
At
 
this
 
point,
 
both
 
spouses
 
are
 
in
 
a
 
state
 
of 
 
shock,
 
to
 
relative
 
degrees,
 
and
 
gearing
 
yourself 
 
up
 
for
 
another
 
round
 
of 
 
talks
 
can
 
be
 
daunting.
 
You
 
might
 
want
 
to
 
think
 
about
 
hiring
 
a
 
solicitor
 
to
 
handle
 
the
 
administrative
 
aspects
 
of 
 
the
 
process
‐
solicitors
 
are
 
generally
 
there
 
to
 
offer
 
you
 
the
 
best
 
possible
 
advice
 
on
 
what
 
papers
 
you
 
will
 
need
 
to
 
file
 
and
 
when,
 
and
 
if 
 
they
 
are
 
very
 
good,
 
the
 
necessary
 
information
 
the
 
court
 
will
 
need
 
to
 
help
 
advise
 
you.
 
(You
 
will
 
see
 
that
 
The
 
Manual
 
does
 
not
 
recommend
 
using
 
solicitors
 
unless
 
your
 
divorce
 
is
 
either
 
acutely
 
hostile
 
or
 
complicated
 
or
 
you
 
simply
 
would
 
prefer
 
to
 
have
 
someone
 
guide
 
you
 
through
 
the
 
process
 
because
 
you
 
do
 
not
 
feel
 
up
 
to
 
taking
 
the
 
courts
 
on
 
yourself.
 
Please
 
refer
 
to
 
Chapter
 
7
 
for
 
more
 
information
 
about
 
solicitors
 
and
 
their
 
optimal
 
use).If 
 
you
 
feel
 
you
 
have
 
the
 
strength
 
to
 
handle
 
your
 
divorce
 
yourself 
 
or
 
you
 
simply
 
do
 
not
 
have
 
the
 
funds
 
to
 
take
 
on
 
this
 
expense
 
(and
 
at
 
every
 
level
 
the
 
fees
 
are
 
more
 
often
 
than
 
not
 
unreasonably
 
high
‐
another
 
point
 
The
 
Manual
 
feels
 
needs
 
to
 
be
 
addressed
 
by
 
the
 
government),
 
then
 
you
 
will
 
need
 
to
 
be
 
able
 
to
 
call
 
on
 
some
 
solid
 
resources
 
to
 
guide
 
you
 
through.
 
Chapter
 
3
 
is
 
a
 
resource
‐
heavy
 
section,
 
 jam
‐
packed
 
with
 
details
 
of 
 
the
 
best
 
libraries,
 
web
 
sites
 
and
 
organisations
 
that
 
promise
 
to
 
help
 
you
 
with
 
your
 
queries,
 
free
 
of 
 
charge.
 
(Divorce
 
Manual
 
will
 
be
 
undertaking
 
an
 
in
‐
depth
 
analysis
 
of 
 
these
 
resources
 
throughout
 
the
 
course
 
of 
 
the
 
year
 
and
 
will
 
of 00

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