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save your marriage even when everything seems to be lost

save your marriage even when everything seems to be lost

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Published by Andres Douglas

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Published by: Andres Douglas on Dec 02, 2012
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Time Tested Tips to Help You Save Your Marriage(Even When Everything Seems to be Lost)

Disclaimer: This report is the property of 
 Andrés E. Douglas
and may notbe sold, given away, or otherwise distributed without consent from theauthor.
What could have gone wrong?….
E
very married couple faces problems and obstacles throughout their lives.Sometimes these things are expected, and other times, they come as a total shockor surprise. Commitment, in any relationship, requires hard work, and this isespecially true in marriages. Nobody walks down the aisle thinking marriage isdifficult or unpleasant at times. But the truth is, each individual needs to befocused on their marriage and willing to do whatever it takes to work through the
 
hurdles that appear along the way.There are several things that come into play with overcoming issues that may ariseover time. The first general rule is to agree to disagree. This means overlooksmaller issues that are certainly not something that qualifies as a strain on amarriage, such as dirty towels left on the bathroom floor, toilet paper being put onthe “wrong way”, and dirty dishes being placed in the sink rather than in thedishwasher. On the other hand, disagreeing on the bigger issues, such as spendingmoney, infidelity, and household responsibilities (who is going to do the laundry,the dishes, and the cleaning) can lead to living a life that is undesirable.
Setting The Stage To Discuss The Tough Problems
When it feels like a marriage is ending, and both spouses are willing to talk aboutthe changes needed to create a better future, there are several things to do to makean honest attempt to repair the damage and hurt feelings. It is not easy to do, butsometimes it is imperative to set aside your own wants and needs to satisfy that of your spouse.
Set a specific time to discuss the issue
, in a mutually agreedupon time and place where both spouses are comfortable. This time shouldbe uninterrupted by other people and things, such as cell phones, televisions,and stereo.
Express your opinions honestly and respectfully
. Your goalis to come up with solutions to your problems without “bashing” the otherperson or trying to win a battle. This is not the time to prove your spousewrong, but simply to be specific about your thoughts and to discuss theissues. You should work towards the end result being something you bothcan agree on, without feeling punished. You should use “I” statements,instead of “You” statements which can may times put your spouse on thedefence. For instance, instead of saying, “You always go shopping and rackup a lot of credit card debt,” you could say, “I realise you like to goshopping, but we need to agree on how much money can be spent permonth.”
 
Listen to what your spouse is saying and try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes
. Few things cause more tension and unhappiness ina marriage than the impression of unimportance. Don’t make your spousefeel that their way of thinking is wrong. Be open and willing to askquestions if you don’t understand what your spouse is saying. John (namehas been changed to protect his identity and privacy) who has been marriedfor 35 years says, “When we discuss problems, I get kind of tense inside,especially when I feel that my wife doesn’t understand my way of thinking.” 
Agree on a solution
. Remember that often times neitherspouse will get 100 percent of the benefits in problem solving. There will betimes when you have to give up something, whether it’s limiting the amountof time you spend with friends, the amount of money you spend shopping, ordivision of labor for the household chores, if you both sacrifice something,you both will resist less in the end. Few marriages can be saved unless bothspouses work together and support each other.TRY THIS: Create a spirit of teamwork to come up with possiblesolutions to the problem. Both of you write down as many differentpossible solutions to the problem as you can think of. Compare listsand implement the solution you both can agree on. Set a time in thenear future to sit down again to review the solution you came up withtogether and see if the issue is now being resolved. If it isn’t, go backto the list making and try again.Realise this is an ongoing effort, and things may not improvedramatically at first. However, if you both are committed to your marriageand want the marriage to move forward, you should realise that teamworkand communication is what it’s all about, and teamwork is exactly what youare doing when you make these meetings and talk about where yourrelationship is heading. Pull together, not apart. This solution is proven towork very well. every time .but unfortunatly we are not able to cover allpossible scenarios and circumstances of the potentially pitfalls of marriagein this short report but would recommend the
Melt Your Man's HeartSystem
if you really want to learn how to cope with an specific problem

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