The F.U.T.P.A of Chucky and Larry

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CHAPTER ONE

It was just another of those really fucked up days at the meat processingplant. Another day of knocking drugged up cows over the head with a metalbar, quickly slicing off their heads before they can wake up and call their

lawyers, and stripping the esh off their bones to sell to accid mother

-fuckers who can’t go on living if they haven’t eaten at the BBQ restaurantof their choice and billed it to the company because they mentioned howtheir day was to the bitch they’re screwing, and are claiming it as a busi-ness expense...not realizing that the IRS has got one mother of a smallcamera up the ass of every American citizen since their last unnecessary

rectal exam, and are actually keeping track of all the shit that oats by on

the way to polluting our natural fuckin’ resources, man!Me and the Chuck meister were just fucking around, and waiting for thebig man on campus to make a fuckin’ appearances, so we could fuck up

his plaid covered carbohydrate lled polyunsaturated lipo-suctioned ass.

Joy boy had really fucked with our lives and we were going to thank him,personal like. Chucky had lost of relatives to this asshole, if ya know whatI mean. This walking blow-job in a jar had offed every chick Chuck hadever fucked.As for me I was in it for the fun factor. There’s nothing like re arranging

the lower body cavities of schmucks that make a tax deductible prot fromcapping God’s motherfuckin’ creations and slapping their quivering esh

on non recyclable foam and selling it to tv brainwashed no brainers callingthemselves the American people. The sour fuck was a no show so far andI’d sharpened my bloody sword till it looked like a fuckin’ toothpick whileChucky’d checked his Uzi toy so many times, the lead was starting to meltfrom his body warmth alone.Finally, the fuck showed up, and he’d brought a friend. There, coming outof his multi function, gas sucking, too fucking big to park any fuckin’ place without blocking everyone within a mile limousine was Colonel fuckingSanders and his fellow cream ass Ronald Mcfuckin’ Donald. The two big-gest animal lovers, if you know what I mean, in the whole corporate world.I nearly creamed my jeans right there. No mean feat considering us lizardsdon’t wear no fucking jeans, not even the Buffalo jeans with the ads thatexploit women and make my groin wanna go bye bye and explode all overthe poster in the metro near my over priced over cockroached apartmentfrom hell. This was the momentI’d been jerking off to, for the past four years of my overpriced under appreciated life. Joy!Chuck was shaking so hard and fast that I thought he’d drop the gun, buthe didn’t and we talked about the attack plan quietly from beneath thecrate in the corner. We hadn’t expected both of the motherfuckers anddidn’t want to miss a beat. Shit like this didn’t happen every fuckin’ day,

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and we wanted to go all bug shit and stomp all over their faces with mili-tary kick boots. We crept out of the crate and crawled over to about twentyfeet from them. I could almost hear their arteries hardening from whereI was crouching. They were talking business like killing off thousands of cows and chickens was no big fuckin’ deal. My brain was so full of hateI’d stopped hearing the cows mooing in the background and the sickeningsounds of the heads thumping to the ground only to be picked up stuffed

into crates marked Quarter Pounders...go gure.

The sounds made me snap, which must have happened to Chuckie boyas well, ‘cause he leapt straight up at the same time as me, clucking inthe back of his throat like he does when Babe watch gets pre empted byanother fuckin’ Presidential address. We hit Sanders at the same time. Acouple of shots hit him in the arm spinning him like a top, and exposinghis back. I hit him low, taking off his leg just below the knee, to make surethat it fuckin’ hurt and that he couldn’t get away from all the fun. I let mymomentum carry me past the Colonel and his surprised shit eating faceand over to Ronald, the smile on my face only getting bigger. Ronald’s boystried to intercept me, but I quickly gave Grimace a reason to Grimace byslicing the sour fuck from groin to belly button, spilling his fat charged guts

all over the freshly mopped oor. The Ham burglar tried to slow me down

by throwing some french fries at my eyes, but I went into a quick roll, thefries continuing harmlessly over my head and into the side of the extra carsbrought just for the occasion. One quick burst from Chucky’s Uzi took himin the throat as he turned to try his hand at me again. Chucky was standingon Sanders’ crotch and pumping clip after clip into his legs and then hischest screaming “White meat or dark meat, motherfucker!!! White meat or

dark meat!!!!” He’d really blown it, man! F.U.C.K.E.D. ...Fucked!!!

I still had the man himself to take care of and he was rushing towards thelimo. I leapt into the air and landed squarely onto his back, but rolled off

before he hit the oor. Up came the twelve gauge, man. I didn’t know the

fuck came armed, but too bad for that shit. <BOOM!!> The shot nearly

took off my head, and blew one fuck of a hole into the oor where I wasonly moments before. Fuck! This was the rst time I’d ever regretted not

going for long range weaponry, man. <BOOM!!> The second shot blew afew of my scales off as it went screaming past me and into a pillar behindme. Chucky was still out of it, jumping up and down on the pulp that wasSanders and screaming “Original or extra crispy?!?” over and over. God,

I hoped that he ‘d forgotten his ame thrower, but out it came, quick as

can be. Chuck hopped off the Colonel and screamed “Crispy, it is!!!” andsuddenly everything was so fuckin’ hot I thought I’d been caught and wasabout to be served up as a special hors d’oeuvres for the devil himself. Toomuch fuckin’ fuel I’d told him...but too late now.McDonald was recharging and I’d been given my chance to act. I was onmy feet in a blink of a fuckin’ eye, and heading towards the man. Snicksnick, like a sushi knife, I was going to turn him into fries and drown the

oor in special sauce. I got to him and swept the blade up and across hisface with a satisfying tug at his nose. He brought the shotgun up though,