I forgive those whodon’t mind telling Stories

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The “I forgive…” method to elicit Stories

Written by Stephane Dangelhttp://storytelling.over-blog.fr

I forgive my English for not being the one I thought it was…

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Complexity and honesty

hen asked to unpack Stories,people don’t hesitate much.Most often, they agree to deliver.Well, they tell they want tocontribute. But eventually, do theyproduce ?It depends on some key factors.What’s the context ?What’s the subject ? How is ittaken on inside the organization ?When working with a group, whatkind of team is it ? What’s theteam’s history ? What’s the socialnetwork operating here ?These are only sample questions,we could find more. And byfocusing on these second levelkind of questions, we hypothesizethe organization is already open tolisten to and work on Stories (firstlevel question).These questions seem to besimple ones and they may be,really, except there are tensions or conflicts either related to thequestion at stake or regardingrelationships within the group.Even if a privacy statement isissued, true, honest andconsequently valuable, meaningfulStories are difficult to obtain.Similar trends concern individualsworking with Stories.It may turn complex for peopleinvolved in a workshop to expressthemselves frankly, despite their obvious good will.Confronted to questions,participants tend to answer withStories they presume the facilitator or the organization wants to listento. They could also actunconsciously, to avoid being seenas the prosecutor kind of guy,or the one who keeps beingnegative, underlining problems,aso.Whatever device we use asStories prompts, we encounter thesame situation. Part of the task isto ensure such biases will beerased or at least effect-limited.Each method designed to workwith Stories include suchpurposes.I suggest a specific method, whichfocuses on the problem and triesto get the most out of it. What wesee as an obstacle may become arich source of knowledge.

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“I forgive…” Really ?

rankly speaking, as humanbeings, when we tellsomebody “I forgive you”, howmany times are we merely or partly lying ?Human beings have always hadproblems with that particular behaviour, because it doesn’tbelong to their genuine nature.Even in the traditional jewishreligion, the Yom Kippour feast,which we could interpret as “TheGreat Forgiving Day”, as far as I’veunderstood, has little to do withforgiving others. God is asked toforgive own, individual faults, thereis no relationship dimension.

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Using the subtleties of the “I forgive…” behaviour

e can use the ambivalenceof the “I forgive…” behaviour to elicit Stories.For example, when I say

“I forgivethe guy who gave me threesuccessive opposite opinions

about the same unchanged project”

, what’s really happening ?Eventually, I don’t forgive him. Ionly pretend to. I only describesomething happening in the frameof a given, precise organizationalenvironment. In a few words, I’mtelling a Story.Using a few words I open thedoors to some underlying sensemaking realities.Would I have told the same Storywithout beginning with “Iforgive…”. I doubt.The “I forgive…” beginningloosens the stress associated withblaming somebody as I did. It’s a